38 - Virgin - Depressed - PIED? PLEASE HELP ME!

[FlyPhoenix]

Morning wood and wet dreams are a good sign. Apart from bath time, forget about your penis (and what size it is) for a while. Focus on outer circle activities. Join a karate class, an art class on weekends. Learn meditation, read books like Dr Wayne Dyer?s Erroneous Zones that reveal how our faulty thinking can get us in trouble. You won?t lose functionality of your penis, trust me. In fact, the less you think about it, the less stressed you?ll be about it, and the better chances of performing sexually when you and your future wife (who you met at karate class or art class) finally make love. Join a support group/prayer meeting targeting addiction (substance or behavioral addiction). Get out there, meet people and talk about your sex addiction, talk about it so much the shame of it no longer crippled you. Talk about it so much that your sharing helps someone, someone who can relate. You live in a first world country, go to a sex addicts anonymous meeting or find a recovery centre for sex addiction, find a therapist who specializes in it. Attend meetings, do step work, get a sponsor, pray, help out in your community, join a place of worship..

Stop gambling, it does not serve you and it does more harm than good to your recovery. You are most likely cross-addicting. I stopped drugs but cross addicted by spending too much time online, using porn and isolating in general playing video games. The aim is not just to quit porn, but to radically transform our lives for a healthier life, whatever it takes!

I do not offer advice, but suggestions. What you need to ask yourself is ?Am I ready to try anything to get better? Am I ready to do whatever it takes to break the chains of addiction and depression??

If you find that you are not willing to try some of the suggestions here, and others might offer, I put it to you that you have not hit rock bottom yet, and are still somewhat comfortable in terms current state of things.

Be well man, we are more alike than different. We struggle with the same disease, a disease of ?self?.

 

[DepressedAndOut]

Thank you, I'll have more financial freedom to socalise in the new year. But I ready need to find that job in London so I can move, my social life would become a lot better.

Also, I've been meditating, morning and night for at least 10 minutes, for the last three months now, and it helped a lot.

I guess the next thing to implement into my recovery is to stop checking and thinking about my penis!

Thank you FP, I will focusing on adding that to my recovery plan.

 

[DepressedAndOut]

Few nights ago I had a sexual dream that resembled pornography. And since  then my MW has weakened!! Does this mean the dream caused me to relapse? (or caused the effects of a relapse.)

If so, how on earth can I stay away from such uncontrollable thing??

I've been really depressed today, as always when the weekend approaches, as I'm stuck in doors with nothing to do. So frustrating. Today, at work, I nearly broke down while on the phone to a customer (he was frustrating me with his inability to understand and I was experiencing speeding and depressing thoughts about my current state and life thus far - not a great combination and hence why I nearly got emotional)

Btw, I was 34 recently, I was so depressed on my birthday as always. (needless to say I never had a birthday party as an adult.)

 

[DepressedAndOut]

Dman, today, upon waking up I masturbated, for the first time since mid-August, on sexual thoughts. (at least they weren't pornography)

So disheartened, but I hope this alone won't be a relapse as, when I was masturbating frequently during my abstinence from Porn,  I didn't experience much difference.

 

[malando]

"Jim", I have just read through your thread and I sympathise with your pain and struggle, but what really struck me is you are quite  resistant to discussing things with other members in the terms they ask you to. Not rude or ungrateful - but not always responsive to what they ask you. This leads me to believe that might be quite stubborn, and you don't want to engage with some of the important  questions you've been asked. I have seen some really excellent advice in this thread - you seem to have rejected a lot of it (in terms of discussing it, anyway).

