38 - Virgin - Depressed - PIED? PLEASE HELP ME!
- Thread starter DepressedAndOut
- Start date
DepressedAndOut
Active Member
Thank you. But unfortunately I witnessed what a relapse can do. Not on just one occasion, but two.
After the first PMO relapse that I had in June, I noticed even less lack of blood flow to the penis, on the following day. (This is just MO)
Then, after the second PMO, the following day, horrifically I noticed that my penis had shrunk and even less blood flow.
This was the turning point which made begin my first ever hardmode one month ago.
I'm sorry, but a relapse can cause further damage.
After the first PMO relapse that I had in June, I noticed even less lack of blood flow to the penis, on the following day. (This is just MO)
Then, after the second PMO, the following day, horrifically I noticed that my penis had shrunk and even less blood flow.
This was the turning point which made begin my first ever hardmode one month ago.
I'm sorry, but a relapse can cause further damage.
DepressedAndOut
Active Member
I've been at a bad place for so many years now. I don't have many good memories to reflect on, which is really demoralizing me.
Most of my youth and 20's I spent it in social isolation, feeling low self-esteem, frustrated (sexually as well!), angry, unemployed and just down right negative. (If you lived my life, you would be too.) Not to mention the utter lack of attention from females. (I'm not even that bad looking!)
It's soo frustrating that everyday I reflect back on my life, and I can't seem to pick out good memories that would make me smile or laugh.
I really need to defeat this PIED problem before I approach my 40's, otherwise I've had it with life.
Believe me, recently, I've made significant strides in obtaining a positive frame of mind, but there's always this feeling in the back of my mind telling me that things might still not work out for me.
Thank you for your support.
chpcbr
Active Member
DepressedAndOut said:
I'm not saying a relapse is not a setback, but I am firmly convinced it doesn't cancel and negate all progress you've made. Your penis can't shrink and the blood flow is regulated by the brain, so it's all part of the process. This is what I meant to say.
TakeActionNow
Respected Member
Depressed,
I'm recently in the same situation as you.
I want to recommend you to do 2 things:
1. Read this article
https://wakeup-world.com/2015/08/01/negative-thinking-the-cause-of-chronic-depression-anxiety/
2. Read biographies
Reading on depression and self help made it worse for me.
But reading about the struggles of others like
Richard Feynman
How to stop worrying
Subtle art of not giving a fuck
The road to character
These books will put you on a path to leaving your negativity behind and focusing on paving a path forward.
I'm recently in the same situation as you.
I want to recommend you to do 2 things:
1. Read this article
https://wakeup-world.com/2015/08/01/negative-thinking-the-cause-of-chronic-depression-anxiety/
2. Read biographies
Reading on depression and self help made it worse for me.
But reading about the struggles of others like
Richard Feynman
How to stop worrying
Subtle art of not giving a fuck
The road to character
These books will put you on a path to leaving your negativity behind and focusing on paving a path forward.
DepressedAndOut
Active Member
Thank you. A helpful article.
As I mentioned earlier, I have made some good strides in kicking out my negative mentality. I'm defintley thinking a lot more positive.
However, it is absolutely natural to be fearful sometimes.
As I mentioned earlier, I have made some good strides in kicking out my negative mentality. I'm defintley thinking a lot more positive.
However, it is absolutely natural to be fearful sometimes.
DepressedAndOut
Active Member
As I mentioned previously, I have a plan and it's work in progress at the moment. I'm trusting the process.
This does not mean that the time that I'm spending executing my processes for a better life is not a frustrating one - not least due to what happened in the past.
I would say, apart from couple of habits, I spend my time productively: learning (for career reasons), working, and, of course, relaxing. (it can't be all about the previous two.)
As I mentioned previously, I'm currently going through hardmode and I have no urge whatsoever to use Porn.
In fact, porn, in the past few days in particular, has been on the back burner - this is because I am currently worried about another hobbie that I have that might stall my progress to recover from PIED and un-numb my brain from dopamine.
And this hobbie is gambling.
I'm very confused about gambling. I'm not in dangerous of losing money as I only do offers that are risk free (free bets, for example) and if m not doing risk free offers, it is because I'm simply staking part of the winnings of the risk free offers. (therefore risk free.)
However, this "reward" seeking habit, which can be done any day, due to the online promotion business that's busy, and therefore I'm spending a lot of my time searching for the next bit of money that I can make. (This is whether taking up risk free casino bonuses during the week, or placing some bets on sports at the weekend. It's none ending cycle.)
As I mentioned, I'm not in danger of wasting my own money (I have a zero policy of using my own money!), but it's just this reward seek habit that's worrying me. It's maybe increasing or maintained my my dopamine levels, which I need to lower and not raise.
Mind wise, I would say that I'm a lot more positive now, but sometimes i worry. Especially when I read about PIED and find out more about its scientific facts.
My typical daily routine is like this:
6:30 - wake up, meditate for 10 minutes and prepare/ go to work. I take the bus and read the course materials of my degree that I'm doing online.
9-5 - work, can be stressful but mostly good right now.
5-6 - I take the bus to go home, I spend it reading my course that I'm doing online. (psychology)
6-8 - chores, eat and carry on studying.
