Moving On - This Matters

[TheGuy]

Day 2 - No PMO/M/O - little HS
I went on to a hook up site yesterday briefly, then I decided no I would not continue on that site and stopped myself wasting any more time on it or going further to MO.  This is a win for me, this is the first time I've done that.  One step back, two steps forward.
Hook up sites are another form of super dopamine inducing entertainment.  While it is milder compared to PMO, it is not conducive to proper reboot and personally I don't like that type of life style for myself without judging anyone else.

 

[chiefmitch88]

I really like the way you plan to address your subconscious mind when you are feeling the urge. I think it is a step in the right direction for learning to love yourself. To accept and live peacefully with all the inhabitants in my mind is something I strive for as well. I can relate, the addict in  me just wouldn't keep his damn trap shut today.

 

[TheGuy]

Day 4 - No PMO/HS/M/O
Chiefmitch88, when I was mean, and cruel toward myself, when I said things like a man can do this etc... the parts of my brain that I needed to listen to move on from my addiction would shut down and I started going backwards.  I'm convinced the way forward is to accept my faults and to understand my mind and to give gentle and constant guidance.  Even though I've had a few relapses I feel much better and more positive and that I'm making sure progress which will culminate in me moving on from these addictions.
Feeling a bit of unexplained anxiety today but overall doing pretty good.
Attempting to tell my brain that hook up sites aren't an option for me any more.

 

[TheGuy]

Day 5 - No PMO/HS/M/O
I was thinking today about how PMO has affected my mind.  Constantly watching porn and even going on hook up sites is sending constant inferences about sexual behaviour.  But very little of porn if any of it represents normal sexual behaviour and so with my reboot I remove unrealistic sexual expectations and circumstances from my mind which is great.
Feeling pretty good today and much of the anxiety from yesterday has gone, although I slept better today. 
I had a bit of eye contact with some hot ladies today, but I decided to stop focusing on making any contact during reboot and instead focus on my reboot goal.  This is a part of monitoring my mind and watching out for any causes or tricks that will lead me to PMO/HS.
I have got a sore throat and not feeling too well the last couple of days.  Crazy how often I have been getting sick during reboot.  I don't normally get sick this often; I can handle it though.  Feeling better with each step and stage of recovery, thanks Reboot Nation!

 

[TheGuy]

Day 6 - No PMO/HS/M/O
Had a couple of thoughts to go on hook up sites today.  I was able to easily handle those thoughts by engaging my emotional mind and remembering that I don't actually like hook up sites.  It's just a remanent of PMO addiction.
Anyway, not feeling awesome right now, assignment pressures, work pressures and a friend just said something perfectly innocent but it reminded me of past woes and got me down a bit.  Anyway fellas (and ladies if by chance you view this) no point living in the past, it will not help me (like PMO which is in the past ).
For me at least, giving up PMO has also been giving up on the inadequacy I have that I used PMO to fill.  Its been a really interesting process and I'm feeling very positive about this journey and how much change I am making in my life.  The way you move a mountain is one shovel load at a time.

 

[TheGuy]

Day 7 - No PMO/HS/M/O
Head cold taking its toll on me.  Can't sleep because of it.  Haven't slept more than 5 hours for 4 nights and had to get up super early this morning for work.  However, I am still very much mentally and emotionally engaged in not relapsing.  Under the circumstances I'm going to congratulate myself for how well I'm doing.  Final uni assignment for the semester due tomorrow so after I get that in I can relax a bit and focus on recovery from cold.
Just reflecting on how much PMO/HS addiction sucks after climax, when you go on the massive dopamine crash and you feel like crap for days.  I haven't viewed porn now for 28 days and before that for over 3 months.  So compared to when I started this journey when I was still PMOing weekly and before that almost daily I'm doing awesome.  However, I've been on the hook up sites a little bit but I'm working my way away from them too.
But thinking about long term prospects of not allowing PMO/HS to be a part of my life any more at all, I have to keep changing my values which I've found takes months.  Slowly however, I am beginning to enjoy the prospect of not wasting time or relationships or successes on porn or hook up sites which give you absolutely no gain whatsoever.

