I've been enjoying reading your posts, and can really relate to porn basically being a big tool to manage emotions. The challenging part for me has been learning how to manage those emotions without porn. It's been a part of my life for so long, that it's still the first thing that pops into my head when things aren't going my way. Best of luck today!
Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
- Thread starter MindOverModem
- Start date
MindOverModem
Active Member
TallTree said:
Thank you! And, yeah, you said it: that's the challenge! I'm finding it's not enough just to eliminate P, I have to add positive alternative ways to spend my time, things like reading and spending more time with my friends. Fortunately, I find my schedule has opened right up ever since I got this time-sucking habit out of my life.
Best of luck to you too, man.
MindOverModem
Active Member
DAY 19
Cravings come from the strangest places. I was looking at a home remodeling website. Next thing I knew, a photo of a normal fucking kitchen reminded me of a scene I used to watch. Insane.
Anyway, I'm checking in to share that weird little craving and to label the insanity.
Grateful for another 24 hours.
--MOM
Cravings come from the strangest places. I was looking at a home remodeling website. Next thing I knew, a photo of a normal fucking kitchen reminded me of a scene I used to watch. Insane.
Anyway, I'm checking in to share that weird little craving and to label the insanity.
Grateful for another 24 hours.
--MOM
MindOverModem
Active Member
DAY 20
Not much to report today. One of those days were I was too busy and social to find myself craving. It's hard to explain, but I can feel the positive habits and attention to my relationship taking over some of the space P used to occupy. Feels good.
--MOM
Not much to report today. One of those days were I was too busy and social to find myself craving. It's hard to explain, but I can feel the positive habits and attention to my relationship taking over some of the space P used to occupy. Feels good.
--MOM
MindOverModem
Active Member
DAY 21
Another busy day, a couple cravings out of nowhere. just goes to show that being busy doesn't make you immune to thoughts of using.
WEEK 3
Overall, I feel so much better than I did a week or two ago. The cravings are much less frequent, and I'm not getting the same physical "need" to look at P. I don't feel like I'm going to die if I don't give in to the craving. BUT the cravings are still super vivid when they do come up. It's like my brain is saying "how about you just look at this particular scene?" I'm finding myself to be way hornier this week, so that's an encouraging sign. More morning wood etc.
Just have stay vigilant.
--MOM
Another busy day, a couple cravings out of nowhere. just goes to show that being busy doesn't make you immune to thoughts of using.
WEEK 3
Overall, I feel so much better than I did a week or two ago. The cravings are much less frequent, and I'm not getting the same physical "need" to look at P. I don't feel like I'm going to die if I don't give in to the craving. BUT the cravings are still super vivid when they do come up. It's like my brain is saying "how about you just look at this particular scene?" I'm finding myself to be way hornier this week, so that's an encouraging sign. More morning wood etc.
Just have stay vigilant.
--MOM
L
Lero
Guest
MindOverModem said:
Sure. Being busy doesn't stop thoughts, flashbacks, fantasies etc. popping up in our minds. But, at the end of the day, it comes down to: We have this energy for the day, right? What do we want to invest it in? PMO consumes energy. Life consumes energy. What's more useful for us?
MindOverModem
Active Member
DAY 22
Good point, Lero. As I've mentioned earlier, a big part of rebooting for me has been filling my days with more constructive things than looking at P.
Today was tough. I realized just how moody I can be without P to dull my emotions. I dealt with some family stuff and some stressful work stuff I really didn't want to be doing over the weekend. When I was caught up in it, it really felt like the end of the world, but I know it will pass.
Full disclosure, I'm no longer in "hard mode." I haven't been experiencing the chaser effect and I HAVE NOT fapped to P fantasies. I'm noticing a really different relationship to MO. It's something that just sort of comes up naturally every couple days (sometimes less, sometimes more.) It doesn't feel like a refuge from reality like it did in the past.
I realize this is controversial, I'm just sharing my truth here. The bottom line is I'm P free. NoFap was never my goal. I will say that taking more than 2 weeks off from M was really important for starting my reboot.
Good point, Lero. As I've mentioned earlier, a big part of rebooting for me has been filling my days with more constructive things than looking at P.
