First time posting here. Want to get rid of this. I heard support helps.
- Thread starter k-fff
- Start date
Day 9
posting this in the morning for me. I almost had a relapse just now. Triggers on my phone from previous searches I was trying to clear up. I saw a picture and that was it. I successfully cleared the history without any further problems. I posting now to remind myself for the rest of the day why I want to quit p. I want to quit p because it takes control of me and it essentially puts me in a trance. I allow this outside thing to control me for hours and hours on end. I do not want that anymore. I am tired of it. I am tired of edging for hours on end. I am tired of feeling ashamed and depressed afterward. I am tired of my mood swinging from extreme to extreme as the result of bingeing. This streak I will make it to 90 days. I am in control. P is not my master.
posting this in the morning for me. I almost had a relapse just now. Triggers on my phone from previous searches I was trying to clear up. I saw a picture and that was it. I successfully cleared the history without any further problems. I posting now to remind myself for the rest of the day why I want to quit p. I want to quit p because it takes control of me and it essentially puts me in a trance. I allow this outside thing to control me for hours and hours on end. I do not want that anymore. I am tired of it. I am tired of edging for hours on end. I am tired of feeling ashamed and depressed afterward. I am tired of my mood swinging from extreme to extreme as the result of bingeing. This streak I will make it to 90 days. I am in control. P is not my master.
Day 10
Work is shit as usual. I am writing here to continually remind myself why I am doing this. I am trying to get rid of this parasite on my mind and my life because it has destroyed my productivity, made sex significantly less enjoyable, destroyed one relationship, and I have damaged three years of my life because of it. I let it take control of me for hours on end and whole days were wasted on it. I am regaining control every single day I don't artificially stimulate my brain. I hate p and it is not my master.
Work is shit as usual. I am writing here to continually remind myself why I am doing this. I am trying to get rid of this parasite on my mind and my life because it has destroyed my productivity, made sex significantly less enjoyable, destroyed one relationship, and I have damaged three years of my life because of it. I let it take control of me for hours on end and whole days were wasted on it. I am regaining control every single day I don't artificially stimulate my brain. I hate p and it is not my master.
Yea, Zander, I have to remind myself every day or I am really susceptible to relapse. If I don't remind myself what this stuff does to me, I will get too comfortable and urges will creep up.
Day 11
posting here again as I reminder of why I don't ever want to use p again. I have been trouble with p fantasies lately especially when I am going to bed. I will think about previous scenes and movies I liked. This happened last night and today while taking naps. Also, just in the shower. The boredom is really setting in now so so is the urges. I don't want to let p control my life anymore. It puts me in a trance for hours on end where I just edge and imagine myself in the situation. It has sucked days of my life away from me. That behavior was my master and I allowed it to dictate my life completely. I don't ever want to repeat that.
Day 11
posting here again as I reminder of why I don't ever want to use p again. I have been trouble with p fantasies lately especially when I am going to bed. I will think about previous scenes and movies I liked. This happened last night and today while taking naps. Also, just in the shower. The boredom is really setting in now so so is the urges. I don't want to let p control my life anymore. It puts me in a trance for hours on end where I just edge and imagine myself in the situation. It has sucked days of my life away from me. That behavior was my master and I allowed it to dictate my life completely. I don't ever want to repeat that.
Day 12
reminder of why I don't want to use p. It crushes my emotional state to where my emotions become extremely numbed. It also makes me have extreme mood and energy swings that I wouldn't normally have. It has drained me of days of my life. That is how many hours I have spent edging and searching; I hate what I have allow it to do to me. I am regaining control and p is not my master.
reminder of why I don't want to use p. It crushes my emotional state to where my emotions become extremely numbed. It also makes me have extreme mood and energy swings that I wouldn't normally have. It has drained me of days of my life. That is how many hours I have spent edging and searching; I hate what I have allow it to do to me. I am regaining control and p is not my master.
Day 13
I haven't had much urges lately. It will be here and there. I mostly feel okay. I am frustrated with my life situation right now. I am getting depressed which is okay. It is expected; at this point, being free from p is enough. Hurting my lower back has put competition on hold again. I am mostly depressed about that. I hate my job. I am tired of living in a foreign country. I am tired of the food here. I am just tired. Day 13 reminder of why I want to quit p. It has damaged 3 years of my life, destroyed days of my life that I can't ever back, lessened the enjoyment and fulfillment of sex, irreparably damaged my ex gf, and it takes control of me like someone hypnotized. I let it control me and I let the rush of dopamine numb emotions like what I am feeling now. Every time I get longer in my days I start thinking about my frustrations and the great swell of depression in my chest. I don't think I am insecure like others might be, but I definitely feel a sadness. This is normal for my reboot the last long reboot I had bouts like this. I am regaining control everyday; p is not my master.
