Reboot take two
- Thread starter switched_off_again
- Start date
C
cranm329
Guest
On the chocolate theme, take care with strong choc at night. It can affect sleep, cause vivid dreams and therefore night erections....which may be a problem or not.
switched_off_again
Member
Haha - good to see you around guys! Doing fine. Binging on Netflix and a splash or two of wine. Started writing a new song which is always a good way for me to get focused. And I've got a good thing going on with early year cycling training in the gym.
Foods with a major chaser effect? I vote for crunchie but cornflakes. One bowl is never enough!
Feeling strong but we all know the risks of feeling too up! Not going to be caught out by that one. This week anyway.
Foods with a major chaser effect? I vote for crunchie but cornflakes. One bowl is never enough!
Feeling strong but we all know the risks of feeling too up! Not going to be caught out by that one. This week anyway.
switched_off_again
Member
Hi all - just checking in before my journal drops off page one. Well in to third week clean of current streak. Feel ok. Not much urges wise.
I do need to get back to my mindfulness practice because I've been over-thinking and getting off balance about a few things at work. They are trivial. My emotional reaction is way out of proportion. I need to let go and focus on positive things in my life.
Anyway... Here's hoping for an enjoyable and porn free weekend for us all. Stay strong.
I do need to get back to my mindfulness practice because I've been over-thinking and getting off balance about a few things at work. They are trivial. My emotional reaction is way out of proportion. I need to let go and focus on positive things in my life.
Anyway... Here's hoping for an enjoyable and porn free weekend for us all. Stay strong.
Good going Switched-Off,
I can understand about being over sensitive about work issues, happens to me a lot. A sequence of small events, comments or glitches can send me into a bad place, but in the end it always passes and with hindsight I can see I?ve blown it out of proportion. It?s hard to see it clearly at the time though.
I?m slowly working through the ?Coping with Cravings? module in my mindfulness app. (for about the 4th time) but also dipping into ?Self Esteem? and others.
It seems to help.
Have a great weekend!
I can understand about being over sensitive about work issues, happens to me a lot. A sequence of small events, comments or glitches can send me into a bad place, but in the end it always passes and with hindsight I can see I?ve blown it out of proportion. It?s hard to see it clearly at the time though.
I?m slowly working through the ?Coping with Cravings? module in my mindfulness app. (for about the 4th time) but also dipping into ?Self Esteem? and others.
It seems to help.
Have a great weekend!
switched_off_again
Member
Hi again
Thanks Big Mog for your positive words.
I arsed up... I was doing well and was flat-lining but then last weekend was good, the chaser effect kicked-in (now I know it exists for sure), spent the week dabbling with fantasies for my wife, got in to my hyper mode, got drunk last night, and hedonism - I don't care mode took over....
Then today my family was at it's dysfunctional worst, while the rest of the world (allegedly at least) celebrated mother's day...
Sorry for negative post.... Getting too high or too low is when I'm at my weakest. Hope to start another plodding along flat-line as of today...
Keep strong. You're all doing well.
Thanks Big Mog for your positive words.
I arsed up... I was doing well and was flat-lining but then last weekend was good, the chaser effect kicked-in (now I know it exists for sure), spent the week dabbling with fantasies for my wife, got in to my hyper mode, got drunk last night, and hedonism - I don't care mode took over....
Then today my family was at it's dysfunctional worst, while the rest of the world (allegedly at least) celebrated mother's day...
Sorry for negative post.... Getting too high or too low is when I'm at my weakest. Hope to start another plodding along flat-line as of today...
Keep strong. You're all doing well.
switched_off_again
Member
The one good thing about climbing back on the wagon for the umpteenth time, is that I'll soon feel better and the mixture of depression, revulsion and anxiety I currently feel will dissipate... Damn you addiction, damn you cam sites, damn my mood swings and moments of weakness... Anyway enough with the self-pitying and self-obsession. Time just to get on with things and keep busy.
workinprogressUK
Well-Known Member
Sorry to read about your slip. Well done on getting back on the wagon so quickly.
Looking at your last earlier post....
Any thoughts on avoiding those activities, or coping better with your stresses? You seem to struggle with a desire to experience "hedonism" and then be really angry with yourself when that leads to you doing things you say you don't want to do.
Looking at your last earlier post....
switched_off_again said:
Any thoughts on avoiding those activities, or coping better with your stresses? You seem to struggle with a desire to experience "hedonism" and then be really angry with yourself when that leads to you doing things you say you don't want to do.
Hi Switched-off,
I hope things are picking up for you. I know the first few days back on the wagon can be pretty draining and they sometimes go past very slowly.