Today was tough. I realized just how moody I can be without P to dull my emotions. I dealt with some family stuff and some stressful work stuff I really didn't want to be doing over the weekend. When I was caught up in it, it really felt like the end of the world, but I know it will pass.
Full disclosure, I'm no longer in "hard mode." I haven't been experiencing the chaser effect and I HAVE NOT fapped to P fantasies. I'm noticing a really different relationship to MO. It's something that just sort of comes up naturally every couple days (sometimes less, sometimes more.) It doesn't feel like a refuge from reality like it did in the past.
I realize this is controversial, I'm just sharing my truth here. The bottom line is I'm P free. NoFap was never my goal. I will say that taking more than 2 weeks off from M was really important for starting my reboot.
L
Lero
Guest
MindOverModem said:
Exactly. When we use PMO to deal with our emotions, we don't learn how to deal with them in a normal way. That's why when we stop PMO-ing, those emotions come to us and we don't know what to do. A very important part of the process is learning this.
MindOverModem
Active Member
DAY 23
OMFG I just came outrageously close to using. Crisis averted though. NOT TODAY!
I was clearing out my computer's trash and double checking that there wasn't anything in there I still needed. Now before this reboot began, I was careful to get rid of all my P. Or so I thought. There was one folder in there with pictures of my favorite pornstar, one of those "porn girlfriends" whose pics I would turn to time and time again.
When I found the folder, I had a brief moment of wanting to open it, "just to check" that that's what it was. For a split second, I told myself it would be okay "just to look." NOPE, NOT TODAY.
Almost immediately, my new habit of stepping back and taking a moment to breathe kicked in. I thought about how shitty I would feel after yielding to that stupid impulse. I thought about how far I've come in this reboot and the place I would slide back to if I gave in. I reminded myself there's no such thing as "just one look." I deleted the file, unopened, and got on here to write about defeating that craving.
The really cool thing about winning a battle like that is that I've come away with a little boost of self-confidence knowing that I could have used today, but I didn't. It's also good to know that my computer is 100% porn free.
--MOM
OMFG I just came outrageously close to using. Crisis averted though. NOT TODAY!
I was clearing out my computer's trash and double checking that there wasn't anything in there I still needed. Now before this reboot began, I was careful to get rid of all my P. Or so I thought. There was one folder in there with pictures of my favorite pornstar, one of those "porn girlfriends" whose pics I would turn to time and time again.
When I found the folder, I had a brief moment of wanting to open it, "just to check" that that's what it was. For a split second, I told myself it would be okay "just to look." NOPE, NOT TODAY.
Almost immediately, my new habit of stepping back and taking a moment to breathe kicked in. I thought about how shitty I would feel after yielding to that stupid impulse. I thought about how far I've come in this reboot and the place I would slide back to if I gave in. I reminded myself there's no such thing as "just one look." I deleted the file, unopened, and got on here to write about defeating that craving.
The really cool thing about winning a battle like that is that I've come away with a little boost of self-confidence knowing that I could have used today, but I didn't. It's also good to know that my computer is 100% porn free.
--MOM
MindOverModem
Active Member
DAY 24
Surprisingly strong cravings today, all part of the ups and downs, I guess.
Today, the cravings seemed to be saying "just look at it... maybe just pictures.... what's the big deal?" In a way this is a good sign because it means I'm putting some distance between myself and the stranglehold of using on a regular basis. It was like this when I got sober too, getting better meant sort of forgetting how bad it got.
It's time to be vigilant and remember my tools for dealing with craving.
A big positive, I've noticed that conversations with my GF are so much more engaging and stimulating than they were before. If that's not an awesome motivation for rebooting, I don't know what is.
Surprisingly strong cravings today, all part of the ups and downs, I guess.
Today, the cravings seemed to be saying "just look at it... maybe just pictures.... what's the big deal?" In a way this is a good sign because it means I'm putting some distance between myself and the stranglehold of using on a regular basis. It was like this when I got sober too, getting better meant sort of forgetting how bad it got.
It's time to be vigilant and remember my tools for dealing with craving.
A big positive, I've noticed that conversations with my GF are so much more engaging and stimulating than they were before. If that's not an awesome motivation for rebooting, I don't know what is.