You must listen to what these wise people are telling you! They know what they are talking about. Your main problem is not between your legs. At this stage, it's your relationship with yourself and all the negative self-talk and envy which is crippling you and preventing you from making the changes that would help you feel better about life. Why don't you cut yourself a break and take this pressure about having sex off the agenda? It will not happen when you want it this bad. As others have said, work on being a happier, more complete person: be ok with yourself, stop tearing yourself down and find a way to enjoy your life without sex at the top of your agenda. Only if you can do this, will you have any hope of making a connection with a woman. Women are attracted to secure men, happy men. If you are desperate and unhappy, you will not attract a partner. Also, forget this fantasy of having sex with dozens of women. That is not going to be your life. All you need is one woman who you like and she likes you back. That's all you need to be happy. Porn has probably warped your perception into thinking that happiness comes from having unlimited sex with unlimited women. It's all crap. Don't fall for what porn taught you.

Go back and read through your thread. There is a ton of valuable advice and insight in there. You just need to start listening to it. Feel free to message me anytime if you want some honest feedback. I am generally pretty honest, but also supportive.

 

[DepressedAndOut]

Hello,

I'm quite surprised by your response to be honest. The reason at the moment as to why I haven't been engaging with other members is because currently  I dont have questions to ask about PIED. I think I pretty much understand it and what I need to do - which I'm doing quite well at the moment. Of coruse we need to learn more about it still, but that's why I'm visiting this site on daily basis.

As i mentioned previously, just because I'm expressing pain on this board, doesn't mean that I'm negative in my life. I'm hurt inside, but I spend my time wisely working on self-growth and trying to be positive. (mindfulness, meditation, studying online degree, watching informative and motivational youtube videos, going to the  gym, eating well, etc.)

Again, I'm not sue why you think I'm refuting help - please tell me which advices I have rejected. Then I will see what I can do about them.

 

[malando]

Hello,

I'm quite surprised by your response to be honest. The reason at the moment as to why I haven't been engaging with other members is because currently  I dont have questions to ask about PIED. I think I pretty much understand it and what I need to do - which I'm doing quite well at the moment. Of coruse we need to learn more about it still, but that's why I'm visiting this site on daily basis.

As i mentioned previously, just because I'm expressing pain on this board, doesn't mean that I'm negative in my life. I'm hurt inside, but I spend my time wisely working on self-growth and trying to be positive. (mindfulness, meditation, studying online degree, watching informative and motivational youtube videos, going to the  gym, eating well, etc.)

Again, I'm not sue why you think I'm refuting help - please tell me which advices I have rejected. Then I will see what I can do about them.

There have been a few times when you haven't really answered some very large posts, like Reality Check, for example - and there were others. I found you to be restating your own ideas a lot more than engaging with other members' ideas. That's ok, of course, we are not here to school you and change you against your better judgement. Just a feeling I had by your responses. If you are feeling generally positive and making steps, I'm really happy to hear than man. It just wasn't my impression when I read through your thread. I'm happy to be wrong if I misjudged you.

My impression was that you don't really believe things will work out for you - either with your career or with finding a woman, even though you've tried very hard. I can remember times when I was totally in the same position - it becomes an internal truth that you are one of the cursed ones who will not get what others get. Like there's something so fundamentally wrong with you that you just don't deserve to have somebody. I've been in that mindset before, and it's crushing. Life looks bleak with that to look forward to. The main thing is to make progress of all these false beliefs we have about ourselves - the things that make us feel like we are different and separated from other people. I would advise you to go get some therapy and talk through these ideas, where they came from and how you can change them.

Just so you know, although I had had relationships for most of my 20's. My 30's were very barren years. I went 8 years without being with a woman. In that time, I developed the same kind of feelings that you have - the hopelessness about finding somebody, feeling like something is wrong with you. I even moved back with my parents for a while! Even though I was pretending to others that I was making efforts, I really wasn't making the right efforts. The best thing for me was to get some therapy. Even though it cost me money, it was a wise investment. I got some real objectivity about myself. It's also really important to move out of your parents' house. There is nothing that keeps you frozen in an adolescent emotional state like living with your parents! You've got to get out of there - even if it means you're waiting tables and eating cans of baked beans for dinner.