9-10 - a little bit of entertainment/relaxation. (music, educational youtube videos, etc.) Prepare for bed and meditation.
On Saturday, work is replaced by the gym.
On Sunday, work/gym is replaced by me simply going out and seeing the world. (nothing amazing, just the city centre.) This is the only time of the week that I get free time for myself where I can do some leisurely socializing. But by socialising , I don't mean with anyone, I mean just being around with people( but not talking to them). Unfortunately I have to be back home by 5-6 as the buses don't operate after 6:30 on Sunday evenings.
Unfortunately my time and amount of hobbies that I can do is restricted as I'm relying on public transport and it takes about an hour from where I'm living in a village to get to the city. (Cambridge)
My life is too repetitive at the moment. But there's nothing much I can do as I'm a bit isolateld without a car and living in a village. Not to mention about not having close friends. All I can do at the moment is work on myself (education and general personal growth ) and make as much money as possible. (work and gambling promotion offers)
The process of my plan would progress further at the start of November when I will be starting my search for a job in London, with the view of hopefully starting a new job there in January 2018. Getting a job in London means that I can relocate there and will be living with my two siblings there. (which is better than living with your mother in an isolated village.) Obviously moving to London, with it being busy and more novel, will break up the routine and repetitiveness of my life. (which hopefully would "fix" my brain somewhat!) And obviously will have more chance of meeting girls there. (Even though it will be unrealistic to bring them back home as I would still be living with family.)
BTW, I'm not religious, and have no interest in that side of life.
I also eat 90%-95% healthy food. (and have been doing it, together with the gym habit, for the last 11 years now.)
I am open to new hobbies, but at the moment I'm not sure where I would find time for them as I have higher priorities. (my online course.)
And btw, I don't believe there are a lot of virgins out there who are my age!
This does not mean that the time that I'm spending executing my processes for a better life is not a frustrating one - not least due to what happened in the past.
I would say, apart from couple of habits, I spend my time productively: learning (for career reasons), working, and, of course, relaxing. (it can't be all about the previous two.)
As I mentioned previously, I'm currently going through hardmode and I have no urge whatsoever to use Porn.
In fact, porn, in the past few days in particular, has been on the back burner - this is because I am currently worried about another hobbie that I have that might stall my progress to recover from PIED and un-numb my brain from dopamine.
And this hobbie is gambling.
I'm very confused about gambling. I'm not in dangerous of losing money as I only do offers that are risk free (free bets, for example) and if m not doing risk free offers, it is because I'm simply staking part of the winnings of the risk free offers. (therefore risk free.)
However, this "reward" seeking habit, which can be done any day, due to the online promotion business that's busy, and therefore I'm spending a lot of my time searching for the next bit of money that I can make. (This is whether taking up risk free casino bonuses during the week, or placing some bets on sports at the weekend. It's none ending cycle.)
As I mentioned, I'm not in danger of wasting my own money (I have a zero policy of using my own money!), but it's just this reward seek habit that's worrying me. It's maybe increasing or maintained my my dopamine levels, which I need to lower and not raise.
Mind wise, I would say that I'm a lot more positive now, but sometimes i worry. Especially when I read about PIED and find out more about its scientific facts.
My typical daily routine is like this:
6:30 - wake up, meditate for 10 minutes and prepare/ go to work. I take the bus and read the course materials of my degree that I'm doing online.
9-5 - work, can be stressful but mostly good right now.
5-6 - I take the bus to go home, I spend it reading my course that I'm doing online. (psychology)
6-8 - chores, eat and carry on studying.
9-10 - a little bit of entertainment/relaxation. (music, educational youtube videos, etc.) Prepare for bed and meditation.
On Saturday, work is replaced by the gym.
On Sunday, work/gym is replaced by me simply going out and seeing the world. (nothing amazing, just the city centre.) This is the only time of the week that I get free time for myself where I can do some leisurely socializing. But by socialising , I don't mean with anyone, I mean just being around with people( but not talking to them). Unfortunately I have to be back home by 5-6 as the buses don't operate after 6:30 on Sunday evenings.
Unfortunately my time and amount of hobbies that I can do is restricted as I'm relying on public transport and it takes about an hour from where I'm living in a village to get to the city. (Cambridge)
My life is too repetitive at the moment. But there's nothing much I can do as I'm a bit isolateld without a car and living in a village. Not to mention about not having close friends. All I can do at the moment is work on myself (education and general personal growth ) and make as much money as possible. (work and gambling promotion offers)
The process of my plan would progress further at the start of November when I will be starting my search for a job in London, with the view of hopefully starting a new job there in January 2018. Getting a job in London means that I can relocate there and will be living with my two siblings there. (which is better than living with your mother in an isolated village.) Obviously moving to London, with it being busy and more novel, will break up the routine and repetitiveness of my life. (which hopefully would "fix" my brain somewhat!) And obviously will have more chance of meeting girls there. (Even though it will be unrealistic to bring them back home as I would still be living with family.)
BTW, I'm not religious, and have no interest in that side of life.
I also eat 90%-95% healthy food. (and have been doing it, together with the gym habit, for the last 11 years now.)
I am open to new hobbies, but at the moment I'm not sure where I would find time for them as I have higher priorities. (my online course.)