L
Lero
Guest
MindOverModem said:
When you don't want to give the brain the usual full stimulation, it reacts violently and it tries to make you give it anything, even a "micro-dosing" like a picture but you have to stay away from this because it's the wrong step on the slope with snow and you will go down rolling.
MindOverModem
Active Member
Good point
MindOverModem
Active Member
DAY 25
Today was busy, hectic, stressful, and I CRUSHED IT. Just amazing all the motivation and energy at my disposal without P sucking up my life force and my time.
I realize that this is probably very much the "up" of a series of ups and downs, but today was a big win.
Focusing on some self-care and mediation to balance out all the activity today.
Today was busy, hectic, stressful, and I CRUSHED IT. Just amazing all the motivation and energy at my disposal without P sucking up my life force and my time.
I realize that this is probably very much the "up" of a series of ups and downs, but today was a big win.
Focusing on some self-care and mediation to balance out all the activity today.
L
Lero
Guest
MindOverModem said:
Of course, man. PMO consumes energy but it consumes energy for nothing. For the idea of "feeling good", "medicating" or whatever, that don't actually give you anything. PMO doesn't benefit anyone. When you stay away from PMO, this energy that you used to throw away with it you feel it now and it's like "Oh shit, I got this energy!" Use it for what it matters. And yes, this journey of recovery could have ups and downs (many people experience this) so if now you feel on top of the world, in a few days you could feel at the bottom. Just don't use PMO to cope with that. I used to do this and fuck myself up like an idiot.
MindOverModem
Active Member
DAY 26
Turned my whole day around by simply meditating. I put it off in the morning and felt super shitty as a result. just restless and irritable. Finally, around late morning, I was like "time out" I took a few minutes of quiet time and it was like hitting the reset button.
These past few days have been insane at work. It just like the old saying: if you don't have 15 minutes to meditate, you need an hour!
Turned my whole day around by simply meditating. I put it off in the morning and felt super shitty as a result. just restless and irritable. Finally, around late morning, I was like "time out" I took a few minutes of quiet time and it was like hitting the reset button.
These past few days have been insane at work. It just like the old saying: if you don't have 15 minutes to meditate, you need an hour!
MindOverModem
Active Member
DAY 27
Today was a good day. I had a to-do list that looked overwhelming. I started with the thing I wanted to do the least, and I was done for the day by lunchtime. Things like that just didn't happen when I was looking at P all the time. It's like culture shock because I'm not used to being the guy who just gets shit done like that.
Today was a good day. I had a to-do list that looked overwhelming. I started with the thing I wanted to do the least, and I was done for the day by lunchtime. Things like that just didn't happen when I was looking at P all the time. It's like culture shock because I'm not used to being the guy who just gets shit done like that.
L
Lero
Guest
MindOverModem said:
That's what being P free means. Keep this in mind and anytime you have cravings for P, think about what you just said.
MindOverModem
Active Member
DAY 30!!! one month
Vacation time. Taking a trip with my girlfriend and family. taking a much-needed break from the internet. I'll check back in here after a while, and I'll check in to tell on myself if I do look at P. But, I plan to keep on not looking at it one day at a time.
Thank you all for your support and encouragement.
--MOM
Vacation time. Taking a trip with my girlfriend and family. taking a much-needed break from the internet. I'll check back in here after a while, and I'll check in to tell on myself if I do look at P. But, I plan to keep on not looking at it one day at a time.
Thank you all for your support and encouragement.
--MOM
L
Lero
Guest
1 month, man! This is outstanding progress! I have 1 week too. 8)
ImInControl
Active Member
vaca fully deserved man!.. watching you'r progress and seeing great improvement.
great job becoming better at being the observer,.. catching thoughts like ""just look at it... maybe just pictures.... what's the big deal?" " etc....
it's what we do after, which is important. Not letting these suggestions have their way but us taking control.
I have full confidence in you being able to catch the suggestions and divert them... with one day, one thought a time.
Enjoy vacation)
great job becoming better at being the observer,.. catching thoughts like ""just look at it... maybe just pictures.... what's the big deal?" " etc....
it's what we do after, which is important. Not letting these suggestions have their way but us taking control.
I have full confidence in you being able to catch the suggestions and divert them... with one day, one thought a time.
Enjoy vacation)