My life improved when I got out of my parents' place and started to work on myself and being independent. I was as stuck as a person can get - now I'm in my early 40's and have a partner and a 3 year old daughter. I don't even work full time - just part-time. Having a super career isn't necessary to find somebody. Somebody worthwhile will still want to be with you - even if you are still figuring things out. You don't have to base your ideas of whether you can date somebody on your career status. The main thing is to work on what false beliefs you hold about yourself that limit you. That would be my main advice.

If I am being too intrusive on your thread, I'm sorry. I'm happy to bow out and leave you to it. I really want to help you shift this mindset you have about your prospects of finding somebody. I know what that feels like - and it must be even more difficult when you haven't had a partner before. Just know this: things can change. It only takes one special person to shift all this stuff. Be ready when that person arrives - and don't reject them because you don't have a "career" yet. Be ready to respond to what life is offering you. And stay away from porn, of course!

Best Wishes,
M.

 

[DepressedAndOut]

Hello,

I'm quite surprised by your response to be honest. The reason at the moment as to why I haven't been engaging with other members is because currently  I dont have questions to ask about PIED. I think I pretty much understand it and what I need to do - which I'm doing quite well at the moment. Of coruse we need to learn more about it still, but that's why I'm visiting this site on daily basis.

As i mentioned previously, just because I'm expressing pain on this board, doesn't mean that I'm negative in my life. I'm hurt inside, but I spend my time wisely working on self-growth and trying to be positive. (mindfulness, meditation, studying online degree, watching informative and motivational youtube videos, going to the  gym, eating well, etc.)

Again, I'm not sue why you think I'm refuting help - please tell me which advices I have rejected. Then I will see what I can do about them.

There have been a few times when you haven't really answered some very large posts, like Reality Check, for example - and there were others. I found you to be restating your own ideas a lot more than engaging with other members' ideas. That's ok, of course, we are not here to school you and change you against your better judgement. Just a feeling I had by your responses. If you are feeling generally positive and making steps, I'm really happy to hear than man. It just wasn't my impression when I read through your thread. I'm happy to be wrong if I misjudged you.

I see what you mean. But if I didn't answer back to some posts, it's because I'm either doing their advices, or simply their advice is simply not appropriate for me at this time. (For example, as much as I would love to move out from my parents', financially this would ruin me and therefore destroy the foundation for my life that I have built. It's only financial foundation, but poor finance can spiral to worse things - I found that out during my 7 years without a job during my 20's. )

I would say that I am making good steps:

- over the last 3 months i mediated twice a day and this has had a great impact on my mind, I'm less stressed about things and feel calmer. (It may not seem like it on here, but that's natural, as the issue of my PIED has the potential to make me go through life without once experiencing women/love/sex.) In fact, i sometimes avoid this place in order to try and forget about the anguish associated with coming on here. (But I realize that  need to come back here to pick up more knowledge and support.)

- I'm also making good financial progress (not so great to have my own place, but I'm saving roughly 80% of my salary and I have 20k that I can use as a deposit for a house when the time is right.)

- I'm also expanding my mind by participating in an on-line degree course since the start of 2016. (Studying psychology.) This is keeping me busy. Although it can be sometimes difficult to study if I'm in an emotional mood. But being busy with productive things is key to changing  my mentality.

- I'm visiting the gym at least once a week (still recovering from back injury), but I intend to start going 3 times a week very soon. I also keep 90-95% of my diet healthy.

- I'm working on random things to improve myself and self-esteem: keeping my teeth clean, getting laser eye surgery soon, and now I'm thinking about getting rid of excessive bodily hair permanently! I'm not an awful looking person (just average i suppose) apart from the fact that I'm losing my hair (the bit on top! ) makes me feel I do need to do these things, as it would help improve my self-esteem and minimise the time I spend on maintaining myself.

- career-wise, I'm still applying for jobs in London in order to move there and live with my siblings (better than with parents, so it's a step forward).Obviously moving to London would allow me a quick access to many people that I can meet and also live my life rather than be socially isolated in a village, as I currently am.

I could have included my fight against depression, but, through meditation, mindfulness and CBT, I believe depression is right now not the root cause of my emotional state. (it's PIED, therefore this is more foused on.)

