Pushing back!
- Thread starter Chris Oz
- Start date
Chris Oz
Well-Known Member
Day 2 of 90
This morning was hard for me. Had urges that had me browsing about sex dolls.
I was going through so many thoughts.... I wanted to find a way to help myself through masturbating but couldn't find a proper place as I was in my brothers home. I began stroking still.... I made a little prayer in my heart and the urges began to decline really well.
But the addict in me wanted a full blown out revelation from the curious thoughts in my mind. I began stroking... And it was only the reasoning that I had no spare pants here and I'd make a mess ; also as I was about to watch something like real porn with sex dolls .... And then I realize that once I click on the link in front of me... I wasn't gonna come back and my 90 daychallenge would be over....that's when there was a huge halt... And I found a way to just try to get myself to sleep.
Mehn what a night... The trigger was a young lady sleeping by my side who seemed sexy and things just began entering my mind.
I have to keep trying to beat this thing... I see how screwed my mind is. I'd just say I was out of the environment I'd normally be able to do something about it. I'm glad I stopped when I did.....
But there's so much to learn from this experience. I realize that t he act of thinking alone about other things directing the focus of your mind to something else like counting sheep or try to remember something vague or complicated... Just thinking helps!
Prayer helped... When u called out earnestly in my heart... It worked... The urges began declining
From what I learnt today here, coming here to read stories of people also in the fight, which helps me to realize how messed up and troublesome pornography is also helps!
Masturbation too has helped me in the past... But getting myself to turn to that direction... without the adrenaline pumping or hormone engulfed drive with watching porn is very difficult when I have the urges...
So my resolution or idea from all of this, to further help me on my path on this hour ey and challenge is this,
In those moments when I have all these urges that seems so uncontrollable, I'd make a pact with myself that, before I watch porn I'd get myself to do the three methods that worked today above :
- Prayers to My God, my HP for strength to overcome and a way out.... Could just be in my heart in those moments
- Thinking of the reasons why I want to stop all of this, why I'm in the challenge.
- Three coming here to read up stories to the very end of the thread
And then if afterwards I still have a full out boner... Then I'd watch porn, but if not and the urges are down, the boner is gone or/and Its just me willing myself back to my curious mind of wanting to watch porn... Then the deal is off... No porn, I'd call it quits and if I want to alleviate the pain or torture if missing something... I can decide to just go masturbated without any material of course.
For me, the idea is that I know or I'm trusting that the methods are fail safe and that it would surely get my urges down.... It's just al a fun idea of dealing with this and I feel it'd work and be cool.
From time to time, I'd add other methods that I need could help that I'd need to go through before deciding to help make them more fail safe.... I'm thinking cold baths but haven't tried it still
Well the idea is not that I'm putting all of my trust in this process to get me out of watching porn... If you watch it still depends on my trust in my HP and this community... But sometimes we just need practical ways to apply or make them much more real with our situations... You get?
Anyways hoping to have another porn free day again. Sorry for the long post, just had to share... So much learnt!
Keep pushing back man!
This morning was hard for me. Had urges that had me browsing about sex dolls.
I was going through so many thoughts.... I wanted to find a way to help myself through masturbating but couldn't find a proper place as I was in my brothers home. I began stroking still.... I made a little prayer in my heart and the urges began to decline really well.
But the addict in me wanted a full blown out revelation from the curious thoughts in my mind. I began stroking... And it was only the reasoning that I had no spare pants here and I'd make a mess ; also as I was about to watch something like real porn with sex dolls .... And then I realize that once I click on the link in front of me... I wasn't gonna come back and my 90 daychallenge would be over....that's when there was a huge halt... And I found a way to just try to get myself to sleep.
Mehn what a night... The trigger was a young lady sleeping by my side who seemed sexy and things just began entering my mind.
I have to keep trying to beat this thing... I see how screwed my mind is. I'd just say I was out of the environment I'd normally be able to do something about it. I'm glad I stopped when I did.....
But there's so much to learn from this experience. I realize that t he act of thinking alone about other things directing the focus of your mind to something else like counting sheep or try to remember something vague or complicated... Just thinking helps!