 

[TheGuy]

Day 9 - No PMO/HS/M/O
Have been flat out with uni stuff and didn't get a chance to post yesterday.  Sick and coughing all night long so getting very little sleep and cumulatively I've had very little sleep over the last week.  At the same time have been working very hard and now feel a little burnt out.
Having come here I realize that my resolve to not visit HS has been waning.  I know this because today I was thinking so what if I visit a hook up site just reset the counter and start again.  But of course, I do not want that and I was able to remind myself of that having visited the forum tonight.
Hopefully I can get some decent sleep tonight.

 

[TheGuy]

Day 10 - No PMO/HS/M/O
Well I've finished uni work for a couple of weeks and that's been a great relief.
At the same time, I'm at the day 10 mark, had very little sleep and I can feel my mind getting curious about hook up sites.
Have to keep reminding myself why I am doing this, because I'm a PMO/HS addict and I don't want that for my life because if has a negative effect.

 

[neon tiger]

Wow guy, I coming back to our thread often!

I started reading because of all the stuff you have on your no's besides PMO.  (HS/M/O)  i could figure out the MO, but was intrigued by HS.

Well, once i figured it out, then i had to read the whole thing. I knew for a fact that HS are right there next to PMO for me when i started this journey.  I had two H apps on my phone that i kept clicking on like pavlov dogs hitting the trigger. In fact, i started to count my time at the moment i deleted the two apps from my phone- that was the exact moment i committed. 

I also relate to the internal dialogue you refer to in your thread, and using self kindness and compassion as a source of strength, instead of shame and guilt. It has worked for me so far, especially getting the shame and guilt out of the equation since those are the very feelings that the dopamine rush fix (momentarily).  I also started meditating five days ago.  Cant speak to its effect particularly since i am changing so many things, but the additive effect of all the strategies is working for me.

Carry on, and thanks for sharing your journey on here

 

[TheGuy]

Day .8 - No PMO/HS/M/O
Neon Tiger thanks for posting it has made me feel better after another relapse after I visited a hook up site and then M and O.
When I view PMO I find it devastating but hook up sites have far less influence on me as far as anxiety and shame go.  Probably because I'm chatting to real people and interacting.  But even so, I want to be my own man and not needing to get a dopamine fix.
But time to look at the bigger picture:
1) I haven't watched porn for at least 6 weeks now and before that time over 3 months.  That means in the last 4.5 months PMO 2 times.  Much better than before.
2) Not M/O apart from when I view hook up sites.  Probably MO twice in the last 16 days.  Much better than before.
Ok goods place to be at compared to 12 months ago.
But I appear to be relapsing at about the 10 day mark now and I can't seem to get beyond that right now.
What I have done:
I called a counsellor who was busy and put me on a waiting list (lol I know right).  I will call again.
Apart from posting here not much more.
I did say I was going to meditate but this hasn't materialised yet.  Now is a good time to set my mind to carry through.
I am trying to exercise but the last two weeks have been ridiculous as far time goes.  Will get back to exercise tonight.
Kind of stuck at the moment, but the point is I'm not giving up and my progress has been fantastic.  This is another brick in the wall that I need to remove.

 

[TheGuy]

Day 0 - No PMO
I relapsed yesterday and then again today, went on hook up site and MO.
I know how the pattern works sometimes, when you relapse it takes a couple of days for bodily energies to realign.
This has got me thinking about sexual energy a little bit.  It is a very powerful energy stream and when you've been abusing it with PMO I think it takes a while to get the mix of energy in your body right again.
I have gotten over my latest cold now, returning to normal sleep and I'm looking forward to sleeping better, getting back to exercise and getting achieving 14 days.

 

[TheGuy]

Day 2 - No PMO/HS/M/O
Had a rough day today, tempted to go on hook up sites and even porn sites. Managed to wrestle myself out of that attitude and feel better now.  Not much else to say today.

 

[neon tiger]

Not much else needed to say. One more little big victory on your path to recovery.  Those wrestling matches become less intense and frequent with time, one at a time. Congrats! You'll be at 14 before you know it.

Regarding sexual energy, in sanskrit/yogic philosophy, sexual energy comes from your second chakra. Your creative energy, whether though artistic expression or imagination, as well as living with a sense of joy, and enthusiasm, reside in this same place. When there is an imbalance in one of those areas, it creates an imbalance in all others. I know that is true of myself because those are many of the things that go down the drain for me when i am immersed in PMO behavior.