So yeah, the above, alongside solving this PIED/Women/sex conundrum, is the main focus of my life. I also have a problem of poor relationship with my family, but I believe this is down to my emotional mood. (they have no idea what I'm going through as I've interacted with them very little throughout my adult life, mainly because of the way I view myself.)

My impression was that you don't really believe things will work out for you - either with your career or with finding a woman, even though you've tried very hard. I can remember times when I was totally in the same position - it becomes an internal truth that you are one of the cursed ones who will not get what others get. Like there's something so fundamentally wrong with you that you just don't deserve to have somebody. I've been in that mindset before, and it's crushing. Life looks bleak with that to look forward to. The main thing is to make progress of all these false beliefs we have about ourselves - the things that make us feel like we are different and separated from other people. I would advise you to go get some therapy and talk through these ideas, where they came from and how you can change them.

Yes, that's a fear. Why wouldn't it be? There is no guarantee that things will work out. But as I mentioned, I'm keeping positive actions and the state of my mind is much improved. But the anguish regarding my "fate" is not something that I can easily forget about right now.

It defintley is crushing, indeed. I did in fact see a psychotherapist in 2015 - it was followed by implantation of CBT, but , since then, in 2016, I discovered the truth behind my penis' problems. And hence this is why a lot more serious than simply false-beliefs.

There is nothing that keeps you frozen in an adolescent emotional state like living with your parents

I know, I know. This is a major factor of my low self-esteem. Not having my own place and independence is killing me inside, but all I can do is improve myself in order to move out. At the moment, the best I can hope for is to relocate to my siblings house in London (owned by my parents, but they don't live there, just they occasionally visit.)

If I am being too intrusive on your thread, I'm sorry. I'm happy to bow out and leave you to it. I really want to help you shift this mindset you have about your prospects of finding somebody. I know what that feels like - and it must be even more difficult when you haven't had a partner before. Just know this: things can change. It only takes one special person to shift all this stuff. Be ready when that person arrives - and don't reject them because you don't have a "career" yet. Be ready to respond to what life is offering you. And stay away from porn, of course! 

No, I appreciate the time taking to advice me.

I can assure you that my days with porn are over - i'm not even tempted.

Thank you for your time.

 

[DepressedAndOut]

Anyway, I wanted to post this following yeseterdays unepexted relapse to MO.

Upon waking up this morning, i tested my penis, and unfortunaley there is even less blood flow now!!

I mean come on, it was a MO relapse, the first in three months where I didn't masturbate once, and this happens!!

It just feels that I'm fighting a losing battle here. One relapse in few months and not only are you back to where you began, but the effects are even worse than before!

I just don't bloody understand this thing....??? If my problem is also masturbation? How on earth would this work out when having sex and my woman is giving me a hand job or something??

Seriously, I did really well to go through the three months hardmode from the middle of August until I relapsed yesterday, but it seems things are actually worse for me now!

Honestly, it feels like it might take me not 2 years to recover, but four years at least. (by then I will be two years away from the 40 year-old virgin!!)

Please give me more scientific advice about this, as the holistic part of the recovery is going fine. I'm still confused as to how my reward center can go back to normal...??  Is this possible or not??

Also, my head right now feels a little bit strange... I don't know, I suppose the best way to describe it is "numb". However, I have trouble distinguishing if this indeed "numbness" (due to masturbating for the first time in three months yesterday) or simply the calm effects of mediation.

Again, things are just so confusing regarding this subject right now.

 

[malando]

Anyway, I wanted to post this following yeseterdays unepexted relapse to MO.

Upon waking up this morning, i tested my penis, and unfortunaley there is even less blood flow now!!

I mean come on, it was a MO relapse, the first in three months where I didn't masturbate once, and this happens!!

It just feels that I'm fighting a losing battle here. One relapse in few months and not only are you back to where you began, but the effects are even worse than before!

