Hello Gentlemen. Now we begin.


Well-Known Member

I concur with William and Vispren.

And there might be many more behaviours that give you the dopamine kick.

You know them. I am sure you know them. And you most certainly be hesitant to acknowledge them. But just think about what do you do when:

- you get out on a busy street and an eye-catching woman crosses your path, how do you react?

- you spot information or some news on the Internet that you want to open - what is the link/news/information about?

In fact, any time you do anything even vaguely connected with women/their appearances/images/fetishes you will feel this arousal, this "feel good" kick. An insatiable one - a one that leaves you wanting more.

This is addiction.

You need to cut that out.

As William wrote in this thread (some post earlier) apparently after some time of sincere rebooting (1) cravings for dopamine kicks decrease, (2) what was intensively triggering (and you know exactly what it is) stops being that triggering.

So there is hope. But this is a really difficult addiction and will do its best to make you think that you are doing all you can when you are not.


Well-Known Member
William said:
Having been here for a long time I see a lot of us sharing common traits.  For one, most of us are above average IQ and we are very creative, even artistic.  We have the ability to almost turn imagination into reality.  That is one of the reason we become dopamine addicted, we can look at pixels on a screen, or even just use our imagination, and that thought, that perception, almost becomes real for us.  There are people in this world who watch pornography and do not become addicted to it; it does not affect them at all.  Believe it or not it takes a special sort of mind to have our problem, and that has a lot to do with creativity and heightened imagination ability.  I think it also has to do with a higher than average IQ.  I don't see a lot of stupid people here.  I see a lot of very smart people doing stupid things, but that's different, that is the addiction.

I think all of us are a bit OCD.  We have short attention spans.  It is not that we do not find anything interesting, just the opposite, we find EVERYTHING interesting.  It is hard for any one thing to hold our attention, which is part of the problem when endless, novel, new, never-seen-before-porn provides an endless dopamine rush.  We like that rush. 

That is why most of us here are also risk-takers.  Out in the real world, a lot of us take risks.  We jump out of airplanes and parachute to Earth, we climb sheer rock walls, we push our machines way too hard.  Me?  Motorcycles.  I have had many wrecks trying to push the machines way outside their design specs.  If the bike comes with instructions "do not", then I probably have tried to do it.  I have seen, literally seen, people die on bikes doing what I was attempting to do, or, after I saw them die, what I then tried to do myself.  I have had multiple crashes pushing the machines way out beyond what they were supposed to do, I have broken my arm and leg in two separate crashes, drove a piece of metal through my leg.  Did I feel pain?  Yeah, but the truth is it got me high, and amused the fuck out of me.  When my friends pulled the metal out and one passed out, it was amusing.  When I had to get back on the bike and ride it away from there, it was amusing.  Why do I tell you this?  I tell you this because that feeling of being amused was just dopamine abuse.  I did not know it at the time, but it was.  Here is a great article on risk takers and dopamine.


You need to study the problem we have.  Like Gabe says, "read everything".  Understand what is going on in there.  It won't cure the problem, but it makes taking the cure possible.

God bless you, William.

This is a brilliant summary of the feats of character of a dopamine addict. Spot on.


Thank everyone for the kind words.  Kind words are nice. 

Will I AM.  Broadcasting from free.  I wish I had something profound to say but...not so much.  The thing is, I have been free long enough that the addiction is not in my face anymore, it does not affect me much at all, it is not constantly tapping me on the shoulder, and if it does I tell it to fuck off.  I would say it does not affect me at all.  I don't have those feeling that I must watch porn.  If you are in the middle of withdrawal, you know what I mean...when you get to day three and just don't think you can not watch it.  I was there, probably a hundred times before I got clean.  Dopamine is a great ride.  I loved it.  I just finally reached the point where I decided I was not going to be a slave to it, serve it, for the rest of my life.  Now I am totally clean.  I don't withdrawal.  If I have cravings, I control them, they do not control me.  You CAN get here, but the truth is, at this point in quitting porn addiction, it is behind me.  I am clean.

If I say anything to any one out there, who is in this place, struggling with this problem, I just want you to know, you can get it back.  It won't be easy, if you are addicted, it WILL be difficult.  Difficult is doable.  Clean is doable.  Truth is, not much in this life is really worth it if it is not difficult.  Easy is boring.  That is a fact you and I have to live with for the rest of our lives.  Easy bores the fuck out of us.  That is who we are.  Quit porn, choose life.  If you are addicted to porn it is probably because you are more alive than the rest.  It's a weakness.  Most of us here we...feel more than the rest.  It's a weakness, it is a strength, don't let dopamine addiction hijack it.  Choose life. Choose life.  Choose life.  Step to this side of clean.  It' an invitation. 