And btw, I don't believe there are a lot of virgins out there who are my age!
RealityCheck
Active Member
A couple things.
First, you just laid out the schedule that you have mostly made for yourself, then mentioned you didn't like the repetition in your life. You can't have it both ways! If you don't want the repetition, don't have a schedule! Of course you have to work, but maybe go into the city during the week instead of the weekend.
Second, I want to hear a positive message from you as to what you are shooting for. "I don't want to be miserable" does not count as a positive message. "I want to have a strong bond with a woman, a supportive and fun group of friends, and a passion to live my life" does. But they have to be your words, and not mine. As I said before, positive motivation is more powerful (and enjoyable) than negative motivation, that is, running FROM something instead of running TO something. Constantly worrying about being miserable when you're 40 to focusing on the thing you are running FROM, which makes you more likely to reach it.
Finally, I'd like for you to commit to stepping outside of your comfort zone. Nobody can give you what you want. You have to do it yourself by stepping outside of your comfort zone. Ease is the enemy of progress. Comfort prevents growth. Once you align a positive connotation to being uncomfortable, you can begin to build your social skills, because guess what? They are SKILLS. There is nothing embedded in your brain that makes it impossible for you to socialize. Sure, you may be uncomfortable now, just like there was a point that you were completely unable to ride a bike. So, you practice. You start small (training wheels, in this analogy), maybe by literally asking a few strangers for the time, or directions. Maybe you make an effort to converse more with service people (they have to talk to you!) at restaurants.
It's far easier to jump over 7 1-foot bars than 1 7-foot bar, so set realistic objectives that push you a little outside of your comfort zone, build some momentum, and move towards your goal that is positive and excites you. The past is prologue.
First, you just laid out the schedule that you have mostly made for yourself, then mentioned you didn't like the repetition in your life. You can't have it both ways! If you don't want the repetition, don't have a schedule! Of course you have to work, but maybe go into the city during the week instead of the weekend.
Second, I want to hear a positive message from you as to what you are shooting for. "I don't want to be miserable" does not count as a positive message. "I want to have a strong bond with a woman, a supportive and fun group of friends, and a passion to live my life" does. But they have to be your words, and not mine. As I said before, positive motivation is more powerful (and enjoyable) than negative motivation, that is, running FROM something instead of running TO something. Constantly worrying about being miserable when you're 40 to focusing on the thing you are running FROM, which makes you more likely to reach it.
Finally, I'd like for you to commit to stepping outside of your comfort zone. Nobody can give you what you want. You have to do it yourself by stepping outside of your comfort zone. Ease is the enemy of progress. Comfort prevents growth. Once you align a positive connotation to being uncomfortable, you can begin to build your social skills, because guess what? They are SKILLS. There is nothing embedded in your brain that makes it impossible for you to socialize. Sure, you may be uncomfortable now, just like there was a point that you were completely unable to ride a bike. So, you practice. You start small (training wheels, in this analogy), maybe by literally asking a few strangers for the time, or directions. Maybe you make an effort to converse more with service people (they have to talk to you!) at restaurants.
It's far easier to jump over 7 1-foot bars than 1 7-foot bar, so set realistic objectives that push you a little outside of your comfort zone, build some momentum, and move towards your goal that is positive and excites you. The past is prologue.
DepressedAndOut
Active Member
Hello RC,
Unfortunately, having a bit of routine is important to make sure that I become productive of my time and execute my desired actions.
Of course I sometimes vary this routine, I'm not strict with it. But it was a general idea of what I do most in my time and what my focus in life is on.
As for the second point, I get what you mean. I certainly try to become positive as much as possible. For the record, this is what I desperately want in life:
I want to find a beautiful girl, who I will love and love me back as much, have great sex with her (or this can be replaced with having my erections back and having sex with lots of girls!), build myself to have a better job with better salary so that I can get a place of my own, travel some more and have a social life.
This is what I really, really want! And this is what I'm working towards. The journey is slow, lonely and painful, hence sometimes I am down about it, plus there are no guarantee that things will come off for me. (they didn't in my 20s for sure!)
But I am still going.
And I do intend to go out of my comfort zone, that's why I'm doing an online degree. And I'm doing it so that I can earn better money and move out of my comfort zone that is my parents' house. And to move out so that I can approach a girl and take her back to my own place! (that too is outside of my comfort zone!)
I am working on it. For some people this is easily done, but for others, unfortunately, it isn't.
Thank you for your post.
Unfortunately, having a bit of routine is important to make sure that I become productive of my time and execute my desired actions.
Of course I sometimes vary this routine, I'm not strict with it. But it was a general idea of what I do most in my time and what my focus in life is on.
As for the second point, I get what you mean. I certainly try to become positive as much as possible. For the record, this is what I desperately want in life:
I want to find a beautiful girl, who I will love and love me back as much, have great sex with her (or this can be replaced with having my erections back and having sex with lots of girls!), build myself to have a better job with better salary so that I can get a place of my own, travel some more and have a social life.
This is what I really, really want! And this is what I'm working towards. The journey is slow, lonely and painful, hence sometimes I am down about it, plus there are no guarantee that things will come off for me. (they didn't in my 20s for sure!)
But I am still going.
