I know I can do it. I can feel myself getting closer to success.

[forceisstrong2]

Hey man,

No need to apologise. I've been there. I got around the porn blocker loads of times. The trick for me at least is to find all of those sites that can get you around the porn blocker and block those as well.

I've blocked sites with tutorials, sites with dangerous proxies. Dont beat yourself up about it. Just get back at it again.

If the smartphone is the problem, then consider getting a Nokia for a month and asking the wife to hold onto your smartphone. If you need it for work, tell them that you were finding that your smartphone was causing you anxiety and that you needed a break from it.

You needed a digital break.

Hope this helps some

 

[jonazo91]

I took some steps so that hopefully I won’t repeat that. It’s not impossible, but as some people have mentioned here, nothing is impossible at the end of the day. I’m still glad the porn blocker is there for now because it puts up considerable barriers to access that weren’t there before. And right now I feel way too lazy to figure out proxies and anything like that.

It’s my wife’s birthday today. Last night I cooked her a nice meal and tonight we’re going out to dinner and I’m surprising her with a cake from the bakery that did our wedding cake. Life is okay. Actually it’s pretty good. I’m going to hold my head up high because I’m glad I’m still in this fight.

I just want to make sure I’m still humble as well. But my only source of humility doesn’t have to be another relapse, lol. I can know that I still have demons to fight in me, improvements I need to make to myself, without pushing myself down into the muck and rubbing myself in it to prove the point. Accept and celebrate the positive, and also accept and work on my faults.


PMO last week: 3
PMO this week: 2
Current streak: 1 day

 

[Escapeandnevercomeback]

I took some steps so that hopefully I won’t repeat that. It’s not impossible, but as some people have mentioned here, nothing is impossible at the end of the day. I’m still glad the porn blocker is there for now because it puts up considerable barriers to access that weren’t there before. And right now I feel way too lazy to figure out proxies and anything like that.

Great job man.

The proxy thing reminds me about that time when I got around my parental control thing. My Internet provider has a parental control you can activate from the account and it blocks porn websites. It blocks a lot of websites cause I've tried to find a website to watch porn and nothing worked. Until I found one of the proxies for one of the popular porn sites and that was that. But it's easy to get around the parental control, you can just deactivate it, it's that simple, but it takes a while to take effect. Also, it becomes null with a VPN. It's definitely not the best way to block porn.

 

[Escapeandnevercomeback]

But there was a time when I didn't know that VPNs make parental control not work anymore, and I didn't even have a VPN. So I was very desperate to watch porn and I could access no mothefuckin website, until I got that proxy and that worked without problems.

 

[jonazo91]

I was a little irritable with my wife yesterday, I don’t really know why. Overall it was a pretty good way with her though. She’s leaving on a work trip for a few days next week, which will be a very risky period for my sobriety. There are a few PCs in the house that don’t have any sort of blockers set up yet. I might serve myself to set something up on those soon before she goes. I had some minor temptations yesterday but I didn’t go too far down the rabbit hole. I’m tired this morning, didn’t get enough sleep last night. My mood is a little off, although there’s nothing really wrong right now. But I will feel better if I stay on the straight and narrow.

PMO last week: 3
PMO this week: 2
Current streak: 2 days

 

[forceisstrong2]

Hey man,

When the wife is away do take some precautions. Sorry for mentioning things like proxies too. I just block them with Qustodio. Vpns too. Proxies can be really dangerous too, especially the cheap ones, as hackers can steal your data, etc.

For me at least, meditation and exercise and trying to limit my time around digital devices have all really helped.

Replace bad habits with good ones.

Best brother

 

[Skittelz]

Hey man,

When the wife is away do take some precautions. Sorry for mentioning things like proxies too. I just block them with Qustodio. Vpns too. Proxies can be really dangerous too, especially the cheap ones, as hackers can steal your data, etc.

For me at least, meditation and exercise and trying to limit my time around digital devices have all really helped.

Replace bad habits with good ones.

Best brother

Hey I'm not the best with technology, but getting better. I don't speak the language at all.

What is a Proxy? What is a VPN?

I hear these words fairly regularly on this forum but I don't understand

 

[jonazo91]

Hey I'm not the best with technology, but getting better. I don't speak the language at all.

What is a Proxy? What is a VPN?

I hear these words fairly regularly on this forum but I don't understand

LALALALALALA the less I know about them the better! I’m blissfully ignorant of that stuff for now.