Carry on.

William, and all that that implies.



Active Member
William, I have just discovered this thread.

I have a lot of reading to do to catch up, and what I've read so far is so insightful. Much appreciation for sharing your time, insight and wisdom.   
Thanks for the honest feedback guys. You have made me realise that there are a few other things I need to cut out.
Yes, 110 days without P and MB is a great achievement for me, but I also need to try and flush out:
- P scenes in my head
- Clicking on articles which feature mainstream singers/actresses looking very hot
- Indulging in a certain fetish in my marital relations
This is proving to be a very long process for me but I guess that is no surprise when considering that I have been hooked for approx. 18 years!
The voice in my head says "Rome wasn't built in a day my friend - no harm in still dipping a toe in certain waters" - I have to block that voice and take my approach to an even stricter level.


@ Workman, I want to see you get to this side of clean.

@ rider654321, there is a way out.

@ Peace, porn is not really porn.  I mean, it is, but it is a button we push to get a dopamine rush.  Ideally, we rewire to push sex to get a dopamine rush.  There are all kinds of buttona out there; it is challenging not to push them.  You are right, Rome was not built in a day.  Fixing this takes time, but think of it as a temporary time in your life where you are fixing it, so that the rest of your life can be clean.  18 years was not fixed in a day, but 18 years can be fixed. 

Lastly, Gabe Deem, you have more guts than a blue whale.  Thank you for giving us guidance and being brave enough to put a face on it.  You are an inspiration.  This is Gabe's latest video.


In my opinion this the second most important video created dealing with porn addiction behind the Gary Wilson video.  If you are reading this, you need to watch it, and then watch it again. 

Keep going, porn is not an option. 

Will I AM. 


Will I AM, broadcasting to the confused, to the enslaved, to the guy who desperately wants to quit but does not think he can, to the guy for whom the concept of "quitting" is completely alien, to those struggling, to those on the beginning of the journey of killing the porn monster they have inadvertently allowed in their head, to those who do not think they can kill it, who are terrified it cannot be killed and on some level are terrified it can.  I am here to tell you it can be killed.  I am here to tell you it must be.  That is why I post here.  If you are one of those guys, just know, I used to be where you are.  Me?  Nobody special, just a guy who used to be addicted, who got free, and is never, NEVER, going back.  I will never relapse.  The reason I will never relapse...is because I refuse to.

The first thing is, if you are a nube, you need to get smart.  If you are a nube you probably have a high IQ, but you probably are not smart.  Yes, I just said that.  I don't post here to cuddle anyone or tell anyone it is going to be easy.  It won't be.  You think you have a porn problem, but porn is just a symptom of the problem.  You have a dopamine problem.  Porn is just a button you push to get it.  I use the word "drug" in describing dopamine, but it is probably more correctly described as a neurological reaction to the concept of...sex.  Dopamine abuse happens in the brain, in response to hypersexualized thoughts, and nothing causes hypersexualized thoughts like porn.  Porn is like sex on steroids to that part of our brain that is programmed to reward sexual thoughts.  There is a guy who has studied our problem.  His name is Gary Wilson.  This is his video.  It takes about 15 minutes.  It is the most important video about porn addiction ever made, in my opinion.  Watch it.


Next, get tools.  Don't do this totally on will power alone, get some assistance.  Install porn blockers.  K9 is the best.  If you are stuck in the over-and-over use of porn and want to quit it, make it difficult to access, put obstacles, barriers, walls and locked doors between you and porn.  This is a link to K9.  I used it for a while in my reboot, and it was helpful. 


Last, embrace the pain of withdrawals, the most horrible I-am-dying-this-totally-fucking-sucks-I-can't-do-this-I-hate-this feeling you will ever have, if you are lucky.  I jokingly say, since going through withdrawals I know they can never break me under torture.  You want to what with that red hot poker?  Fuck you, go ahead, I went through porn addiction withdrawals Mthr Fkr.  After years, and for some of us, decades, of abusing our brain's reward center, when we turn off the dopamine spout, that center becomes....the punishment center.  Do you remember how good porn felt in the beginning?  Well, put that in the negative, take it times 10, figure that lasting at least 90 days, and wallah! you have porn addiction withdrawals.  Don't try and avoid it, don't try and out think it, don't try and come up with something to substitute for the feeling porn gives you (there is nothing that is like that), accept it, deal with it, sweat and shake and have sleepless nights because of it, but embrace it, because if you are addicted, you cannot get from where you are to where I, and the others who are free are, without going through it.  Period.  It is the price you have to pay, so plan on paying it.

