Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
Yes, porn dreams are a part of rebooting, it seems. I get those dreams too but, surprisingly, I haven't had one in a while.
36, PIED, new plan
- Thread starter logicprox
- Start date
Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
Also, good job on almost a month! Keep up the good work!
29 days.
I've started to have more consistent morning wood. It's not every morning yet and it's varying levels of strength, but a month ago I basically never had any, so good to see.
Was pretty tempted to engage in fantasy last night, with my brain trying to tell me it was fine after weeks without it and almost a month without PMO to relax a little. One reason not to engage was that it might lead to a relapse. Here's a better one: it does nothing for me.
I've started to have more consistent morning wood. It's not every morning yet and it's varying levels of strength, but a month ago I basically never had any, so good to see.
Was pretty tempted to engage in fantasy last night, with my brain trying to tell me it was fine after weeks without it and almost a month without PMO to relax a little. One reason not to engage was that it might lead to a relapse. Here's a better one: it does nothing for me.
Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
Awesome. bro! You avoided to engage with the fantasy! That's one of the keys to rebooting! Keep going like this!
30 days.
A girl I have a had a few encounters with texted me out of the blue. Never had sex with her cause I was afraid of the PIED. Played it off when we met up a couple of times like I was just choosing not to. She is dating someone now but when we started texting yesterday it triggered some memories and made my addict brain want to use porn to satisfy those feelings. Had urges off and on most of the day and up to bedtime. I know I keep saying this over and over in this journal but it continues to be key for me. I reminded myself that porn isn't her, it's not an actual woman in real life, and there's no point to it.
Eventually the urges ended while I was reading before bed and I fell asleep.
A girl I have a had a few encounters with texted me out of the blue. Never had sex with her cause I was afraid of the PIED. Played it off when we met up a couple of times like I was just choosing not to. She is dating someone now but when we started texting yesterday it triggered some memories and made my addict brain want to use porn to satisfy those feelings. Had urges off and on most of the day and up to bedtime. I know I keep saying this over and over in this journal but it continues to be key for me. I reminded myself that porn isn't her, it's not an actual woman in real life, and there's no point to it.
Eventually the urges ended while I was reading before bed and I fell asleep.
Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
Great, bro! Whatever works for you to keep you away from porn, that's what you should do for sure. I think a successful reboot needs mindset and avoiding to pay attention to the porn thoughts. You've found a way to make it work. You have to go on exactly the same, no deviation, without getting complacent, without relaxing the defense, for as long as it takes, because porn catches you when you let your guard down. I don't know if this is exactly your case, but in my case I have this strong passion for fantasizing porn, it's been going since I was 14 and I had a daily masturbation habit playing porn inspired fantasies in my head. So anytime something triggers my fantasy, god damn, I know how difficult it could get! I could struggle all day. But we got this! We are smarter, stronger, better trained than porn. Porn is just a beast that succeeds only if we let it. It's actually a beast that uses our own vocabulary and thoughts against us! That's why Rational Recovery has it's place in all this, it teaches you to identify the voice of the addicted beast.
Fantasy has been with me longer than I can even say. I think it started at 10, in a more innocent and curious way, but I don't think I have been without it for any meaningful period of time since at least 14. It's my oldest addiction, falling asleep to fantasy almost every night for over 20 years. In a way I sort of think I was addicted to porn before I even started using it.
I've done a lot of things differently this time around than in all prior attempts to end PMO use, but I think cutting fantasy has been the single most important one. My brain has definitely been trying lots of things to push me back to it, especially over like the last week. But I am not interested.
Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
Exactly the same for me. We share this similarity. I've been fantasizing since I was younger than 15. It started with scenes from movies then it moved to porn. First thing in the morning that I liked to do was edging to fantasies.
Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
And this fantasizing thing has been the very thing that always started the relapse in my mind. Avoiding to give attention to those fantasies has been a big help for me since the beginning of this year.
31 days.
Broken record, my brain is still in this phase of trying to push me to fantasize. I almost engaged last night laying in bed, not because I was choosing to but just because I was tired from a very long work day and my old autopilot started and it took me a moment to realize it was happening. Didn't get very far in and wasn't difficult to reroute my thoughts once I caught up with what my brain was doing but it was a reminder to not get careless. I've made a lot of progress but habits this old take time to fully replace.