And I do intend to go out of my comfort zone, that's why I'm doing an online degree. And I'm doing it so that I can earn better money and move out of my comfort zone that is my parents' house. And to move out so that I can approach a girl and take her back to my own place! (that too is outside of my comfort zone!)
I am working on it. For some people this is easily done, but for others, unfortunately, it isn't.
Thank you for your post.
DepressedAndOut
Active Member
I'm going to keep a more active dairy to see if it would help my frame of mind.
A brief time-line of my life:
BEFORE 2011 - Normal life healthwise. Good libido and excellent health. Mental health was stable with no side effects apart from sadness/low mood. (moderate to mild depression.)
2011-12 - Stressful period of change: Job search prolonging (began June 2006). Back injury occurred (to this day, my back has not been the same). Relocation to new town. Depression intensifying.
2012-01-21 - Stressful moving day to new town. Have not felt the same since then. (Mood and Libido wise.)
2012 November ? Started a role at a warehouse but was sent back on the same day as I needed a safety boot. Felt too despaired and depressed; emotion took over and decided to quit. Wrote a letter the following day to employers apologizing and requesting my job back. Unsuccessful. This bad and emotional decision worked out for me in the end, but at the time it was a big sign as to how my mental health was deteriorating. At the time I thought it was depression, but could this be an early sign of my addictive porn habit? A question in retrospective.
2013-04-22 - Stared a new job at my current employers ? breaking a job search period stretching from June 2006.
2013 Summer - KR depression started. Depression of stressful job made things worse. (KR is a girl that I love, I first came across her in 2000-01 but for obvious reasons never made a move. I then got to know about her through social media and consequently I fell in very intense love with her, hence the very intense depression; as I couldn't be with her, ever.)
2014 (early) - ED started.
2015 - Stressball combination of everything. (ED, Job, KR, Studys, etc.) CBT sessions started.
2016 ? Started studying Psychology - a more enjoyable and interesting course.
2016 (late) - Discovered that ED could be PIED.
2017 (start) ? REBOOT: No artificial sexual stimuli.
2017 March/April - Beginning of no response to real sexual stimuli. WHY? (Still MO frequently)
2017 June - Relapsed to PMO. A day after, I noticed slower upload time and weaker erections.
2017-8-07 - Relapsed to PMO which resulted in shrunk Penis and less blood flow the following day. Horrifying discovery put me off Porn for good.
2017-08-16 ? Official start of HARDMODE REBOOT. No PMO and minimising sexual thoughts.
2017-08-18 - Went to casino, asked out Girl1, slight bonner and feel good hormone (first time i asked out a girl). Asked out Girl2, no bonner or feel good hormone. Massage by G2, who was a masseuse, was nice but no other effects.
2017-08-19 - Went to same casino. Little bit of Goosebumps looking at dancers.
2017-09-17 ? Internet connection was down, and, after 2-3 long frustrating and angry calls to Internet provider, I lost patience with them. I threw the phone to the wall and threw my glass and chair as well. Went angry at relatives as well. I don?t know what happened. I just lost my mind. I am comfortable dealing without Porn, so I?m quite sure it?s not due to that withdrawal symptoms. Was it because of gambling? I am currently still gambling but on this instance I was sort of ?prevented? from my hit: I was not able to access the internet to round up my winnings (as I knew a bet I placed earlier had been won) ? was this the reason I went angry? Because I was unable to ?reward? myself? (By seeing the confirmation of the winning bet slip and adding the winning amount to the spreadsheet). Once I saw the bet slip and added winnings to spreadsheet, I felt calmer! Is his connected or is my mind playing games on me?? Was I angry that the internet was not working and that I was not being helped by the telephone operator? Or Am I addicted to gambling? And, if I am addicted to gambling, would its dopamine affect hinder my recovery from PIED? Is it affecting my brain?s chemistry for the worse??
2017-09-18 ? The following day in the evening after work: The Internet is still down but I don? feel as angry about it. Is it because I?ve already received my gambling ?hit?? (Won something earlier in the day from a risk-free offer) Was it the Internet being down/telephone operator?s incompetence that made me angry? Or was it my gambling habit? Based on today?s mood, it is probably the later.
A brief time-line of my life:
BEFORE 2011 - Normal life healthwise. Good libido and excellent health. Mental health was stable with no side effects apart from sadness/low mood. (moderate to mild depression.)
2011-12 - Stressful period of change: Job search prolonging (began June 2006). Back injury occurred (to this day, my back has not been the same). Relocation to new town. Depression intensifying.
2012-01-21 - Stressful moving day to new town. Have not felt the same since then. (Mood and Libido wise.)
2012 November ? Started a role at a warehouse but was sent back on the same day as I needed a safety boot. Felt too despaired and depressed; emotion took over and decided to quit. Wrote a letter the following day to employers apologizing and requesting my job back. Unsuccessful. This bad and emotional decision worked out for me in the end, but at the time it was a big sign as to how my mental health was deteriorating. At the time I thought it was depression, but could this be an early sign of my addictive porn habit? A question in retrospective.
2013-04-22 - Stared a new job at my current employers ? breaking a job search period stretching from June 2006.
