FlyPhoenix
Active Member
Hey man, not knowing where you live, I don't know what you have access to. But I can share some things that have helped me.
I too struggled with intimacy with real-life women, the last relationship I was in was in 2001, which only lasted for 10 months. It fell apart because of substances and my porn/prostitute activities.
After that my drug addiction, alcoholism, porn addiction and frequenting prostitutes (sometimes three in a single night) had turned my life into a sad, lonely, living hell. I was dying slowly.
I got sick in 2012, got better, then again in 2014 and ended up hospital for seven days. I forced my way out of hospital only to deteriorate further for 1.5 months and then finaly went back in hospital again for ten days before eventually recovering.
When I came out, after praying and promising God to do whatever it took, I did the following:
1. went out to meetings and started meeting a lot of recovering drug addicts, alcoholics, sex addicts and even food addicts. I followed the suggestion to do 90 meetings in 90 days and sometimes attended two to three meetings in a single a day. I even attended a couple full day recovery workshops. I didn't want to go back to where I had been.
2. I started doing service at meetings, which brought me closer to other recovering addicts, sex addicts, drug addicts and alcoholics, people I would never dream of associating with in my real like.
3. I got a sponsor, someone who helped me through the 12 steps of recovery according to AA. This was a powerful experience which I try to maintain even today through some form of written work.
4. After realising the importance of a Higher Power, I went back to church and started praying to God. I started reading the Bible daily and asked God to come into my life, I prayed for Him to show me how I could turn my life around. I started to attended recovery meetings at my church. Every addict's Higher Power will be different.
That's basically it: trust God, clean house and help others.
Today, I attend church once a week, one meeting a week and try to stay in touch with my sponsor. I stay connected with the guys in my sex addicts anonymous meeting and receive messages daily from them which remind me of what I should be focusing on daily.
I still read the Bible daily and even when I get distracted or it doesn't make sense, it feels better knowing that I engaged with God's word.
I met the love of my life in this process and we are now expecting a child. My career is good, I could do better, but I can safely say that it's strong and progressing.
But God is pulling me to do more service, I've committed to doing more service for my SAA group and it is helping me. I realise that I am spending too much time on social media, and too much time online. It makes me sleep too late and wake up rushing out of the door.
I know this affects every area of my life in the same way as my porn and drug addiction, although maybe to a lesser degree. Still, it is not something I want for myself, so I continue to work at freeing myself of it.
Again, I say I cannot tell you how to fight this fight. All I can say is to do everything in your power, and find as many allies in this fight as possible.
While this forum is great and a useful tool, especially when we are sitting at work during idle moments, I cannot stress enough how valuable real life people are especially at night and when we have a lot of free time.
I would recommend if you have access, attend meetings, wherever you can find them, whether it's at church, your local AA or whatever, you can even start one. The point is not the venue, but the connection and fellowship.
Also, service is powerful. In being of service to others, you forget about your struggle. I believe you can learn "seduction techniques" but if you are living this way in recovery you are much more likely to find a woman who not only likes you, but holds the same values as you, regardless of your current life situation. You will be more likely to find the strength to make decisions that bring you closer to success, but that's only if you "work it".
I too struggled with intimacy with real-life women, the last relationship I was in was in 2001, which only lasted for 10 months. It fell apart because of substances and my porn/prostitute activities.
After that my drug addiction, alcoholism, porn addiction and frequenting prostitutes (sometimes three in a single night) had turned my life into a sad, lonely, living hell. I was dying slowly.
I got sick in 2012, got better, then again in 2014 and ended up hospital for seven days. I forced my way out of hospital only to deteriorate further for 1.5 months and then finaly went back in hospital again for ten days before eventually recovering.
When I came out, after praying and promising God to do whatever it took, I did the following:
1. went out to meetings and started meeting a lot of recovering drug addicts, alcoholics, sex addicts and even food addicts. I followed the suggestion to do 90 meetings in 90 days and sometimes attended two to three meetings in a single a day. I even attended a couple full day recovery workshops. I didn't want to go back to where I had been.
2. I started doing service at meetings, which brought me closer to other recovering addicts, sex addicts, drug addicts and alcoholics, people I would never dream of associating with in my real like.
3. I got a sponsor, someone who helped me through the 12 steps of recovery according to AA. This was a powerful experience which I try to maintain even today through some form of written work.
4. After realising the importance of a Higher Power, I went back to church and started praying to God. I started reading the Bible daily and asked God to come into my life, I prayed for Him to show me how I could turn my life around. I started to attended recovery meetings at my church. Every addict's Higher Power will be different.
That's basically it: trust God, clean house and help others.
Today, I attend church once a week, one meeting a week and try to stay in touch with my sponsor. I stay connected with the guys in my sex addicts anonymous meeting and receive messages daily from them which remind me of what I should be focusing on daily.
I still read the Bible daily and even when I get distracted or it doesn't make sense, it feels better knowing that I engaged with God's word.
I met the love of my life in this process and we are now expecting a child. My career is good, I could do better, but I can safely say that it's strong and progressing.
But God is pulling me to do more service, I've committed to doing more service for my SAA group and it is helping me. I realise that I am spending too much time on social media, and too much time online. It makes me sleep too late and wake up rushing out of the door.
I know this affects every area of my life in the same way as my porn and drug addiction, although maybe to a lesser degree. Still, it is not something I want for myself, so I continue to work at freeing myself of it.
Again, I say I cannot tell you how to fight this fight. All I can say is to do everything in your power, and find as many allies in this fight as possible.
While this forum is great and a useful tool, especially when we are sitting at work during idle moments, I cannot stress enough how valuable real life people are especially at night and when we have a lot of free time.
I would recommend if you have access, attend meetings, wherever you can find them, whether it's at church, your local AA or whatever, you can even start one. The point is not the venue, but the connection and fellowship.
Also, service is powerful. In being of service to others, you forget about your struggle. I believe you can learn "seduction techniques" but if you are living this way in recovery you are much more likely to find a woman who not only likes you, but holds the same values as you, regardless of your current life situation. You will be more likely to find the strength to make decisions that bring you closer to success, but that's only if you "work it".