I just don't bloody understand this thing....??? If my problem is also masturbation? How on earth would this work out when having sex and my woman is giving me a hand job or something??

Seriously, I did really well to go through the three months hardmode from the middle of August until I relapsed yesterday, but it seems things are actually worse for me now!

Honestly, it feels like it might take me not 2 years to recover, but four years at least. (by then I will be two years away from the 40 year-old virgin!!)

Please give me more scientific advice about this, as the holistic part of the recovery is going fine. I'm still confused as to how my reward center can go back to normal...??  Is this possible or not??

Also, my head right now feels a little bit strange... I don't know, I suppose the best way to describe it is "numb". However, I have trouble distinguishing if this indeed "numbness" (due to masturbating for the first time in three months yesterday) or simply the calm effects of mediation.

Again, things are just so confusing regarding this subject right now.

I think you are combining a lot of worries into a big worry soup. The problem is not as complex as it must appear right now. The first problem for you is that you are so anxious about your sexual functioning, you are testing it out too much. That puts you at risk of relapsing, so it's dangerous. If you manage to do a full reboot and just leave sex off the agenda for, say, 6 months, there is an excellent chance that you would function just fine if you were in an erotic situation with a real woman. The purpose of the reboot is to restore your sexual response to a natural state. Nature dictates that as long as we are healthy, we will function sexually. You need to trust in millions of years of evolution - you will be ok as long as you leave your porn/masturbation/dopamine addiction behind. Your brain is probably still exhausted from the dopamine onslaught it was subjected to. Let it recalibrate.

The other thing is something another member said to you earlier: Being worried now about how you will function in the bedroom when you don't even have a girlfriend or even a date is like worrying about having a car accident when you haven't bought a car yet. It's just too soon. The idea behind getting intimate is to find a girl you really connect with, and feel comfortable with. That comfort will release this intolerable pressure you feel about sexual performance. When there is less riding on the first time, things can flow naturally. You can't take a "make or break" approach to this. I actually think there would be a lot of women who are happy to meet a guy who is new to sex and to introduce him to it. By definition, such a woman would not be expecting a Tour de Force from a first timer. So how about you do things in the following order:

- complete your porn reboot.
- give up masturbation and testing your penis - it will work when the time comes
- look to start dating, in a low key way, girls you really like on a personal level - don't date somebody just because you think you think somebody is "hot" and you want to "stick your penis into her" (something I think you said once). That's porn thinking. Get to know a girl properly and leave sex off the table for a while.
- wait until you reach a level of comfort and trust before taking things to the next level.
- try to be honest about your lack of experience and anxiety. If possible, even tell her about your previous porn addiction.

Some of these steps might seem impossible to accomplish right now, but try to work towards them. I'm convinced it is the pressure and anxiety you are building for yourself that is causing most of your problems - both physically and with regard to personal dealings with women. You just need to chip away at this problem and treat it as an exercise in learning and discovery. It's not too late for you. You have time. Take the time and do it right.

 

[DepressedAndOut]

Anyway, I wanted to post this following yeseterdays unepexted relapse to MO.

Upon waking up this morning, i tested my penis, and unfortunaley there is even less blood flow now!!

I mean come on, it was a MO relapse, the first in three months where I didn't masturbate once, and this happens!!

It just feels that I'm fighting a losing battle here. One relapse in few months and not only are you back to where you began, but the effects are even worse than before!

I just don't bloody understand this thing....??? If my problem is also masturbation? How on earth would this work out when having sex and my woman is giving me a hand job or something??

Seriously, I did really well to go through the three months hardmode from the middle of August until I relapsed yesterday, but it seems things are actually worse for me now!

Honestly, it feels like it might take me not 2 years to recover, but four years at least. (by then I will be two years away from the 40 year-old virgin!!)

Please give me more scientific advice about this, as the holistic part of the recovery is going fine. I'm still confused as to how my reward center can go back to normal...??  Is this possible or not??

Also, my head right now feels a little bit strange... I don't know, I suppose the best way to describe it is "numb". However, I have trouble distinguishing if this indeed "numbness" (due to masturbating for the first time in three months yesterday) or simply the calm effects of mediation.