Prayer helped... When u called out earnestly in my heart... It worked... The urges began declining
From what I learnt today here, coming here to read stories of people also in the fight, which helps me to realize how messed up and troublesome pornography is also helps!
Masturbation too has helped me in the past... But getting myself to turn to that direction... without the adrenaline pumping or hormone engulfed drive with watching porn is very difficult when I have the urges...
So my resolution or idea from all of this, to further help me on my path on this hour ey and challenge is this,
In those moments when I have all these urges that seems so uncontrollable, I'd make a pact with myself that, before I watch porn I'd get myself to do the three methods that worked today above :
- Prayers to My God, my HP for strength to overcome and a way out.... Could just be in my heart in those moments
- Thinking of the reasons why I want to stop all of this, why I'm in the challenge.
- Three coming here to read up stories to the very end of the thread
And then if afterwards I still have a full out boner... Then I'd watch porn, but if not and the urges are down, the boner is gone or/and Its just me willing myself back to my curious mind of wanting to watch porn... Then the deal is off... No porn, I'd call it quits and if I want to alleviate the pain or torture if missing something... I can decide to just go masturbated without any material of course.
For me, the idea is that I know or I'm trusting that the methods are fail safe and that it would surely get my urges down.... It's just al a fun idea of dealing with this and I feel it'd work and be cool.
From time to time, I'd add other methods that I need could help that I'd need to go through before deciding to help make them more fail safe.... I'm thinking cold baths but haven't tried it still
Well the idea is not that I'm putting all of my trust in this process to get me out of watching porn... If you watch it still depends on my trust in my HP and this community... But sometimes we just need practical ways to apply or make them much more real with our situations... You get?
Anyways hoping to have another porn free day again. Sorry for the long post, just had to share... So much learnt!
Keep pushing back man!
Chris Oz
Well-Known Member
I'm on day 6 of my 90 day challenge
I didn't post yesterday or in a while ... Was so tired in the night when I was supposed to, I slept off. I'm still in the early hours of today so I'd talk about yesterday.
So I have been so focused on the trainings I'm having that I don't dwell on pornographic thoughts... But they do come in once in a while.
Yesterday I felt there I was beginning to get consistent little urges and that it was building up... So I decided to go in and just decompress through masturbation. It's amazing when to masturbated is more of a choice rather than a compelling action. I go longer, it certainly doesn't have any PIED effect, in a way it's more natural. I kinda enjoy it more... Somehow... I'm not really sure.
Anyways, I feel it's important to set the amount of times I'm allowed to masturbate in a week so it doesn't become another compulsive behavior... That drags me back to porn... Cause I feel the ugly head of porn seeping in at the end of a masturbation act.
I recognize that it's not like I don't... Find images to put in my head while doing it.. Or try to find scenarios to put myself in.... It's already a habit that has been borne out of porn... But as I don't have porn or nude images in front of me... That's changing... It's getting cleaner... The images a little bit faded. I find myself making small challenges like this.. Maybe 10 minutes before I cum. How to last longer during sex if it was a sex act. I'm not really thinking about the porn content and what should be happening and connecting the woman in a video with the people I know - objectifying women.... It's better
Anyways, I side tracked. So I think it's best I put in a limit. There's the slight tendency that porn can masturbation can lead me Back to porn.... Maybe wanting to feel everything again the way it used to be or my curiosity getting out of hand.
So I'm just gonna say for now, 2 times a week..... When I have more control then it could be more or less however....
So that's my update. I hope you're doing fine on your journey and with the challenge.
Today I'm gonna do something crazy and watch the movie 300: rise of empire. I know there's a sex scene in it... But there's so much more to the movie and it's been a long time I watched... The bravery the men showed and the chant we are sparta ahoo ahoo ahoo....i really want to watch it.
But I'd observe my feelings during the sex part and hopefully I'd talk about how to deal with sex scenes when we come across them later on.
I got an idea from a friend about setting up a nice reward at the end of the challenge which seems very nice... And motivating. I would think more on that.
Keep pushing back!
Chris
I didn't post yesterday or in a while ... Was so tired in the night when I was supposed to, I slept off. I'm still in the early hours of today so I'd talk about yesterday.
So I have been so focused on the trainings I'm having that I don't dwell on pornographic thoughts... But they do come in once in a while.
