EarthWalker
Respected Member
Reminder for myself:
Rebooting trough self-parenting
- Thread starter EarthWalker
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EarthWalker
Respected Member
Recently relapsed. Did manage around 2 months P free. Not 100% sure why I relapsed. But I did identify.
1. At the time temporarily valued more using P than staying away from P. My value system is skewed by decades of P use.
2. I lost the motivation. What is the point of staying away from P?
3. FOMO. I want to PMO some more before stopping forever.
4. Some messed up beliefs in the subconscious from decades of P use. There is conflict in the belief system. I am conflicted.
I think at the end of the day. I can just focus on re-valuing P. Does P add more value to my life or less value? Am I better of doing P or not doing P? If I am 100% honest with myself and 100% authentic with myself. This question alone about value should be enough to stay away from P.
Here I go again. The last time I PMOd is Oct 5th. Easy to remember. 10/5.
I also need to do noFap. I feel like it would be very beneficial for the body to abstain from masturbation for a little while.
Onwards and upwards
1. At the time temporarily valued more using P than staying away from P. My value system is skewed by decades of P use.
2. I lost the motivation. What is the point of staying away from P?
3. FOMO. I want to PMO some more before stopping forever.
4. Some messed up beliefs in the subconscious from decades of P use. There is conflict in the belief system. I am conflicted.
I think at the end of the day. I can just focus on re-valuing P. Does P add more value to my life or less value? Am I better of doing P or not doing P? If I am 100% honest with myself and 100% authentic with myself. This question alone about value should be enough to stay away from P.
Here I go again. The last time I PMOd is Oct 5th. Easy to remember. 10/5.
I also need to do noFap. I feel like it would be very beneficial for the body to abstain from masturbation for a little while.
Onwards and upwards
Blondie
Respected Member
EarthWalker
Respected Member
@Chris1986 @Blondie Thank you brothers. Onwards and upwards.
EarthWalker
Respected Member
EarthWalker
Respected Member
I feel like we are fundamentally doing something wrong. Quitting P should be easy? Why is it not?
Our brains can make up excuses to use P? Stuff like. Oh, just take a peek. Oh, it will be the last time, etc. Why not come up with some answers why quitting P is easy?
Brain come up answers why quitting P is easy.
I relapse a few days ago. I'll be in my lab. I made some process as the 2 month run was quite easy until I tripped over myself.
Good luck everyone. Keep on walking.
Onwards and upwards
Our brains can make up excuses to use P? Stuff like. Oh, just take a peek. Oh, it will be the last time, etc. Why not come up with some answers why quitting P is easy?
Brain come up answers why quitting P is easy.
I relapse a few days ago. I'll be in my lab. I made some process as the 2 month run was quite easy until I tripped over myself.
Good luck everyone. Keep on walking.
Onwards and upwards
EarthWalker
Respected Member
Interesting:
Blondie
Respected Member
How we doing @EarthWalker?
EarthWalker
Respected Member
I started to just ignore P as a problem and focus on myself. Focus on building healthy habits and getting to understand myself better. My outside is slowly changing as well.
Also started to do things like: Buying myself some dance lessons, piano lessons, going to concerts, etc.
In terms of habits. Meditation is in my experience an S-tier habit but the one most difficult to really make a habit. In my experience you don't really see noticeable changes from meditation until at least like 1 year of semi-regular practice. For a long time I found it boring. Takes a while to start reaping rewards. A bit like planting a tree. It takes a while until you get to benefit from the fruits it produces.
I stopped trying to change too many things in terms of habits. I decided to split year in 4 parts of 3 months. Each quart I'll focus on 1 single habit. For Jan-Feb-Mar my focus is to start to meditate each and every morning without exceptions. So far not doing the best. But I am improving.
For Aprl-May-Jun the next habit will be going to the gym. But first things first. Genuine meditation comes first.
I am still using P from time to time. But P usage I might have is becoming more and more an issue of habit and not an issue of using it as a form of self-medication and escape from daily responsibilities. Overall like mentioned. I just ignore P as a problem and just focus on something else.
Also each month I buy myself a few nice clothes. Having a job without dress code. I used to dress like I'd be a teenager. My wardrobe is shifting more to like a business professional. Soon I have on my todo list to buy some tailored shirts.
I am not going to define my sense of self worth by the external. But as I am getting more stable inside. I am finding that I just cannot help myself but to wanting to start to dress better. Not as a form of wanting validation but want a more accurate representation of my inner world.