Im with you on the shame effect of PMO vs HS, but HS are a PMO partner without a doubt.  I would get a deep sense of personal disappointment and inadequacy from not successfully hooking up, which would proceed to treat with PMO.

Carry on my friend. The path is rough, but it gets smoother as you get better. And you will- once you put time between you and your last acting out.

I saw this last night and it was great.  Enjoy!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GXtEcQGLWW8

 

[TheGuy]

Day .9 - No PMO/HS/M/O
Thanks Neon Tiger your words and link were very helpful and encouraging.
Guys and gals I made it to day 4 and then went on hook up site and M/O.  I had great motivation previously and got to over 30 days, but right now I feel a bit worn out.  While initially I thought I would take a break from coming here and posting, I've decided to keep coming here and posting even if I am not doing well.  No matter how I am feeling right now, this stage of negativity and self disappointment will pass soon enough and I will be motivated to achieve my goal.  That's how winning is down.

 

[TheGuy]

Day 3 - No PMO/HS/M/O
Well feeling much better now that I have gotten over the last few days.  Fortunately I've been very busy over the last few days and I haven't had time to think about HS.  I am focusing on making it to 14 days and I am confident I can achieve that.  Going to be a busy few weeks and I hope I can use my schedule and motivation to get my reboot going.

 

[TheGuy]

Day 4 - No PMO/HS/M/O
Feeling good guys.  I have been thinking about my achievements over the last few months.  I realised that my social anxiety has retreated massively, my confidence is returning, I can deal with difficult people and difficult situations now and I am no longer defensive like I once was.  The more I think about it, the transformation is incredible.  Its not completely resolved but wow.
This is definitely a result from removing PMO, and then stopping M/O and now finally working on getting rid of hook up sites.
I'm trying to do that by making hook up sites equivalent in my mind to PMO.
Don't give up no matter what!

 

[TheGuy]

Day 5 - No PMO/HS/M/O
Well another day moving on from dopamine PMO/HS addiction.  I am TheGuy and I was a addict of PMO and still am for hook up sites.  I think it took about 3 months to get my brain forget PMO and all of that time to help it understand why.  Three quarters of my mission accomplished.  I've done a lot of typing here, but every thought helped my subconscious build new values about PMO.  That's why I have been successful.
I am still getting pangs of wanting to go on hook up sites.  I think about it a few times a day but deny the action.  Interestingly I deny the feeling less.  Which indicates to me, my brain is not entirely convinced hook up sites are disadvantages.  But, hook up sites are just like porn, they give a dopamine high and they still cause residual effects such as anxiety and addiction.  I read a number of studies now that state hook up sites can be highly addictive.  Well, I am in the 'can' crowd because I've had more important things to do and I ignored them for hook up sites.  That's addiction right there.

 

[TheGuy]

Day 6 - No PMO/HS/M/O
Well feeling good today, the need to go to hook up sites has dissipated somewhat.  Pretty busy day and I need to get some sleep for tomorrow.  Exercised yesterday but not today, will make some time to exercise tomorrow.  Feeling reasonable.

 

[neon tiger]

For me, the withdrawal from hook up sites was stronger than from porn at first, i believe because i used phone apps that i could check all the time- anywhere and everywhere. A big part of the kick is that it would give me search results by geographical location, so whenever i went to a new place, i was curious as to who was near me. It gave me the false illusion that i was conquering all these new hearts that i never met, but were real nonetheless.

After a while though hook up sites have mostly vanished from my obsession plate, though i still get curious when i move around.  The porn on the other hand, still lures me on a somewhat regular basis.

You'll be celebrating your 14 days before you know it Theguy. Reasonable is good when the alternative from PMO is miserable and hopeless.  Today is a good day.

 

[TheGuy]

Day 0
Well relapsed again - hook up site and then M/O.  Pretty annoyed with myself and loosing self patience.  This is becoming a habit.
In review, I was doing my best when I was exercising everyday and had a strong and disciplined focus which I lost somewhere along the way.  I am going to revive that focus and exercise.