Yesterday I felt there I was beginning to get consistent little urges and that it was building up... So I decided to go in and just decompress through masturbation. It's amazing when to masturbated is more of a choice rather than a compelling action. I go longer, it certainly doesn't have any PIED effect, in a way it's more natural. I kinda enjoy it more... Somehow... I'm not really sure.
Anyways, I feel it's important to set the amount of times I'm allowed to masturbate in a week so it doesn't become another compulsive behavior... That drags me back to porn... Cause I feel the ugly head of porn seeping in at the end of a masturbation act.
I recognize that it's not like I don't... Find images to put in my head while doing it.. Or try to find scenarios to put myself in.... It's already a habit that has been borne out of porn... But as I don't have porn or nude images in front of me... That's changing... It's getting cleaner... The images a little bit faded. I find myself making small challenges like this.. Maybe 10 minutes before I cum. How to last longer during sex if it was a sex act. I'm not really thinking about the porn content and what should be happening and connecting the woman in a video with the people I know - objectifying women.... It's better
Anyways, I side tracked. So I think it's best I put in a limit. There's the slight tendency that porn can masturbation can lead me Back to porn.... Maybe wanting to feel everything again the way it used to be or my curiosity getting out of hand.
So I'm just gonna say for now, 2 times a week..... When I have more control then it could be more or less however....
So that's my update. I hope you're doing fine on your journey and with the challenge.
Today I'm gonna do something crazy and watch the movie 300: rise of empire. I know there's a sex scene in it... But there's so much more to the movie and it's been a long time I watched... The bravery the men showed and the chant we are sparta ahoo ahoo ahoo....i really want to watch it.
But I'd observe my feelings during the sex part and hopefully I'd talk about how to deal with sex scenes when we come across them later on.
I got an idea from a friend about setting up a nice reward at the end of the challenge which seems very nice... And motivating. I would think more on that.
Keep pushing back!
Chris
I love the movie 300 
It's so motivating. The ahou! ahou! scene... is magic.
Cool update!
Personally I avoid masturbation because as you say it leads me back to porn and I enjoy the effects of abstinence. But I know some people do good with the "noporn" challenge instead of nofap. Stay strong!
It's so motivating. The ahou! ahou! scene... is magic. Cool update!
Personally I avoid masturbation because as you say it leads me back to porn and I enjoy the effects of abstinence. But I know some people do good with the "noporn" challenge instead of nofap. Stay strong!
Chris Oz
Well-Known Member
Day 7.
Today started with a few urges... Controlled it and then later ended them with light masturbation.
Yesterday, from the 300 movie... The sex scene I encountered as expected, made me very horny at that moment.... I immediately had a boner. But immediately the scene elapsed, it went away, all thoughts... The way the film was, it wasn't about the sex... It was more about the passion to fight for their natikn6and freedom, so the sex scene was more or less a distraction. Afterwards I didn't think about it and I was glad... I wasn't very much affected by it
I had a stressful day today. Went to sell guitar Capo at a market a while away. Had good sales which made me very happy... All thanks to God.
Still have a lot to do... And hoping to not drop out of exhaustion. The thing currently on my mind is some graphic design work I'm to do.
I'd sleep first and then do them when I wake up in the early hours of the morning.
I'm glad for another day of sobrierity from porn. Grateful!
I encourage you guys to keep doing your best to end this and fight for your freedom, your future.
I watched the movie 300....yesterday and it's incredible how these soldiers in the midst of insurmountable pressure and bleak odds, put their faith in the hands of their brothers while fighting in every battle. Like the way they need each other to overcome soldiers an enemy. Every battle, every tactic employed... For it to work, they always needed each other.
And I feel it's the same for this battle of ours.... For us to earn our freedom, we need to trust in each other and gain strength from our stories, techniques, struggles, defeat and wins. Only together!
Pushing back!
Chris
Today started with a few urges... Controlled it and then later ended them with light masturbation.
Yesterday, from the 300 movie... The sex scene I encountered as expected, made me very horny at that moment.... I immediately had a boner. But immediately the scene elapsed, it went away, all thoughts... The way the film was, it wasn't about the sex... It was more about the passion to fight for their natikn6and freedom, so the sex scene was more or less a distraction. Afterwards I didn't think about it and I was glad... I wasn't very much affected by it
I had a stressful day today. Went to sell guitar Capo at a market a while away. Had good sales which made me very happy... All thanks to God.
