How Shall We Escape?

Phineas 808

Respected Member
As you will see from my latest post I'm living in the "orange" as of late. This is a crazy journey but thankful for your journal and wisdom.

Yeah, I saw that, brother! (Obviously) you are not alone! For me, this all seems to come up cyclically (when I'm legitimately horny? ...then acted on illegitimately?). Knowing this about myself, I know this will soon pass---> unless I make it a habit!

Wishing and praying strength for you, brother!
 
I hope I don't make it sound too easy, as I still struggle time to time with p-subs and/or edging. These are slippery slope behaviors that lead back to the worse behaviors.

Overall, I think I'm in a better place to move forward and leave porn behind, recent struggles notwithstanding. Last lengthy streak, I couldn't shake a strange nostalgia toward p-use or p-memories... This time, it's having MO'd last 8/8/21. That's trying to become a habit, and I'm having to shut it down, dismiss urges, but I'm still not perfect myself in doing this consistently.

I'm looking for consistency right now.
I know it's not easy, man, I know a lot of work is requiered for this. But I guess when you invest the work and do the things right, it looks like it's something easy for you like scoring points is easy for Michael Jordan but there is a lot of work behind all this. A lot of suffering and everything.

On masturbation, it sabotages me and I need to quit it too. My last relapse started like this. "Just some MO without porn" and then it slowly but surely escalated.
 
Phineas,

The part of the 'disease model' I struggle with the most these days is the lack of hope. There's something so deeply hopeless in the belief that we will be addicts for the rest of our life and we're condemned to a life within a rigid system where we have to be careful of watching TV, sexual intercourse, drinks with friends, deep breathing every time we see a suggestive advert or hitting up our accountability buddies every time we see an attractive woman in the street or whatever it may be.

Not only is that not recovery as these things are still a problem, every relapse reinforces the false belief that quitting is hopeless, all our hard work amounts to nothing and we will never be strong enough to be free.

I haven't had a cigarette since Christmas 2020, I have no intention of going back and I do not live in fear of seeing or smelling 2nd hand smoke. Why would recovery from PMO be any different?

A lot of my journal over the years has had this 'trigger centric' focus on recovery and my efforts at recovery have suffered. Though I am still far from the model of a recovered man, I would probably be feeling empty, hopeless & alone PMOing hour after hour in my apartment by myself right now if I still subscribed to this vision of recovery.

Changing the focus to one of habit change & personal growth has been a rewarding, at times difficult, but important experience. I still have a lot to learn and much of the basics still to master, but it has started a change in me that I believe is reflected in the healthier way I think and the better choices I am making in my life.
I feel you, man. I am not too successful with my quitting. Every time I relapse, I feel like I will never escape. I have 25 days without alcohol and it hasn't been too hard. I hope it was like this with porn too. :(
 

JerryTX

Active Member
Yeah, I saw that, brother! (Obviously) you are not alone! For me, this all seems to come up cyclically (when I'm legitimately horny? ...then acted on illegitimately?). Knowing this about myself, I know this will soon pass---> unless I make it a habit!

Wishing and praying strength for you, brother!
Thanks as always for the comments here and in my journal.
 

Phineas 808

Respected Member
Phineas 808, It said today is your birthday? If so happy birthday brother! Hope you have a great day!

Yes! Thank you. I'm 55 years today, and the best birthday gift I can give myself (and my family) is abstinence from P, PMO, and MO!

Today is day: 105 along those fronts, and 39 days without MO.

Almost every birthday I intend to give myself this kind of gift, but typically had struggled leading up to it, and usually unable to celebrate that. Now I am!
 

guitar1968

Active Member
Happy Birthday Phineas! What a great present to give yourself - keeping away from porn!

Enjoy it and enjoy the freedom of not having to be controlled by the porn monster!
 

Orbiter

Well-Known Member
Yes! Thank you. I'm 55 years today, and the best birthday gift I can give myself (and my family) is abstinence from P, PMO, and MO!

Today is day: 105 along those fronts, and 39 days without MO.

Almost every birthday I intend to give myself this kind of gift, but typically had struggled leading up to it, and usually unable to celebrate that. Now I am!

Hopefully it is not too late to get on the birthday bandwagon so I can wish you a Happy Birthday Phineas!

I hope it was a day filled throughout with the true richness of connection, laughter, life & being! You've earned it.
 
Yes! Thank you. I'm 55 years today, and the best birthday gift I can give myself (and my family) is abstinence from P, PMO, and MO!

Today is day: 105 along those fronts, and 39 days without MO.

Almost every birthday I intend to give myself this kind of gift, but typically had struggled leading up to it, and usually unable to celebrate that. Now I am!
Happy birthday.
So encouraging to read your story and your plan for going forward
Thank you for also taking the time to respond to my journey.
Be blessed!
 

Phineas 808

Respected Member
Hopefully it is not too late to get on the birthday bandwagon so I can wish you a Happy Birthday Phineas!