Unsurprisingly my mother didn't like the winter coat I bought for myself. The color is all wrong. In her mind for sure. I spent a total of 0 seconds giving a f##% about her opinion. I think this might be more common that I thought. Parents subconsciouslly not supporting their children. Also at times I feel like subconsciously some women have some repressed emotions regarding men. This comes to surface as some smirk remarks here and there, and as some sabotage / lack of honest support.
Noticed this in my yoga teacher as well. Feeling some repressed emotions regarding men coming off her. She does her best to be a professional as a teacher. So it doesn't negatively impact the class. At times she makes some sly/snide remarks regarding men. Unsurprisingly her boyfriend dumped her not too long ago. Obviously it is all his fault. Not taking responsibility for her part of a relationship. Interesting to see her immaturity.
Anyway, feels great having some mature clothes.
Onwards and upwards.
EW
Also started to do things like: Buying myself some dance lessons, piano lessons, going to concerts, etc.
In terms of habits. Meditation is in my experience an S-tier habit but the one most difficult to really make a habit. In my experience you don't really see noticeable changes from meditation until at least like 1 year of semi-regular practice. For a long time I found it boring. Takes a while to start reaping rewards. A bit like planting a tree. It takes a while until you get to benefit from the fruits it produces.
I stopped trying to change too many things in terms of habits. I decided to split year in 4 parts of 3 months. Each quart I'll focus on 1 single habit. For Jan-Feb-Mar my focus is to start to meditate each and every morning without exceptions. So far not doing the best. But I am improving.
For Aprl-May-Jun the next habit will be going to the gym. But first things first. Genuine meditation comes first.
I am still using P from time to time. But P usage I might have is becoming more and more an issue of habit and not an issue of using it as a form of self-medication and escape from daily responsibilities. Overall like mentioned. I just ignore P as a problem and just focus on something else.
Also each month I buy myself a few nice clothes. Having a job without dress code. I used to dress like I'd be a teenager. My wardrobe is shifting more to like a business professional. Soon I have on my todo list to buy some tailored shirts.
I am not going to define my sense of self worth by the external. But as I am getting more stable inside. I am finding that I just cannot help myself but to wanting to start to dress better. Not as a form of wanting validation but want a more accurate representation of my inner world.
Unsurprisingly my mother didn't like the winter coat I bought for myself. The color is all wrong. In her mind for sure. I spent a total of 0 seconds giving a f##% about her opinion. I think this might be more common that I thought. Parents subconsciouslly not supporting their children. Also at times I feel like subconsciously some women have some repressed emotions regarding men. This comes to surface as some smirk remarks here and there, and as some sabotage / lack of honest support.
Noticed this in my yoga teacher as well. Feeling some repressed emotions regarding men coming off her. She does her best to be a professional as a teacher. So it doesn't negatively impact the class. At times she makes some sly/snide remarks regarding men. Unsurprisingly her boyfriend dumped her not too long ago. Obviously it is all his fault. Not taking responsibility for her part of a relationship. Interesting to see her immaturity.
Anyway, feels great having some mature clothes.
Onwards and upwards.
EW
EarthWalker
Respected Member
My current understanding of the problem of P addiction is that:
Fundamentally P is meeting a need. I think this goes to any addiction. Smoking, Alcohol, Food, etc.
I used to like drinking beer. Now I very rarely drink beer or any alcohol. It just doesn't meet my needs. I don't need it. The need is not there. When I go past the beer section at the store. I just get some fond memories of drinking beer with some buddies from university. But they are not about the beer they are bout the human connection shared, not about the beer. So in short. Beer does not meet any of my current needs.
Looking back. I can see that P meet my needs. Needs to escape, avoid reality. This avoidance of problems, avoidance of feeling strong negative emotions, etc. Avoidance is a big thing in the psyche. Sure there is also shame and guilt and stuff. But fundamentally it is a about fulfilling a need.
So to solve this problem at a fundamental level. First and foremost is about knowing myself. What are my needs, what are my beliefs, what is my understanding? How do I get to know myself better? Who am I? What is this?
With just "working on myself", the need to use P is getting less and less and less. And it is getting easier and easier not to use P.
Going back to beer. The other thing about beer is that, I've not been a regular but an occasional beer drinker. So the patterns of beer drinking are not deeply rooted in my psyche.
So I think right now why I still use P. Comes down more to the decades of regular usage making extremely deep patterns in the psyche.
