I'm a porn addict (by far the crappiest, lamest addiction ever)

[forceisstrong2]

Thanks Lost Wanderer!

I'm staying strong and your encouraging words mean a helluva lot.

Hope you're doing well in this amazing journey and keep it up too!

 

[forceisstrong2]

Force, you're killing it! Your continuing journey is inspiring to read. That meditation, even for just a few minutes, can make such a positive difference in handling urges, refocusing and...well...living.

Which reminds me, I still have to do mine this morning!

Keep up the great work Force!

Orbitor,

Great to hear from you and its ace seeing you doing so well on your own journey!

What you say about meditation is sooo true. It makes such a huge difference... having a healthy mind and living in the moment.

Let's keep this going, buddy!!!

 

[forceisstrong2]

Okay, I haven't written in this diary for more than a week. Last weekend was a real struggle for me. Not so much urges or fantasying about porn, etc, but my mental health just wasn't right. The two are linked I believe. And feeling like my mind isn't mine or it's thinking these dark crazy thoughts is really scary. Scariest thing in the world.

Anyways... I did a lot of meditating this week and by Wednesday, I was starting to feel like myself again.

Life is good. I'm six weeks without porn now. Shit. I'm actually really proud of that. It does get easier. Though I must stay mindful and keep working to improve every aspect of my life. Also, no porn + meditation = a better, smarter me. Giving up this shit really can change your life.

The trick for me at least is to have strategies to fight back against this bullshit too because you'll have points when you're low, weak, self destructive. Meditation is key for me and my mental health in general. Also, avoid triggers like the plague.

And be positive and think only good thoughts.

Peace...

 

[forceisstrong2]

I've not watched porn for seven weeks now (50 something days I think!)

For most of my thirties I've been hooked the bullshit. usual story: I'd try to stay away and then I relapse, hate my guts, try to stay away again and then I'd relapse once more. This went on for years. A few things have changed for me over the last two months which have really helped me in my recovery and have broken the relapse cycle - I thought I'd share.

First, joining this group has been brilliant. Hearing encouraging words from the group. Knowing that I'm not alone having to deal with this bullshit. Knowing that they're a lot of other men/women struggling with this bullshit addiction. Being in this group has really helped. So thank you all. Also, this forum is very useful for tracking how I'm doing. So after a while I could see that I was on the abstain for a couple of weeks and then slowly relapse/binge cycle. My journal on this forum over a month or two showed me the pattern of my addiction, which was: bingeing for several days, feeling like shit afterwards and promising never again, and then after a week or two relapse... Also, the forum's great for reviewing one's progress... seeing where I've been and where I'm now.

What I think is crucial to know is that your willpower is not enough. For the first month or so, don't even trust your brain. Remember, it's hooked on cheap dopamine hits. It wants to watch porn, it's hooked. It'll try to trick, cajole, whisper sweet pretty lies... don't listen to the fucker. Trust me... your willpower isn't enough to beat this shit... and know that at least temporarily your brain is seeking out these cheap highs.

I needed a strategy/tools to beat this stupid addiction. A few small (but hugely important) changes in my life really helped...

One, meditation, it is key for me. A mind addicted to porn is a deeply unhealthy mind. It's unfocused, grey, dull, anxious, it's in a brain fog. All it wants to think about is porn. Meditation helps to open other pathways. Helps a mind to be positive, to be in the present. And a healthy, focused mind just doesn't get trapped thinking/fantasying about porn. And sometimes when I found myself in a bad mood or thinking about porn, meditation put a stop to all that. I meditate twenty minutes every day. Without it - I'd still be in the relapse cycle, no question.

Two, avoid all triggers like the plague. No looking at cute girls on insta, utube, dating sites, etc, etc. Avoiding triggers makes the whole process a lot easier. No fantasying about porn either. It weakens your mind and brings the relapse closer.

Three, maybe my most important discovery, you will have weak moments on your journey, and you will try to seek out porn at some point. I know this because I did - what do you do then? For me, I took no chances... I had a back-up plan... At the start of my journey, I turned both my computer/phone into Fort Knox, downloading porn blocking software... hint: Netnanny has an option which stores your adult unblocking password for you -- you have to email Netnanny if you want it back! Pretty embarrassing to do... so I don't - also, by then the moment will have passed. Not being able to access porn is super important - at least while you're recovering!

One other thing I thought I'd say...

