Joyful journal
- Thread starter kopp
- Start date
Day 13
Excellent workout again yesterday.
Cooking for 12 was a success, everyone enjoyed my dish (chicken curry).
I played a lot, was outside a lot.
I'm more tired than usual but still with an excellent mood.
Today I'll simply be focused on work. I enjoy my new job a lot, the team is so cool!
Excellent workout again yesterday.
Cooking for 12 was a success, everyone enjoyed my dish (chicken curry).
I played a lot, was outside a lot.
I'm more tired than usual but still with an excellent mood.
Today I'll simply be focused on work. I enjoy my new job a lot, the team is so cool!
Day 14
No workout yesterday.
I'm feeling bored, I lack motivation to stretch and meditate. Maybe it's the dopamine receptors going back to healthier levels which is good news.
I'll stretch and meditate anyway. I'll workout tonight. I'll focus on work today.
Keep fighting guys, I love the genius energy of this place
No workout yesterday.
I'm feeling bored, I lack motivation to stretch and meditate. Maybe it's the dopamine receptors going back to healthier levels which is good news.
I'll stretch and meditate anyway. I'll workout tonight. I'll focus on work today.
Keep fighting guys, I love the genius energy of this place
Haha I can still hear Shia shouting JUST! DO IT! in my head
Sanders the book "The Magic of Thinking Big" has played a huge role in me having a better mindset and mood, I strongly recommend it
I didn't stretch nor meditate yesterday. I know why, I know the pattern: I started using my computer far too early in the morning. (first thing in the morning, before doing my daily habits).
I still had a good day of work (kind of) and an excellent workout. I also invested in stock market and my girlfriend found a new job!
Day 15
I changed that today. I did all my daily habits before starting the computer. That's much better.
I'm proud of being at day 15, I previously had numerous relapses after 5 to 10 days. I had morning woods those last days which is something I'm not so used to.
I wake up less enthusiast nowadays but it comes back later in the day. There's been no sun for the past 3 days, I haven't been out much, that could be one reason.
I'll take a 5 minutes cold shower and I'm pretty sure all my energy is going to get back!
Stay strong guys!!
Sanders the book "The Magic of Thinking Big" has played a huge role in me having a better mindset and mood, I strongly recommend it
I didn't stretch nor meditate yesterday. I know why, I know the pattern: I started using my computer far too early in the morning. (first thing in the morning, before doing my daily habits).
I still had a good day of work (kind of) and an excellent workout. I also invested in stock market and my girlfriend found a new job!
Day 15
I changed that today. I did all my daily habits before starting the computer. That's much better.
I'm proud of being at day 15, I previously had numerous relapses after 5 to 10 days. I had morning woods those last days which is something I'm not so used to.
I wake up less enthusiast nowadays but it comes back later in the day. There's been no sun for the past 3 days, I haven't been out much, that could be one reason.
I'll take a 5 minutes cold shower and I'm pretty sure all my energy is going to get back!
Stay strong guys!!
Chris Oz
Well-Known Member
Hey I'm really happy things are going well for you Kopp, I think to a great extent books also have Influenced me and is still influencing me.
Im also happy your girlfriend got a new job, you invested in the stock market and your days are getting easier to handle.
I might start looking ahead to restarting my exercise routines too.
Keep pushing back!
Im also happy your girlfriend got a new job, you invested in the stock market and your days are getting easier to handle.
I might start looking ahead to restarting my exercise routines too.
Keep pushing back!
smitdum said:
You guys make it so worthy to be there!
Chris yes exercise man and tell us about it!
Day 16
Ok so yesterday night I got kinda depressed. All it took was spending 2 hours on twitter instead of spending time with my girlfriend.
Social Medias are so negative and depressing recently. I blocked twitter from my computer again. I'll have to find a solution to block it on my phone also as Block Site (app) is no longer working on my phone.
I woke up lacking energy and feeling lazy. I went for a 40 minutes walk and I feel much better.
I'm craving dopamine since a few days now - less willpower to do what matters and more cravings for bad stuff. No cravings for P though which is a victory. I notice that I struggle more with screen & internet addiction than with porn now (for years it was both screens + videogames AND porn)
I'll be extra careful from now on. I'll repeat my rules:
No screen before 8am (it was previously 9 but I start work at 9 and I enjoy writing here in the morning)
No screen after 5.30pm
Computer is for work only. Phone is for socializing only + music during workouts. No entertainment.
