EarthWalker
Respected Member
Cool. Looks like magnesium before bed makes sense.
Rebooting trough self-parenting
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EarthWalker
Respected Member
EarthWalker
Respected Member
You know if you go to a long hike, the next day you feel like muscle fatigue?
I feel exactly like this.Yesterday I did just some light work around the house. Today I feel like I went on a 12 hour hike.
FML
Onwards and upwards
I feel exactly like this.Yesterday I did just some light work around the house. Today I feel like I went on a 12 hour hike.
FML
Onwards and upwards
EarthWalker
Respected Member
Hm, noticed something...
when I am spending the day alone... I am let's say in level 0 mode.
when I have fun socializing, let say I have fun hanging out with someone or lets say have fun at a workshop, gym whatever, I feel good. Let say I am level +3. But then when I get back home, I feel bad, like something is missing, let say level -3.
I guess what I am saying is there is a cycle of positive negative when it comes to social engagement.
Wow. Kinda ironic. I am at a higher chance of relapse right now coming back from a social engagement than as if I'd spend the day by myself. A bit of a paradox, but it does make sense in my view.
Feling this +3/-3 cycle the most after coming back to my apartment from a drama class. There is me and like 8 other people we have fun with the class. I am at let say +8, come back home, I am at a -8. Hm...
But now as I am better with the awareness. This cycle does not need to define who I am.
I think they have a name for this in psychology. Like for example you go a casino with 100$, you start playing poker, you are let say +300$ (you just "made" 200$), they if you come back to 100$ - you are at net 0. There is this feeling of loss. Like you had something now you don't have - an it makes you feel bad about yourself. This it makes you feel bad is the trick part.
Like with the drama class. I have this social engagement going on. Then I come back home and I have 0.
I don't need for the external world to define how I feel.
I am getting better of buffering this effect.
Onwards and upwards
when I am spending the day alone... I am let's say in level 0 mode.
when I have fun socializing, let say I have fun hanging out with someone or lets say have fun at a workshop, gym whatever, I feel good. Let say I am level +3. But then when I get back home, I feel bad, like something is missing, let say level -3.
I guess what I am saying is there is a cycle of positive negative when it comes to social engagement.
Wow. Kinda ironic. I am at a higher chance of relapse right now coming back from a social engagement than as if I'd spend the day by myself. A bit of a paradox, but it does make sense in my view.
Feling this +3/-3 cycle the most after coming back to my apartment from a drama class. There is me and like 8 other people we have fun with the class. I am at let say +8, come back home, I am at a -8. Hm...
But now as I am better with the awareness. This cycle does not need to define who I am.
I think they have a name for this in psychology. Like for example you go a casino with 100$, you start playing poker, you are let say +300$ (you just "made" 200$), they if you come back to 100$ - you are at net 0. There is this feeling of loss. Like you had something now you don't have - an it makes you feel bad about yourself. This it makes you feel bad is the trick part.
Like with the drama class. I have this social engagement going on. Then I come back home and I have 0.
I don't need for the external world to define how I feel.
I am getting better of buffering this effect.
Onwards and upwards
Classic dopamine chasing at work, eh? When everyday accomplishments and life seem dull again (thanks to the effects of addiction and flat dopamine) you naturally seek stimulation and anticipation of stimulation. It's just a part of recovery.
Some types of stimulation offer longer lasting feelings of wellbeing (exercise, accomplishment), and over time, as your brain heals, more and more things do. So stay with it. And don't believe "your lying dopamine levels."
They aren't you. They don't determine your future happiness. They will pass. Did you ever read this short case study?
Some types of stimulation offer longer lasting feelings of wellbeing (exercise, accomplishment), and over time, as your brain heals, more and more things do. So stay with it. And don't believe "your lying dopamine levels."
They aren't you. They don't determine your future happiness. They will pass. Did you ever read this short case study?Subjective Experiences During Dopamine Depletion
EarthWalker
Respected Member
Wow. Not familiar with this study. Pretty dark. Never imagined dopamine makes such a huge difference. Thank you for posting.Classic dopamine chasing at work, eh? When everyday accomplishments and life seem dull again (thanks to the effects of addiction and flat dopamine) you naturally seek stimulation and anticipation of stimulation. It's just a part of recovery.
Some types of stimulation offer longer lasting feelings of wellbeing (exercise, accomplishment), and over time, as your brain heals, more and more things do. So stay with it. And don't believe "your lying dopamine levels."
Dopamine. It does explain on the physical level my experience. I remember this one time coming back to the apartment from drama class. Such stark change in mood. From feel good, to feeling empty. Almost like turning a switch off.
In this situations I just meditate nowadays and it gets better.
Looking forward to see what is on the other side of P.