One more week and I'll be porn free two months... This past week especially, I've really found that my mental health has improved HUGELY... my focus, energy, intelligence has - I swear - at least doubled. No more brain fog. No anxious thoughts. I'm happier. I can chat with people without feeling anxious. I'm more outgoing, sociable and really am enjoying life a lot, lot more.

Guys... quitting porn is possible. And I swear, even after a few weeks, your life will start getting sooo much better...

You can beat this bullshit.

Best of luck on your journey,

Force

 

[forceisstrong2]

Three more days and I think that's two months for me...

First, month -- hard. Needed to avoid triggers, block porn on devices, meditation, started living good.

Second month has been a lot easier, though still some bumps on the road.

What's interesting now is that as my brain fog clears, I know see other major flaws in the life. And I intend to fix them.

Fuck porn. Don't waste your life. Quitting isn't impossible - believe me.

I'll write a longer post on Sunday, but for now, stay strong, stay away from the bullshit, chose life.

Force.

 

[forceisstrong2]

I haven't watched porn for two months.

It feels pretty good to write that. That was something I never imagined I would be able to achieve three or four months ago. As I have discussed in this journal/forum, there have been a few things I have done that have helped me quit - blocking porn from devices, avoiding triggers, and doing healthy things like meditation and exercise. I won't discuss these things further. If you're interested, you can find them in previous posts...

I realized there were many other things I had been missing in my life since I stopped watching porn. I now realize that I need to work on many aspects of myself in order to live a more fulfilling and better life. Giving up porn is not the end goal. It's merely a first step.

Over the two months, there have been many bumps in the road, but quitting porn for good is the best decision I've ever made. I'm really grateful to this brilliant website and forum.

If I can stop, you can stop too.

Force

 

[zackergeet]

I was going about my business today when my brain starting justifying to itself why I should watch "just a little bit" of porn. Like it would be no big deal. Now that I've been porn-free for a month, it argued, a little porn would be no harm whatsoever. I'll be able to control it now, bla, bla.

The part of me that is a porn addict is one conniving, lying motherfucker.

Anyway... the thoughts went away after a while. I've not meditated as much as I'd have liked to the past few days. I'm gonna get on that asap.

Hope everyone is staying strong and doing good!

Good job @forceisstrong as you don’t act on it is okay, being there thinking about how watching a little of P fwould not be a big deal but it is because this will cause to continue watching and then PMO once again. Whenever you have craves for P remember the 30 days you have worked so hard to be there and how you don’t want to mess all you have built up.

 

[Fappy]

Over the two months, there have been many bumps in the road, but quitting porn for good is the best decision I've ever made. I'm really grateful to this brilliant website and forum.

This!
By far the best decision. If ti were not for this website, the people on the forum, and the wisdom gained from them, Id still be mired in a PMO hell with no way of even knowing whats wrong with me.

 

[forceisstrong2]

Yeah, so I fucked up over the weekend. I got drunk, next day I was hungover and feeling sorry for myself and I relapsed. I'm pretty pissed with myself, but I didn't binge on porn which was good. Feeling okay now though. Head still in a good place. So it's not been a total disaster.

A few things I'm going to try to do from now on just so that I can keep on the right road in future and not fucking relapse again. The main one is this. I'm going to start journalling more on this forum. It really helps me to stay centred. Even the act of writing now reminds me that I've a problem and that I need to keep working on it daily.

So there you go. I'm on day four. My aim is no porn or no watching any other shit that's kind of like porn and I'll keep doing that until the end of the year. If I achieve that, no matter what else 2021 throws at me, that will be a good year I reckon.

Stay strong everyone and don't get cocky like me!!!

Force

 

[forceisstrong2]

Day five.

After drinking the night before, hungover, I've relapsed on two occasions in the space of three months. I'm going to keep away from alcohol from now on, but I'll take some precautions if I will be on a night out. I'll block all access to the internet the next day using a web blocking app. I'll go hiking the next day, etc.

Identifying the relapse trigger will help me avoid falling into the same trap next time.

Force

 

[Orbiter]

Hey Force,

I wouldn't stress too much, you're still doing great! What matters now is making sure those two PMOs are just a bump in the road on your journey.

I've been thinking about the hangover situation myself. I generally try to avoid too much alcohol these days but there will inevitably be some social occasions where the drinks are flowing and before I know it, boom! four pints in.

This is something we obviously on the road to recovery should try to avoid but what if it does happen?

It would seem sitting around in bed or on the couch is the last place we want to be when hungover. I really the like your idea of going on a hike. Not only is it keeping us away from idle temptation on the computer but it actually helps sweat out the toxins and beat the hangover in a way being sedentary isn't. The afternoon nap can always come after right?

