Man_in_30s_trying_to_quit_from_last_10years

[Escapeandnevercomeback]

@Escapeandnevercomeback
I see what you are saying here about disengagement from thoughts , I have not been able to do that honestly as those thoughts are compulsive in nature for me . Meaning I don’t succeed in avoiding them or ignoring them and I get sucked right into them .

it should be achievable with some practice and perseverance. I know it is actually required for any one trying to quit to be successful.

Do you suggest any resources to learn more about disengaging with compulsive thought flows ? The ones that are an addicts nightmare!

Please send if you have anything
MI30S

I feel you, man. There was a time when I couldn't do it at all, I felt like I couldn't stop thinking about those images in my head. But with training, it should get better, it did for me. Maybe looking into some practices, like what @Logiprox talks about could help if you find that you really can't do it other way, I personally developed a way on my own to avoid the fantasies and thoughts. What I do is I divert my attention to something else. I either focus harder on what I'm doing or I imagine myself doing other activity, to replace the porn that play in my mind with a clip of me doing something. Also the mindset is important. I tell myself things like: "You've made it to far, you know that going to day 1 will be very devastating for you." ; "If you start edging to porn now, it will be an euphoric activity for only some minutes then you always get drained and regret starting in the first place, it's not worth it." ; "You want to check out if you high social anxiety is porn created so you need to go on without porn." And stuff like that, you know what I'm saying? But the mindset alone would not work without the "Keep porn dopamine low" practice that I follow. Keeping the porn dopamine low I dare to say it's a must in any reboot. But, the idea here is to find whatever works for you. If you can't make it work on your own like me, do meditation, do other things, try everything and see what works, you need to find a way to stop paying attention to the thoughts. I can see it happens so fast for you, you said it only took half a minute to go from 0 to 100 and wake up on chat rooms and stuff. We all know how this goes, I'm sure everyone here had a period when everything happened so fast like that, I had a period in my life some years ago when I entered "Autopilot" I basically just woke up in front of the computer watching. And I used to go crazy about it, "How do I stop myself from waking up here?" But it gets better with time and practice, you will get to a point where you can see it coming, your reaction time will get better and faster. But before this, you have to find a thing to use to help you disengage from the thoughts. Then with practice this will become faster and a habit in itself, you will get to the point where it's automatic. But again, practice and patience are necessary. I didn't jump right into this method at the beginning of the year out of nowhere, I've practiced it in the past, I've achieved some success in the summer of 2021 but it didn't go very well because it was not tight yet but eventually I got to the point where it started working better. You got this, bro! I'm sure you'll figure it out! Never stop searching what works for you.

 

[GeminiMan]

Have you tried mindfulness training, like through headspace app? A big part of mindfulness is learning to just observe what is happening in your mind rather than engaging. I've only dabbled but it may help (with time and practice).

I am not a therapist/psychologist/doctor, but ACT seems to help some people. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapy-types/acceptance-and-commitment-therapy

The book The Happiness Trap teaches you some at home ACT. I haven't finished but I think there are somme useful concepts and exercises in it.

I have installed headspace app to try out mindfulness meditation for few days and then I will be able to see if it is helping actually. But I thank you for this suggestion @logicprox .
I am also now listening to the audiobook called “headspace guide to meditation” from Andy

 

[GeminiMan]