2013 Summer - KR depression started. Depression of stressful job made things worse. (KR is a girl that I love, I first came across her in 2000-01 but for obvious reasons never made a move. I then got to know about her through social media and consequently I fell in very intense love with her, hence the very intense depression; as I couldn't be with her, ever.)
2014 (early) - ED started.
2015 - Stressball combination of everything. (ED, Job, KR, Studys, etc.) CBT sessions started.
2016 ? Started studying Psychology - a more enjoyable and interesting course.
2016 (late) - Discovered that ED could be PIED.
2017 (start) ? REBOOT: No artificial sexual stimuli.
2017 March/April - Beginning of no response to real sexual stimuli. WHY? (Still MO frequently)
2017 June - Relapsed to PMO. A day after, I noticed slower upload time and weaker erections.
2017-8-07 - Relapsed to PMO which resulted in shrunk Penis and less blood flow the following day. Horrifying discovery put me off Porn for good.
2017-08-16 ? Official start of HARDMODE REBOOT. No PMO and minimising sexual thoughts.
2017-08-18 - Went to casino, asked out Girl1, slight bonner and feel good hormone (first time i asked out a girl). Asked out Girl2, no bonner or feel good hormone. Massage by G2, who was a masseuse, was nice but no other effects.
2017-08-19 - Went to same casino. Little bit of Goosebumps looking at dancers.
2017-09-17 ? Internet connection was down, and, after 2-3 long frustrating and angry calls to Internet provider, I lost patience with them. I threw the phone to the wall and threw my glass and chair as well. Went angry at relatives as well. I don?t know what happened. I just lost my mind. I am comfortable dealing without Porn, so I?m quite sure it?s not due to that withdrawal symptoms. Was it because of gambling? I am currently still gambling but on this instance I was sort of ?prevented? from my hit: I was not able to access the internet to round up my winnings (as I knew a bet I placed earlier had been won) ? was this the reason I went angry? Because I was unable to ?reward? myself? (By seeing the confirmation of the winning bet slip and adding the winning amount to the spreadsheet). Once I saw the bet slip and added winnings to spreadsheet, I felt calmer! Is his connected or is my mind playing games on me?? Was I angry that the internet was not working and that I was not being helped by the telephone operator? Or Am I addicted to gambling? And, if I am addicted to gambling, would its dopamine affect hinder my recovery from PIED? Is it affecting my brain?s chemistry for the worse??
2017-09-18 ? The following day in the evening after work: The Internet is still down but I don? feel as angry about it. Is it because I?ve already received my gambling ?hit?? (Won something earlier in the day from a risk-free offer) Was it the Internet being down/telephone operator?s incompetence that made me angry? Or was it my gambling habit? Based on today?s mood, it is probably the later.
RealityCheck
Active Member
I think you should change your screen name, so I refer you to Jim until it's updated
Jim,
I appreciate your reply. Those sound like GREAT things to work towards! And I'm thrilled to hear you are getting outside of your comfort zone by approaching women, getting your degree, and moving out of the house. I guarantee you, your success with women will get better once you're out of your parents house. Not only does being there affect your confidence, since you may feel less like a man (I'm not putting that on you, that's how I felt when I lived with my folks after college), but it may impact a woman's opinion of you, and most importantly, it hurts your logistics. One of the most valuable things I've learned about seduction is that it's mainly logistics. If you get a girl to be physically at your place, by herself, late at night, chances are, something's going to happen. Hard to do that when you live with your parents.
Now, I'm going to challenge you to try something. I challenge you to eliminate as much negative self-talk as possible. This includes telling yourself that you're depressed, desperate, worrying about whether or not you'll get what you want. Sure, a thought or two will creep in out of habit, however you can put conscious effort towards focusing on something else the same way you avoid having sexual thoughts during hard mode.
You strike me as a man who is having some difficultly emotionally, but who is very logical (please correct me if I'm mistaken). It is not logical to worry. Think about it: when you play out a negative outcome in your mind before something has happened, it will make you feel worse, it will make you less motivated, it will make you perform worse when you are motivated, and you are far less likely to achieve your goals. This applies to ANYTHING. You might as well pretend a future you came back in time, gave you a big hug, and said "Guess what? You are going to bust your ass, but in a lot of hard work, and it'll suck for a while, but in the end you'll achieve EVERYTHING you wanted to! Congratulations! Now, the only thing you have to do is put in the effort, because the reward is waiting for you. I'm now going to go back and have sex with our beautiful wife!"
Really think about how this would make you feel. Wouldn't you feel more motivated? Wouldn't you be excited to be alive knowing you will achieve what you need to? And wouldn't it be great knowing that even when life punches you in the gut and rejects you, you know for CERTAIN that all you have to do is keep moving forward, because your reward is waiting for you. That's a winning attitude. No self-pity. No anger at the world. Gratitude to be alive, and to have the opportunity to put in the work to achieve your dreams.
Jim,
I appreciate your reply. Those sound like GREAT things to work towards! And I'm thrilled to hear you are getting outside of your comfort zone by approaching women, getting your degree, and moving out of the house. I guarantee you, your success with women will get better once you're out of your parents house. Not only does being there affect your confidence, since you may feel less like a man (I'm not putting that on you, that's how I felt when I lived with my folks after college), but it may impact a woman's opinion of you, and most importantly, it hurts your logistics. One of the most valuable things I've learned about seduction is that it's mainly logistics. If you get a girl to be physically at your place, by herself, late at night, chances are, something's going to happen. Hard to do that when you live with your parents.