If this sounds harsh, you are getting the idea. You did not get addicted to porn overnight, it took years, if you want to get clean you need on planning on the "hard 90."  It will hurt.  You will miss it.  It will reason with you, beg you, threaten you, blackmail you, lie to you, tell you you are better with it, tell you you suck without it, it will physically, mentally, and emotionally cause you pain.  But if you want to get to free, you have to take that.  Remember, though it feels like dying, it is a limited period of time in your life where you suffer in order to be free from the addiction, and on this side of free, you will not suffer.  At some point in the hard 90 you are going to call me a liar, but I promise you, the withdrawals end.

If there is any guy out there who picks up this transmission, I just want you to know you can make it.  It can be done.  I have done it.  Gabe has done it, many others here have done it. 

Good luck on your journey.

I wish you peace.

Will I AM. 
Thank you William.  Your wisdom is always spot on and appreciated.  Your messages lit the path for me.  They enlightened me to understand where I was, how I got there, and how to get out. You taught me to embrace the urges and pain as milestones in my road to freedom.  You showed me this was a chemical addiction, not a porn addiction.  It's easy to hate a drug addiction.  Much easier to hate than images of naked women.  I learned to hate it.  I learned it was controlling me and I was not controlling it.  I learned it could not be controlled but must be expunged.  It was not easy.  It hurt at times. Both physically and mentally. In the early days my mind was so clouded with dopamine, I couldn't really understand where I was so I had to walk and follow with blind faith.  I knew I had to change and anything was better than doing nothing.  Around day 30 the fog started lifting.  I became aware of just how much my life was controlled by a dopamine addicted brain. I realized just how F'ed up I had allowed my life to become.  That was an important day.  That's the day I decided to take my life back.  Parts of my brain fought it.  Withdrawal sucks and the battles within your own head are vicious and tormenting. It was not easy!  Some days it was very very hard.  Around day 90 there is a real reset.  I was not hypersexualized anymore.  I was not controlled 24/7 by a desire for "release".  I could take charge of my life.  The war was not over, but the outcome was assured.  My war is still not over.  I am at day 195 today.  Most of my effort now is in healing.  Healing those who I hurt (wife, family) and healing myself.  I still have urges.  I still have memories of all my past splurges and acting out.  You cannot erase these, you can only bury them with new, better, more healthy thoughts and memories.  I can never undo my past.  I can always create my future. That is, as long as I am in control and not the dopamine loving part of my brain. 

That part of me has its place. sex with my wife has never....never been better.  At climax, I'm sure my dopamine level skyrockets.  But is skyrockets from a baseline that is low, so the lift is so much farther and so much better.  And after an appropriate afterglow in each other's arms, it settle back to a normal low level and I take back control of my life.

Thank you for leading the way William.  I hope my story above shows you the deep gratitude I have for your help.  I hope others here see the wisdom and walk the path.  Life is so much better now.

Another thing to throw out there which I think some of us may struggle with.
I am referring to this horrible mindset which infects some of us:
"I miss looking at perfect bodies. The body of my wife/partner just doesn't match up - why should I settle for less?"
This thought process can be one of the most destructive ones when giving up P and was wondering how you all approach it.


@ EverettSmith14, I am humbled by your words.  If I have helped in the slightest way, I am grateful and happy about it.

@ Pacem, we love looking at those things because, and only because, they give us a dopamine high.  We, and by we, I mean porn addicts, don't love looking at perfect bodies, that is what it seems to be, that is what it looks like, but that is not it;  perfect bodies are just a button we push to get what we really love, a dopamine rush.  It may be the best feeling in the world.  That's why we become addicted.  Our partners, while we love them, can never match the dopamine high that endless porn can.  On the other hand, like EverettSmith says, once you rewire, it is...great.  A porn addict will never get as high on real sex as porn, but it can still be wonderful.  Sooo... pick super high on porn v. wonderful with someone you love.  It is a choice.

There is only one way to quit porn addiction, aka dopamine addiction, and that is to quit porn.  I promise any guy out there reading, if you quit it, there WILL be times when you miss it, when you miss the anxiety going away because of it, but if you quit it, there will be days and weeks and months when it does not occur to you at all.  Oh, yeah, and you will be able to have sex, which is a thumbs up. 

Choose life. 

Will I AM. 


Well-Known Member
Brilliant stuff, Everett. Thanks for sharing here.

In the vein of the discussion - William, have you been in a relationship already when you were acting out as an addict? How did you relationship and your perception of your significant other change during and after reboot?

I am noticing a total change of attitude towards my wife. It is so much better to be with her now. That did not yet fully transpire into sex, though. Still, after O's with my wife I do feel flatline, which is not nice.

