My journey to be a better man.

guitar1968

Active Member
Hey, guitar. This is the best way to go, as it helps us to truly reboot from our old and familiar wiring in our brain... Also, you won't have to wonder if you 'did it right', because your reboot/recovery won't be littered with a bunch of compromises.



I know this is a major concern for us older gentlemen, but I think that the nature of renewal and new beginnings, like each new morning affords, gives us hope that we can be that new person we've always wanted to be- before it doesn't matter much, as you say.

Hoping the best for you, brother.
Thanks for reply Phineas. It means a lot. I just went through another weekend with very little thought or concern about porn. Weekdays are a little harder because I'm in my office on my computer all day, but so far, I am surprised how easy it has been. I'm not feeling some awful withdraw symptoms or freaking out about anything. I'm starting to get some morning erections again here and there so I am feeling more positive.

The hard reset is definitely what I need. No plans to even attempt sex or masturbation for at least 6 months. And, never to porn again.
 

guitar1968

Active Member
Focusing on the time line is sort of like watching a kettle on the stove, waiting for it to start boiling. The anxiety of not having reached pre-porn performance can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. Counting days helped me celebrate every day that I woke up without porn and the occasional calendar reset forced me to try a little harder. Ultimately, the healing came as a series of delightful surprises, and it really didn't take that long in the grand scheme of things. No pills, no silver bullet, just one thing -- no porn!
Thanks JJacks for the reply. I agree with everything you said. The only thing, and I think I wrote about it last week, is that I realized I never had "Pre-Porn" performance. I started looking at Playboy before I ever masturbated and then I just about always used some kind of porn. As the availability grew, so did my appetite for it. So, this reboot is very much needed. I need to get to sex and maybe even masturbation without ever using porn again. My mind is set, I'm feeling good and I'm ready to keep moving forward. 1 month this Wednesday!
 

guitar1968

Active Member
I just did a couple of replies that talks about where I am with my new journey. And, where I am is in a good place. I'm really not feeling overwhelmed, desperate, angry, or really anything other than I feel good about what I'm doing with my time. I'm almost at a month and I haven't missed it. I haven't fallen down a well of despair. I thought it would be harder. Now, I've quit before, but I don't think it's been this easy. I would definitely recommend the Easy Peasy Method to anyone just starting. It really boils down to you are not losing anything by giving porn up. You are gaining so much. Mostly for me it's time, but also not feeling shame, not hiding all the time, not worrying about someone walking in on me, not worrying about me leaving some horrible porn site up on my computer and having my wife or daughter find it, and on and on and on.

So, I'm feeling good. Looking forward to a life without porn and hopefully some better sexual function in the months and years to come.
 

guitar1968

Active Member
Quick update today. Too much going on with work and at home right now. Just wanted to say all is good. I was a little depressed last night. Not sure if it was feeling down about not having porn or not, but I was a little dark. However, I do get that way quite often and I hope that getting away from porn will eventually help that a bit as well.

More tomorrow.
 

Nick Simons

Active Member
Hey Guitar, I hear you on the "feeling down" feelings. I too felt that way in my first reboot - just sort of not motivated and blah for a time. The good news is it definitely will start to go away ... not immediately and not all at once but eventually it does (I'm pretty sure this is part of the "brain fog" stage people often mention).

Anyway, stay with it man you are doing great. Every day is a new day ... the slate is wiped clean and you are presented with a whole new 24 hour window to pour yourself into however you see fit. You 100% control your actions.
 

guitar1968

Active Member
Thanks for the note Nick. Yes, I feel a little blah. 28 days today and the draw to look at porn has really greatly diminished. However, I think I may be in a flatline. It's weird to think that not masturbating would make me feel like not masturbating. But, I've had some morning erections in the past month, not many but a few and once or twice even an actual full erection. Haven't had those much even when I was looking at porn and masturbating. I would usually sit there half erect until something finally triggered the orgasm. Upon ejaculating I would achieve a full erection, but the majority of the time I really didn't have much of one.

So, I'm guessing it will be a waiting game. Good thing is I'm not in any rush. I just want to be away from porn, try to let my mind and body heal and feel better about myself in the process.

I've gone back and forth on whether or not to do a daily post here and I have decided that I will as long as I can during the day just to keep me on the right path. I was thinking that maybe I shouldn't come here unless I got the urge to look at porn or really had the urge to masturbate. Why check in when I'm not thinking about either. But, I guess it's probably the best thing to do. It doesn't take much time and it makes me feel good about what I'm achieving.