Now, I'm going to challenge you to try something. I challenge you to eliminate as much negative self-talk as possible. This includes telling yourself that you're depressed, desperate, worrying about whether or not you'll get what you want. Sure, a thought or two will creep in out of habit, however you can put conscious effort towards focusing on something else the same way you avoid having sexual thoughts during hard mode.
You strike me as a man who is having some difficultly emotionally, but who is very logical (please correct me if I'm mistaken). It is not logical to worry. Think about it: when you play out a negative outcome in your mind before something has happened, it will make you feel worse, it will make you less motivated, it will make you perform worse when you are motivated, and you are far less likely to achieve your goals. This applies to ANYTHING. You might as well pretend a future you came back in time, gave you a big hug, and said "Guess what? You are going to bust your ass, but in a lot of hard work, and it'll suck for a while, but in the end you'll achieve EVERYTHING you wanted to! Congratulations! Now, the only thing you have to do is put in the effort, because the reward is waiting for you. I'm now going to go back and have sex with our beautiful wife!"
Really think about how this would make you feel. Wouldn't you feel more motivated? Wouldn't you be excited to be alive knowing you will achieve what you need to? And wouldn't it be great knowing that even when life punches you in the gut and rejects you, you know for CERTAIN that all you have to do is keep moving forward, because your reward is waiting for you. That's a winning attitude. No self-pity. No anger at the world. Gratitude to be alive, and to have the opportunity to put in the work to achieve your dreams.
DepressedAndOut
Active Member
Hello,
I working towards finding a job in London for the new year. Once I find one, I will move there, but unfortunately I will not be able to afford my own place in that area. I would be living with my two siblings, which is, I guess, better than living with my parents. Would this at least sound better to women???
I still won't be able to bring them home, but I think this is a small step forward, I hope.
I am working on eliminating negative self-talk, meditating has defintley helped.
And yes, unfortunately I have developed a lot of emotional issues over the years - it hasn't been easy living in social isolation and not having any meaningful moments with a girl or possessing a social life. I must have spent 80-85% of my 20s stuck in my bedroom as I didn't have a job for a long spell and therefore no money.
And I certainly do approach life logically, but sometimes, if it's an emotional and important topic such as my potential relationship with a woman, I can experience weak times. But, overall, I'm quite optimistic about those prospects still.
Thank you.
I working towards finding a job in London for the new year. Once I find one, I will move there, but unfortunately I will not be able to afford my own place in that area. I would be living with my two siblings, which is, I guess, better than living with my parents. Would this at least sound better to women???
I still won't be able to bring them home, but I think this is a small step forward, I hope.
I am working on eliminating negative self-talk, meditating has defintley helped.
And yes, unfortunately I have developed a lot of emotional issues over the years - it hasn't been easy living in social isolation and not having any meaningful moments with a girl or possessing a social life. I must have spent 80-85% of my 20s stuck in my bedroom as I didn't have a job for a long spell and therefore no money.
And I certainly do approach life logically, but sometimes, if it's an emotional and important topic such as my potential relationship with a woman, I can experience weak times. But, overall, I'm quite optimistic about those prospects still.
Thank you.
TakeActionNow
Respected Member
Echoing Reality's advice, I'll call you Jim too
Jim,
your reality is your own responsibility. 100%
you have to own it completely.
I was like you.
I was depressed and suicidal.
And then I discovered it was because of all of my negativity
my negativity made me look at the world in scarcity
my self pity made me feel entitled. I was attached to the concept that i was owed
all my world views were wrong
i was needy, dependant and unwilling to try
So i read a ton of books
I discovered for myself what is wrong with the way i think
and i made the decision to change my mind.
My blog here is all about changing my mind. look at it if you want
If you want change in your life, you must change yourself first.
1. do the difficult things. Learn to deal with pain. Its not difficult. Pain is short term. Goals are long term. Stay focused on your goals. They will guide you to doing what is right and necessary.
2. learn what it means to control your mind positively. Stop indulging the creative mind wondering all over thinking up all sorts of crazy ideas. Train your mind to be silent and focused only on your goals.
3. take a very strong interest in yourself. Choose yourself.
When you take interest in yourself, you start doing everything positive and beneficial to yourself. Your life becomes more interesting and rewarding. You become more interesting. When you are interesting, 3 things happen: you like yourself more, more people like you, and as your confidence improves your dick naturally gets better.
4. Drop everything negative. In fact, Stop this blog and change your handler name immediately. Start a new one with a new name. You are what you think yourself to be. If you think yourself to be DepressedAndOut, you will REMAIN depressed and out. Call yourself something like "GoodStartGreatLife"
5. Test and prove everything you believe to be true. I assure you nothing you believe to be true is really true. That's negativity mindset.
It has worked for me, I know it'll work for you.
I really hope you start with #4
Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results
Change = improvement.
Start and take charge of your life 100%
Its not about sex, its not about dick. Its 100% about you and your mind.