Still have a lot to do... And hoping to not drop out of exhaustion. The thing currently on my mind is some graphic design work I'm to do.
I'd sleep first and then do them when I wake up in the early hours of the morning.
I'm glad for another day of sobrierity from porn. Grateful!
I encourage you guys to keep doing your best to end this and fight for your freedom, your future.
I watched the movie 300....yesterday and it's incredible how these soldiers in the midst of insurmountable pressure and bleak odds, put their faith in the hands of their brothers while fighting in every battle. Like the way they need each other to overcome soldiers an enemy. Every battle, every tactic employed... For it to work, they always needed each other.
And I feel it's the same for this battle of ours.... For us to earn our freedom, we need to trust in each other and gain strength from our stories, techniques, struggles, defeat and wins. Only together!
Pushing back!
Chris
Chris Oz
Well-Known Member
Day 10 of 90 days challenge.
Wow... It's been a while I posted.
I haven't done my devotion or my usual outer circle activities for a while like 3 days now... And I had plenty urges yesterday till this morning. I think I'm gonna clip this so it does t turn into a relapse. First gonna go masturbate it out and then with the devotional get back to reconnecting with Hp. Choose an outer circle activity to do today and try to post daily from now on...
I think waiting till evenings to post most times escalate to the next day. And then I wait again... And it doesn't help.... So I'm going to post mid day and see how that works.
Thanks for your comment Kopp!
Keep pushing back!
Chris
Wow... It's been a while I posted.
I haven't done my devotion or my usual outer circle activities for a while like 3 days now... And I had plenty urges yesterday till this morning. I think I'm gonna clip this so it does t turn into a relapse. First gonna go masturbate it out and then with the devotional get back to reconnecting with Hp. Choose an outer circle activity to do today and try to post daily from now on...
I think waiting till evenings to post most times escalate to the next day. And then I wait again... And it doesn't help.... So I'm going to post mid day and see how that works.
Thanks for your comment Kopp!
Keep pushing back!
Chris
Chris Oz
Well-Known Member
Day 14 of 90 day challenge
So some of the days before now, like the day before yesterday and before that one, I had some urges... The worse part of it was the dreams... I woke up about 3 times one night all with the same dream of a girl beckoning on me to come have sex and tempting me..... The night wasn't easy. I do have these kind of dreams and sincerely... It's not easy
Ended up masturbating in the morning.... So that's done.
I'm also taking my devotional well.. Which is very cool. Had a blessed Sunday.
Today I plan on going to market some products again...but I'd have to make a few calls so I don't waste my time... Won't be easy but I'm hoping for a good sale.
There's this film I watched, "A beautiful mind". It really re-energized my convictions... It was about a mathematician who lost sense of what was real and an illusion. This then took most of all he worked for because of how it was affecting his life.. Almost drowned his kid one-time unknowingly. But after much debacle... It was either he went back to a psychiatric home and work back from there, where the medicine there made him dull and unresponsive to everyone including not being able to perform in bed...or he fought it some other way from his mind.
So he decided to work it out....and fight it hard with his mind... You see the delusions never left, he still saw them daily... But he decided to ignore them daily. And with time they stopped disturbing him as much cause they kind of gave up on him... But they were still around daily. He said, what you feed on matters... If you keep feeding those thoughts and temptations... You'd keep coming back, when you stop feeding them, they'd slowly slip and stay away. But remember they are always there.
One of the ways he also helped himself was to join a community, that's the university where he worked before....to try and interact with people and help out. It was I think very shameful to him and was a very daunting experience.... It took a while but at the end he beat it. Peiole who laughed at him before finally acknowledged him again and one of the the key helpers was a fr?en who was previously his rival in science.
So daily victories my friends, daily victories. So it really helped me in understanding what it is I'm meant to do... It has helped me in this journey.
I'm so glad I've ve made it this far. This would make it that I've only watched porn twice in the last one month. I can really see how it has helped me.... I don't think compulsively about sexual things and more importantly I don't objectify women sexually. It's great progress... I'm also beginning to interact with girls in a much better way. And I'm happy I don't face constant guilt and think bad about myself.