Reminders:
Inactivity leads to a depressive boredom.
It doesn?t matter what you enjoy. It matters what?s good for you.
Internet changes our brains.
The more I use my computer and phone, the less happy I am.
The less I use my computer and phone. The happier I am.
The more I do activities that don't involve screens, the happier I am.
I meditated less those last days, I want to go back to 20 minutes of meditation or even more (the longer I did was around 25 minutes, I'd like to be able to do 30, even 60!)
See you tomorrow guys!
Day 17
The day started great. I set my alarm to 15 minutes earlier than usual. Woke up early, energized. No more brain fog nor negative thoughts. High energy, decent willpower and drive. Morning wood.
I respected my rule to not touch the computer before 8.
I went out for a walk with my girlfriend and it was marvelous. It was like I had new eyes or saw colors for the first time. Everything was beautiful. The sun, the clouds, the mountains, the fields, the trees and their fruits... It was beautiful.
And then she fucked up everything. We had a 40 minutes walk. I listened to her and attracted her attention to positive things for 35 minutes because she was feeling bad due to difficulties with her main group of friends.
And then she went into stupid crazy mode. I told her she had some responsibilities in what happened and she simply told me she didn't want to talk to me anymore and walked away. Fuck that. I'm tired of that shitty attitude. It happens far too much: criticize legitimately a bit of her behavior and she'll take it as a personal insult and amplify it 10 times, talk about everything she did wrong in her life and fuck everything up.
She simply had a problem with her friends and then she ruined both meals with her family and I yesterday and this morning she was suicidal and wanted to leave me and then she fucked up our walk. I'm so done with her attitude.
I have so much energy. I'll workout like a beast tonight. I'll have an incredible day I'm sure. I hope you're all doing great!
The day started great. I set my alarm to 15 minutes earlier than usual. Woke up early, energized. No more brain fog nor negative thoughts. High energy, decent willpower and drive. Morning wood.
I respected my rule to not touch the computer before 8.
I went out for a walk with my girlfriend and it was marvelous. It was like I had new eyes or saw colors for the first time. Everything was beautiful. The sun, the clouds, the mountains, the fields, the trees and their fruits... It was beautiful.
And then she fucked up everything. We had a 40 minutes walk. I listened to her and attracted her attention to positive things for 35 minutes because she was feeling bad due to difficulties with her main group of friends.
And then she went into stupid crazy mode. I told her she had some responsibilities in what happened and she simply told me she didn't want to talk to me anymore and walked away. Fuck that. I'm tired of that shitty attitude. It happens far too much: criticize legitimately a bit of her behavior and she'll take it as a personal insult and amplify it 10 times, talk about everything she did wrong in her life and fuck everything up.
She simply had a problem with her friends and then she ruined both meals with her family and I yesterday and this morning she was suicidal and wanted to leave me and then she fucked up our walk. I'm so done with her attitude.
I have so much energy. I'll workout like a beast tonight. I'll have an incredible day I'm sure. I hope you're all doing great!
Day 18
Very good work out yesterday, I'm more and more athletic everyday.
The situation with my girlfriend got better, her friends ended admitting they were wrong, she got support, she told me she was sorry.
We had sex twice yesterday. This morning we cooked a meal together. We plan to bike and then workout this morning.
I woke up early, energized and happy - happier than the last days.
I also want to reevaluate some part of my life: my current habits, my plans for the next months.
I'm doing great.
Very good work out yesterday, I'm more and more athletic everyday.
The situation with my girlfriend got better, her friends ended admitting they were wrong, she got support, she told me she was sorry.
We had sex twice yesterday. This morning we cooked a meal together. We plan to bike and then workout this morning.
I woke up early, energized and happy - happier than the last days.
I also want to reevaluate some part of my life: my current habits, my plans for the next months.
I'm doing great.
Day 20 !!
Thank you Chris
Yesterday I had a good arms workout, my biceps feel bigger today! I bought a new, well fitting shirt, spent time with my girlfriend and her best friend.
I had sex this morning.
Then I went for a walk with my girlfriend and her mother - 1 hour of walk under the sun.