I feel you, man. There was a time when I couldn't do it at all, I felt like I couldn't stop thinking about those images in my head. But with training, it should get better, it did for me. Maybe looking into some practices, like what @Logiprox talks about could help if you find that you really can't do it other way, I personally developed a way on my own to avoid the fantasies and thoughts. What I do is I divert my attention to something else. I either focus harder on what I'm doing or I imagine myself doing other activity, to replace the porn that play in my mind with a clip of me doing something. Also the mindset is important. I tell myself things like: "You've made it to far, you know that going to day 1 will be very devastating for you." ; "If you start edging to porn now, it will be an euphoric activity for only some minutes then you always get drained and regret starting in the first place, it's not worth it." ; "You want to check out if you high social anxiety is porn created so you need to go on without porn." And stuff like that, you know what I'm saying? But the mindset alone would not work without the "Keep porn dopamine low" practice that I follow. Keeping the porn dopamine low I dare to say it's a must in any reboot. But, the idea here is to find whatever works for you. If you can't make it work on your own like me, do meditation, do other things, try everything and see what works, you need to find a way to stop paying attention to the thoughts. I can see it happens so fast for you, you said it only took half a minute to go from 0 to 100 and wake up on chat rooms and stuff. We all know how this goes, I'm sure everyone here had a period when everything happened so fast like that, I had a period in my life some years ago when I entered "Autopilot" I basically just woke up in front of the computer watching. And I used to go crazy about it, "How do I stop myself from waking up here?" But it gets better with time and practice, you will get to a point where you can see it coming, your reaction time will get better and faster. But before this, you have to find a thing to use to help you disengage from the thoughts. Then with practice this will become faster and a habit in itself, you will get to the point where it's automatic. But again, practice and patience are necessary. I didn't jump right into this method at the beginning of the year out of nowhere, I've practiced it in the past, I've achieved some success in the summer of 2021 but it didn't go very well because it was not tight yet but eventually I got to the point where it started working better. You got this, bro! I'm sure you'll figure it out! Never stop searching what works for you.

Interesting to hear your progress @Escapeandnevercomeback . It sounds like a great success story to me ! Glad you are not letting your self down .

it took a while for you to increase the reaction time once your mind hits dopamine all of a sudden catching you off guard in response to some strange set of events in your daily life .

I need to hit a pause as soon as the P/chat euphoria starts playing in the background of my head all of a sudden and tries to suck me into acting out to another relapse .

in that that moment of pause is my only chance to think “what else can I do right now so I don’t slip down the slippery slope and feel miserable again” and act right to save the hour and the day . And then basically repeat this over and over again until the last breathe I am gifted upon to live by .

it feels like an impossible thing I could ever be able to do in my lifetime. But I can only do this if I think it is “really possible if I want it and I enjoy doing it all along”

 

[logicprox]

I have installed headspace app to try out mindfulness meditation for few days and then I will be able to see if it is helping actually. But I thank you for this suggestion @logicprox .
I am also now listening to the audiobook called “headspace guide to meditation” from Andy

It definitely doesn't happen all at once, but I have noticed benefit over time in my ability to just identify and let thoughts pass by. Hope it's helpful for you!

 

[Escapeandnevercomeback]

Interesting to hear your progress @Escapeandnevercomeback . It sounds like a great success story to me ! Glad you are not letting your self down .

it took a while for you to increase the reaction time once your mind hits dopamine all of a sudden catching you off guard in response to some strange set of events in your daily life .

I need to hit a pause as soon as the P/chat euphoria starts playing in the background of my head all of a sudden and tries to suck me into acting out to another relapse .

in that that moment of pause is my only chance to think “what else can I do right now so I don’t slip down the slippery slope and feel miserable again” and act right to save the hour and the day . And then basically repeat this over and over again until the last breathe I am gifted upon to live by .

it feels like an impossible thing I could ever be able to do in my lifetime. But I can only do this if I think it is “really possible if I want it and I enjoy doing it all along”

It will definitely start to work once you find a way to avoid paying attention to the thoughts. It's impossible not to work. If a guy like me who used to relapse himself into an oblivion over and over again with streaks under 10 days could find a way, everybody can find a way. Porn had an advantage until I understood how simple is actually the way this addiction works. William's page helped me here. I wouldn't have done it without him and his thread. That's when I started to develop my "Avoid to engage with the porn thoughts" thing. Actually, I would like to call it "Keeping the (porn) dopamine low". But it didn't start working over night, you have to keep in mind that it might take a while until it starts functioning right, like practicing a skill, or maybe it could work faster for you, only you can say. You could read William's thread as well if you want, it made all the difference for me. There was a period in my life when I didn't think I could do it either. The porn process in my head seemed so fast, but now, even if it's about seconds, I see the whole thing, it slows down like the bullets in the Matrix. You can do it, bro! Don't lose hope! Courage is the answer to despair.