Yesterday I made a commitment to God to be close this week and do my devotional daily and pray daily on his word. Gotta go keep my commitment.
Keep pushing guys!
Chris
So some of the days before now, like the day before yesterday and before that one, I had some urges... The worse part of it was the dreams... I woke up about 3 times one night all with the same dream of a girl beckoning on me to come have sex and tempting me..... The night wasn't easy. I do have these kind of dreams and sincerely... It's not easy
Ended up masturbating in the morning.... So that's done.
I'm also taking my devotional well.. Which is very cool. Had a blessed Sunday.
Today I plan on going to market some products again...but I'd have to make a few calls so I don't waste my time... Won't be easy but I'm hoping for a good sale.
There's this film I watched, "A beautiful mind". It really re-energized my convictions... It was about a mathematician who lost sense of what was real and an illusion. This then took most of all he worked for because of how it was affecting his life.. Almost drowned his kid one-time unknowingly. But after much debacle... It was either he went back to a psychiatric home and work back from there, where the medicine there made him dull and unresponsive to everyone including not being able to perform in bed...or he fought it some other way from his mind.
So he decided to work it out....and fight it hard with his mind... You see the delusions never left, he still saw them daily... But he decided to ignore them daily. And with time they stopped disturbing him as much cause they kind of gave up on him... But they were still around daily. He said, what you feed on matters... If you keep feeding those thoughts and temptations... You'd keep coming back, when you stop feeding them, they'd slowly slip and stay away. But remember they are always there.
One of the ways he also helped himself was to join a community, that's the university where he worked before....to try and interact with people and help out. It was I think very shameful to him and was a very daunting experience.... It took a while but at the end he beat it. Peiole who laughed at him before finally acknowledged him again and one of the the key helpers was a fr?en who was previously his rival in science.
So daily victories my friends, daily victories. So it really helped me in understanding what it is I'm meant to do... It has helped me in this journey.
I'm so glad I've ve made it this far. This would make it that I've only watched porn twice in the last one month. I can really see how it has helped me.... I don't think compulsively about sexual things and more importantly I don't objectify women sexually. It's great progress... I'm also beginning to interact with girls in a much better way. And I'm happy I don't face constant guilt and think bad about myself.
Yesterday I made a commitment to God to be close this week and do my devotional daily and pray daily on his word. Gotta go keep my commitment.
Keep pushing guys!
Chris
J
J01
Guest
Great job Chris! It is nice to be clean (especially in this area of life) and feel good about oneself when involved in social interactions. Keep pushing!
blueicetea10
Member
Awesome stuff Chris! Daily victories indeed.
I am with you on the dreams! Especially around 2 weeks they can get super intense.
You've got this! Best of luck
I am with you on the dreams! Especially around 2 weeks they can get super intense.
You've got this! Best of luck
Chris Oz
Well-Known Member
Day 17 of 90 day challenge
Hey guys.... So it's been a while since I posted. I always feel like posting but the way time goes its hard to keep to the daily check ins. I'd keep trying though.
Thank you all for you replies... I really appreciate them.
So, I remember two days back or the day before yesterday, there was this film that I love so much- 'Tyler perry's temptation'. It talked about the way we are tempted by sexual gestures actions and how we forget about what's important and being content. I've watched it all before so I knew at some point there were sex scenes... And boy does it trigger me... The way he's very aggressive and practically rapes her the first time even though she wants it. Typing this, I'm already getting a boner. I'm not a rapist, or anything... I'm a very noble and morally right headed individual but I somehow derive pleasure from some of those kinds of fantasies with forced sex scenes, majorly because it drives my curiosity to its limit. I know the more I feed on this type of materials it would only make me into those kind of people who objectify women. It's one of my motivations to wanting to stop porn... It was changing me to a gruesome human being.
So, I knew those scenes were going to affect me in my journey so I chose to change the show in those parts and put it back when it talked more about the more devastating ways these temptations affect our minds and relationships cause really its a really motivational movie.