I'll workout the legs later this morning.
My motivation to do productive things is so so, I haven't been as hardworking as usual regarding my daily habits (I kept working out - I didn't meditate & stretch and other tiny habits and I stopped writing in the evening).
I need to reevaluate my habits, I'd like to add one to be more social (like contacting 1 friend everyday) and one to work on a video course.
My will to live is high and my mood is excellent though.
Sex is always like that: I feel good but lazy in the sense that I spent some precious energy. I think that after sex the body feels like he accomplished something huge and there's no need to "hustle" anymore. I'm fine with doing physical stuff (working out, biking...) but lazy to do what requires being focused.
Thank you Chris
Yesterday I had a good arms workout, my biceps feel bigger today! I bought a new, well fitting shirt, spent time with my girlfriend and her best friend.
I had sex this morning.
Then I went for a walk with my girlfriend and her mother - 1 hour of walk under the sun.
I'll workout the legs later this morning.
My motivation to do productive things is so so, I haven't been as hardworking as usual regarding my daily habits (I kept working out - I didn't meditate & stretch and other tiny habits and I stopped writing in the evening).
I need to reevaluate my habits, I'd like to add one to be more social (like contacting 1 friend everyday) and one to work on a video course.
My will to live is high and my mood is excellent though.
Sex is always like that: I feel good but lazy in the sense that I spent some precious energy. I think that after sex the body feels like he accomplished something huge and there's no need to "hustle" anymore. I'm fine with doing physical stuff (working out, biking...) but lazy to do what requires being focused.
Day 21
I'm back at my place, alone. I had urges yesterday night and this morning. Loneliness is my #1 trigger it seems.
I anticipated by making sure my blocking sites app was working on my phone.
I let the urges pass. I'm doing fine.
I had a good legs workout yesterday, shorter than usual because I had less strength this time.
I had a one hour walk, I spent time playing outside...
Today I'm going back to work. It feels fine, I like my new colleagues and I've been working well last week.
I'll meet with my brother either tonight or tomorrow.
I've completed all my morning habits this morning
I'm back at my place, alone. I had urges yesterday night and this morning. Loneliness is my #1 trigger it seems.
I anticipated by making sure my blocking sites app was working on my phone.
I let the urges pass. I'm doing fine.
I had a good legs workout yesterday, shorter than usual because I had less strength this time.
I had a one hour walk, I spent time playing outside...
Today I'm going back to work. It feels fine, I like my new colleagues and I've been working well last week.
I'll meet with my brother either tonight or tomorrow.
I've completed all my morning habits this morning
Day 1
Yesterday was a good day: I worked well, I've seen new colleagues, we had a drink together and then I went playing volleyball with friends in a park.
I relapsed this morning.
Triggers were:
- seeing sexy girls in the park. Seriously there were a lot of girls walking dogs, doing fitness or running in fitted clothes...
- waking up alone, tired, feeling lonely.
- realizing my blocking app was not working: I immediately thought "ok let's profit from it, let's look at stuff just for a minute"
As soon as I woke up I started fantasizing and edging without a screen.
I then lied to myself, telling myself I'd just send a message to my girlfriend. Very bad idea. This lead me to use my phone, noticing the blocking app wasn't behaving normally and that I could profit from it. I told myself "just have a quick look" and then I was trapped... I wanted more and more and more.
Thoughts:
You have the choice between approaching women (hard, risky, takes a long time before you have sex) or PMO (easy, fast, unlimited experiences, never rejects you). I understand why P is so attractive.
Of course approaching women is the right choice: it teaches you courage and a lot more, it leads to no longer being "needy", it forces you to better yourself, you develop real relationships...
But what to do in my case? I have a girlfriend that I love, I'm just away from her for a few days.
Seeing all those beautiful women somehow hurts me every time. I feel frustrated. I had a few girlfriends but I've never been the kind of guy that attracts a lot of women. It hurts my self confidence. I don't know who to talk to about this. I have a beautiful girlfriend, why isn't it enough? Why do I feel like I'm not attractive and not existing to women in general?
Every time I see a beautiful girl I wonder if she's attracted to me - if I'm attracting to her. And I never know. And I feel bad for not knowing.