Your thinking & attitude are a continuing inspiration. Keep up the great work!

EDIT: Grammar

 

[forceisstrong2]

Hey Force,

I wouldn't stress too much, you're still doing great! What matters now is making sure those two PMOs are just a bump in the road on your journey.

I've been thinking about the hangover situation myself. I generally try to avoid too much alcohol these days but there will inevitably be some social occasions where the drinks are flowing and before I know it, boom! four pints in.

This is something we obviously on the road to recovery should try to avoid but what if it does happen?

It would seem sitting around in bed or on the couch is the last place we want to be when hungover. I really the like your idea of going on a hike. Not only is it keeping us away from idle temptation on the computer but it actually helps sweat out the toxins and beat the hangover in a way being sedentary isn't. The afternoon nap can always come after right?

Your thinking & attitude are a continuing inspiration. Keep up the great work!

EDIT: Grammar

Hi Orbiter,

Thanks for your good advice and kind words. They mean a lot. Hope you are doing good.

I saw this quote today from Paulo Coelho: "to realize ones destiny is a person's only obligation." I like that and I thought I'd share.

Day 7

 

[Pra]

If you're drinking alcohol, drink plenty of water too. And drink at your own pace,not someone else's.

Sometimes we're having a good streak, feeling good about ourselves, then boom, a reset. The main thing is getting back on track.

 

[forceisstrong2]

If you're drinking alcohol, drink plenty of water too. And drink at your own pace,not someone else's.

Sometimes we're having a good streak, feeling good about ourselves, then boom, a reset. The main thing is getting back on track.

Pra, thanks for the good advice.

I have been feeling sorry for myself all week. So for inspiration, I read back through all of my posts and the encouraging posts of others on this forum. It is very helpful. It gives me more motivation to quit this crap and take control of my life.

My rules: Get my mind healthy. Live life healthy. Avoid triggers.

It's day eight.

My aim is to be porn free all the way up to the New Year.

 

[Squidward81]

Pra, thanks for the good advice.

I have been feeling sorry for myself all week. So for inspiration, I read back through all of my posts and the encouraging posts of others on this forum. It is very helpful. It gives me more motivation to quit this crap and take control of my life.

My rules: Get my mind healthy. Live life healthy. Avoid triggers.

It's day eight.

My aim is to be porn free all the way up to the New Year.

Youve got this! Keep journalling. Maybe even re-read to see how far you've come and why you're doing it. We are cheering you on man!

 

[forceisstrong2]

Thanks everyone for the support!!! It means so much!!! I'll keep journalling, keep checking in.

Thanks again.

Day 9...

 

[Fappy]

day 9! thats almost, like, 10 days! well done!

 

[forceisstrong2]

day 9! thats almost, like, 10 days! well done!

Thanks Fappy,

Yeah, I'm now on Day 11. Damn, I was at two months. Now I'm back in my second week. I was counting the weeks, now I'm back counting the days. This sucks big time. Still, though, I feel good. My head is in a good place and I'm feeling positive. Though obviously still kicking myself.

Thanks for all the well wishes and support! It really means a lot.

Force

 

[Orbiter]

Thanks Fappy,

Yeah, I'm now on Day 11. Damn, I was at two months. Now I'm back in my second week. I was counting the weeks, now I'm back counting the days. This sucks big time. Still, though, I feel good. My head is in a good place and I'm feeling positive. Though obviously still kicking myself.

Thanks for all the well wishes and support! It really means a lot.

Force

I'm sure we can all relate to that feeling. Still, it looks like you're going strong through them and it's only a matter of time i'm sure before you're counting the weeks again.

Don't think too much about which day it is, think instead about what you're going to do/make of the day ahead. That's what days are for!

Keep going Force, you got this man!

 

[forceisstrong2]

I'm sure we can all relate to that feeling. Still, it looks like you're going strong through them and it's only a matter of time i'm sure before you're counting the weeks again.

Don't think too much about which day it is, think instead about what you're going to do/make of the day ahead. That's what days are for!

Keep going Force, you got this man!

Thanks Orbiter - I will!

Okay, two weeks without porn. This week is going good so far.

I've kind of figured out that my mental health and my porn addiction are kinda interlinked. So this week I'm really looking after my mental health. Doing lots of meditations. Getting my mind back into good shape.

So far, so good. I encourage everyone to give meditation a go. It's brilliant for any number of things: clear thinking, focus, helping one to live in the moment. It also helps with willpower which we all struggle with.

Best