Life is abundant and optimistic only when you look at it in the correct way.
Jim,
your reality is your own responsibility. 100%
you have to own it completely.
I was like you.
I was depressed and suicidal.
And then I discovered it was because of all of my negativity
my negativity made me look at the world in scarcity
my self pity made me feel entitled. I was attached to the concept that i was owed
all my world views were wrong
i was needy, dependant and unwilling to try
So i read a ton of books
I discovered for myself what is wrong with the way i think
and i made the decision to change my mind.
My blog here is all about changing my mind. look at it if you want
If you want change in your life, you must change yourself first.
1. do the difficult things. Learn to deal with pain. Its not difficult. Pain is short term. Goals are long term. Stay focused on your goals. They will guide you to doing what is right and necessary.
2. learn what it means to control your mind positively. Stop indulging the creative mind wondering all over thinking up all sorts of crazy ideas. Train your mind to be silent and focused only on your goals.
3. take a very strong interest in yourself. Choose yourself.
When you take interest in yourself, you start doing everything positive and beneficial to yourself. Your life becomes more interesting and rewarding. You become more interesting. When you are interesting, 3 things happen: you like yourself more, more people like you, and as your confidence improves your dick naturally gets better.
4. Drop everything negative. In fact, Stop this blog and change your handler name immediately. Start a new one with a new name. You are what you think yourself to be. If you think yourself to be DepressedAndOut, you will REMAIN depressed and out. Call yourself something like "GoodStartGreatLife"
5. Test and prove everything you believe to be true. I assure you nothing you believe to be true is really true. That's negativity mindset.
It has worked for me, I know it'll work for you.
I really hope you start with #4
Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results
Change = improvement.
Start and take charge of your life 100%
Its not about sex, its not about dick. Its 100% about you and your mind.
Life is abundant and optimistic only when you look at it in the correct way.
DepressedAndOut
Active Member
gazz said:
Hello,
Thanks, dude. I will keep going as much as possible, I still have a bit of drive and determination left yet.
DepressedAndOut
Active Member
TakeActionNow said:
Thank you. I am very much focused on self-growth and being productive with my time.
Currently, the focus(s) of my life are:
Work - I'm spending minimally (I live with parents, I guess that's the upside of it!) and therefore I'm saving a good amount of money.
Study - To improve my work. I study online (psychology, which helps!) to improve my career prospects and fulfill my potential. I plan my reading time all through out the day. (During my commute and even during work! looool)
Gym - I only go once a week as I'm currently nursing a back inury, once that's healed, I go 3-4 times a week after work. (with still enough time to study.)
PIED - Obviously I'm coming on here frequently to pick up advice and scientific knowledge. But I've also "progressed" into the holistic approach: ie, mindfulness, meditation (twice a day for 10 minutes), watching lectures about "life", etc.
Hopefully the following picture would give an insight into my mind and behavior.
Obviously I still have concerns at the back and sometimes infront of my mind, but at least, since my last relapse in mid August, I've developed a new frame of mind and thinking. (it was a bad relapse as I've noted, on the following day, that my penis had been shrunk! This completely put me off Porn and since then prompted me to start hardmode for the first time.)
DepressedAndOut
Active Member
I had an interview for a job in London today but unfortunately, after two weeks of recruitment process, which meant that I had to book two days off work from my current role and spend ?100 as I stayed over night, I have been rejected for the role - which means I will not be moving to London at this time.
I feel really devastated about this and the lack of glimmer of hope for my PIED is frustrating me and depressing me.
Right now I'm at a dark place and my enthusiasm for life is nearly zero.
How much more can I go on like this...? This is fucking ridiculous!
Not one kiss, not one intimate moment with a woman, not one hug, not one holiday, not one party, not one close friend, no social life all my life! It's absolutely destroying my soul. What's the fucking point of life it's mostly suffering? I just feel so sick and heart broken about how bad my life has turned out for me, despite living in a developed country and having most things accessible to me.
Yes, I am keeping positive and my behavior is reflecting that - but I can't go on forever thinking when will it be my time....? I'm nearly 34, never had sex and my penis is not working! This is just a nightmare!
I feel really devastated about this and the lack of glimmer of hope for my PIED is frustrating me and depressing me.
Right now I'm at a dark place and my enthusiasm for life is nearly zero.
How much more can I go on like this...? This is fucking ridiculous!
Not one kiss, not one intimate moment with a woman, not one hug, not one holiday, not one party, not one close friend, no social life all my life! It's absolutely destroying my soul. What's the fucking point of life it's mostly suffering? I just feel so sick and heart broken about how bad my life has turned out for me, despite living in a developed country and having most things accessible to me.
Yes, I am keeping positive and my behavior is reflecting that - but I can't go on forever thinking when will it be my time....? I'm nearly 34, never had sex and my penis is not working! This is just a nightmare!
RealityCheck
Active Member
Jim,
First of all, please change your screen name. It's not difficult.
I'm sorry you didn't get the job. Don't let it affect you personally, most people don't get the job, it takes a lot of failures to get to where you want to go. I don't blame you for being upset - you can feel sad for a day or two, but don't blow up the significance of one position. You have NO IDEA why they went with somebody else. Maybe they went with an internal candidate. Maybe the hiring managers son was up for the position. Maybe someone with far more experience than you applied, and they would have been dumb to pay the same amount for less experience.
