This has to stop. I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength

JerryTX

Active Member
RN--Just checking in as I have been extremely busy this week with work. I have to work most of the weekend as well which sucks. Still going strong on my latest journey and the temptations and urges to watch and PMO are not there! The edging and P Subs this week have also disappeared which I'm thankful for. Sticking with this new hard mode and no MO. Have a great weekend!
 

JerryTX

Active Member
So having a good weekend and full of work. Wife and I had sex and now I know what's coming with this dang chaser effect. In the past I have MO within 72 hours of sex. Well not this time! Staying diligent today and also tomorrow to get through this. I am looking forward to adding to the MO streak. Not too many urges to watch or look at P. The edging has also been easier to overcome as of late. Hope everyone is having a great Sunday!
 

guitar1968

Active Member
So having a good weekend and full of work. Wife and I had sex and now I know what's coming with this dang chaser effect. In the past I have MO within 72 hours of sex. Well not this time! Staying diligent today and also tomorrow to get through this. I am looking forward to adding to the MO streak. Not too many urges to watch or look at P. The edging has also been easier to overcome as of late. Hope everyone is having a great Sunday!
That's great Jerry! Glad you and your wife are enjoying each other. It's a wonderful thing!
 

JerryTX

Active Member
I thought today I would post a bit of a summary of my journey thus far as I was reflecting upon it this morning and how far I have come. I'll start with my statistics first. I finally updated my spreadsheet so I had "visibility and accountability" to the data/facts.
  • Journey started on 4/13 and first post here in RN on 4/19
  • Went 112 days without PMO
    • During this time I MO'd 7X without any P
  • On day 113 I viewed a video for about 1 minute and then MO'd to the imaging in my head. Video was stopped that quickly.
  • Went another 39 days without PMO but again viewed a video clip and Lapsed to PMO.
  • I'm 14 days since that lapse with PMO and I haven't MO'd in this time
  • I have only had sex 11X during the onset of this journey. Mostly due to some flatline periods and lack of wife's libido and drive
  • Total time to date is 172 days with 2 PMO lapses
Ok now to the more important stuff that I have learned during this journey.
  • The flat line and loss of interest is real. For me it has spiked through various times throughout this journey. Never more than 10 days but when it hits there has been zero to no interest for me in my wife or even PMO
  • The PMO and P temptations to date are not strong at all. While you could read this and look at the above and say "why did you lapse then?" This is a fair question but during those 2 lapses they were very short lived not long PMO sessions. Prior to this journey those PMO episodes would have been full blown PMO sessions back to back and day to day. This went on for decades as I stated in my opening journal entry! The reason for the lapses are the first one involved alcohol and led to the edging which led to a video being played for a short period. Also was traveling and alone in a hotel room which usually meant multiple PMO sessions. Those are gone and alcohol lowered my "strength" threshold. 2nd Lapse was after a sex with the wife and intense chaser effect. This led to edging and P subs to a P video that again lasted less than a few minutes but used the imagery to PMO.
    • The shame and guilt after this was horrible. I asked for GODs grace and forgiveness and more importantly HIS STRENGTH to continue this battle to beat the P demon!
  • Chaser Effect is extremely real and has been tough for me over the last 6 months. While I would prefer to have sex more often with my wife, when we do the dopamine spike and 72 hour effect has been tough to overcome. Good news is this I now know will happen and I am better prepared for it moving forward.
  • To date I feel much better about myself and my relationship with my wife. We have had some difficult conversations but I know I'm becoming a better version of me and this will continue to improve our marriage
  • I am more controlled in my thoughts and actions and like I mentioned have had little desire to even think of watching P. Heck I can now be home alone without feeling the tugs of the P Demon!
I know this journal and this site have been a huge part of my success to date. Just to know as men were not alone in this has been helpful. Plus journaling my thoughts, struggles, and successes gives me an outlet. I know there is a lot of "religion" in my posts and even in the title of my journal, but without my relationship with GOD I wouldn't have gotten this far. Bible study, worship music, and prayer have been so important to me and my hope is regardless of your beliefs my journal has helped others.

So where does that leave me today... Well I'm a sinner and a broken man, but thankful for GOD's grace over my life! Sorry for the long deep post today but like I mentioned it was helpful to reflect on where I was, where I am, and how far I have come. This journey isn't over but I know I can win this battle for good and become the husband, father, and man I should have been before the destructive use of PMO!

I will continue to come here to post, read, and encourage! My new goal is to finish out 2021 with no PMO or MO & only real sex with the wife! There are so many on this site I am thankful for and others that are beginning this journey.