 

[GeminiMan]

It will definitely start to work once you find a way to avoid paying attention to the thoughts. It's impossible not to work. If a guy like me who used to relapse himself into an oblivion over and over again with streaks under 10 days could find a way, everybody can find a way. Porn had an advantage until I understood how simple is actually the way this addiction works. William's page helped me here. I wouldn't have done it without him and his thread. That's when I started to develop my "Avoid to engage with the porn thoughts" thing. Actually, I would like to call it "Keeping the (porn) dopamine low". But it didn't start working over night, you have to keep in mind that it might take a while until it starts functioning right, like practicing a skill, or maybe it could work faster for you, only you can say. You could read William's thread as well if you want, it made all the difference for me. There was a period in my life when I didn't think I could do it either. The porn process in my head seemed so fast, but now, even if it's about seconds, I see the whole thing, it slows down like the bullets in the Matrix. You can do it, bro! Don't lose hope! Courage is the answer to despair.

Yes I agree .
Learning to disengage from P thoughts that can start in your head automatically is a skill . And it could be helpful to know for our own unique life situations when do those automatic triggers set off .
I like what I am learning from headspace guide to meditation book so far .

the author talks about thoughts in your mind like traffic on a highway and how we start liking specific cars on the highway and run behind them to drive them and enjoy . And untill you learn to let the cars pass as you see them go by with a calm mind you will suffer from these compulsive thoughts that make you do compulsive things and make you miserable.

ok day 5 today . need to stay watchful and disengage from compulsive thoughts in my mind from now on. I know it can’t be learn in one go but atleast I can increase my chances of success if I practice this long enough .

Good work everyone . Stay sober . Stay Happy .

 

[joyfulhealingmetta98]

Hi man_in_30s_rebootingnow, great journal and thanks for sharing your lessons. I think meditation is a very powerful tool in this journey for sure.

One thing I that I found helpful that comes to mind as I read your posts, understanding your thoughts and thinking is critical. But taking it one step deeper and going into the emotions, thats what I found really helping me. So you have the thought, then pause, try and feel whatever emotion is coming up, try and analyze why that emotion is there, and try and analyze how porn might be helping you deal with that emotion, and in that moment, realize you can deal with it in another way.

My example: almost just had a relapse. The thought in my mind was: I'm home alone, I have nothing to do for the next few hours. As I put my phone down and worked through the thought and the underlying emotion, I found what I'm really feeling is overwhelmed. I have so many things I need to be doing for my job, long-term career, home, upcoming event planning, etc. and porn is a way of dealing with that overwhelming emotion. A healthier way to deal with it is to make a list of things I have to do and prioritize them so I dont feel less overwhelmed. Did that and the drive to watch porn went away as the underlying emotion behind it has been "worked with"

Just an exercise worth trying and seeing if it lands well with you.

 

[Escapeandnevercomeback]

Yes I agree .
Learning to disengage from P thoughts that can start in your head automatically is a skill . And it could be helpful to know for our own unique life situations when do those automatic triggers set off .

Definitely. It is a skill that can be trained and it can work really well. But the idea here is not to get desperate and not to beat yourself to the ground if it doesn't work right away. I messed with it last year, it worked but then I was stupid enough to forget about it, looking for the "magic solution", "the ultimate plan" or whatever the fuck. And when nothing worked, I was desperate and I went back to the basics and thus returned to this very method, which I like to describe as "Keep the porn dopamine low" and then I had success again. So I said: "You know what? Maybe this is it." Of course the recovery is more than that, but this is a good beginning.