I agree with WIPUK, if you can find some trick to just put a pause between thinking about stepping on to the edge of the funnel and actually stepping on to it, it may give you a chance to regroup and step away.
I know I probably witter on about it too much, but the mindfulness seems to help me. There have been times when I?ve found myself thinking about porn or sex and become aware of it, and kind of remembered, ?Oh! I don?t want to be thinking about this.? Then, I?ve maybe done a bit of just concentrating on my breath and the feeling goes away and I can get on with something else. It?s taken a few months of practice before this started to happen.
A lot of the experiences you describe are similar to mine. I think my mood swings are at least partly the inner chimp crying out for his fix.
Anyway, wishing you a fulfilling and PMO-free weekend.
I hope things are picking up for you. I know the first few days back on the wagon can be pretty draining and they sometimes go past very slowly.
I agree with WIPUK, if you can find some trick to just put a pause between thinking about stepping on to the edge of the funnel and actually stepping on to it, it may give you a chance to regroup and step away.
I know I probably witter on about it too much, but the mindfulness seems to help me. There have been times when I?ve found myself thinking about porn or sex and become aware of it, and kind of remembered, ?Oh! I don?t want to be thinking about this.? Then, I?ve maybe done a bit of just concentrating on my breath and the feeling goes away and I can get on with something else. It?s taken a few months of practice before this started to happen.
A lot of the experiences you describe are similar to mine. I think my mood swings are at least partly the inner chimp crying out for his fix.
Anyway, wishing you a fulfilling and PMO-free weekend.
switched_off_again
Member
Hey both - thanks for the support. I'm back on an even keel - that is very much the current pattern. Things spiral very quickly when it goes wrong and then very quickly I'm out the other side and PMO seems like a million miles away.
So looking at the positives, being PMO free feels entirely normal 95% of the time. My evenings end with me playing the guitar, or watching Netflix or reading a book. 98% of the time PMO just doesn't come in to it. Whereas back before last September when i started this journey, most evenings ended with me in front of a computer. Any time I had to myself was automatically PMO time. That is so not me now, so despite not being able to quote a big long clean streak, I still feel I've come a long, long way.
So the next step is to be more aware of the triggers. Last week was a classic example - a variety of things got me in to a hyper and rebellious mood - stupid things like arguing on social media about local issues, being a bit show offy at work, having quite a drunken but fun night at a charity quiz... Letting off steam generally... And there I am back in front of the computer with a real I don't care, I can do what I want attitude... And the rest is history... It is no doubt very typical behaviour for any addict in recovery.
So I should've been more aware earlier on of where things might lead, because by the time you are sitting in front of the computer, post quiz, and a bit drunk, it's too late. I should know that when I am in that hyper mood, the risk of PMO is a lot higher.
And I get where you are coming from about mindfulness BigMog. I started reading a book and found it pretty interesting. I found the exercises and meditations really enjoyable - who knew a simple body scan could be so refreshing!
I really enjoyed the free Basics course on the Headspace app - just couldn't bring myself to subscribe. I need to decide if it's something i want to build in to my daily routines.
On the other stuff that affects my emotions and therefore my behaviour - things have quietened down within the family so I'm looking forward to a relaxed (and PMO free) weekend.
Hope it's all good for everyone else and you stay strong.
PS: I'm not going to quote days clean until I feel I've got something I'm proud of. I don't want to set myself up for another fall!
So looking at the positives, being PMO free feels entirely normal 95% of the time. My evenings end with me playing the guitar, or watching Netflix or reading a book. 98% of the time PMO just doesn't come in to it. Whereas back before last September when i started this journey, most evenings ended with me in front of a computer. Any time I had to myself was automatically PMO time. That is so not me now, so despite not being able to quote a big long clean streak, I still feel I've come a long, long way.
So the next step is to be more aware of the triggers. Last week was a classic example - a variety of things got me in to a hyper and rebellious mood - stupid things like arguing on social media about local issues, being a bit show offy at work, having quite a drunken but fun night at a charity quiz... Letting off steam generally... And there I am back in front of the computer with a real I don't care, I can do what I want attitude... And the rest is history... It is no doubt very typical behaviour for any addict in recovery.
So I should've been more aware earlier on of where things might lead, because by the time you are sitting in front of the computer, post quiz, and a bit drunk, it's too late. I should know that when I am in that hyper mood, the risk of PMO is a lot higher.
And I get where you are coming from about mindfulness BigMog. I started reading a book and found it pretty interesting. I found the exercises and meditations really enjoyable - who knew a simple body scan could be so refreshing!
I really enjoyed the free Basics course on the Headspace app - just couldn't bring myself to subscribe. I need to decide if it's something i want to build in to my daily routines.On the other stuff that affects my emotions and therefore my behaviour - things have quietened down within the family so I'm looking forward to a relaxed (and PMO free) weekend.
