ohhhhh ive been there, mate. i know what theat feels like. let me guess, you thought that if u rubbed a quick one out it would serve as some type of band-aid effect for your desires to PMO. and it does to an extent, sure, ive done that too. but dont make it like your go-to strategy for avoiding urges; anything involving your cock while your trying to fight an urge can get weird very quickly...Today was a mixed day again. I have felt like a pig today because of my actions last night and I have been ogling young women again today. I feel like a creep. Ugh! But I know that I can be a good person and a gentleman too! I feel that I have a high moral. Some of the time...
I did all my daily reading and I had a good judo-session so that's good! I bought some black shoes and a belt that I'm really happy to have done. I needed those things for an occasion.
I M:ed twice today. Once in the morning and once at the end of the day. Basically, I did it because I had the urge. I'm not going to pretend it was something else. But after the first one, I felt a bit more sane and grounded in reality. I did the second one half because I felt an urge to do it, and half as a strategy to not go to that site again today as I did last night. I haven't and I'm not going to. I've tried to block the site, but for some reason all my sites are unblocked again. That doesn't feel good.
every time this has happened before, going back to M without P, It has lead me back to P. That makes me a bit nervous. I will try to follow the advice of Phineas 808 and not see the PMO-lifestyle as a baseline that I inevitably will fall back to. It's not. It doesn't have to be.
I feel like it could have been a good thing that It happened. Not that I went to that site yesterday but that I M:ed because It might help me to stop being so totally focused on my genitals, sexuality and finding women.
I was a bit sad and jealous this morning because two of my friends have been paired up with each other and are going to be help-teachers at the same school close to where they live while I have to travel for an hour every day by train to my school and I am paired up with someone that I really don't click with as a work-partner. I feel a bit left out. But it wasn't their choice. It was just bad luck for me. Maybe It won't be that bad for me. Maybe it will be good.
Now I have to go to bed soon. It is very late.
I really wish that I just could leave P behind me. That I could stop all this ogling and objectification and just be able to let it all go. I don't want to be a staring creep or a sex-maniac. I want to have peace. I want to leave this burden in the garbage and feel free from it. I really want to have peace.
I wish you much peace!
and the staring! yep, been there. i used to actually wear sunglasses inside, dark ones, just so i could have a cheap perv without anyone knowing! (cringe...) how fucked up is that?! it completely changes you. dont let it!
if you sitck to this reboot you will leave porn addiction and all its lovely symptoms behind forever, trust me.