Have a great week RN!
Jeremiah 29: 12-13
1 Corinthians 10: 12-13
James 1: 12
James 4:71 Corinthians 6:19

Let the truth of GODs word, not your circumstances, define your decisions today!
I'm not a slave to porn, PMO, & lustful thoughts! Because GOD has and will purify my heart & mind. I will honor GOD with my eyes and thoughts. MY GOD is faithful! Even when I'm tempted, GOD will always provide me a way to conquer the temptations!
 

guitar1968

Active Member
Fantastic post Jerry. As you know we came here very close to the same time. I'm on a 2 days behind you. I've had my ups and downs and your encouragement has helped me greatly.

Keep on moving forward. So good to hear that things are going well. Even with the small slips as you mentioned, they are far different then they were for many years. Just a slip and right back on the horse! Keep on keeping on!
 

Phineas 808

Respected Member
It’s so helpful to take a bird’s eye view of our journey time to time, and assess where we’re at, where we’ve come from, and where we’re going.

it also helps to see if what we’re doing now is helping as much as in the beginning or not, and how to get back to a more robust reboot.

In The bigger picture, Jerry, your lapses were so small compared with how you used to struggle. But you’re wise to take them seriously for further advancement. But watch out for shame-based thinking as that can hurt instead of help us.

As a believer, the grace of God had flipped shame on its head in my own journey, which gave me the kind of victories I have today.

you’ve always been an encouragement to me, and I’m grateful for your support and strength in this fight.
 

JerryTX

Active Member
Happy Friday RN! Been crazy busy this week and getting ready for a quick 5 day vacation with only the wife next week. Looking forward to it and the relaxation. Also going to "unplug" so won't be posting and more importantly watching the disaster of our "news media".

No real temptations to PMO or MO this week and hopeful the time with the wife will provide some intimacy as well. The weird thing is I feel a little flat lined now and have very little sex drive. @guitar1968 wrote about this as well this week and we are about at the same time in our journey. Like his posts (which I recommend his journal) it's weird not being so hyper sexual as I was during this PMO problem. We will see how the vacation goes and I am a little worried that if the "time" comes for action I may not be feeling it!! So stupid to even worry about that in advance.. Just taking this journey one day at a time and thankful for this site!

Have a great week and weekend as I don't plan on being on much over the next 8 days!
 

guitar1968

Active Member
Happy Friday RN! Been crazy busy this week and getting ready for a quick 5 day vacation with only the wife next week. Looking forward to it and the relaxation. Also going to "unplug" so won't be posting and more importantly watching the disaster of our "news media".

No real temptations to PMO or MO this week and hopeful the time with the wife will provide some intimacy as well. The weird thing is I feel a little flat lined now and have very little sex drive. @guitar1968 wrote about this as well this week and we are about at the same time in our journey. Like his posts (which I recommend his journal) it's weird not being so hyper sexual as I was during this PMO problem. We will see how the vacation goes and I am a little worried that if the "time" comes for action I may not be feeling it!! So stupid to even worry about that in advance.. Just taking this journey one day at a time and thankful for this site!

Have a great week and weekend as I don't plan on being on much over the next 8 days!
Have a great vacation. Looking forward to hearing how it went. I slipped a bit last Friday, but I feel great, had a wonderful weekend and I have no desire for porn. So, this is working. Little slips here and there do not have to be the end of all of our hard work. We are human, sexual beings and once in a while things will happen. As long as we don't let it take us back to our old behavior, we are winners.

Keep strong and thanks for everything. You and @Phineas 808 have been a great help.
 

JerryTX

Active Member
Well back from vacation last week and feeling great! Enjoyed time away with the wife and getting off the grid! Good news is we had a great vacation, had sex 2X in 5 days which is not the norm, and had no performance anxiety! Had one "edging" event during the week but was able to shut it down and re-engage in the vacation. Also my usual 72 hour chaser period is still there but I have learned to control it more and I'm still without PMO, and MO! Looking forward to catching up on some of the new journal posts and encouraging words this site provides!
 

JerryTX

Active Member
Just checking in and doing pretty good coming out of this week. No real temptations and the relationship with the wife is doing good. Vacation truly helped. I looked back and I'm on day 31 from when hit restarted my count to a lapse. One thing I am proud of during this long journey is I haven't watched a porn video longer than 1 minute (previous 2 lapses in the last 184 days! As I have journaled the 2 lapses came from some P edging that videos played, I stopped them but MO'd to what I briefly saw! I feel this is a huge win! We have a media room with a large internet capable TV which used to be my PMO binge room and know that room doesn't pull at me for PMO. My mind has made some significant changes as it relates to all the PMO I used to consume. This journey like we all know isn't over, but I like where I'm at.