 

[GeminiMan]

Hi man_in_30s_rebootingnow, great journal and thanks for sharing your lessons. I think meditation is a very powerful tool in this journey for sure.

One thing I that I found helpful that comes to mind as I read your posts, understanding your thoughts and thinking is critical. But taking it one step deeper and going into the emotions, thats what I found really helping me. So you have the thought, then pause, try and feel whatever emotion is coming up, try and analyze why that emotion is there, and try and analyze how porn might be helping you deal with that emotion, and in that moment, realize you can deal with it in another way.

My example: almost just had a relapse. The thought in my mind was: I'm home alone, I have nothing to do for the next few hours. As I put my phone down and worked through the thought and the underlying emotion, I found what I'm really feeling is overwhelmed. I have so many things I need to be doing for my job, long-term career, home, upcoming event planning, etc. and porn is a way of dealing with that overwhelming emotion. A healthier way to deal with it is to make a list of things I have to do and prioritize them so I dont feel less overwhelmed. Did that and the drive to watch porn went away as the underlying emotion behind it has been "worked with"

Just an exercise worth trying and seeing if it lands well with you.

Hey @joyfulhealingmetta98
I can relate to this a lot . I have found myself slipping into chat rooms or P chats as soon as I am having to deal with high stress situation such as when asked by my boss on a difficult project I am behind on or when my family is going crazy due to some minor issues in their day to day etc.
now the question is why am I hunkering down into P or chat rooms when stressed instead of looking into the eye of the problem and taking smaller positive steps to get these day to day mundane issues fixed and there by doing what is needed instead of putting myself in a worser position by chatting or watching P untill I MO only to find out the real life situations seem worse now than they actually are!

I think a moment of pause we can learn to experience when stressed out or feeling lonely n bored or simply feeling low can go a long way in saving the hour and the day and moving on to another sober day of progressive reboot and followed by happiness that “yes I did what I am supposed to do instead of torturing myself with P or chatroom” is what I am looking forward to achieve in my day to day and long term .

 

[GeminiMan]

Definitely. It is a skill that can be trained and it can work really well. But the idea here is not to get desperate and not to beat yourself to the ground if it doesn't work right away. I messed with it last year, it worked but then I was stupid enough to forget about it, looking for the "magic solution", "the ultimate plan" or whatever the fuck. And when nothing worked, I was desperate and I went back to the basics and thus returned to this very method, which I like to describe as "Keep the porn dopamine low" and then I had success again. So I said: "You know what? Maybe this is it." Of course the recovery is more than that, but this is a good beginning.

Well said @Escapeandnevercomeback .
Not getting desperate n not putting too much pressure on yourself and Sticking to basics and gently plucking yourself out of wild plant is the way to go sometimes !

 

[GeminiMan]

Day 6 today going ok . Busy day

 

[GeminiMan]

Day 6 afternoon I was not lonely I was in the middle of my family but I started feeling some kind of discomfort in my body and head and I was feeling like I should go chat and relapse repeatedly in my mind .
so I did go up to my attic pretended to be working on something by myself alone while I touched myself and slipped into chat rooms in seconds and started acting out .

suddenly I thought all the promises I made to myself and all the learning I have been doing for reboot and so I closed my eyes and meditated on god praying to help me get over this as I took peeks at phone and again closed my eyes to meditate and pray and peek again . This went on in cycles for sometime .

then As if a miracle my wife knocked on my door and said she needed some help and saving me from MO and a relapse . I took this as an opportunity to hold myself and never went back to chat sites after that . It was a very weak moment but I am happy to put that behind and move on to day 7 tomorrow without relapsing today .

 

[GeminiMan]

Day 6
I am struggling so much . It’s like my brain won’t turn off untill I MO . I am resisting somewhat but it is pushing me back to chat rooms it’s a hell of a day . I will go to sleep atleast I would have finished day 6 without MO .

