Thank you ImOnMyWay for your kind words.
We are very early in our understanding of the human brain. We call it "porn addiction", but that is inaccurate. Porn is one button we push to feel....a dopamine rush, but a dopamine rush feels....really good. We like that. It is similar to the reaction we have when we sit down to our favorite meal, whatever your favorite meal is. We get that dopamine rush not just from eating it, but from anticipating eating it, and looking forward to eating it. An addict's brain lights up with a dopamine rush just by thinking about using. It does not wait to light up until the substance hits the brain, just anticipating using lights up an addict's brain.
In the future we will distinguish between the trigger that triggers the response, and the response that is addictive. It is important to understand that, while the trigger looks addictive, it is the response to the trigger that is, actually, addictive. While there are external super stimuli all around us, it is the response to the stimulation that is addictive.
For me, and every other person who thinks of themselves as a porn addict, porn was just the trigger; the dopamine response was what was addictive. This is a subtle, but incredibly important distinction that anyone here, struggling to quit, must accept, and understand.
The human brain has existed, in its current form, for millions of years. It did not change with the invention of High Speed Internet Porn. It is just that prior to the invention of HSIP, an addiction to HSIP was not possible. Porn addiction, the science behind it, and the science of recovery and/or becoming unaddicted is, in evolutionary terms, about a nanosecond old. One could say it was just invented. One could figuratively say we have just invented the wheel, but, we are still centuries away from inventing the Model T. If anyone tells you they are an expert in porn addiction, just remember, they are an expert in porn addiction the way Hippocrates was an expert in medicine and surgery, 2,400 years ago. For his time, probably; now they would not let him near a hospital. The study of the human brain, and neuroscience, has, in evolutionary terms, just been invented. Neuroscience is so new that even here, on this site, if you type it, the word is flagged as a misspelling.
All the addictions we suffer from were always, potentially, addictive, but until invented did not exist. The reason we did not become addicted, to various things, before, is because the vehicle, the trigger, for the addiction was not available to us. To be Mr. Obvious, addiction to High Speed Internet Porn was not available to us prior to the creation of HSIP. The addiction to cocaine was not available to us before the invention of cocaine. The addiction to heroin was not available to us before the invention of heroin. The addiction to alcohol was not available before the invention of alcohol. I could go on, but you get the idea.
When considering addictions, we, probably, ought to concede that addictions do not occur naturally. We invent them. Humans are really good at inventing their own addictions. Other creatures have a "natural instinct" to do things, and those things are good for themselves or for their species. So, take ants and bees. They are driven to certain behaviors that are good for the hive, for the species. I don't know if bees and ants actually "get up in the morning", but let's say they do. When they get up in the morning their first instinct is to do a thing, and often that thing is to gather something for the hive. "Gathering something for the hive" is rewarded with something similar to a dopamine rush. Nature has wired their brains to receive a reward for doing something that nature has figured out is good for the species. I don't choose the example of bees and ants randomly, because those species are, largely asexual. Most ants and most bees never reproduce, so, in those worker bees and those worker ants, there is not dopamine reward for sex, or thinking of it, or anticipating it. However, in the queens and the drones, there probably is, and if not thinking of sex, thinking of whatever events, in those species, causes reproduction.
Recently, we have developed, invented, technology that has allowed us to exploit it our dopamine reward system. We are clever monkeys, and we have figured out how to push certain buttons in our brains to get results we like, which we interpret as pleasure, as feeling good. Porn is one button, but it is not the only button.
Here is an article on "smart phone" addiction.
https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2018/02/12/584389201/smartphone-detox-how-to-power-down-in-a-wired-world
I am not addicted to my smart phone, and have no understanding how anyone could be. In that sense I am like a person who is not addicted to porn, and has no understanding of how anyone could be. But the mechanics of the addictions, both of which are arousal addictions, are quite similar.