Again, things are just so confusing regarding this subject right now.

I think you are combining a lot of worries into a big worry soup. The problem is not as complex as it must appear right now. The first problem for you is that you are so anxious about your sexual functioning, you are testing it out too much. That puts you at risk of relapsing, so it's dangerous. If you manage to do a full reboot and just leave sex off the agenda for, say, 6 months, there is an excellent chance that you would function just fine if you were in an erotic situation with a real woman. The purpose of the reboot is to restore your sexual response to a natural state. Nature dictates that as long as we are healthy, we will function sexually. You need to trust in millions of years of evolution - you will be ok as long as you leave your porn/masturbation/dopamine addiction behind. Your brain is probably still exhausted from the dopamine onslaught it was subjected to. Let it recalibrate.

The other thing is something another member said to you earlier: Being worried now about how you will function in the bedroom when you don't even have a girlfriend or even a date is like worrying about having a car accident when you haven't bought a car yet. It's just too soon. The idea behind getting intimate is to find a girl you really connect with, and feel comfortable with. That comfort will release this intolerable pressure you feel about sexual performance. When there is less riding on the first time, things can flow naturally. You can't take a "make or break" approach to this. I actually think there would be a lot of women who are happy to meet a guy who is new to sex and to introduce him to it. By definition, such a woman would not be expecting a Tour de Force from a first timer. So how about you do things in the following order:

- complete your porn reboot.
- give up masturbation and testing your penis - it will work when the time comes
- look to start dating, in a low key way, girls you really like on a personal level - don't date somebody just because you think you think somebody is "hot" and you want to "stick your penis into her" (something I think you said once). That's porn thinking. Get to know a girl properly and leave sex off the table for a while.
- wait until you reach a level of comfort and trust before taking things to the next level.
- try to be honest about your lack of experience and anxiety. If possible, even tell her about your previous porn addiction.

Some of these steps might seem impossible to accomplish right now, but try to work towards them. I'm convinced it is the pressure and anxiety you are building for yourself that is causing most of your problems - both physically and with regard to personal dealings with women. You just need to chip away at this problem and treat it as an exercise in learning and discovery. It's not too late for you. You have time. Take the time and do it right.

I think you are combining a lot of worries into a big worry soup. The problem is not as complex as it must appear right now. The first problem for you is that you are so anxious about your sexual functioning, you are testing it out too much. That puts you at risk of relapsing, so it's dangerous. If you manage to do a full reboot and just leave sex off the agenda for, say, 6 months, there is an excellent chance that you would function just fine if you were in an erotic situation with a real woman. The purpose of the reboot is to restore your sexual response to a natural state. Nature dictates that as long as we are healthy, we will function sexually. You need to trust in millions of years of evolution - you will be ok as long as you leave your porn/masturbation/dopamine addiction behind. Your brain is probably still exhausted from the dopamine onslaught it was subjected to. Let it recalibrate.

Thanks - I'm starting my second hardmode reboot following the relapse at the weekend. Feeling positive right now, which is, strangely, the same feeling after I had relapsed the last time. 

The other thing is something another member said to you earlier: Being worried now about how you will function in the bedroom when you don't even have a girlfriend or even a date is like worrying about having a car accident when you haven't bought a car yet. It's just too soon. The idea behind getting intimate is to find a girl you really connect with, and feel comfortable with. That comfort will release this intolerable pressure you feel about sexual performance. When there is less riding on the first time, things can flow naturally. You can't take a "make or break" approach to this. I actually think there would be a lot of women who are happy to meet a guy who is new to sex and to introduce him to it. By definition, such a woman would not be expecting a Tour de Force from a first timer. So how about you do things in the following order:

- complete your porn reboot.
- give up masturbation and testing your penis - it will work when the time comes
- look to start dating, in a low key way, girls you really like on a personal level - don't date somebody just because you think you think somebody is "hot" and you want to "stick your penis into her" (something I think you said once). That's porn thinking. Get to know a girl properly and leave sex off the table for a while.
- wait until you reach a level of comfort and trust before taking things to the next level.
- try to be honest about your lack of experience and anxiety. If possible, even tell her about your previous porn addiction.

