guitar1968
Well-Known Member
Hey Jerry! Sorry to hear about your little relapse, but as you stated, you have come so far and you will only continue to get stronger. I'm getting more and more uncomfortable with counting days and just focusing on being the best me I can be. Some days I won't be as good as others, but I've come way too far to just go back to the daily grind of PMO. I know I will masturbate again, certainly not nearly as often and not with porn on my screen. I don't know if I will ever get it out of my head, too many years of it being smashed in there, but I know I am far better off than I was several months ago. I'm sure you will continue on that path as well and if you falter here or there, you just get right back up, dust yourself off and keep moving forward. I think we can't be so hard on ourselves when we succumb once in a while. If you head down a path of week or month long binges, well that is a different story. But even then, getting back on the horse is still the best way to move forward.Long post here but it's been awhile with vacation since I have been on this site. Well vacation was good but came back to a slew of work and stress. Then came some immediate travel. On day 112 I am going to say that I had a relapse. Here's the situation. Found myself alone in my hotel room and working. Begin p-sub and edging with IG and others. Over the past 112 days I have been fighting these battles but I found the urge to keep clicking was so incredible strong. So I did click one time where I shouldn't have and a P video started playing. On a positive note, in my past that would have led to hours of straight P use and multiple PMOs throughout the night. The good news of all of this is I closed my phone in less than one minute into the video but the imagery was vivid in my mind and I MO. So whether I'm being too hard on myself which is likely, I feel this was a "relapse" as in the past 112 days I have not even gotten that far. But this time the click, the video started and I watched briefly but it lead to MO.
The amount of guilt and shame from this event consumed me throughout the rest of the evening and eventually found solace in praying and reading my bible. GODS grace is amazing and has helped me push through. I almost didn't even want to come on here and post as the guilt, shame, and disappointment was so severe. However, I know we are all going through this journey together and I wanted to write about this experience as it does also give me some peace.
I wake this morning still with some guilt and disappoint, but I know how far I have come in this journey. Therefore, I decided to "restart another reboot" and continue on my journey to eventually not giving in to those clicks that start a video. The strength & endurance I have gained did assist in me not watching the entire video but the MO to the imagery of what I saw is unacceptable. In the last 112 days without PMO and only 5 MOs has been incredible, but this new journey will now begin with the goal to eliminate MO as well.
GOD Bless you all !
1 Corinthians 6: 18-20
I've enjoyed following your story as it has unfolded with mine. I've had bad days but many more good days. There will be bumps in the road, but I have the vehicles to get over them and so do you. Good luck my friend!