Porn is not an option

[Blondie]

Day 8 (1965 days of freedom)
Day 8 of no alcohol
Day 8 of no O
50 cold showers

Thanks @Ezel. What mattes now is that we don't let it define us. I've been 705 days porn-free and you've been almost 4 months porn-free. What has been done before can and WILL be done again.

Let's do this!

Love you brother.

 

[GBS]

How’s the no O thing going, mate?

 

[Blondie]

Hey @GBS, thanks for asking!

It's feeling great so far. Just as last time, around the 6th or 7th day I started to feel the testosterone building up inside. Around this time I always get more aggressive and assertive in general and just find myself speaking my mind more freely. In other words, I feel like a man. I truly believe that I was healed at 705 days clean because I've noticed no changes since that relapse. It's like the neuropathways are still there, which they always will be, but my brain was healed and still feels the way it did ten days ago. Of course, I haven't gone back to the filth either since that one slip, which is of great importance.

I hope you're having a great vacation, or whatever the hell you call it over there.

Best

 

[EarthWalker]

I truly believe that I was healed at 705 days clean because I've noticed no changes since that relapse. It's like the neuropathways are still there, which they always will be, but my brain was healed and still feels the way it did ten days ago. Of course, I haven't gone back to the filth either since that one slip, which is of great importance.

Thanks for this. Feels encouraging even if it comes with what looks like to be a heft price tag. 705 days. Wow.

Or maybe indeed P is the ultimate self-mastery challenge we can give to ourselves. Really need to level up on patience, self-restraint, etc before we make some noticeable progress.

 

[Blondie]

Day 9 (1966 days of freedom)
Day 9 of no alcohol
Day 9 of no O
51 cold showers

 

[Jlied]

Day 9 (1966 days of freedom)
Day 9 of no alcohol
Day 9 of no O
51 cold showers

Love it

 

[Blondie]

Day 10 (1967 days of freedom)
Day 10 of no alcohol
Day 10 of no O
52 cold shower

Thanks @EarthWalker and @Jlied.

Damn, I really forget how it feels running on full, even after just ten days. Yesterday was full of highs and even some lows. Also I did have some slight urges yesterday, so who knows, maybe my relapse did affect me a little. It happened ironically enough when I was searching for semen retention articles. Lo and behold, the first thing I saw on one of the articles was a picture of a beautiful woman in lingerie with her back turned towards the camera with no bra on. WTF? Don't they know that's my weakest link? Needless to say, only after I switched my mind to studying something difficult for school that the urges past, probably took an hour to get there though. I often forget, because I haven't dealt with urges in two years now, how exactly to mange them. For the first half hour I was stuck in don't think about it mode, which is like trying NOT to think about the pink elephant in the room, it just doesn't work! It was only after I turned my mind to THINK on school matters that my mind instantly become clear and continued on with the day. I'm pretty sure two weeks ago if I had come across that picture, I would have just thought Oh how lovely! What an insane world we live in, then gone about my business. Thus it seems the relapse did cause me to backtrack a little in this instance. It is what it is.

 

[swimmer97]

Day 10 (1967 days of freedom)
Day 10 of no alcohol
Day 10 of no O
52 cold shower

Thanks @EarthWalker and @Jlied.

Damn, I really forget how it feels running on full, even after just ten days. Yesterday was full of highs and even some lows. Also I did have some slight urges yesterday, so who knows, maybe my relapse did affect me a little. It happened ironically enough when I was searching for semen retention articles. Lo and behold, the first thing I saw on one of the articles was a picture of a beautiful woman in lingerie with her back turned towards the camera with no bra on. WTF? Don't they know that's my weakest link? Needless to say, only after I switched my mind to studying something difficult for school that the urges past, probably took an hour to get there though. I often forget, because I haven't dealt with urges in two years now, how exactly to mange them. For the first half hour I was stuck in don't think about it mode, which is like trying NOT to think about the pink elephant in the room, it just doesn't work! It was only after I turned my mind to THINK on school matters that my mind instantly become clear and continued on with the day. I'm pretty sure two weeks ago if I had come across that picture, I would have just thought Oh how lovely! What an insane world we live in, then gone about my business. Thus it seems the relapse did cause me to backtrack a little in this instance. It is what it is.

gj brother on that big win. i know exactly what you are talking about. the first 1-2 month after a relapse can be tough. the chaser is a true thing. always remember, after these 1-2month it will be easy mode again. let these pathways scream as loud as they want. you are stronger brother.