I haven't had much urges lately. It will be here and there. I mostly feel okay. I am frustrated with my life situation right now. I am getting depressed which is okay. It is expected; at this point, being free from p is enough. Hurting my lower back has put competition on hold again. I am mostly depressed about that. I hate my job. I am tired of living in a foreign country. I am tired of the food here. I am just tired. Day 13 reminder of why I want to quit p. It has damaged 3 years of my life, destroyed days of my life that I can't ever back, lessened the enjoyment and fulfillment of sex, irreparably damaged my ex gf, and it takes control of me like someone hypnotized. I let it control me and I let the rush of dopamine numb emotions like what I am feeling now. Every time I get longer in my days I start thinking about my frustrations and the great swell of depression in my chest. I don't think I am insecure like others might be, but I definitely feel a sadness. This is normal for my reboot the last long reboot I had bouts like this. I am regaining control everyday; p is not my master.
Hey k-fff,
doing yoga is really helpful against back pain. I had similar problems the last years. Got much better. I know its difficult for you to just go to youtube and find some stuff. Maybe you can consider taking a class?
You have got to go through this now. If you want to change your life for the better getting rid of porn for good is a very good first step. Its your only chance to be truly happy one day.
You got this.
doing yoga is really helpful against back pain. I had similar problems the last years. Got much better. I know its difficult for you to just go to youtube and find some stuff. Maybe you can consider taking a class?
You have got to go through this now. If you want to change your life for the better getting rid of porn for good is a very good first step. Its your only chance to be truly happy one day.
You got this.
End of the day post here,
I had a realization today, but it is probably obvious to other guys; I think why I have relapsed in the past was actually just because of interactions with women. I just got done hanging out with a girl and now because I was attracted I am thinking about sex obviously. Since, I didn't get any my mind goes to p. This also explains why my urges have been quite low certain weeks since I wasn't really interacting with anybody I was attracted to. My mind wouldn't want to put the work in to get a relationship like normal and instead rush to p as a way to cope with the longing I felt. I searched a site a few minutes ago and it was blocked on my phone so there was nothing to see. I stopped immediately realizing what my brain was doing here. What's sad about this I also think this would happen even after sex and this partially explains why I was unable to have success while dating someone. Having orgasms constantly and the stimulation all the time was just feeding the dopamine problem. When I couldn't feed it through my gf, I fed it through p. What makes me sad about my past relationship, there was never a significant time where I was with her and I wasn't using p. I never had a chance to experience that relationship without p contaminating everything that depresses me and I know I did things that I would have never normally did because of my p problem. I don't think I can tolerate interacting with women in any way beyond a work environment for my reboot. I am gonna try one more time with a girl today and see, but if I get urges again I cannot afford to risk my progress.
I had a realization today, but it is probably obvious to other guys; I think why I have relapsed in the past was actually just because of interactions with women. I just got done hanging out with a girl and now because I was attracted I am thinking about sex obviously. Since, I didn't get any my mind goes to p. This also explains why my urges have been quite low certain weeks since I wasn't really interacting with anybody I was attracted to. My mind wouldn't want to put the work in to get a relationship like normal and instead rush to p as a way to cope with the longing I felt. I searched a site a few minutes ago and it was blocked on my phone so there was nothing to see. I stopped immediately realizing what my brain was doing here. What's sad about this I also think this would happen even after sex and this partially explains why I was unable to have success while dating someone. Having orgasms constantly and the stimulation all the time was just feeding the dopamine problem. When I couldn't feed it through my gf, I fed it through p. What makes me sad about my past relationship, there was never a significant time where I was with her and I wasn't using p. I never had a chance to experience that relationship without p contaminating everything that depresses me and I know I did things that I would have never normally did because of my p problem. I don't think I can tolerate interacting with women in any way beyond a work environment for my reboot. I am gonna try one more time with a girl today and see, but if I get urges again I cannot afford to risk my progress.
Day 14
had two O's don't really want to go into detail; I have a little brain fog, but so far no severe chaser effect. I do feel like crap afterward though. I don't think I want to have sex for the rest of the 90 days. It doesn't seem like a good idea given the fact that I can get a bad chaser effect. This is mainly a reminder though of why I want to quit porn. It wastes my time. It drained my time away from me for days and days. I was doing nothing, but edging. I hate that I let it control me like that. P is not my master.
had two O's don't really want to go into detail; I have a little brain fog, but so far no severe chaser effect. I do feel like crap afterward though. I don't think I want to have sex for the rest of the 90 days. It doesn't seem like a good idea given the fact that I can get a bad chaser effect. This is mainly a reminder though of why I want to quit porn. It wastes my time. It drained my time away from me for days and days. I was doing nothing, but edging. I hate that I let it control me like that. P is not my master.