A little longer post today. I hope everyone is doing well and feeling good about their journey!
 

jjacks

Active Member
Good post. Sounds like you are doing well. Keep posting - it is part of the process. You do not need to be tempted to come here. I come back all the time just to remind myself to be vigilant, 4 1/2 years later.
 

guitar1968

Active Member
4 weeks and so far so good. I woke up this morning with an erection and it felt good. I haven't had too many lately and it was a nice surprise. Maybe healthy eating and not yanking all the time is helping.

So, no porn, no real hard urge to go back. I'm fairly peaceful about the whole thing. I'm sure I'll have times when the urge is stronger, but for now I'm really pleased with how well it is going. Fingers crossed that this is the time. It has to be!

Thanks for the encouragement JJacks! Amazing to hear that it's 4 1/2 years for you and that things are still good. Any stumbles in those 4 years?
 

jjacks

Active Member
I think waking up with an erection is one of the great joys of being a man. It is evidence that your system is in working order and it should be a sign that the reboot is in progress. Let it put a smile on your face, dude!

I stumbled once or twice early on. It's in my journal on this site. Once I passed a few months, it didn't happen again. Like with any addiction, the urge may come back, but it gets easier to refuse over time. I quit smoking cigarettes 40 years ago, but the thought of having one still crosses my mind on the rare occasion. Over time, my strength to refuse it has grown. Just one thing to keep in mind, the words of lyon03 -- "Porn is not an option!".
 

guitar1968

Active Member
I'm doing very well and I'm at 30 days today. I have been feeling a bit of itch to masturbate, but not to look at porn. I guess my body was used to the release and I did pretty well these past 4 weeks, but I definitely feel an urge now. But I think I also have the tools not to do anything just yet. I really have committed to never looking at porn again, but I am not saying no to ever masturbating again. It will just be done very differently and much less frequently. But that is for another time. I have many days to go before I'm ready to see if that works for me.

I've stumbled my whole life with porn. I don't want to stumble any more. This time it has to stick. Thanks for all the help and encouragement JJacks!
 

Nick Simons

Active Member
Hey Guitar, so great to hear about your 30 day progress - we are on a similar path I think so its good to have a band of brothers here to support each other. Well done!
 

guitar1968

Active Member
So.... I had an interesting weekend and I'm trying to decide what to think about it. First, I started getting morning erections again last week. Good strong erections. On Saturday I decided to try masturbating without porn. I know that I initially said I would wait for 6 months. No porn, no masturbation. So, that's out the window. However, I still haven't looked at porn and I feel very good that I am not missing it. Back to Saturday's episode. I was able to finish during my little session. It was not perfect. I focused on my wife and not on porn. It took some time and I wasn't at full mast the whole time. I was encouraged that I can still masturbate to completion without porn, but I now am certain that I need a lot more time. So, back to no masturbation, no porn, no sex. No sex is easy. My wife and I haven't tried in a long time. I truly want that back, but that discussion is for another day.

What I'm trying to decide now is do I go back to day 1? I'm not really sure it matters. Counting the days is not the goal here for me. It's to stop looking at porn and wasting my days cruising for the next dirty thing online. And, I'm achieving that and feeling pretty good while doing it. This may be a bit of a set back. I'm just not sure. It was a conscious decision. I wanted to see if the morning erections would correlate to the ability to MO without thinking about porn.

I'd love some feedback on this one.

Thanks!
 

jjacks

Active Member
I think you are doing fine. It's the porn that's the killer. I went through the same questioning, and it turned out that masturbating every now and then, particularly when my wife is going through a period of not really being into it, did not harm the reboot although it is not the goal. For me, that may be three-four times in a year. In fact, masturbation is not really that good for me any more, like you, not getting or staying stiff all the time, although the sex is always great, rock solid and lasting! Which is just fine by me and has re-energized my marriage...
 
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guitar1968

Active Member
Thanks JJacks! I do believe I agree. I'm hoping to get back to having sex with my wife, but I know I'm going to want some release here and there. It was an experiment, no porn was involved and I believe I'm going to leave it at that. I still haven't looked at porn and I'm really surprised how little I think about it. If it does wander into my head I come over here and read some journals or posts by people mostly in this thread. I guess I relate more to the 40+ crowd. We've been at it longer and had a different experience getting into porn. Most of us it was Playboy and if we were lucky Penthouse.