I hope it was a day filled throughout with the true richness of connection, laughter, life & being! You've earned it.

Not too late, Orbiter! Thank you for the well wishes...!
 

guitar1968

Active Member
You are an inspiration here on Reboot Nation Phineas! Not just because of your success, but because of your thoughts, your actions and yes even your occasional slips. You consistently show people that you can keep moving forward. You encourage everyone you come in contact with and that is so helpful.

Recovering from any addiction is never a straight line. There are curves, ups and downs and many obstacles along the way. You have been great in helping us all understand that we can get through them and keep moving on.

Thanks!
 
You are an inspiration here on Reboot Nation Phineas! Not just because of your success, but because of your thoughts, your actions and yes even your occasional slips. You consistently show people that you can keep moving forward. You encourage everyone you come in contact with and that is so helpful.

Recovering from any addiction is never a straight line. There are curves, ups and downs and many obstacles along the way. You have been great in helping us all understand that we can get through them and keep moving on.

Thanks!
Absolutely. Phineas has been great help for me so far.
 
Yes! Thank you. I'm 55 years today, and the best birthday gift I can give myself (and my family) is abstinence from P, PMO, and MO!

Today is day: 105 along those fronts, and 39 days without MO.

Almost every birthday I intend to give myself this kind of gift, but typically had struggled leading up to it, and usually unable to celebrate that. Now I am!
Yo, man, happy birthday! 105 days without porn is a number! Very inspiring. I will be 31 at the end of November, maybe I could get at least 2 months by then.
 

Phineas 808

Respected Member
Porn Free Summer!

Summer = 6/20/21 - 9/22/21, or 93 days


This statement was at the end of my previous 90 day challenge, and this is exactly what we had, a porn-free summer, overlapping challenges notwithstanding!

We are now currently at 114 days without P, PMO, or MO (-1).

I'm coming out of a period where p-subs and edging were a struggle, from before 8/8/21 and on through September. There was even an external link from Youtube which led to p-sites! I didn't linger, obsess or explore. It wasn't anything I searched for, so no reset.

Was I trying to self-sabotage? It was almost like I was preparing to PMO, or to set up the stage for a fall. Even yesterday I had opportunity to P, PMO, but I didn't want to! I was too busy building the life I want, not the one I'm trying to get away from.

Even last night, I had edged, and my mind was telling me in my half-sleep that the 'next step' was to PMO. When I got up for the restroom, though, I left my phone behind instead.

This is all the 'training' from my abstinence challenge put to the test. My goal is to simply live life free from the unwanted habits. My 'orange-line' behaviors are threatening to be habits, and I have to employ all I know to prevent this from happening. And I find this easier when I relax, and let these things wash over me without judgement, and not obsess on them.

I feel I am coming out of this strange time, and that I'm continuing to build on my previous abstinence challenge. In fact, my ability to not take this too far is a testament to the habit change from that time. Some of my self-talk is,

"This doesn't have to end with P, PMO, I can find my resilience and back away without having to completely lapse first!"

I have to simply keep in practice what I know to do, what I advise everyone else to do, lol...! But I do feel that I'm no longer obsessing, and that I have to disrupt repetitiveness, which is the life-blood of habit.

Be well, All!
 
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Porn Free Summer!

Summer = 6/20/21 - 9/22/21, or 93 days


This statement was at the end of my previous 90 day challenge, and this is exactly what we had, a porn-free summer, overlapping challenges notwithstanding!

We are now currently at 114 days without P, PMO, or MO (-1).

I'm coming out of a period where p-subs and edging were a struggle, from before 8/8/21 and on through September. There was even an external link from Youtube which led to p-sites! I didn't linger, obsess or explore. It wasn't anything I searched for, so no reset.

Was I trying to self-sabotage? It was almost like I was preparing to PMO, or to set up the stage for a fall. Even yesterday I had opportunity to P, PMO, but I didn't want to! I was too busy building the life I want, not the one I'm trying to get away from.

Even last night, I had edged, and my mind was telling me in my half-sleep that the 'next step' was to PMO. When I got up for the restroom, though, I instead left my phone behind.

This is all the 'training' from my abstinence challenge put to the test. My goal is to simply live life free from the unwanted habits. My 'orange-line' behaviors are threatening to be habits, and I have to employ all I know to prevent this from happening. And I find this easier when I relax, and let these things wash over me without judgement, and not obsess on them.

I feel I am coming out of this strange time, and that I'm continuing to build on my previous abstinence challenge. In fact, my ability to not take this too far is a testament to the habit change from that time. Some of my self-talk is,

"This doesn't have to end with P, PMO, I can find my resilience and back away without having to completely lapse first!"

I have to simply keep in practice what I know to do, what I advise everyone else to do, lol...! But I do feel that I'm no longer obsessing, and that I have to disrupt repetitiveness, which is the life-blood of habit.

Be well, All!
Awesome, man! That's outstanding progress right there!
 
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