Thank you, Escape!
Everything you say above is worth repeating and quoting! I hadn't even thought of it like that, 2 months! That doesn't sound very far away, does it?
Heck, when I hit 120 (+19), that was over 4 months! It's really how we frame things in our mind. Some could look at 2-4 months, and say 'damn!!', because they're white-knuckling it, and have the 'dry-drunk' mentality. It's like, do you really want to be free of this? And, look, I get it... P, PMO, and MO is damn pleasurable, and exciting- especially to the lizard brain (well put!). But when it's all said and done, it's taken all the joy out of life, because there's no more reward center of the brain (at least, it's fried). Also, it killed our noodle in the process!
And you're right, if at any time, even when caught up in a cycle, we always have the power to abort, to veto what the lower brain wants to do. Grant it, our executive powers of decision (prefrontal cortex) are slowed and weakened, and the power of habit has seemed to undermine our freewill, urges themselves can never force us to do anything if we're in the moment and mindful as to what's happening.
Be well.
Congratulations Phineas! I like the way you've divided the days into three distinctive phases of recovery. It actually makes a lot of sense in my mind. The red is the quitting/withdrawal part, the blue is the normalizing to life without part and the green part is solidifying the foundation for sustainable recovery. Very nice.
I should also correct myself in that by 'unaccountable time' I meant to refer to 'the belief of unaccountable time' which is of course a self-serving belief that the addict brain uses to justify the behaviour. All time & action is accountable of course, to ourselves, others, all.
I feel like any addiction, we perceive it as pleasurable because it de-sensitizes & numbs our brains to receiving the pleasure & joy from anything else. This addiction is especially insidious because it distorts our expectations of intimacy, robbing us of our ability to meaningfully connect with others. No vice is worth that!
Congratulations again! Wishing you well in your victories today.