So, I'm roughly 34 days with no porn and I'm going to keep moving forward. Feeling good that I finally stopped. I have had one other decent run at quitting and of course I decided I could maybe just look once a month. Then it was once a week. Then it was well, just once a day and then it was every time I had a minute. Worse, if my family wasn't home, I might keep a browser open all day to peek at. Troubling behavior and I'm still embarrassed that I could ever be that person. When I started my own business and was able to work from home things got so much worse. That was 20 years ago. 20 years of watching porn every day. Ughh.. again, I can't believe that was me. No longer. I can't be that guy anymore. I'm too old, too tired and I wasn't even enjoying it anymore. I just felt like I had to do it.

Thanks for any and all support. It is very helpful and I'm very glad I jumped back in here.
 

guitar1968

Active Member
Nothing major to report. I've been feeling good and don't miss porn. Sometimes out of habit I get the urge to open a browser but then I remember I don't have to and that is all it takes.

I've been reading through other's stories a lot. Is it weird that as I read some of the much longer journal's that I'm rooting for people like it's a movie? Then I'm so disappointed when they trip up, but then I feel great when they get back on track? Some stories have many ups and downs, others are inspirational and some are just so much like my own I feel like I know the person who is writing it.

I guess it is much like watching a movie or reading a book. Many of the endings are still being written and we all hope it's that classic happy ending. Everything works out in the end. We walk away from our addiction, we get our loved ones back, we get our sex lives back, we feel good about ourselves and what we've accomplished. That's what I'm hoping for everyone here.

Go ahead and write your own ending. It can be just as perfect as you want it to be. We have the control.

Have a great day!
 

guitar1968

Active Member
35 days since joining the forum. 36 days since I decided I had to change my life. Feeling pretty good. Feeling like I would like to have sex. That has been the case the last two or three days. That's not going to happen. I won't even approach my wife to try and get that started again. But I'm feeling it for sure. I need time. Lots of time away from the porn. 35 days isn't enough. Some things have definitely faded, but the road ahead will be long for me. 53 years old, looking at porn for at least 45 years. That can't be erased in a few short weeks. It has shaped my entire thoughts about sex, love, relationships or more. I wonder if things would have been different if I hadn't been introduced at such a young age? If friends all didn't talk about sex and porn so often. If we didn't share magazines and video tapes we were able to get our hands on. Who knows. Can't go and change the past, but I can certainly shape my future.

Thanks for listening. Stay strong everyone.
 

JerryTX

Member
Nice work on 35 days. I am right there at Day 37. Lot's of similarities in our journey. Wife and I have had sex once since this started and like you not into counting days as much as not having the desire or urge to look. I am also hoping this will ignite more activity with my wife, however that isn't my goal. There's a lot going on with her physically that effects this. But I am happy that while the urges have peeked into some of my days, my desire to look has not been there. I also haven't had (knock on wood) what I think would be the "flatline" that is discussed so often. Maybe I will maybe I won't as I think it's different for everyone. Stay strong and keep winning the war in your mind (also a good book I'm reading/studying)
 

Nick Simons

Active Member
Hey Guitar great job on your progress to date. I have been off the grid for a few days but just wanted to say that I am enjoying reading you journal and seeing your tremendous progress. Lots of common threads with my path as well. Stay strong dude!
 

guitar1968

Active Member
Just posted a comment on your Journal Nick! Thanks for the words of encouragement.

Yesterday I ran into a porn thread on Twitter. I'm on Twitter a lot because I'm a musician and that is really where I promote my music the most. With around 10,000 followers I'm bound to run into some porn from time to time. Usually it's because I follow someone back that I didn't realize posts porn or they send me dirty pictures directly to my inbox. So, when I follow back now I always try to vet the follower. One I checked on yesterday had all the serious hard core stuff on it that would have typically sent me right over to my browser in private mode and the wanking would have begun. I did see several pictures but I quickly exited the persons feed and of course didn't follow them. I'm feeling really good that it didn't cause me to give up everything. I'm not so sure why things are going so well this time. I can't tell if the Easy Peasy book really got in my head or my body and mind finally just had enough. Either way I'm just glad it's going so well this time.

This is my new normal. No porn. Enjoying life, focusing on other things.

Keep strong everyone! You can do this!
 
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