Hey man,
I remember a couple of members mentioned a possible solution that has actually come up for recently - core identity.
Now, I have no way of knowing what the core identity you hold about yourself is, so you can take what I say here with a pinch of salt.
Recently, I a section in a book by Tony Robbins (Awaken the Giant Within) that talks about the concept of core identity and how it affects everything we think, say and do. For instance, a person whose identity is that of one who cares for others, when that identity is revealed to them explicitly (i.e. through discussion and probing), they might realise that they have not been acting in accordance with that in certain areas and radically change their lives.
Like, when a very overweight person who considers themselves a "healthy person" is made to realise that their eating and exercise habits are at odds with the identity they hold dear, they will not want to go against their core identity, and suddenly change their behaviour for good. It can also work in reverse; a person who suddenly starts seeing themselves as a "failure" due to one incident, regardless of a consistent track record of success in the past, will start to make unnecessary mistakes, stop taking care of themselves etc.. The end result will be failure.
For a long time, my identity of myself has been of "an addict" or "an alcoholic" or "a drug addict" or "sex addict". Only recently have I come to realise that, while this served me in my early recovery from substances, it might not serve me now. Now, while I will introduce myself as "an addict" or similar, in a 12 step meeting, internally I will reaffirm more strongly that I am "a leader", "a warrior", "a conqueror", "a teacher", "a father", "a provider" etc.. Just different positive affirmations I want to live up to.
The reason I go into such depth is that I realise now that words can radically change how we engage with the world and, in the long term, the results we experience in life. For instance, I might have $10, with a very strong, positive self-concept, that money will enrich my life much more than if I have $100 with a negative self-concept. In fact, with a negative self-concept that $100 could actually lead to my destruction, which it has in the past.
So, my suggestion is this:
1. Change your screen name. The name "DepressedAndOut" almost guarantees that you will fail in this journey. It immediately puts you in a negative mind-set even before you start posting, and I'm sure it rarely lifts you up afterwards either.
2. Start a new journal with your new name, something more empowering and positive.
3. Post links to your new journal on this, your current journal, so the guys on here can follow your journey and be encouraging.
4. On your new journal, focus less on the negative impacts (eg ED, "penis size" etc..) and more on the positive steps you are taking and the positive results you are experiencing as a result, most importantly with a note of gratitude each time for this progress.
Now, of course you have a number of challenges, which aren't insignificant by any means. Of course, mention them, but only in passing for the benefit of someone who is new to your most recent post. There will be days when we should go ahead and rant, but we should quickly return to the laser-like focus on our success, the goal of being healthy and happy, whatever that might look like.
The point is not to gloss over our challenges as sex/porn addicts, but to encourage ourselves and each other and to share strategies, tools and plans of action for the victory over these.