What is your take on that?

Keeping fingers crossed for all of you guys.


Hi Jkkk, when it comes to dopamine, I think it helps to understand that dopamine is in response to hypersexualized thoughts, and that is what porn causes, and that in turn causes a dopamine high. 

Yes, I have been in a relationship during the addiction, and it hurts the relationship, because porn is easy, the relationship involves actually interacting with a living, breathing, often wonderful and often difficult person.

Porn is the opposite of life.  Life is a challenge.

Being alive is so much wonderful than being dead.  Porn is being dead. 

Certainly life hurts more, and it feels way better.

Porn is the easy out.

Choose life.  Get in the ring, throw some punches. 

Will I AM.   


Hi rider, thank you.  Posting here, and responding to posts helps keep me clean.  I don't struggle with it much any more, I am rewired to reality now, but I like to think something I have said here helped someone.  That is the main reason I post here. 



I have always liked the older poets, the dead poets, though I think Waits is still alive.  "You can't beat death, but you can beat death in life."  Most of us were not born when that was written.  I like it.  I am sending it out as a prayer to anyone reading this.  Friends, beat death in life.  Kill the addiction. You cannot dance with it, you cannot have a friendly conversation with it, it has to go.  Period.  Don't die alive.  Come to this side of clean. 


Will I AM. 



Gracie just posted this.  It is important.  Read it.

I keep seeing men tell women it is not about us.  I sat and thought about that statement.  It seems it is meant to get us on some kind of road to recovery.  Such a simple statement.

And yet here is the conundrum, porn is not about us, BUT  Once our husband gets into porn he talks to us less, he complements us less, he makes comments about our appearance, he goes to bed at a different time, he doesn't talk to the kids, we don't just have fun anymore, we don't have those spontaneous fun sex moments anymore, we see him ogling other women, he doesn't hug us often, kisses even less, is secretive, is furtive, is grumpy.  How can we not feel it is us?

He does not want to be around us anymore.  When we ask what is wrong, we are told NOTHING.  But we feel everything is wrong.  Then all of a sudden BAM.  I'm sorry honey its porn.  I have been MOing to all these young goregeous girls the whole time I have been ignoring you and our entire life.  But hey its not you.  Just forgive me it is an addiction.  Suck it up, quit crying and I will stop.  Oh yeah, that makes us feel good.

It does not.  It makes us feel like shit.  It takes a long time to get past that.  And in order to work through it, and wrap our brain around the lies, we have huge pain.  I wish I could describe the physical knife stabbing pain that was there in the beginning, the heart palpitations, the shallow breathing, the hypervigilence, the sense of loss, the feeling of no direction and the feeling of being so alone that we feel.

It can be worked through but only together and with each partner validating what is being said.  But I can tell you, I will never be the same.  There is a scarred wound from the hurt that came into our marriage.  And it can only heal from the inside out.  Porn significantly harms the marriage attachment.


Staff member
Thank you for understanding that I am talking about feelings.  I want men to understand what goes into those feelings.  I want them to see how much they change in their relationship.  I understand it is not about gorgeous, but to us it feels it is.  I want them to understand the raw emotion that washes over us.  The emotion is not something we seek out, it just happens.  Our husband is our primary attachment. 

Again thank you for understanding the point of the post.


Gracie, thank you.

Well.  We are nearing the end of our time together.  Gabe is a hero.  Gary is a hero.  I am just a guy who beat the addiction.  Second hardest thing behind giving myself CPR.  OK, I never gave myself CPR.  I made that up.  That is a joke.  Guys don't really give themselves CPR.  This was never a life sentence.  It never had to be.  It does not HAVE to be.  If you are at the beginning, you think it is, but it is not.  If you are going to fight the addiction, you have to fight it; it will not be easy, you will have to fight, then you take your hits, then you throw your punches, then you take the punches, and you take them again, until you understand that beating this is not about throwing punches, it is about taking them, over and over and over again.

Quitting porn takes a passion that a guy who quit porn simply does not have.  I am just a guy now, I am not a guy quitting porn. You guys are. It is behind me now.  I am balanced.

Radio Will I AM sending out a broadcast to the addicted, to the nubes, to those who want to quit but do not think they can...YOU CAN.  I need some of you to step up.  It it time to quit learning, it is time you started teaching.  I won't be here forever, I won't be here for long.  I have things to do.

Just a bit more.


Destroy the middle, it is a waste of time.  If your parents ask, tell them uncle Will said it is OK.  Push it.  That is the only way to live life.  LIVE IT. 

Free is...wonderful.  Free is dangerous.  Free is do whatever you want without ever hurting anyone.  I invite you to free.