 

[GeminiMan]

Day 7
Yesterday was tough . I want to stay sober today and move on from yesterday’s mistakes . The compulsive thoughts attacked me relentlessly yesterday making me miserably caught in between two minds whether to relapse or hold on .

I will not let myself think of P or chat rooms today . I pray to god to Let me plough through this rough phase and recover and salvage my reboot .

 

[GeminiMan]

Day 7
I am struggling with urges today. It’s like I know I should not open the browser and type chatroom url but I do exactly that over and over again and I stop sometimes and continue chatting again . I pray to god , feel guilty for what I am thinking and do the thing again and open browser and type url or chat site . It’s messy .

This has happened in the past . Many times . But I see that this time I am pausing , taking moments to nod my head negatively at myself and my state and coming here to write the whole experience in my blog . “Change is messy” I guess . I have technically relapsed already and should reset my counter though I have not MO Ed . But I am thinking why should I do that acting out when I know there is plenty of pain at the end of the session . That is something warning me repeatedly in my mind .

one thing is for sure . It is getting worse as I go in cycles about start stop sessions from last 2 days . I will be better off culling it cold turkey and walk on without resetting my counter encouraging myself to go on and establish a new response to raging urges and a new status quo that is “abstain to be happy and contented to be in the reboot safe heavens”

 

[GeminiMan]

Day 8
I need to split my counters here

MO -> 8 days
Chat sites -> 1 day
P -> 8 days

I will keep up my work .

MI30S

 

[GeminiMan]

Day 9

MO-> 9 days
P -> 9 days
Chat sites - 0 days

what is going on with me is I am sliding down into chat sites numerous times a day . Chat filthy and then stop to feel guilty before I MO and then start stop cycles .

I see that I am able to stop myself from MO ing to chats but unable to stop myself from starting a web browser and logging on to chat website .
I need to start doing that to sustain my reboot journey or else it will be nothing but Edging to chat sites indefinitely which is worse !

I get these chat thoughts in my mind from previous sessions and there I go . I pick up my phone fire up the browser and I am chatting filthy and the dopamine production is accelerating and then I remind myself of the consequences of MO and feelin miserable at the end so I stop .
only to recall previous chat session after few hours and I am on chat site yet again .

Now I will take this to next level . I will stop myself from starting my web browser and typing chat site url . Actually I need to do this as soon as I get previous chat sessions recall I should switch in a second to another activity “saving the moment” and resulting carnage to my brain from dopamine .

 

[GeminiMan]

Day 10
Relapse

I did not choose to progress in my reboot at day 9 end . Ended up chatting P watching and MO Ed.

Could I have avoided this ?
yes . But I did not choose to avoid all this and progress my reboot further .

who is to be blamed ?
my thoughts which I could have diverted if I wanted to .
My tendencies to logon on chat sites and thinking that it is needed for me to “survive”.
I could have survived without it . I am to be blamed . So I accept the responsibility for my failure here .

day 1 tomorrow

 

[GeminiMan]

Day 1
Relapse again

i made poor choice to enter chat room and MO to chats again feeling miserable at the end .

I don’t see any real life commitment in my heart and minds to hit my goal for real to achieve 100% sober life .

it is only a far dream as of now . One that I look at it like a fruit on top of a mountain peak .

Day 1 tomorrow

 

[GeminiMan]

All my life (from puberty) has gone on making poor choices with internet P and chat rooms and explicit websites . I wish to live a clean sober life with no addictions present in my life . I know only I can help myself achieve this no one else for real . But still I hope that someone else will do it for me, there will be a miracle tomorrow and then I relapse today . This is my life story .
until I realize I have control of my choices and only I can help myself reboot and succeed , untill I stop procrastinating my reboot journey I am a failure atleast in my personal private life .

I may have money , fame , family , career and properties . But none of that matters when I am a failure in my personal private life and I am a fallen man in my own eyes .

I need to gather , lift myself up and walk the talk now . Nothing else will do .