Day 46
So I'm currently sitting home alone, two weeks of time alone ahead of me. As soon my gf was about to leave, the old urges started to hit me. I managed to avoid the first wave by going outside.
In the past, I have often struggled when given too much freedom. I should now be a bit wiser and plan in order to avoid that. I only have three days of work next week, and outside work time I attempt to schedule my days more strictly than before. The idle moments of wondering what to do next are dangerous and could easily lead to PMOing.
Thoughts on the first 45 days
So 45 days has gone by rather quickly. I should remind at this point, that this is not hard mode, as I have been having sex whilst abstaining from pornography and masturbation. Nevertheless, this is a small victory already. First, I will list some things that made it possible to succeed so far:
1. Blocking Instagram and Youtube from my laptop, deleting Instagram from my phone.
Instagram is dangerous in terms of triggering content, and I also didn't like the habit of checking IG again and again. I currently go and see the updates maybbe once a week through my phone's browser, which is conveniently inconvenient to use. Youtube on the other hand is not so bad trigger-wise, but it may soak staggering amounts of time if you get sucked in to the loop of related videos etc. I have been hooked on self-improvement type of videos and I was always searching for the next video that would turn my life around, but it never came.
2. Committing to journaling daily in RBN and manually in my notebook.
I am a firm believer of habits and I think that for most habits to stick you need to incorporate them in your daily life. In the beginning, when I had a lot of motivation I would've probably posted daily anyway, but failed to continue when I had the first day when my thoughts wandered elsewhere. Forcing my self to post here daily makes sure that I need to return to that nofap state of mind and remind myself, even on easier days, why I'm doing this.
3. Exercise and sleep.
As I have written, I've had some issues with sleep but otherwise, I have made going to bed early and at the same time every day a priority and it has kept me energized enough. Lack of sleep has been shown to lead people into favoring short-term results in their decisions, for example in choice of food. I am convinced that lack of sleep also reduces the willpower to resist urges. Also, going into bed at the same time every day teaches your brain when to fall asleep, and you don't spend time laying in bed awake, playing with your genitals. And in the mornings, it is even more important to get yourself out of bed as quickly as possible, because laying in bed in the morning will almost surely lead to urges and PMO.
Currently, I exercise daily, sometimes twice a day. I come from a sports background, which helps me in this regard. The thing about exercise is, it is sometimes needed to cut out excess energy, and more often it gives you some of it. For example, after beginning my new work, I have been very tired when leaving work in the afternoon. When I arrive home in that state, I easily just end up laying in the sofa, and that is also a good place for urges to catch you. But if I force myself to go run just a couple of kilometres, I feel a lot more energised and can carry on with the rest of the day. Exercise also increases sleep quality, as often times bad sleep is a consequence of not being tired enough.
Benefits
This is something I have given surprisingly little thoughts on. Firstly, there's no fear of getting soft during sex. I've maybe noticed myself being a bit more commanding, more arrogant in some occasions. There is a lot going on in my head in regards to my relationship currently, so I'm not that sure how much of a change is happening within me meanwhile. I have also read in awe about the benefits people experience during nofap, but right now it is more important for me to just keep myself clear from pornography. Maybe I will need time to truly see the benefits, if any of the occur.
Right now, I should prepare myself for the next week. Thanks for everyone posting in this thread and contributing into their own journals also, I truly feel that I'm not alone in this challenge.
See you tomorrow
Dantes