Broken record, my brain is still in this phase of trying to push me to fantasize. I almost engaged last night laying in bed, not because I was choosing to but just because I was tired from a very long work day and my old autopilot started and it took me a moment to realize it was happening. Didn't get very far in and wasn't difficult to reroute my thoughts once I caught up with what my brain was doing but it was a reminder to not get careless. I've made a lot of progress but habits this old take time to fully replace.
Blondie
Respected Member
Nice job catching yourself. That is the key to our success in all of this, knowing our habits and changing course. I think of it like turning off the autopilot in an airplane and jumping back into the pilot's seat. We have to be in charge of our thoughts etc., and direct them to the destinations that we wish to arrive at, and not the other way.
31 days! Congratulations on that accomplishment.
31 days! Congratulations on that accomplishment.
Last edited:
Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
Being tired makes me have less control too. And I work night shifts. But we can do it. There is no situation that can make us relapse.
32 days.
Woke up in the middle of the night with some urges, can't remember if I had a sexual dream or what. I started to M before I was really fully aware. But I also didn't stop as soon as I should have because I was enjoying the feeling. I did not fantasize or use porn. I did ultimately stop and did not proceed to O, I just wish I had stopped immediately when I became aware.
Like I mentioned in my 21 days post, I don't consider MO to necessarily be the issue, so much as P, but I also know in my one other really good attempt to stop PMO a couple of years ago, it was MO that signaled the beginning of the end for me, with cheating on my PMO definitions and rules around the corner, so I don't want to go down that road again. I may eventually reach a place in my life where I can MO in a healthy way but I don't think I'm there yet.
A little annoyed with myself, but glad I decided to stop. And I do think it's a good sign that I was able to, seems like my ability to choose is improving. Not long ago, stopping after I had already gotten myself hard would have been mentally arduous. This was more just like a feeling of disappointment that I wasn't going to get to O, but knowing I had to stop.
I have stopped using PMO and there's no good reason to start again.
Woke up in the middle of the night with some urges, can't remember if I had a sexual dream or what. I started to M before I was really fully aware. But I also didn't stop as soon as I should have because I was enjoying the feeling. I did not fantasize or use porn. I did ultimately stop and did not proceed to O, I just wish I had stopped immediately when I became aware.
Like I mentioned in my 21 days post, I don't consider MO to necessarily be the issue, so much as P, but I also know in my one other really good attempt to stop PMO a couple of years ago, it was MO that signaled the beginning of the end for me, with cheating on my PMO definitions and rules around the corner, so I don't want to go down that road again. I may eventually reach a place in my life where I can MO in a healthy way but I don't think I'm there yet.
A little annoyed with myself, but glad I decided to stop. And I do think it's a good sign that I was able to, seems like my ability to choose is improving. Not long ago, stopping after I had already gotten myself hard would have been mentally arduous. This was more just like a feeling of disappointment that I wasn't going to get to O, but knowing I had to stop.
I have stopped using PMO and there's no good reason to start again.
Blondie
Respected Member
Nice job on deciding to stop. That's a hard thing to do. I know what you mean when it comes to cheating on the preestablished rules, and the anxiety that can bring. A lot of this stuff isn't black or white, but is up to each of us to figure out for ourselves, and what works best for us. Knowing where to draw that line is the million dollar question. But MO can be a slippery slope that can lead to other things we originally had no intention of doing. As for me, you couldn't pay me to touch my dick at the moment!
You're doing great man, keep it up.
You're doing great man, keep it up.
Coming_Out_Strong
Member
Thats great you're able to catch yourself and not allow yourself to go any further. The stronger the mind the easier it is to fight off these urges. Do you think after reading David Goggins book that has helped in being able to catch yourself and fight off these urges?
It's definitely influenced me. The first few chapters of The Happiness Trap also have played a role (first few chapters cause I haven't kept reading very far, too many other books in my queue). Anything that reminds me that I am not obligated to do anything my brain tells me to d and sometimes my brain has bad ideas.
Coming_Out_Strong
Member
Thats great to know. Think im going to go ahead and order David Goggins book today. I'll look into the Happiness Trap as well
Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
Yes, David Goggins, I can't recommend this guy enough! Listen to what he says, he could change your life. I don't necessary advice to do some of the things he does because he pushes his body to the limits and in the past he had injures, adrenal glands issues and stuff, however, I don't remember him telling us to do that type of thing, it's what he wants to do. But, the other things he says, they are essential if you don't want to be a mediocre human being. I actually like the videos on Youtube with him even better than the book, I'm there when I want to motivate myself. David Goggins is definitely a good find for anybody. And I've found him accidently on Youtube, it's crazy. But he is the king of no excuses.