Again yesterday night, I had this horrible sex dream where I was cajouled to having sex with a very fat unattractive lady. I actually was having something like sex with a deflated dick, I don't know, it was kind of horrible for me thinking about it. I was aroused a little generally cause it was a sex dream of some kind... But my lack of drive and not being erect showed how much I didn't want it.
I really have to persevere with this sex dreams.... I know it's only a phase and that one day it would recede and be a thing of the past.
Also my interactions with girls has improved, I had a long standing conversation with a friend of mine physically for like 2 hours. It was really nice... I never had any thoughts of sex or anything, just a pure normal conversation.
I'm also having constant devotional and prayers! Praise God
Keep fighting guys...
Keep pushing back!
Chris
Hey guys.... So it's been a while since I posted. I always feel like posting but the way time goes its hard to keep to the daily check ins. I'd keep trying though.
Thank you all for you replies... I really appreciate them.
So, I remember two days back or the day before yesterday, there was this film that I love so much- 'Tyler perry's temptation'. It talked about the way we are tempted by sexual gestures actions and how we forget about what's important and being content. I've watched it all before so I knew at some point there were sex scenes... And boy does it trigger me... The way he's very aggressive and practically rapes her the first time even though she wants it. Typing this, I'm already getting a boner. I'm not a rapist, or anything... I'm a very noble and morally right headed individual but I somehow derive pleasure from some of those kinds of fantasies with forced sex scenes, majorly because it drives my curiosity to its limit. I know the more I feed on this type of materials it would only make me into those kind of people who objectify women. It's one of my motivations to wanting to stop porn... It was changing me to a gruesome human being.
So, I knew those scenes were going to affect me in my journey so I chose to change the show in those parts and put it back when it talked more about the more devastating ways these temptations affect our minds and relationships cause really its a really motivational movie.
Again yesterday night, I had this horrible sex dream where I was cajouled to having sex with a very fat unattractive lady. I actually was having something like sex with a deflated dick, I don't know, it was kind of horrible for me thinking about it. I was aroused a little generally cause it was a sex dream of some kind... But my lack of drive and not being erect showed how much I didn't want it.
I really have to persevere with this sex dreams.... I know it's only a phase and that one day it would recede and be a thing of the past.
Also my interactions with girls has improved, I had a long standing conversation with a friend of mine physically for like 2 hours. It was really nice... I never had any thoughts of sex or anything, just a pure normal conversation.
I'm also having constant devotional and prayers! Praise God
Keep fighting guys...
Keep pushing back!
Chris
Chris Oz
Well-Known Member
Day 19 of 90 day challenge
The night after my last post, I had this urges at night while sleeping besides a certain girl... And it was really hard for me. I ended up masturbating right on the bed beside her in the cover of dark... It's one of those bad nights for me.. Cause it wasn't suppose to be like that. It makes me feel like it's a relapse... Even though it's not. There's no PMO, I didn't use but still it feels that way for some reason. Maybe because it was because of someone physical, that I knew. some one I wasn't suppose to lust or create fantasies over and so it causes this guilt.
But I'm still fighting, it'd pass. I just have to avoid sleeping next to attractive girls no matter who, for now until I have more self discipline.
I'm doing my devotionals and prayers more regularly now which I'm happy about. Today was good also. Only had an issue with a boil on my butt. It caused me to have fever and headaches... But I'm sure that will pass too.
This addiction is real and we need to take it seriously cause it really has adverse effects on our lives.
Keep pushing back!
Chris
The night after my last post, I had this urges at night while sleeping besides a certain girl... And it was really hard for me. I ended up masturbating right on the bed beside her in the cover of dark... It's one of those bad nights for me.. Cause it wasn't suppose to be like that. It makes me feel like it's a relapse... Even though it's not. There's no PMO, I didn't use but still it feels that way for some reason. Maybe because it was because of someone physical, that I knew. some one I wasn't suppose to lust or create fantasies over and so it causes this guilt.
But I'm still fighting, it'd pass. I just have to avoid sleeping next to attractive girls no matter who, for now until I have more self discipline.
I'm doing my devotionals and prayers more regularly now which I'm happy about. Today was good also. Only had an issue with a boil on my butt. It caused me to have fever and headaches... But I'm sure that will pass too.
This addiction is real and we need to take it seriously cause it really has adverse effects on our lives.
Keep pushing back!
Chris