 

[Blondie]

gj brother on that big win. i know exactly what you are talking about. the first 1-2 month after a relapse can be tough. the chaser is a true thing. always remember, after these 1-2month it will be easy mode again. let these pathways scream as loud as they want. you are stronger brother.

Thank you @swimmer97, I appreciate this, you sent it just in the nick of time, because I was fooling around this morning with that picture I accidently saw yesterday. It's the facts, this morning I peaked at it here and there, then made sure the Google safe search was on before I Goggled a few more things to see, but then, I turned it off shortly after that and texted my Lady and told her everything. I know I'm playing with fire here boys, trust me, I'm well aware of it. It felt great to open up to her and tell her my temptations, but it also felt great that I didn't go all the way, and thus I defeated it by not looking at it and turned it off. I've never once done this before, that is, stop in the midst of porn subs, AND tell her in the midst of my temptations, I've always said I would, but then when the urges came after a great relapse, I never reached out for her help because I secretly wanted to see it again. It's like I don't want to see it but I do, and to even admit that is very humbling. However, today I turned it off with my streak still in tact and walked away from the computer. But I won't lie, I said "Fuck!" when I sent that text.

I was thinking today that I've never done this before, that is, after a big relapse (or almost any relapse to be honest) just jump back in and keep on going and not look back. No one here has seen this of me because I showed up here after alreadly being three months clean, but that's usually my pattern. I go back to it for at least a couple of times if not a couple of weeks, and then I get utterly fed up with it and THEN decide to stop and go all the way in with usually no problems for months if not almost two years! Any way, I think what I lacking right now is resolve and that decision to say no more of this shit, because once I do, I mean seriously, most or all urges completely leave me. I think what's going here is that I've created over these last five years a relapse pattern, that is, that I have to do A B C through Z before going back to being clean, and now I've denied myself those middle "goals".

Fuck I wish I never got drunk 10 nights ago! Although I do feel blessed to not have "porn thoughts" after that relapse, I sure did fire up those goddamn pathways a little bit, and for that I'm kicking myself just a little tonight...

Fuck porn everyone. And if you find yourself in fields seeking out pleasure, please go seek it somewhere else where it's actually pleasurable.

 

[GBS]

I am just loving your brutal honesty. It is one of your very brightest qualities and one we all should emulate. Thanks again, mate.

I recall reading someone’s string a year ago or so, a guy who had done a 200 day porn free stint who was sure he had kicked the habit. He said he was doing a test (can’t say if I believe him, but that’s irrelevant) to see if he could watch porn just once and easily go back to his clean life. I recall he said it was extremely difficult and he realised quickly he was playing with fire and the neural pathways were so easily cleared. I know yours wasn’t an experiment, and at least you’re honest enough to spot the signs. I figure these next few weeks, possibly the the one that’s just gone are a test.

We all know you’ll pass, but we also want you to know that we’ve got your back.

 

[Blondie]

Day 11 (1968 days of freedom)
Day 11 of no alcohol
Day 11 of no O
52 cold showers

Thanks @GBS, I appreciate the encouragement.

I recall reading someone’s string a year ago or so, a guy who had done a 200 day porn free stint who was sure he had kicked the habit. He said he was doing a test (can’t say if I believe him, but that’s irrelevant) to see if he could watch porn just once and easily go back to his clean life.

Yes, I might have read that too, and I think I laughed when I did, thinking to myself good luck with that! The sad thing I've come to realize only recently is this, because I've played with this crap for so long in my life, those pathways will always be there, just waiting for something, anything, to give me a stir when I least expect it. I say sad but that's the wrong term to use, it's not sad, it's just the facts of the matter, the truth at hand, and I need to be okay with that. Sure, I know they'll grow over with "neurological" weeds as time goes on (and they did!) but those paths will still be there none the less, and if you start up the olde weed eater to have some "Saturday weekend fun" well, that path will still lead to nowhere.