EarthWalker
Respected Member
Cold showers. I got reminded to do some cold showers. I did it totally wrong in the past.
The head must stay warm. So I just put some cold water on chest, sides and back. It felt good. It felt nice afterwards. Also using cold water - not frigid water.
Comparing to the cold showers I did in the past where I also cold showered the head. Not cold showering the head, the overall experience is much better.
Onwards and upwards
The head must stay warm. So I just put some cold water on chest, sides and back. It felt good. It felt nice afterwards. Also using cold water - not frigid water.
Comparing to the cold showers I did in the past where I also cold showered the head. Not cold showering the head, the overall experience is much better.
Onwards and upwards
Blondie
Respected Member
Hey @EarthWalker, just do what works for you. Either way, after doing it 40 days now, I'm really starting to like it.
Best brother
Best brother
EarthWalker
Respected Member
Boom, August, done!
Total P viewing time 0 days 0 hours 0 minutes 0 seconds 0 milliseconds. BOOM! ZERO!
Last fews days were a little less smooth sailing but the meditation / awareness work and the whole inner work and dealing with inner child issues / childhood stuff. Looks to be paying off. As it is not smooth sailing at times but it isn't super difficult either. It looks to be quite manageable. But talk is cheap. I haven't proven my system works just yet.
I did on the other hand MO, most of the time it was just vanilla sex fantasy with someone I know from real life that I would not mind hooking up. Not bad not good. It feels more "normal" doing it this way than some P fantasy. But still... I am living a fantasy not real life. Feels better but not like the most aligned way to go about. Btw: I find the chaser is almost always very mild after the MO.
I don't want to push my luck too much with both removing P and going on NoFap.
But a noFap period will be needed for resetting/rebooting. I'll just go with the flow on this one.
Ideally I can do noFap + noP. I remember the days where I spent almost the whole day trying to control this urge to MO only to PMO either in the evening or the next day. Much easier to just MO and be done with it.
So MO is a work in progress. Will see how it goes. Ideally I want to go for a period of noFap, maybe something like 90 days, then MO occasionally.
I do not miss watching P. I am tempted to do some VR P. But I have easier time nowadays seeing how this is just robbing me of real life potential and is quite detrimental and is sourcing from the addiction that wants me to suffer.
Onwards and upwards
Total P viewing time 0 days 0 hours 0 minutes 0 seconds 0 milliseconds. BOOM! ZERO!
Last fews days were a little less smooth sailing but the meditation / awareness work and the whole inner work and dealing with inner child issues / childhood stuff. Looks to be paying off. As it is not smooth sailing at times but it isn't super difficult either. It looks to be quite manageable. But talk is cheap. I haven't proven my system works just yet.
I did on the other hand MO, most of the time it was just vanilla sex fantasy with someone I know from real life that I would not mind hooking up. Not bad not good. It feels more "normal" doing it this way than some P fantasy. But still... I am living a fantasy not real life. Feels better but not like the most aligned way to go about. Btw: I find the chaser is almost always very mild after the MO.
I don't want to push my luck too much with both removing P and going on NoFap.
But a noFap period will be needed for resetting/rebooting. I'll just go with the flow on this one.
Ideally I can do noFap + noP. I remember the days where I spent almost the whole day trying to control this urge to MO only to PMO either in the evening or the next day. Much easier to just MO and be done with it.
So MO is a work in progress. Will see how it goes. Ideally I want to go for a period of noFap, maybe something like 90 days, then MO occasionally.
I do not miss watching P. I am tempted to do some VR P. But I have easier time nowadays seeing how this is just robbing me of real life potential and is quite detrimental and is sourcing from the addiction that wants me to suffer.
Onwards and upwards
EarthWalker
Respected Member
Welcome to September guys!
May P soon be a distant memory!
May the present moment be enough to be content and happy.
Wishing everyone a smooth sail in September
Onwards and upwards
May P soon be a distant memory!
May the present moment be enough to be content and happy.
Wishing everyone a smooth sail in September
Onwards and upwards
EarthWalker
Respected Member
Came across this today, as always just focus on what resonates,
this made an impression on me:
a person who rows a boat is using effort
a person who puts up a sail is using magic
he lets nature do it for him
with the intelligence to use a sail
is that kind of intelligence which, without your using very much effort, gets everything to cooperate with you.
this made an impression on me:
a person who rows a boat is using effort
a person who puts up a sail is using magic
he lets nature do it for him
with the intelligence to use a sail
is that kind of intelligence which, without your using very much effort, gets everything to cooperate with you.
EarthWalker
Respected Member
Wanted to mention. P dreams have a lot more chaser than MO for me.
I like Magnesium supplement before bed, looks like it is going to become a staple for me.