I find myself on P sites still. And I am like. WTF? I don't need to be here. What is this? Oh, yeah. Decades of P use this is why. Very very very strong patterns still.
So I think self-discipline is the other part. Getting to a point where P does not meet any of the needs. The other part is just consistency and discipline to work on myself.
Onwards and upwards.
EW
Fundamentally P is meeting a need. I think this goes to any addiction. Smoking, Alcohol, Food, etc.
I used to like drinking beer. Now I very rarely drink beer or any alcohol. It just doesn't meet my needs. I don't need it. The need is not there. When I go past the beer section at the store. I just get some fond memories of drinking beer with some buddies from university. But they are not about the beer they are bout the human connection shared, not about the beer. So in short. Beer does not meet any of my current needs.
Looking back. I can see that P meet my needs. Needs to escape, avoid reality. This avoidance of problems, avoidance of feeling strong negative emotions, etc. Avoidance is a big thing in the psyche. Sure there is also shame and guilt and stuff. But fundamentally it is a about fulfilling a need.
So to solve this problem at a fundamental level. First and foremost is about knowing myself. What are my needs, what are my beliefs, what is my understanding? How do I get to know myself better? Who am I? What is this?
With just "working on myself", the need to use P is getting less and less and less. And it is getting easier and easier not to use P.
Going back to beer. The other thing about beer is that, I've not been a regular but an occasional beer drinker. So the patterns of beer drinking are not deeply rooted in my psyche.
So I think right now why I still use P. Comes down more to the decades of regular usage making extremely deep patterns in the psyche.
I find myself on P sites still. And I am like. WTF? I don't need to be here. What is this? Oh, yeah. Decades of P use this is why. Very very very strong patterns still.
So I think self-discipline is the other part. Getting to a point where P does not meet any of the needs. The other part is just consistency and discipline to work on myself.
Onwards and upwards.
EW
Hi, EW! This^ is really important, to have this mindset that 'I don't have a problem'. This isn't, as you know, a pollyannic denial of a problem (as the disease-model of addiction might claim), but a true shifting away from focusing unnecessarily on the brain's misguided attempts to 'help' us. In the past, our brain defined certain (p-related) behaviors as being helpful, perhaps in stress relief, or to medicate a deeper trauma-driven pain, but it was an innocent mistake. Well, that misguidance became a habit, that's all.
Great job and wonderful self-knowledge, as always!
EarthWalker
Respected Member
Hi Phineas, nice to see you becoming a mod, appreciate the time you put into the forum brother.
EarthWalker
Respected Member
Don't have anything specific to report. Still struggling a bit with the habit. But it is slowly getting better.
Onwards and upwards.
EW
Onwards and upwards.
EW
Hi, EW! Thank you for your kind words above.
In my own realizations, I've found that much of the struggle is itself part of the habit. And I know you know this.
Sometimes when the urges and/or responses to them become 'sticky', it's because we're either fighting against it or else judging it (or ourselves) in a way that keeps the issue active and alive in our consciousness.
You may have meant 'struggle' in a more general way, but these thoughts came up in the moment.
Blessings.
In my own realizations, I've found that much of the struggle is itself part of the habit. And I know you know this.
Sometimes when the urges and/or responses to them become 'sticky', it's because we're either fighting against it or else judging it (or ourselves) in a way that keeps the issue active and alive in our consciousness.
You may have meant 'struggle' in a more general way, but these thoughts came up in the moment.
Blessings.
EarthWalker
Respected Member
Just wanted to mention this movie. 12th fail. A very good watch.
EarthWalker
Respected Member
I am going to count days. Last time I PMOed was a few days ago. Not sure about the exact date. I actually feel disgusted by myself. Before I was a bit shameless. But now I feel a bit sad and a somewhat disgusted. Like Yuck.
Day 1.19/3 (technically it was a few days ago, but, I start now).
Day 1.19/3 (technically it was a few days ago, but, I start now).
EarthWalker
Respected Member
Day 2. 3/20.
EarthWalker
Respected Member
Day 3. 3/21. NoP. Quick MO in the morning. Not yet ready for both noP and noFap.
GBS
Respected Member
Hi @EarthWalker - don’t want to sound like I know it all (I don’t), but to my mind being ready for no PMO and NoFap at the same time isn’t just a moment that will come to you. They are soothing things and your brain has to cope with neither, so I recommend being phenomenally brave and testing yourself out. Going to have to happen at some point so why not now?