No in all honesty, I’ve used VPNs before because they’re supposed to be an extra layer of internet privacy/security if that kind of thing is important to you (for non-porn reasons, that is). They disguise your IP so it’s harder for advertisers to track you all across the internet and stuff like that. I can see how they can also get you around porn blockers if you tried but frankly I’d rather not know how!

 

[Skittelz]

LALALALALALA the less I know about them the better! I’m blissfully ignorant of that stuff for now.

Yeah sorry for bringing it up. I was just curious because I hear it so much.

No in all honesty, I’ve used VPNs before because they’re supposed to be an extra layer of internet privacy/security if that kind of thing is important to you (for non-porn reasons, that is). They disguise your IP so it’s harder for advertisers to track you all across the internet and stuff like that. I can see how they can also get you around porn blockers if you tried but frankly I’d rather not know how!

I do a lot of other things online tho, not porn related. I worry about my shit getting hacked, a lot actually. So I was curious

 

[Escapeandnevercomeback]

Hey I'm not the best with technology, but getting better. I don't speak the language at all.

What is a Proxy? What is a VPN?

I hear these words fairly regularly on this forum but I don't understand

I am not an expert in this but what I do know is that proxies can bypass stuff like parental control or porn blockers. Basically, you try to access the main website and it's blocked by your blocker but if you find a proxy of that website, you could access it without problems, that's what happened to me. I had this parental control set up from the account of the internet provider. It can be deactivated but it takes some hours to take effect and at that time I was having crazy urges and I was desperate to access porn but no website from like 10 pages of google searches worked because of the parental control, which is good. But then I found some proxy and that worked without problems. However, VPNs bypass the parental control completely, if I activate the VPN I have no parental control anymore. So it's not really a great way to block porn. But I don't know other details. I know that with VPNs you can hide your real IP and where you are from and you can appear as living in Ireland with an IP from Ireland even if you are actually from Croatia (just giving an example).

 

[Skittelz]

I am not an expert in this but what I do know is that proxies can bypass stuff like parental control or porn blockers. Basically, you try to access the main website and it's blocked by your blocker but if you find a proxy of that website, you could access it without problems, that's what happened to me. I had this parental control set up from the account of the internet provider. It can be deactivated but it takes some hours to take effect and at that time I was having crazy urges and I was desperate to access porn but no website from like 10 pages of google searches worked because of the parental control, which is good. But then I found some proxy and that worked without problems. However, VPNs bypass the parental control completely, if I activate the VPN I have no parental control anymore. So it's not really a great way to block porn. But I don't know other details. I know that with VPNs you can hide your real IP and where you are from and you can appear as living in Ireland with an IP from Ireland even if you are actually from Croatia (just giving an example).

I see. Computers suck, I hate them, I hope they all die.

Lol.

I am a construction worker for a reason, we do not use computers. We build things out of real materials with real tools.

Computers will be the downfall of human civilization, I am sure of it.

 

[jonazo91]

Another day another dollar. Feeling a little bit more energy today and in a little better of a mood. Gonna try and stay focused and grounded today. And start putting meditation into my daily routine, which so far I still haven’t gotten back into.


PMO last week: 3
PMO this week: 2
Current streak: 3 days

 

[jonazo91]

Yesterday was really nice, I took my wife out for another birthday surprise and we had a really nice night. I’ve still had little periods of irritability but not too bad. Today I had to work from home for a few hours on the computer and my wife left the house for a few hours, which often could have been a recipe for relapse for me, but I was fine this time. Mostly just focused on what I was supposed to be doing and also just trying to not entertain the random moments of temptation.

Another day in the books. I feel okay. A little bored right now, which can also be troublesome. I meditated today and was hoping to even bust out my violin again (it’s been a while) but I discovered it’s broken and needs repair. I played a ukulele I got recently instead for a while. Just gotta keep myself occupied with the interesting, good stuff of life.


PMO last week: 3
PMO this week: 2
Current streak: 4 days

 

[jonazo91]

Another day in the books, my wife leaves tomorrow. I feel little pangs of temptation coming up in my brain sometimes, but so far I’m doing okay with no strong urges. I am going to try and keep myself as busy as possible while she’s gone.