Thanks. My next reboot challenge is definitely to avoid thinking about my penis. I've made strides in minimizing the fantasizing, so hopefully this part will not be so hard.

I regret saying I want to stick my D inside a woman - I realise that's not something that should be said about women. They're certainly more precious than that.

Some of these steps might seem impossible to accomplish right now, but try to work towards them. I'm convinced it is the pressure and anxiety you are building for yourself that is causing most of your problems - both physically and with regard to personal dealings with women. You just need to chip away at this problem and treat it as an exercise in learning and discovery. It's not too late for you. You have time. Take the time and do it right.

Thanks. But being at 34 and not experiencing women and love, kinda makes you panicky.

Thanks for your help.

 

[DepressedAndOut]

So yesterday I noticed that my penis is even smaller now! It's absoutley ridiculous!! I didn't even masturbate or anything!! HOW CAN THIS HAPPEN??

WHAT IS HAPPENING?? I'M SORRY, HOW CAN I KEEP POSITIVE WHEN THINGS LIKE THAT ARE HAPPENING??

Please explain to me why is this happening?

I'v even reduced all sexual fantasy thoughts to 0.01%!

I've even had a good few weeks mentally, rarely any downbeat thoughts.

But when you notice things like that.... I really can't help but feel sick about all of this.

Please help, what's happening to my penis? Is this the flatline??

Also, is my reward centre ever going to be the same....? As my feelings towards seeing a real life beautiful woman is just not there anymore. Even when they're close next to me. (I used to shake and go hot when I was younger and near a girl!! but not now!)

 

[Sailor87]

If you are worried and depressed, that can really kill your mojo, so for now I think you should try and forget your dick for a while, and try to focus on other aspects of your life.

Try and relax and dont worry so much. And dont blame yourself for anything, we happen to ourselves, we didnt design ourselves. Accept things as they are, and start from there.

If you cant get a paying job, get a volunteer job as other people here have suggested. Its important to get out, and just be in the moment. There is nothing more depressing than sitting for yourself and go over everything in your mind, that wont help, trust me.

 

[gazz]

Hey mate - it's absolutely the flatline - you'll come through this, it's temporary. People give up on rebooting because of all these withdrawals, but there's not really any choice but to start rebooting again at the end of the day. Your body/ brain wants you to go for that fix, telling you this shit situation is your life forever, but it isn't

As the sailor said, think about other aspects of life - which it sounds like you are. that's great. don't worry about the sex equipment. of course you're allowed to freak out now and again and have a moan on the forum because it's a shit situation and that's why we're here. but after the moan, remember why you're doing this, that the shit is temporary, and get focused again.

Also as sailor said - get volunteer work. it changes your routine, life, gets you out there, you make contacts, socialize, and it can even lead to real work. I know it's tough giving something for nothing, but we humans are designed to work, and when you get in a situation where you have less time to be in your own head, things will change. onward!

 

[DepressedAndOut]

Thanks guys.

I'm actually working, I'm just looking for another job so that I can relocate to London.

On Saturday morning I had a sudden mental breakdown. As I was getting on with my usual morning routine, thoughts about regrets of the past and its future implications (that's right, mainly about how I messed up my brain/cock and therefore future sex life!) were racing through my mind. As soon as I finished my chores, I suddenly and quite involuntarily started shouting and swearing to myself  and throw my chair around my room and hit my television into the wall! My family obviously then heard me doing this in my room and so were confused and panicy about why I was doing this.

Needless to say, in accordance of my relationship with my family for many year now, I refused to speak to them for one reason or another.

At least since then, I've calmed down. But really, every now and then I seem to go through this angry phase. (Which is no surprise since I've never had any personal source of affection in my life; someone that I can talk to if I'm bothered and someone to hug. Needless to say, someone to also release a bit of sexual tension with every now and then!)