Hope it's all good for everyone else and you stay strong.
PS: I'm not going to quote days clean until I feel I've got something I'm proud of. I don't want to set myself up for another fall!
workinprogressUK
Well-Known Member
A. You are so Right about how much progress you've made and how much value there is in all the "clean" time you now have in comparison to the past. Absolutely. The number of the days on your counter is secondary, right? Just a number.
B. I started writing B but it's fairly personal stuff and I don't think anyone else wants to read it, so I'll send you a private message. Suffice to say..... getting in a Heightened Emotional State is a fast-track to triggers and relapses. Repeatedly doing stuff that gets you in a Heightened Emotional State when you're trying to come off a drug...... my friend... you think about the wisdom of that one
Do you think you could cope with a few weeks of plain old "Boring" SOA?
B. I started writing B but it's fairly personal stuff and I don't think anyone else wants to read it, so I'll send you a private message. Suffice to say..... getting in a Heightened Emotional State is a fast-track to triggers and relapses. Repeatedly doing stuff that gets you in a Heightened Emotional State when you're trying to come off a drug...... my friend... you think about the wisdom of that one
Do you think you could cope with a few weeks of plain old "Boring" SOA?
switched_off_again
Member
Day whatever it is of current clean streak.
I was out with an old friend I hadn't seen for ages and came home in that hyper mood that is often where it all starts to go wrong. I managed to reset by reading through my journal from the start, which very quickly reminded me where I've come from and why I need to stay clean.
Keep strong.
I was out with an old friend I hadn't seen for ages and came home in that hyper mood that is often where it all starts to go wrong. I managed to reset by reading through my journal from the start, which very quickly reminded me where I've come from and why I need to stay clean.
Keep strong.
workinprogressUK
Well-Known Member
switched_off_again said:
Nice process to follow, SOA. Nice outcome too. Good work, my friend. Like Mog says, hopefully you can do that or similar a few times and it get's stored in your brain as a happy path.
switched_off_again
Member
Hey all - not a lot to report really. The last few days have been easy because I've been focusing on a cycling event I did today. Also family relationships have been stable which always helps too.
So I'm about 2 weeks in to current streak and I'm thinking next week might be risky. 1) Because I'll be at home by myself because I've got the week off to do some DIY and 2) because I'm two weeks in to a streak so stirrings might kick in.
Last time I relapsed I think I started to go off the rails by fantasising unrealistically about my wife. That old 'where we are as a 50+ year old couple who have been married for 20+ years vs. my PMO damaged brain's expectation of where we should be' chestnut.
So note to self, stay away from the bedroom when you're alone during the day, even though fantasising while separate from your partner should be ok, it's not good for you. Find other ways to enjoy your time off. How about you keep the guitar plugged in and switched on all the time and play some tunes instead?
Stay strong.
So I'm about 2 weeks in to current streak and I'm thinking next week might be risky. 1) Because I'll be at home by myself because I've got the week off to do some DIY and 2) because I'm two weeks in to a streak so stirrings might kick in.
Last time I relapsed I think I started to go off the rails by fantasising unrealistically about my wife. That old 'where we are as a 50+ year old couple who have been married for 20+ years vs. my PMO damaged brain's expectation of where we should be' chestnut.
So note to self, stay away from the bedroom when you're alone during the day, even though fantasising while separate from your partner should be ok, it's not good for you. Find other ways to enjoy your time off. How about you keep the guitar plugged in and switched on all the time and play some tunes instead?
Stay strong.
J
J01
Guest
Nice work-I know what you mean by difficulties when you are home alone. Glad you have already entered it into the mindset-keep going strong!
switched_off_again
Member
Thanks for the support jixu.
So far so good on my week at home. Mainly because the DIY I'm doing has engaged me both mentally and physically so what's going on down below is the last thing on my mind!
Having said that I'm not in the best of moods this evening, mainly I think because I'm knackered after all the physical exertion today. There was coverage in the news of UK plans to introduce age verification for P sites - this was slightly triggering mainly because it reminded me of just how mainstream and pervasive P is. Why do I have to abstain when the rest of the world indulges? Yes, I know the answer, just tired and moody...
The other thing bothering me during this moody evening is my relationship with my wife. In the early days of the reboot process last year, I channeled all my excess libido in to our physical relationship. I thought we could re-kindle a physical relationship with a bit of spice. Now that I'm well over 6 months in to the reboot process I'm sort of resigned to the fact that that is not happening. We've been together so long. There really isn't anything other than the occasional very ad-hoc coupling to be had. Forget any thought of dressing up or pre-sex courtship - it's put down the book, strip off pyjamas and t-shirt for a quick 10 minute act if we're lucky. And there-in lies the dilemma... I don't want to do P but there isn't much of an alternative sex life to be had... Oh well.