Today thinking about my mental mindset over the last 24 hours, reminded my of the words of Jesus in the gospel of Matthew "But Jesus knew their thoughts, and said to them: “Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation, and every city or house divided against itself will not stand". Any doubting on my part about the seriousness of this problem only divides my energy to fight it. Any sitting on the fence about this issue will only lead to a metaphorical hell. Thus my tagline, "do we truly want to quit, or are we only pretending to?", I still find myself in utter agreement with.

Porn is not option

 

[First_step_thousand_miles]

Keep up the good fight brother, don't let one small relapse push you into making a whole series of them. You've mostly escaped the porn hell, now just continue to stay away from it as I know you can!

 

[Blondie]

Day 12 (1969 days of freedom)
Day 12 of no O
Day 12 of no alcohol
53 cold showers

I'm feeling a lot better these last 24 hours, no urges. I also got a shit load of important stuff done yesterday so I'm feeling great about that as well. I know this goes without saying, but you can't beat this stuff with your mind divided on the issue, it simply doesn't work that way. My libido seems to be leveling out as well as we continue on with this semen retention journey. Yesterday I was very productive and felt great.

Keep up the good fight brother, don't let one small relapse push you into making a whole series of them. You've mostly escaped the porn hell, now just continue to stay away from it as I know you can!

Thank you @First_step_thousand_miles, you're always so encouraging.

Love you brother.

 

[First_step_thousand_miles]

Anytime man, you're hard enough on yourself! Let the rest of us help push you up jut as you have for so many of us. Love you bro, and very proud of you

 

[Escapeandnevercomeback]

You got this Blondie! With that 2 years streak, if there is someone who could beat this, it's you.

 

[GBS]

Mate. I am, as you know, very interested in your thoughts on the no MO/semen retention progress. To me the “semen retention “ crowd symbolise a sort of macho mildly misogynistic stare of mind which very obviously I find revolting so you will excuse me on that (and I mean no offence that you mentioned it of course).

Are you aiming for a particular number of days or just seeing how it goes?

 

[Blondie]

Day 13 (1970 days of freedom)
Day 13 of no O
Day 13 of no alcohol
54 cold showers

Let the rest of us help push you up jut as you have for so many of us. Love you bro, and very proud of you

Thanks again @First_step_thousand_miles.

Anytime man, you're hard enough on yourself!

Sometimes this is probably true.

You got this Blondie! With that 2 years streak, if there is someone who could beat this, it's you.

Thanks @Escapeandnevercomeback! And I would say to you, if I can beat this crap so can you.

Mate. I am, as you know, very interested in your thoughts on the no MO/semen retention progress. To me the “semen retention “ crowd symbolise a sort of macho mildly misogynistic stare of mind which very obviously I find revolting so you will excuse me on that (and I mean no offence that you mentioned it of course).

Are you aiming for a particular number of days or just seeing how it goes?

Hey @GBS, I would disagree with this. Sure, there's a few a knuckleheads on YouTube proposing it etc. (I've watched some of them myself) but just because they've appropriated something that has ancient and spiritual roots going back thousands of years doesn't mean the thing itself is macho or whatever. I think many critics of "semen retention" (often the same "scientific community" that says porn is okay) just yell out macho and misogynistic as vacuous ad hominems to shut off any kind of discourse, or, they'll say my favorite, semen retention is of the far right, as if a man having control of his sexuality somehow determines his political philosophy. But all of this does make one wonder: why the f*%k do these people care so much about what us men do with our sexual energy?

I love semen retention for its sense of utter control it brings to my life. If a man can control this about himself, that is, the greatest urge in humanity as far as I'm concerned, then he can control anything else life throws at him, including porn addiction. I'm not doing this to get my mojo back or anything of that nature, so it's well beyond recovering from porn, however, with my recent relapse, it sure as hell won't be any detriment to my health in that department.