Like every addiction we have ever invented, we are now learning to fight it. But, as opposed to say alcohol, we are studying the brain much, much more than before with technology induced arousal addictions, and that type of study is in its infancy, it is brand new. What we think we know today, will look simplistic a century from now. In a sense our understanding of technology induced arousal addictions are like open heart surgeries a century ago. Shout out to Daniel Hale Williams. Google it. We are the first generation to be exposed to this particular addiction, because we only just invented it. Later generations will build on what we have figured out, but what we have figured out will not be the bible of HSIP addiction, or its cure, but just a beginning of the understanding of both. Congratulations! You are a member of the first generation of porn addicts, which means you can be a member of the first generation who contributed to a cure. I know, I know, prevention beats the cure every time, but, let's face it, the genie is out of the bottle on this one.
OK, back to basics. If you are a newbie porn addict, you are not a newbie porn addict. You are porn induced dopamine addict. Welcome to humanity, because nothing more than being addicted proves you are human. You have pushed the porn button, a trigger, to get to what you really like, and what you are addicted to is a dopamine rush. Every human on the planet loves a dopamine rush. If they say they don't, they are lying. So, to overcome the addiction, you are going to have to quit pushing that button, or any of the many other buttons you can push, to get your dopamine high. This is not a lifetime condition, because life would not be worth living without a dopamine hit, from time to time, via reality. But you need to plan on, at least 90 days, the hard 90, and some say it takes them most of a year before they were through the withdrawals, the missing it, the wanting it, the craving it, the obsessing about it. In that time frame that means no porn, no porn substitutes, no MO, no PMO, no O, no sex, no porn memory, no porn fantasy, sexual fantasy--it means avoiding, as much as possible, everything that gives you what you really want and what you will really, really miss: a dopamine high. You have to retrain your brain, re-mold it, to learn to live without that high, which you have given yourself daily, for years.
First thing, Get Educated. Study the problem. Read everything. Understand as much as possible the brain science and brain mechanics of why you are addicted. This problem is 100% a brain problem, above the belt, and has absolutely nothing to do with sex, your sexuality, your sexual preferences, or your sexual orientation. It is all about what happens in the brain, so, study the brain.
Second, Get Tools. This is an extension of the first thing, but what it means is put things between you and your trigger. Porn blockers, distraction techniques. Understand, quitting the addiction is an exercise, a chore, it must be practiced daily, just the same way you used the addiction, daily. Man or woman, in the quitting phase, you must define yourself as a person quitting porn, quitting the addiction. Quitting must become your vocation, your religion, your purpose. It does not have to be that way forever, but in the reboot, it must be this way. It cannot be a joke, it must be what you are devoted to doing. Also, get outside of yourself and reengage with people. Get social, which sucks for you because porn requires no bargaining, but people do. This is a skill, being with people, that you have to acquire or re-aquire when quitting porn. A big part of disengaging with porn is re-engaging with life. The successful quitters do not quit passively, they get out in the world and quit aggressively. Get aggressive. Go find someone to help. Get out of your shell. How do we help ourselves? We help ourselves by helping others. In the reboot, it is important to help yourself.
Third, you are going to have to deal with withdrawals. When I quit, I felt like I was dying every day. I told myself that if feeling like I was dying every day, for the rest of my life, was what it took to get free, then I would feel like I was dying everyday for the rest of my life. I hope it is not that bad for you, but I promise you, if you are addicted, and you are serious about getting clean, you will have days when you feel like you are dying. Eventually, it goes away and you don't feel bad, and you start to feel good again. Promise. Someone I knew said you have to learn to love withdrawals. Others call it getting comfortable with discomfort. Quitting hurts A LOT. Don't run from the pain or try to avoid it. When you feel ten kinds of horrible, and you will, know that is your brain rewiring. That is your brain complaining you have not given it the dopamine hit it wants, the dopamine hit you have given it, daily, for years. Feeling that is good, because it is a sign of your recovery; it means you are not feeding your dopamine monster. You won't feel horrible forever, most say 3-4 months, off and on, with it getting a lot better closer to the end. And then, one day, you will wake up, and the thought of accessing porn and pulling that trigger just will not occur to you.
OK. Go!
Will I AM.