 

[gazz]

ah right.

Not saying it was wrong to blow up - what happened happened mate.

I had similar bursts of madness. I never acted out like that, but the feeling I had was horrible, it felt unbearable and I could easily have thrown a chair. glad I don't seem to get them anymore. all the tools the forum talks about helps - meditation, exercise, rebooting... and this might sound woowoo, but focusing on the present moment helps. we freak out when we think of the big picture ('I'll always feel like this! where's my life going??') - so be in the now and things aren't so bad.

What helped me get out of the dark place was when I recognised when that despair was coming. I knew it was the worst feeling ever, so I knew I had to do whatever I had to do that would take me somewhere - anywhere - else.

All these things - meditation, exercise... can be done by yourself. On our journey we find out at some point that another person wont 'fix' us. There's nothing we can get from the outside that isn't already in us. Hey mate, I do get it, it would be great to have a partner and all that...

woowoo over and out

 

[DepressedAndOut]

Hello,

I was just reading few of my old posts on an ED forum in 2014 (this was the first place that I visited to seek help.).

Through reading one of the posts, I remembered, on an advice by one of the members there (STUPID DECISION!) to order and take some  L-DOPA to increase my dopamine levels. I ordered one of those: https://www.biovea.net/uk/product_detail.aspx?PID=3859&TI=GGLUKR&C=N&gclid=CjkKEQjw_tOdBRDv9tuvl7eAtNEBEiQA9Qm5IgR5jZuA_KWVrF_NbKsOVg08IaQY2_y6lQCnhjYnKkXw_wcB

I didn't notice any difference, but could it have played  a part of my dopamine over-production?

One thing that I noticed that was different, was the fact that I started taking to myself! (saying the odd word here and there audibly.) I'm not sure if this is related. (It since has gone away.)

But if anyone knows about the effects of L-DOPA, please let me know.

Thank you.

 

[DepressedAndOut]

The situation is still the same - no improvement whatsoever.

It seems that I may never heal - it feels like my brain doesn?t, any longer, have the natural sexual state to go back to as I?m a virgin and therefore never developed my natural sexual pathway.

I?ve been really feeling stressed, depressed, demoralised and suicidal over the past few days.

I?m 34 and still a virgin for sake sake!! Thirty fucking four!!! Fuck ooff my life !!! Fuck Off!!!!

 

[scorpion1386]

The situation is still the same - no improvement whatsoever.

It seems that I may never heal - it feels like my brain doesn?t, any longer, have the natural sexual state to go back to as I?m a virgin and therefore never developed my natural sexual pathway.

I?ve been really feeling stressed, depressed, demoralised and suicidal over the past few days.

I?m 34 and still a virgin for sake sake!! Thirty fucking four!!! Fuck ooff my life !!! Fuck Off!!!!

Have you been abstaining from PMO?

 

[malando]

I?m 34 and still a virgin for sake sake!! Thirty fucking four!!! Fuck ooff my life !!! Fuck Off!!!!

I get that you feel hopeless about this, I really do. But know this: if you do the reboot and recover properly, things can change in a hurry. I bet that if you got your PMO habit conquered, then went on a dating site and put it in your profile that you are virgin and looking to explore with somebody you connect with, you would get A LOT of interest! I mean, really lots of interest. A lot of women are treated badly by men who are just out to rack up the numbers with women and not looking for a relationship. Some would feel less endangered by somebody who is still virgin. The responsibility on your end though is that you really reboot properly and that you get rid of the crazy urges about women that porn has given you. You have to do this right and then make your move with dating somebody. The good thing about dating sites (the reputable ones, not the hookup sites) is that you can be honest about everything in your profile and only the women who are ok with what you say will contact you (or reply to your messages). It saves you from the prospect of being humiliated with every new person you meet. Man, 34 isn't that old. Just own it and there will be people who don't care about your lack of experience - or even prefer it.