Job hunting is difficult, I know for myself, as I am doing that right now. I was up for two jobs that both looked extremely promising. They both fell through. Like you, I felt sad, and then I moved forward. It will work out for the best. I know later I will look back and be thankful they rejected me. I'm proud of my failures, it means I am getting closer to success. Not having any failures means you're not growing and not improving.
Now Jim, you say you are keeping positive, but to be honest with you, that is flat out not the case. Being positive would mean being grateful for what you do have in life, be it your health, your family, your freedom, a place to sleep, food to eat, etc. Being positive means you are focused on what you WANT and are striving to achieve, not on what you haven't had IN THE PAST.
We become what we think about. From your posts, you are constantly thinking about how life has passed you by, how you haven't had success with women, and how depressed you are. It's no surprise that it continues to be your reality. You must change your mindset. I don't mean for this advice to be vague. I'm being specific.
Recognize when you are having negative thoughts. Don't be angry at yourself, just calmly be aware of those thoughts, and change your focus. Have a specific image that represents what success looks like to you. For me, I'm focusing on my finances right now, and when I'm thinking negative thoughts, I shift to the private jet I will own when I'm successful. I know it will take a lot of work, but it's in my future.
You also should recognize that not only does change happen over time, it does not happen linearly. You can change your mindset, take all the right actions, and your results might be: nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, EVERYTHING GETS BETTER. It doesn't go: a little better, little better, a little better, etc.
Positive attitude. Hard work. Gratitude. Patience. Dwelling on what you don't like on the past does worse than getting you nowhere, it moves you backwards. I'm hoping in your future posts you take this into consideration.
First of all, please change your screen name. It's not difficult.
I'm sorry you didn't get the job. Don't let it affect you personally, most people don't get the job, it takes a lot of failures to get to where you want to go. I don't blame you for being upset - you can feel sad for a day or two, but don't blow up the significance of one position. You have NO IDEA why they went with somebody else. Maybe they went with an internal candidate. Maybe the hiring managers son was up for the position. Maybe someone with far more experience than you applied, and they would have been dumb to pay the same amount for less experience.
Job hunting is difficult, I know for myself, as I am doing that right now. I was up for two jobs that both looked extremely promising. They both fell through. Like you, I felt sad, and then I moved forward. It will work out for the best. I know later I will look back and be thankful they rejected me. I'm proud of my failures, it means I am getting closer to success. Not having any failures means you're not growing and not improving.
Now Jim, you say you are keeping positive, but to be honest with you, that is flat out not the case. Being positive would mean being grateful for what you do have in life, be it your health, your family, your freedom, a place to sleep, food to eat, etc. Being positive means you are focused on what you WANT and are striving to achieve, not on what you haven't had IN THE PAST.
We become what we think about. From your posts, you are constantly thinking about how life has passed you by, how you haven't had success with women, and how depressed you are. It's no surprise that it continues to be your reality. You must change your mindset. I don't mean for this advice to be vague. I'm being specific.
Recognize when you are having negative thoughts. Don't be angry at yourself, just calmly be aware of those thoughts, and change your focus. Have a specific image that represents what success looks like to you. For me, I'm focusing on my finances right now, and when I'm thinking negative thoughts, I shift to the private jet I will own when I'm successful. I know it will take a lot of work, but it's in my future.
You also should recognize that not only does change happen over time, it does not happen linearly. You can change your mindset, take all the right actions, and your results might be: nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, EVERYTHING GETS BETTER. It doesn't go: a little better, little better, a little better, etc.
Positive attitude. Hard work. Gratitude. Patience. Dwelling on what you don't like on the past does worse than getting you nowhere, it moves you backwards. I'm hoping in your future posts you take this into consideration.
DepressedAndOut
Active Member
Thanks - I've calmed down somewhat.
I'm also now making a conscious effort to eliminate sexual fantasy (it wasn't that much to begin with, but i guess it's the next step of my hardmode.)
I feel really asexual, and have been for the last 6 or so months, so I'm really hoping this will not make me turn away from women/sex for good. (ie, my sexual pathway not to wither away for good, as the "use it or lose" rule does apply to the brain.)
I'm also now making a conscious effort to eliminate sexual fantasy (it wasn't that much to begin with, but i guess it's the next step of my hardmode.)
I feel really asexual, and have been for the last 6 or so months, so I'm really hoping this will not make me turn away from women/sex for good. (ie, my sexual pathway not to wither away for good, as the "use it or lose" rule does apply to the brain.)
DepressedAndOut
Active Member
Something strange happened tonight, a wet dream waked me up! This is the first time I had it since maybe 2008.
Does this hinder your progress?
Unfortunately, after checking my penis, it was still in a state of shrunkness with poor blood flow.
Any idea what this all means?
Also, over the last week or so, I?ve experienced morning wood every time I wake up. Is this encouraging sign??
Does this hinder your progress?
Unfortunately, after checking my penis, it was still in a state of shrunkness with poor blood flow.
Any idea what this all means?
Also, over the last week or so, I?ve experienced morning wood every time I wake up. Is this encouraging sign??