I feel beautiful when I'm alone in front of my mirror. I feel non-existing around girls.
I never experience this when I'm living far from the city and I see very few people. As soon as I go back to the big city... boom. So many beautiful girls in every kind of shape, style, skin color...
I'm experiencing chaser effect right now.
Conclusion:
"Messaging my girlfriend" is not an exception to my "no screen before 8" rule. It's just a trap, a lie I tell myself.
Loneliness is nothing. PMOing won't help - it just gives a temporary, poor quality relief before making the loneliness worse.
All I had to do was to go out of the bed. That's it.
I'm sad about my counter.
I'm happy about my life.
Yesterday was a good day: I worked well, I've seen new colleagues, we had a drink together and then I went playing volleyball with friends in a park.
I relapsed this morning.
Triggers were:
- seeing sexy girls in the park. Seriously there were a lot of girls walking dogs, doing fitness or running in fitted clothes...
- waking up alone, tired, feeling lonely.
- realizing my blocking app was not working: I immediately thought "ok let's profit from it, let's look at stuff just for a minute"
As soon as I woke up I started fantasizing and edging without a screen.
I then lied to myself, telling myself I'd just send a message to my girlfriend. Very bad idea. This lead me to use my phone, noticing the blocking app wasn't behaving normally and that I could profit from it. I told myself "just have a quick look" and then I was trapped... I wanted more and more and more.
Thoughts:
You have the choice between approaching women (hard, risky, takes a long time before you have sex) or PMO (easy, fast, unlimited experiences, never rejects you). I understand why P is so attractive.
Of course approaching women is the right choice: it teaches you courage and a lot more, it leads to no longer being "needy", it forces you to better yourself, you develop real relationships...
But what to do in my case? I have a girlfriend that I love, I'm just away from her for a few days.
Seeing all those beautiful women somehow hurts me every time. I feel frustrated. I had a few girlfriends but I've never been the kind of guy that attracts a lot of women. It hurts my self confidence. I don't know who to talk to about this. I have a beautiful girlfriend, why isn't it enough? Why do I feel like I'm not attractive and not existing to women in general?
Every time I see a beautiful girl I wonder if she's attracted to me - if I'm attracting to her. And I never know. And I feel bad for not knowing.
I feel beautiful when I'm alone in front of my mirror. I feel non-existing around girls.
I never experience this when I'm living far from the city and I see very few people. As soon as I go back to the big city... boom. So many beautiful girls in every kind of shape, style, skin color...
I'm experiencing chaser effect right now.
Conclusion:
"Messaging my girlfriend" is not an exception to my "no screen before 8" rule. It's just a trap, a lie I tell myself.
Loneliness is nothing. PMOing won't help - it just gives a temporary, poor quality relief before making the loneliness worse.
All I had to do was to go out of the bed. That's it.
I'm sad about my counter.
I'm happy about my life.
Chris Oz
Well-Known Member
I'm sorry about the ralpase man... You really went a long way. I don't really understand why you're in this state of being bothered by beautiful women around you... It's hard to also understand it if your girlfriend is beautiful too.
It's normal to get attracted to sexy girls, beautiful and interesting girls dressed in an arousing way...nature right? Yeah
It's just how it is. Lusting over them is to be expected when you entertain thoughts and dwell on their looks.
And it's good you know it's a trigger for you. I feel you need to know how to:
1. Avoid or get around this trigger so it doesn't make lead to strong urges, so you don't dwell on the thoughts and create fantasies that's drive you to want to use P
And
2. Formulate a plan on what to do when the urges are actually there, how to deal with it. Maybe masturbate and then go exercise or visit a friend. Or you come back here and read up osts about people that'd encourage you to keep fighting.
That's what I can say. And don't be too discouraged. Just keep fighting, keep trying.. One day it'd all come together. You'd just realize it's been a 100 days you haven't watched porn and then 256, a year.... And it gets easier.
It's normal to get attracted to sexy girls, beautiful and interesting girls dressed in an arousing way...nature right? Yeah
It's just how it is. Lusting over them is to be expected when you entertain thoughts and dwell on their looks.