GOD bless RN and praying for all on this site!
 
As I have journaled the 2 lapses came from some P edging that videos played, I stopped them but MO'd to what I briefly saw!
I let this same action be my downfall a couple days ago. I let MO before that become too regular of a thing and let P subs convince me to act out. Still no straight up PMO but it doesn’t feel honest to say it wasn’t pretty much the same if I use fantasy later on to MO to. I appreciate all of your honest posts and it helps me be honest with myself and keep fighting the good fight. Thanks for all the inspiration Jerry, Guitar, and Phineas!
 
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guitar1968

Active Member
Just checking in and doing pretty good coming out of this week. No real temptations and the relationship with the wife is doing good. Vacation truly helped. I looked back and I'm on day 31 from when hit restarted my count to a lapse. One thing I am proud of during this long journey is I haven't watched a porn video longer than 1 minute (previous 2 lapses in the last 184 days! As I have journaled the 2 lapses came from some P edging that videos played, I stopped them but MO'd to what I briefly saw! I feel this is a huge win! We have a media room with a large internet capable TV which used to be my PMO binge room and know that room doesn't pull at me for PMO. My mind has made some significant changes as it relates to all the PMO I used to consume. This journey like we all know isn't over, but I like where I'm at.

GOD bless RN and praying for all on this site!
You're doing great Jerry. We are in such similar boats with this thing. But we're winning the war. Major improvements in the last 6 months. We have to step back and realize that once in a while. I can count on two hands the times I'm MO'd in 6 months. That's crazy. I couldn't do that in one week prior to April 15. So, yes, big improvements. We are still men and sexual beings. We will have urges. I'm understanding that now. It's getting caught up in the porn and watching and craving it 24/7 that is the horrible thing. An occasional orgasm is probably very healthy.

Keep on keeping on my friend. We're getting better all the time!
 

JerryTX

Active Member
Pretty solid weekend as it was extremely busy. However, today had some strong urges that I haven't had in awhile. Not sure where they came from but they are/were here. Problem is exactly knew why as had some edging today around Psubs. So stupid but I was able to not click through into P and move on. This addiction while not easy to break is a weird cycle. Thought I would come on and post about it and realize that the old me would have went right into PMO throughout the day! Thankful to be where I'm out but kind of frustrated about the situation. I know I will always have to be aware of this addiction and getting on here and reading Phineas post was helpful. I need to keep the 18 in mind.
 

JerryTX

Active Member
Traveling this week for work and feeling strong with no urges. Working and watching baseball in the evening and avoiding alcohol as I know it can lead to giving into PMO temptations. Anyway watched a great post and video from @Artemus and thought I would share this from the daily devotional I had this morning. Ties into the 18 steps @Phineas 808 posted. This site is such a great resource!

Prepare for Battle​

. . . on this rock I will build my church,
and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it—Matthew 16:18

We have enemies. They’re real. They’re powerful. They’re cunning, relentless, scheming always against us—scheming right now. We too, brother, must be cunning and relentless. We too must be prepared.

Prepare for Battle​

[ 1 min read ★ ]​

. . . on this rock I will build my church,
and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it—Matthew 16:18


We’re designed for battle by our Father God; we’re led into battle by our King, Jesus Christ; we’re aided in battle by God the Holy Spirit. These battles are waged “against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places” (Ephesians 6:12). The places where we meet our enemies have names like “sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these” (Galatians 5:19-21). Though perhaps less dramatic than battles fought on the ground or in the air or on the sea, their outcomes are more momentous. They determine not only how we spend our lives, but our eternities too (Galatians 5:21).

We have enemies. They’re real. They’re powerful. They’re cunning, relentless, scheming always against us—scheming right now. We too, brother, must be cunning and relentless. We too must be prepared.


Okay, so what do we do?​


Create a battle plan. Resist any “this isn’t necessary” or “do it later” tendencies. Create a plan to bring the fight to our enemies. They’ve brought it to you long enough. Write it out today. Make it explicit. Make it practical.

1. Definition of Battle . . . what problem would you like to finally overcome?
2. Definition of Victory . . . what’ll victory look like?
3. Lay of the Land . . . what external factors contribute to the problem?
4. Points of Weakness . . . what aspects of your lifestyle contribute too?
5. Plan of Attack . . . how will you counter or minimize or eliminate the external factors and contributing aspects of your lifestyle?
6. Sources of Strength . . . how’ll you stay connected to God and community?
7. Brothers-in-Arms . . . whom will you tell about this plan and keep updated, as to victories and defeats?

Here is the link below for these devotionals if your interested....
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