Sorry for moodiness. On positive side, despite feeling low this evening, I've stayed away from P.
Stay strong. Promise to be more positive next time I visit!
So far so good on my week at home. Mainly because the DIY I'm doing has engaged me both mentally and physically so what's going on down below is the last thing on my mind!
Having said that I'm not in the best of moods this evening, mainly I think because I'm knackered after all the physical exertion today. There was coverage in the news of UK plans to introduce age verification for P sites - this was slightly triggering mainly because it reminded me of just how mainstream and pervasive P is. Why do I have to abstain when the rest of the world indulges? Yes, I know the answer, just tired and moody...
The other thing bothering me during this moody evening is my relationship with my wife. In the early days of the reboot process last year, I channeled all my excess libido in to our physical relationship. I thought we could re-kindle a physical relationship with a bit of spice. Now that I'm well over 6 months in to the reboot process I'm sort of resigned to the fact that that is not happening. We've been together so long. There really isn't anything other than the occasional very ad-hoc coupling to be had. Forget any thought of dressing up or pre-sex courtship - it's put down the book, strip off pyjamas and t-shirt for a quick 10 minute act if we're lucky. And there-in lies the dilemma... I don't want to do P but there isn't much of an alternative sex life to be had... Oh well.
Sorry for moodiness. On positive side, despite feeling low this evening, I've stayed away from P.
Stay strong. Promise to be more positive next time I visit!
workinprogressUK
Well-Known Member
switched_off_again said:
Hi SOA. Congrats on staying the course, putting your plans into action and staying busy with "real world" stuff. Just writing to empathise with your story above. I don't think you're being miserablist. I think it can just become the sad reality after a long time together. I read about the Coolidge Effect on YBOP and I can totally buy-in to it. When I first started rebooting, a few years back, my marital sex life improved for a while. Since then, it's just dwindled to pretty well nothing. I blame my past actions and I've had to accept that, after 30 years together, my wife isn't interested in me sexually. I can't especially blame her. So your story of abstaining from P & M for a life in which there's little likelihood of any other O, is one that resonates. For me, it's a price I'll pay if it stops me relapsing to the fucked-up behaviours of my P and S addiction.
Wow.... and you thought you were miserable
C
cranm329
Guest
Hi SOA and WiPUK. Don't want to flog the tantra thing or appear to 'evangelise' but I can't stand leaving you guys with nowhere to go in your sexual relationships. All I will say is that, after many decades of porn induced marriage damage we have found a simple, exciting and transforming method of changing the predictable, unfulfilling (for her at least) sexual experience. I used to dismiss the concept of multiple male orgasm as unachievable nonsense. Don't mean ejaculation. Because of the focus on stimulation and intention to excite, I missed what was already happening to my body. It IS possible to have orgasm without ejac.and it is absolutely wonderful. It deals with blue balls and helps ED/PE. Tantra style sex can help male and female desensitisation plus reduce the woman's discomfort and dryness.A win-win situation.
switched_off_again
Member
workinprogressUK said:
Yep. Just have to keep reminding ourselves of all the negative effects of a P addiction. It's great to be free, no matter what. I can look people in the eye again...
[quote author=cranm329]
Hi SOA and WiPUK. Don't want to flog the tantra thing or appear to 'evangelise' but I can't stand leaving you guys with nowhere to go in your sexual relationships. All I will say is that, after many decades of porn induced marriage damage we have found a simple, exciting and transforming method of changing the predictable, unfulfilling (for her at least) sexual experience. I used to dismiss the concept of multiple male orgasm as unachievable nonsense. Don't mean ejaculation. Because of the focus on stimulation and intention to excite, I missed what was already happening to my body. It IS possible to have orgasm without ejac.and it is absolutely wonderful. It deals with blue balls and helps ED/PE. Tantra style sex can help male and female desensitisation plus reduce the woman's discomfort and dryness.A win-win situation.
[/quote]
cranm329 - thanks for the support and constructive advice. I will bear it in mind, although I fear if I suggested this to my wife it would be met by the same reaction as when I encourage her to wear the nice underwear she bought over 2 years ago (which I've never seen her in). Och I sound resentful, but I know she's had other things on her mind. I'm grateful that I have a loving and supportive relationship.
Week home alone coming to an end - it was easy. Now it's a Friday evening home alone - again in days gone by this would've meant just one thing, but don't feel any urge. Ahh the joys of flat-lining - recovery is easy in this part of the cycle.
Keep strong all. Have a good weekend.