Thanks for sharing. Your work is helping others.
Phin, thx for the post. I just posted about a recent failure, and your post highlights much of what caused it for me. I had set myself up for failure by letting some benign things like facebook, twitter, etc... trip me up. Even Spotify had begun to trip me up as I was curious about some sexually explicit music and listened to several songs that I knew would be triggering. What started as relatively innocent (and not legalistic) became a stumbling block that sent me headlong into stuff that is definitely not benign.I made a few changes on my 16 Principles of Recovery (linked in my signature), and added this as principle #1:
1. Approach social media, or entertainment with vigilance, without being overly restrictive.
Identify what trips you up: Facebook, Instagram, Youtube, Twitter, Pinterest, simply getting online (computer or cell phone), T.V., movies, music (audio)?
Know your enemy, know yourself. But don't be legalistic or overly restrictive. Learn to see the problem not as an outside force controlling you, but as all from within you, and under your power to control.
Don't set yourself up for failure, but then don't disempower yourself by placing all the blame on social media or entertainment.
See what other changes I made.
Have a great day!
Good post. I think for me, the trick will be how to reincorporate these innocent things into my life as I am daily becoming more free.
Holy smokes, 80 days! That's outstanding progress. I know it's not first time for you. I wonder what it's like to be 80 days porn free. Anyway, you seem to have found the right formula.
I agree about not wanting a technical win!! But based on your journal I do think you are feeling this in your heart! GOD is speaking to you (and me)! You are listening and even though the struggles are real we all will learn to run as Joseph did. Glad you turned to GOD in your time of need and HIS Grace is there everyday! Stay the course and keep up the great work!
Hey, man, I think it's definitely a win to stop yourself before escalating.The wife went out of town yesterday, typically a major cue for me.
It was interesting, as I had just been thinking about how I was no longer obsessing after my lapse to MO on August 8th. Because since that time, it's come up as an urge, on and off, to either MO or edge, so as to be reinstated as a habit.
We were kind of rushed out of the house, though I was planning on taking a walk during that time. She mentioned to me how she was to be out of town for an overnighter that following day. And everywhere we went, 3 places before returning home, there were knockout gorgeous women! They seemed to be attracted to me, too!
That night almost in anticipation, there was some edging. But this was stopped.
Overall, I had a good day- it went really fast, and nothing much was done. But in the evening I had more fun relaxing in the backyard, and talked to an old friend.
That evening, I went to bed around 12:00- and couldn't go to sleep. Acted on some things (p-subs), but stopped this, and prayed it through and went to sleep.
I awoke around 3:50, and again acted on p-subs. This took me to 5:00. I was like, "I'm going to keep doing this unless I pray it through." Which I did, then I listened to the Bible on the iPhone app as I went to sleep. Awoke at 7:00 am.
During my struggles, there was no P, PMO or MO. I edged a little, but it wasn't exciting as the previous night. It was like I wanted it to be...
The overall episode showed an ambivalence, not toward P or P-subs, but kind of against it, like there was nothing in it.
Assessment
I do count this as a win, overall. It's a 'set back' only in the sense that I've been struggling to get this far. For this 90 day abstinence challenge, started since lapsing from my 30 day probation period (April 13th), I've lapsed a few times...
I'm still in line to hit my 90+1 day challenge this Thursday.
But, where is the fire, where is the zeal? Do I not hate this sin? Am I ready to leave it behind?
Phineas (in the Bible) could not stand for Yahweh and the repenting Israelites to be offended, and immediately chased Zimri and her lover Cozbi into the tent, and speared them through while in the very act...!
Joseph, even with someone's hot wife grabbing him by the clothes and begging him to f*** her, fled from her, saying,
...how then can I do this great wickedness, and sin against God? - Gen 39:9b.
Am I Phineas, judging things in my own heart?
Am I Joseph, in the act of fleeing from the wickedness of this age?
Or, am I the type of ground where the weeds and thorns, the cares of this world, the lust for other things (Mt 13, Mk 4, Lk 8), enter in and choke the Word, and it becomes unfruitful?
I don't want just a technical win, but I want to feel this in my heart!
Congrats Phineas! I think it's very good not escalating and not giving in. But I still think there's work to do in the department.Thank you, Escape and Guitar! Your words mean a lot.
Update:
There was a night-2. I relaxed before bed, watched a little T.V., started falling asleep.
I woke up around 3:38 am, feeling very horny. I did edge a little, and it could have went for a while longer, but I reached for my phone, which could also have been a thing. I did type in some foolish searches, but I was like, "Screw it! I'd rather sleep!" And I set the thing aside, and went back to sleep for the rest of the night. There was no P, PMO, or MO.
This time with her being away for 2 nights, while it cued me, and this was acted on in various ways, I was able to stop each time, and as Escape said, not escalate things. I found it very strange that she went out of town for an overnighter right as I'm on the verge of reaching my 90+1 days. But you know what? That's life! This is the very thing these abstinence challenges are training me for- real life! If I wasn't counting days, and was able to walk away from this without crossing my red-lines, that would certainly be a win!
I'm looking forward to hitting my goals, not 'by the skin of my teeth', but rather victoriously, in spite of it all.
I'm not white-knuckling, but am wary and watchful toward falling into those strange ruts where reaching for old comforts seems to be the 'go-to' behavior. I'm still very much a 'work in progress', but Yes, I do see progress.
I'm not thinking, "This is my time. I deserve this."- Instead I'm thinking, "This is my time, I want to have a genuine good time without obsessing, or acting out, or missing out on sleep, and without secrets!"
Daaaaamn, man! You look like you have this. I really think you'll make it all the way to the end.
Bro, the way I see it, you've found what works for you. I want to see you succeed.Thank you, Escape! I certainly go forward with both eyes open, knowing what I'm capable of, as in abstaining, but also as indulging.
I want to be that man who does not look at porn, does not masturbate or take advantage of women by being that predator.
Each new day gives us that opportunity to be that different person than we were the day before.
Standing with you, as you walk with me on that journey!