@Escapeandnevercomeback I can’t be mad on you my friend. I can only be mad on myself .mad on myself because even after being made available with all the lessons and knowledge andI don't want you to get mad at me for saying this but I believe you are too hard on yourself, just like I tend to be (hopefully I will get rid of this). Being too hard on yourself can invite porn even more to offer "comfort". I know that when I hate myself, I don't have much success with the recovery. I don't have the ultimate solution, I don't think there is one, I believe that everyone has an approach that works for them and we should not stop searching for that plan that is particular to our lives and will help us succeed. It could be one thing, it could be several things, it could be a bigger picture, a bigger life plan or whatever, do some deep thinking and see if you can figure out how you should approach this. I've done this and I believe that abstinence from porn is not the only thing that I have to do, I will eventually spiral back to porn if this is all I'm doing. For me porn is a comfort zone, it's self-medication and unless I do something about this, about the trauma that I've been trying all my life to fix with "drugs", I will not fully recover. Yes, I could go 100 days without porn, maybe even this time, I've found a short term thing to use, but I have work to do. Some people seem to get longer streaks more easily, I don't, maybe you don't either, but it is what it is, we have more work to do but it doesn't mean we should not do it. I've read some of your posts and you remind me of myself, constantly relapsing with streaks under 10 days, over and over again, into an oblivion. That's what I've been doing for years. But I believe that a combination of things like short term habits, long term habits, trauma healing, building a better life etc is what I need and it's what I haven't been doing to the best of my abilities, I've been procrastinating a lot for years. It's time to up our games and work hard.
consequences of P/chat rooms/Cams I have not been able to use all that knowledge to fully stop myself from accessing explicit materials. That is what is troubling for me . I sometimes ask this question whether I have lost majority of control over my impulses and chatroom/P/cam addiction is really in majority of control over my life and I have lost a lot of ground to these addictions and it is literally getting ready to wreck run over the rest of my life sucking out a lot of time/money/energy/happiness/freedom out of the remainder of my life .
That is my worst fear that I do not want to come true at any cost . It’s like a tug of war I feel where in you are being pulled in towards your red lines all the time . I want to pull it back now for the remainder of my life enjoying the control over my addictions and live free being a loving husband and a loving dad .
it is true that if we can’t find a true purpose to our life one that will positively consume us for the rest of our lives we are bound to relapse somewhere down the line may be after 6 months 1 years or 5 years .
I am with you on that saying we need to find a ever occupying purpose and activity for ourselves which can save us from future relapses .
hitting a successful 100/200 day streak is an daunting challenge but I think once you are in there with a long streak it is bound to fail if we haven’t yet found the thing that makes us tick for the rest of our lives at-least on a short term .
I am reading easy peasy method book now .
It’s going good so far and I hope to finish the book in next couple days .