I'll be doing this for experimental reasons and track what it does for me as the days go on. I also have many goals that I'm working on, school mostly, and I want to use that sexual energy to conquer them. I'm planning on a month at the moment, as that's the agreement the Lady and I have. We always have a lot of sex when I've done this in the past, but it is different kind of sex, in fact, a sex that isn't quite as "macho" as the other kind of sex, so I feel I alone shouldn't be making the calls here because it affects both of us. If this is going great, which I think it will, then I would like to go two or three months because I've never done that before, but then again I would have to convince her of that.

Best Sir.

 

[Androg]

Seems to me that semen retention during partnered sex would be no more misogynistic than ejaculatory sex. To suggest otherwise strikes me as more propaganda from the sex/porn industry.

 

[Escapeandnevercomeback]

Thanks @Escapeandnevercomeback! And I would say to you, if I can beat this crap so can you.

That's right, bro! It's people with longer streaks away from porn (like yourself) that show us it's possible. If it wasn't possible, then absolutely nobody would get porn free. Sometimes we forget this.

 

[Escapeandnevercomeback]

Hey @GBS, I would disagree with this. Sure, there's a few a knuckleheads on YouTube proposing it etc. (I've watched some of them myself) but just because they've appropriated something that has ancient and spiritual roots going back thousands of years doesn't mean the thing itself is macho or whatever. I think many critics of "semen retention" (often the same "scientific community" that says porn is okay) just yell out macho and misogynistic as vacuous ad hominems to shut off any kind of discourse, or, they'll say my favorite, semen retention is of the far right, as if a man having control of his sexuality somehow determines his political philosophy. But all of this does make one wonder: why the f*%k do these people care so much about what us men do with our sexual energy?

I love semen retention for its sense of utter control it brings to my life. If a man can control this about himself, that is, the greatest urge in humanity as far as I'm concerned, then he can control anything else life throws at him, including porn addiction. I'm not doing this to get my mojo back or anything of that nature, so it's well beyond recovering from porn, however, with my recent relapse, it sure as hell won't be any detriment to my health in that department.

I'll be doing this for experimental reasons and track what it does for me as the days go on. I also have many goals that I'm working on, school mostly, and I want to use that sexual energy to conquer them. I'm planning on a month at the moment, as that's the agreement the Lady and I have. We always have a lot of sex when I've done this in the past, but it is different kind of sex, in fact, a sex that isn't quite as "macho" as the other kind of sex, so I feel I alone shouldn't be making the calls here because it affects both of us. If this is going great, which I think it will, then I would like to go two or three months because I've never done that before, but then again I would have to convince her of that.

Best Sir.

You know, my opinion is that semen retention can be good for some things but it depends if you want or need it. I don't have many long streaks away from porn but even during those streaks of 1 month, a month and a half, I experienced more energy, less anxiety, more involved in talking to people, sometimes I was the only one flying around like an UFO at work (on night shift!), and I liked that, it can be good if your goal is to have more energy for example but I guess you need to have something to do with that energy because otherwise it turns into urges for porn. Talking about urges, the biggest problem with attempting semen retention (as a way to quit porn of course), was that I became too obsessed with sex/porn/sexual pleasure etc. I became a horny motherfucker and this is something I don't like. Also, for many porn addicts, abstinence sometimes leads to flatline or fluctuations between flatline and feeling superman (used to happen to me) so I guess it works better (in been more stable) for people who don't abuse PMO, normal people I think can attempt this (for their reason) with more success than someone like me, I could go a month without ejaculating but fluctuate between feeling great and feeling dead. So there are days when this wouldn't make me feel more energy.

By the way, fuck everyone who preaches semen retentions and uses thumbnails from Instagram on their Youtube videos. It doesn't make any sense to me to tell me don't ejaculate but here is a picture from Instagram for you so you can experience mad urges. Fuck all the stupid clickbait era. But anway, this last paragraph is my rant.

Anyway Blondie, keep up the good work, man! One day (or night) of relapsing doesn't return you back to 0. If you have 600 days streak, you can roll it a little back to 570 let's say and continue from there.