Theanine, doesn't feel good for me, I used it maybe just twice before bed. Luckily it was one of the cheaper supplements. It was around 10 eur. So not that big of a deal.
Apigening, use it just once, feels good to me,
Inositol, used it a couple of times before bed, inconclusive.
in any case, I find that the supplements do make it easier to remember the dreams.
In my dreams currently there is a lot about the subconscious stuff. Like P. Quite literally I see myself going to P website in dreams. I think this is just about my subconscious / past conditioning / past patterns. I haven't "digested" P yet. I suspect after a couple of months there should be less P to "digest" in the subconscious.
Moving on, I also liked the water not holding the reflection of the bird part from the video I posted in the previous post.
Onwards and upwards
I like Magnesium supplement before bed, looks like it is going to become a staple for me.
Theanine, doesn't feel good for me, I used it maybe just twice before bed. Luckily it was one of the cheaper supplements. It was around 10 eur. So not that big of a deal.
Apigening, use it just once, feels good to me,
Inositol, used it a couple of times before bed, inconclusive.
in any case, I find that the supplements do make it easier to remember the dreams.
In my dreams currently there is a lot about the subconscious stuff. Like P. Quite literally I see myself going to P website in dreams. I think this is just about my subconscious / past conditioning / past patterns. I haven't "digested" P yet. I suspect after a couple of months there should be less P to "digest" in the subconscious.
Moving on, I also liked the water not holding the reflection of the bird part from the video I posted in the previous post.
Onwards and upwards
EarthWalker
Respected Member
Just finished listening to this audiobook:
I find it helpful. Great for motivation and mindset.
Lives of the Stoics: The Art of Living from Zeno to Marcus Aurelius
Ryan Holiday, Stephen Hanselman
I find it helpful. Great for motivation and mindset.
EarthWalker
Respected Member
This is next up on my reading list:
Art of Living: The Classical Manual on Virtue, Happiness, and Effectiveness Paperback – June 26, 2007
by Epictetus (Author), Sharon Lebell (Author)
EarthWalker
Respected Member
1/3 in September. Clean month so far.
EarthWalker
Respected Member
post-nut clarity (uncountable)
in my current understanding. With a daily meditation practice and inner work. Pre-nut clarity increases slowly.
Pre-nut clarity to me looks like to be the way to go forward. Seeing clearly.
- (Internet slang, vulgar) The brief sense of calm and mental acuity experienced by a man after ejaculation. quotations ▼
in my current understanding. With a daily meditation practice and inner work. Pre-nut clarity increases slowly.
Pre-nut clarity to me looks like to be the way to go forward. Seeing clearly.
EarthWalker
Respected Member
EarthWalker
Respected Member
I've been thinking. What is the opposite of Lust?
It is not purity, or chastity. They are in their own category in my view.
I think there is nothing shameful or wrong about Lust. Like for example if we see a girl that makes me very lustful and wanting to have sex with her right away like an animal. There is nothing shameful about this. This is built in the design of the physical body. The physical body wants to have sex. The physical body loves sex and arousal is just part of this. So the design of physical life works as intended.
What we need to work on, and is in a way more a complementary quality than an opposite to Lust. And comes from our more evolved higher self is self-restraint.
We need to self-restraint our Lust without shaming the body, without shame or guilt. It looks to me there is a sense of loss associated when we apply self-restraint in relation to Lust. But this is ok. Maybe this is part of the self-mastery teaching? That this is the price we pay for not allowing Lust to consume our mind and body? It is the feeling of a loss. Like we missed on something. The body might have missed on something for sure / the pleasurable hormones, physical sensations, etc. But in the greater view we gained self-mastery over our physical body's desires. Maybe this is worth more than loosing our mind to Lust?
There is no free lunch? Pay the price of self-restraint in order to gain self-mastery?
Maybe there is some truth to what I wrote. Time will tell. Time will tell.
Onwards and upwards brothers.
It is not purity, or chastity. They are in their own category in my view.
I think there is nothing shameful or wrong about Lust. Like for example if we see a girl that makes me very lustful and wanting to have sex with her right away like an animal. There is nothing shameful about this. This is built in the design of the physical body. The physical body wants to have sex. The physical body loves sex and arousal is just part of this. So the design of physical life works as intended.
What we need to work on, and is in a way more a complementary quality than an opposite to Lust. And comes from our more evolved higher self is self-restraint.
We need to self-restraint our Lust without shaming the body, without shame or guilt. It looks to me there is a sense of loss associated when we apply self-restraint in relation to Lust. But this is ok. Maybe this is part of the self-mastery teaching? That this is the price we pay for not allowing Lust to consume our mind and body? It is the feeling of a loss. Like we missed on something. The body might have missed on something for sure / the pleasurable hormones, physical sensations, etc. But in the greater view we gained self-mastery over our physical body's desires. Maybe this is worth more than loosing our mind to Lust?