And it's good you know it's a trigger for you. I feel you need to know how to:
1. Avoid or get around this trigger so it doesn't make lead to strong urges, so you don't dwell on the thoughts and create fantasies that's drive you to want to use P
And
2. Formulate a plan on what to do when the urges are actually there, how to deal with it. Maybe masturbate and then go exercise or visit a friend. Or you come back here and read up osts about people that'd encourage you to keep fighting.
That's what I can say. And don't be too discouraged. Just keep fighting, keep trying.. One day it'd all come together. You'd just realize it's been a 100 days you haven't watched porn and then 256, a year.... And it gets easier.
Today is day 6
Chris, Sanders, thank you for your support, it means a lot.
Chris, I've always been attracted to women... which is a good thing in general... But early experiences of rejection in life altered the way I was thinking about women. I'm doing better now, I still have some work to do about that.
I've been doing great. I work well, I keep working out, I spent time with my brother, I'm teaching my girlfriend's cousin how to swim and I play with her family. I love them.
And I love my girlfriend so much.
I'm alone at my place again. I woke up and thought about women I used to know, but not in a lusting way this time. I was curious what they could have become, why we were not speaking together anymore.
I zapped every light sexual thought as soon as it was coming.
Then I read a bit and went out. I did my first pull ups and chin ups of the year. 6 series of 5-6 chin ups then 4 series of 4-5 pullups.
I feel amazing and in love.
Chris, Sanders, thank you for your support, it means a lot.
Chris, I've always been attracted to women... which is a good thing in general... But early experiences of rejection in life altered the way I was thinking about women. I'm doing better now, I still have some work to do about that.
I've been doing great. I work well, I keep working out, I spent time with my brother, I'm teaching my girlfriend's cousin how to swim and I play with her family. I love them.
And I love my girlfriend so much.
I'm alone at my place again. I woke up and thought about women I used to know, but not in a lusting way this time. I was curious what they could have become, why we were not speaking together anymore.
I zapped every light sexual thought as soon as it was coming.
Then I read a bit and went out. I did my first pull ups and chin ups of the year. 6 series of 5-6 chin ups then 4 series of 4-5 pullups.
I feel amazing and in love.
Day 7
I met with a friend yesterday and we had an awesome time.
But I then slept 2 hours less than usual.
I went outside to workout and stretch this morning.
I spent 20 minutes watching sexy pictures.
Triggers are always the same... poor sleep, a bit of alcohol yesterday, loneliness, screens too early in the morning.
I feel tired but OK overall and it's still early in the morning and I already had a workout, what a wonderful life I'm living
I met with a friend yesterday and we had an awesome time.
But I then slept 2 hours less than usual.
I went outside to workout and stretch this morning.
I spent 20 minutes watching sexy pictures.
Triggers are always the same... poor sleep, a bit of alcohol yesterday, loneliness, screens too early in the morning.
I feel tired but OK overall and it's still early in the morning and I already had a workout, what a wonderful life I'm living
Day 9
Times flies. I'm moving a lot between two places, it makes being consistent harder and sleep worse but I'm doing okay.
My girlfriend and I have been together for 4 years now and we still love each other a lot. I'm happy about my relationship.
My muscular gains kinda got paused due to not staying at the same place for more than 2 or 3 days recently but at least I kept the habit by doing mini workouts everyday. I made 6 series of pushups yesterday and I plan to get a full back, triceps and shoulders workout tonight.
I've been feeling a lot of mental fatigue and dopamine desensitization - once again due to have just too much things to handle and too much short term emergencies.
I've been working for my new job for a month now and I enjoy it. I have a 6 months freelancer contract that I hope to keep for more than that. I'm well paid and enjoy my work.
Times flies. I'm moving a lot between two places, it makes being consistent harder and sleep worse but I'm doing okay.
My girlfriend and I have been together for 4 years now and we still love each other a lot. I'm happy about my relationship.
My muscular gains kinda got paused due to not staying at the same place for more than 2 or 3 days recently but at least I kept the habit by doing mini workouts everyday. I made 6 series of pushups yesterday and I plan to get a full back, triceps and shoulders workout tonight.
I've been feeling a lot of mental fatigue and dopamine desensitization - once again due to have just too much things to handle and too much short term emergencies.
I've been working for my new job for a month now and I enjoy it. I have a 6 months freelancer contract that I hope to keep for more than that. I'm well paid and enjoy my work.