Day 15
This post is to remind me of why I want to quit p. It basically ruined 3 years of my life and severely damaged a relationship. It probably was one of the main reasons my previous relationship failed. I have spent hours upon hours edging and searching for new videos. I developed an odd fetish that I will probably never be able to get rid of. I have lost days entire days to this thing. I am regaining control everyday. P is not my master.
This post is to remind me of why I want to quit p. It basically ruined 3 years of my life and severely damaged a relationship. It probably was one of the main reasons my previous relationship failed. I have spent hours upon hours edging and searching for new videos. I developed an odd fetish that I will probably never be able to get rid of. I have lost days entire days to this thing. I am regaining control everyday. P is not my master.
Day 16
I have been getting flashes of urges and some random fantasy. If I don't fantasize, urges are nonexistent. I don't have many of the same bad habits with instagram or other social media that others have and it is a godsend. I am making this post to remind myself why I want to quit p. It ruined 3 years of my life. It ruined my relationship and the worst part is it took away hours and days at a time away from my life. P is not my master. I am regaining control everyday.
I have been getting flashes of urges and some random fantasy. If I don't fantasize, urges are nonexistent. I don't have many of the same bad habits with instagram or other social media that others have and it is a godsend. I am making this post to remind myself why I want to quit p. It ruined 3 years of my life. It ruined my relationship and the worst part is it took away hours and days at a time away from my life. P is not my master. I am regaining control everyday.
zander13
Active Member
I like how you're exploring your reasons why you want the addiction to end. It's different than just simply "trying not to click on a site and put my hand on my dick". Just keep working hard. Do everything you can do combat this sonuvabitch. Prove to your subconscious that you take yourself serious enough to put the work in. Self-esteem grows out of that kind of fertile soil. Sounds like a self-help book but those little platitudes have some truth to them.
I hate giving advice to a particular person, because who the fuck am I, so take all this with a grain of salt.
Good luck.
I hate giving advice to a particular person, because who the fuck am I, so take all this with a grain of salt.
Good luck.
Hey, Zander, thanks for the advice. I just realized after your response to me and what I should do to deal with urges what I needed to do. I have to remind myself why I want to quit this and just avoid the triggers. For me, looking back I had always engaged in behavior that had been very triggering. It either created urges or made them worse. What helps the most for me in my case is understanding why I want to quit and everyday comparing that with the behavior itself. If I don't do that, it becomes very easy to rationalize to myself why I want to start using again.
Day 18
I had a lot of urges this morning. They were easier to deal with than in the past. I caught myself rationalizing trying to watch another video again. At this point, I always need to tell myself why I want to quit this. P ruined my attention span and it also has screwed up many relationships and opportunities. It was a drain of my time and energy. P is not my master.
Day 18
I had a lot of urges this morning. They were easier to deal with than in the past. I caught myself rationalizing trying to watch another video again. At this point, I always need to tell myself why I want to quit this. P ruined my attention span and it also has screwed up many relationships and opportunities. It was a drain of my time and energy. P is not my master.
Day 19
Day 18 was filled with horrible urges I avoided them just by having dinner with someone. Today is similar getting urges again. I realize now before with my longer streaks I wondered why I stopped using. My brain always tells me I can use and be done no need to binge, but because this is an issue I end up bingeing. I end up getting into an awful cycle of bingeing and downloading a stash then deleting the stash only to download it again. I am ready to stop even with the urges I am having. I am tired of p. I want to quit it because it has ruined my productivity when I am not using I improve drastically at my hobbies, but whenever I use p, my life crawls to a halt and I make no headway at all. For me p, just uses up my time besides messing with my enjoyment and interest in women. It has sucked away so much of my time. This is one of the worst parts about it. I am in control. P is not my master
Day 18 was filled with horrible urges I avoided them just by having dinner with someone. Today is similar getting urges again. I realize now before with my longer streaks I wondered why I stopped using. My brain always tells me I can use and be done no need to binge, but because this is an issue I end up bingeing. I end up getting into an awful cycle of bingeing and downloading a stash then deleting the stash only to download it again. I am ready to stop even with the urges I am having. I am tired of p. I want to quit it because it has ruined my productivity when I am not using I improve drastically at my hobbies, but whenever I use p, my life crawls to a halt and I make no headway at all. For me p, just uses up my time besides messing with my enjoyment and interest in women. It has sucked away so much of my time. This is one of the worst parts about it. I am in control. P is not my master