There is no free lunch? Pay the price of self-restraint in order to gain self-mastery?
Maybe there is some truth to what I wrote. Time will tell. Time will tell.
Onwards and upwards brothers.
Blondie
Respected Member
I love this @EarthWalker, it's something I've thought about much over years, and still do, yesterday in fact.
Maybe the opposite of lust is contentment? Contentment in that you know you have everything within you to be okay and satisfied. Satisfied that you know you don't need another look, another mouse click or another hookup to "feel good". Ture contentment can only come from within.
1. Denying these feelings and trying not to "lust" often makes all of this considerably worse than it has to be. Don't fight it, but try not to feed it.
2. On the flip side though, you have to find contentment and peace within you and what you alreadly have or will have one day. For me, one more "perfect ass" isn't going to change my life. I can appreciate it, and I can love the manly feeling it stirs within me, but then I have to move on and be content with what I alreadly have. But that frustrated feeling of wanting more and not having it, is a feeling I hate these days because it's not a healthy mindset at all. However, balancing between these two acts is complicated to be sure.
One thing I like about semen retention, is that in moments like yesterday, I can feel that feeling and have those thoughts, but then, I can use that rush of sexual energy down in my loins and move it up my spine and use it for my other endeavors like studying etc. Thus that beautiful woman whoever she was gave me something better than having sex with her, she gave me her sexual energy which I rode high on for the rest of the day. So I didn't "lose" anything yesterday, and fact, I gained something.
Best brother
Maybe the opposite of lust is contentment? Contentment in that you know you have everything within you to be okay and satisfied. Satisfied that you know you don't need another look, another mouse click or another hookup to "feel good". Ture contentment can only come from within.
I agree with this completely. Porn addiction is unlike alcoholism and other addictions in that our bodies don't need alcohol in its natural state unlike how it needs sex and love. So yes there are similarities between the two, but they also are very different, because you can't change biology or successfully fight against it. So yes, I agree, denying "lust" or "admiration for beauty" is not really the answer here, at least it has never been for me. It's like trying to not think of the pink elephant in the room exercise, the results never work out, because that's all you can think of!
I think this sense of "losing something" is a big part of the struggle. You see that woman walking down the street, and your whole world instantly stops before you, at least I know it does for me. Furthermore, if you try to apply the two second rule as I do (I hate guys that stare), as you look away all you can hear in your head is I need just a few more seconds. I need her! I would finally be happy in life if I could just have her in bed. OMG, there must be a God with perfection like that walking around, and on and on it goes. I had this very experience walking around campus yesterday. There's many hotties were I go to school, I mean wherever you look, you simply CANNOT see them. But yesterday I saw a girl who was just absolutely stunning walking before me. I wasn't looking around or "scoping" for women, I was just doing my thing which I try very hard to do these days, but there she was, with her sashaying hips and feminine charms, and I just lost my mind biologically speaking. I didn't have porn thoughts, I just had man thoughts, and it was all very natural. I've always been a butt guy, and I have no shame in saying that, and this girl had the behind of a goddess. However, then I started to laugh at myself as I rationally tried to recollect my thoughts and cool the fuck down. Why? Because just that very morning as my Lady got out of bed, I had the exact same thoughts as her round ass sashayed out of the sheets before me. I was spell bounded by my Lady's beauty only hours ago and here I was already "needing" more. So I had a good laugh at myself, took a deep breath and let that sexual energy go up and down my spine (I haven't got off in 8 days) then went on about my day with a smile on my face. So I think there's two things here that are important.
1. Denying these feelings and trying not to "lust" often makes all of this considerably worse than it has to be. Don't fight it, but try not to feed it.
2. On the flip side though, you have to find contentment and peace within you and what you alreadly have or will have one day. For me, one more "perfect ass" isn't going to change my life. I can appreciate it, and I can love the manly feeling it stirs within me, but then I have to move on and be content with what I alreadly have. But that frustrated feeling of wanting more and not having it, is a feeling I hate these days because it's not a healthy mindset at all. However, balancing between these two acts is complicated to be sure.
One thing I like about semen retention, is that in moments like yesterday, I can feel that feeling and have those thoughts, but then, I can use that rush of sexual energy down in my loins and move it up my spine and use it for my other endeavors like studying etc. Thus that beautiful woman whoever she was gave me something better than having sex with her, she gave me her sexual energy which I rode high on for the rest of the day. So I didn't "lose" anything yesterday, and fact, I gained something.
Best brother
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