PMO last week: 2
PMO this week: 0
Current streak: 6 days

 

[jonazo91]

Wow. So I got my credentials for my porn blocker emailed to me today and almost immediately I went to some p-subs on YouTube and MOd. YouTube is one of my weakest areas, I’m realizing. Over this past week while my phone was locked down, my YouTube app was in “restricted mode” which besides hiding sexual content, also hid many videos from channels I subscribe to, basically anything with much swearing or discussion of political or mature topics. I missed this stuff and thought I’d be glad to have it back once I updated my permissions today. But the thing is, there’s no middle ground on YouTube, and now I’m realizing maybe I’m better off without it. Not everything I look at on there is porn, but most of it is a waste of time anyway. I don’t feel like I really missed out on anything of value without it. But it’s just frustrating. I want to have my cake and eat it too. I want to be able to use YouTube idly and watch, for example, a comedy sketch with swear words in it, while also being protected from the endless supply of softcore porn on it. Which choice is better for me is obvious, though.

I’m frustrated by the fact I immediately acted up once I had my login back, but I’m trying to keep my mood stable. I went just shy of a week, and I still have the opportunity to make this week better than the last if I correct course right now. If that means locking down the internet again, that’s what I have to do. I don’t think I’ll be on my deathbed wishing I watched more YouTube videos.


PMO last week: 2
PMO this week: 1
Current streak: 0 days

 

[jonazo91]

I don't feel like writing much today as I'm slowly regaining my humanity, but I have to report that instead of correcting course, I masturbated two more times yesterday. Once it was all done I felt completely defeated and hopeless. I guess I can always bounce back, but the saddest part about it is that I'm seeing how little I can be trusted with myself. Things are a little better as long as I'm too busy to have downtime, or when my wife is around the house and awake, but as soon as I'm left to my own devices, I sink down into the worst version of myself. That's the frustrating thing, because there are always going to be times when I'm left alone and free to get into whatever sort of behavior I choose to, and I just want the power to choose good things.

Right now I'm working from home and I'm alone. As of right now, I feel too drained and scarred from the experience of yesterday to dip back into the muck of porn, but I know it's not beyond me to go back again in a few hours. I didn't take the time yesterday to set up blockers on my computer and phone (instead I took them off so I could fuck around), and for some reason I'm not looking forward to it today either. It's just embarrasing that I have to put these... digital shackles on myself in order to be forced into doing the right thing. Last time, I did describe them as "freeing," and I see the truth in that. There are two kinds of freedom, the hedonistic freedom to do whatever your body desires at any time, and the enlightened/spiritual freedom of controlling your base instincts and pursuing greater things. I just wish I could trust my own brain to want the real freedom. It sucks man. I feel like an animal.


PMO last week: 2
PMO this week: 3
Current streak: 0 days

 

[jonazo91]

Well I’ve been spiraling this week as my wife’s trip and me getting back the password to my porn blocker coincided in the worst way. I looked at porn again last night in bed and masturbated but didn’t finish. Then this morning I was setting up my porn blocker and I decided to test the functionality on a web browser on my computer by searching up a porn site and realized it wasn’t blocking it… so I decided “hey, while I’m already here anyway…” I mean Jesus Christ, the amount to which I have no self control at all is comical. So this week has been a real lesson to me. Now I can sit here and cry about how I need porn blockers and I can’t trust myself to rely on sheer will, or I can accept the facts and respond to them. So I finally set up the porn blocker again (and uninstalled the browser that gets around it) and this time sent the password to myself a month from now. All this prevaricating about whether or why I need porn blockers or why I need someone around me to stay clean is all just excuses. There are things I can control right now and things I can’t. I’m mad at myself that I’m not more in control of my own urges, but so what. There are things I can control and I should worry about those. I’ve been wallowing in self pity and negative self image the past few days as I realized I still have a long way to go. It’s all noise. I already feel better with the porn blockers back in place. I’m just annoyed that I wasted so much time doing what I need to do. I should put in a reminder next time my password gets sent to me, to IMMEDIATELY change it and send it out again for a longer period of time. Time is crucial and I don’t have as much of it left as I think.


PMO last week: 2
PMO this week: 4
Current streak: 0 days

 

[forceisstrong2]

Dont be too hard on yourself. I've been there. Cant trust your brain cause porn has hijacked your willpower.

Just accepting the fact that you have a problem that you cant control is a big stop. Also, think about getting hobbies so when wife is away your time is filled.

Consider for the first couple of months SAA or some group that deals with porn/sex addicts.

All the best bro

 

[jonazo91]

Just checking in. Had a little better success with not touching pp the past few days.



PMO last week: 2
PMO this week: 4
Current streak: 1 day

 

[jonazo91]

A mostly sober but not perfect day. I was out today and ogling women more than I ought to have been. I’m trying to work on that.


PMO last week: 2
PMO this week: 4
Current streak: 3 days