Porn is not an option

Blondie

Respected Member
I have some more thoughts I want to share. I guess after times like this it seems I have a lot on my mind. The fact of the matter is, I think I've been living in a delusion. The delusion being that if I could only get to some arbitrary number out there in the future, in my case, 2 years, I would finally be "free" from this mess and be "clean" and thus, able to ride off into the sunset and live a perfect life, maybe even write a success story. Unfortunately as you all know, that didn't happen, but now I'm wondering if I've had it all wrong from the beginning. The fact of the matter is, twenty-five extra days wouldn't have changed the man I am sitting here today. Twenty-five extra days wouldn't have changed my addicted brain anymore than the situation it currently sits in. Twenty-five extra days wouldn't have changed the values that I hold dear to my heart, no matter if I don't always live up to them perfectly or not. Hell, knowing what I now know about over-drinking, I could have just as easily relapsed celebrating my two years porn free as I did two nights ago. Ain't that a kick in the head!

What am I to make of all of this? What can a man do faced with this reality? I honestly don't know. Part of me feels sad and melancholy, wondering if there really is no moment riding out into the sunset with a grand smile on your face. Riding out into the wilderness knowing the bad guy is completely behind you once and for all six feet under. Can't I get those tears of joy instead of tears of sorrow? Can't I get that moment in the sun? Don't I deserve it? Don't you all? Don't we all? But I'm beginning to wonder if maybe the Sunset is right now, today, happening right in this moment, and not some fantasy sunset out there in some fantasy future. The future is today and what we do with it, and not some arbitrary number picked by the gods 2000 years ago. Now don't get me wrong, numbers are important, and I will get there again I have no doubt, but I do wonder if I've been searching for something constantly without, instead of looking within.

Maybe I'll always live with the possibility that it could always be a possibility, and maybe I need to become okay with that. Maybe that's how it goes with things of this nature. You get your sunset but a chance of bad weather too, with brooding clouds off in the distance for good measure. But at least it will be hail on the forecast and NOT hell. I've been to hell folks, and I'll take the former any day over the latter. Who knows, maybe three years clean would be different than almost two years clean, but I won't know until I get there. But I guess what I saying is this, none of us will ever get there acting like we're not successes until we do. Maybe my sunset was the day I decided to quit this habit once and for all five years ago. I still remember that day like it happened yesterday. I had just done it again, and for whatever reason, I just said enough of this shit and that was that. That day I knew I was over it. That day I knew I was done forever. And as I walked to work that day the sun never shone so brightly on my face. The sun never shone so pure and lucent. It was a radiant day. It was a new day. It was a new dawn. That day I rode off into my sunset.

Love you all

Blondie

crusade-18.jpg
 
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Blondie

Respected Member
Day 2 (1959 days free)
Day 2 of no alcohol :ROFLMAO:
46 cold showers


Thank you @TryingHarder.

Dear @Jlied, this blew my mind when I read it yesterday. Thank you so much, it was just what I needed to read.

Thank you @FreedomFromTheStruggle_11. You're right, tomorrow is a new day, and we're all free the moment we decide we are.

Best brother

Thank you all for your encouragement these last few days.
 
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swimmer97

Well-Known Member
Day 2 (1959 days free)
Day 2 of no alcohol :ROFLMAO:
45 cold showers


Thank you @TryingHarder.

Dear @Jlied, this blew my mind when I read it yesterday. Thank you so much, it was just what I needed to read.

Thank you @FreedomFromTheStruggle_11. You're right, tomorrow is a new day, and we're all free the moment we decide we are.

Best brother

Thank you all for your encouragement these last few days.
There we go brother, keep killing it
 

Blondie

Respected Member
Day 3 (1960 days free)
Day 3 no alcohol
47 cold showers


Thanks @swimmer97!

Well as the dust has settled it feels great to even be three days away from that shit. It's been an emotional rollercoaster ride to be sure but I'm feeling better and better each and every hour away. I've been thinking a lot about shame and how little it does for us on this journey, and since this isn't the first time I've relapsed over the last five years, I've been here before and I know all about what shame can do to you. The first time that I almost got to a year and half and blew it, shame ruled my life for the next month, and that shame drove me to relapse over and over again... I was a man wallowing in his shame. I was a man wallowing in his "wickedness" and I had a sick sense of pride in my shame and self-pity.

Shame is the devil

Shame is a man's worst false friend

Shame is even worse than looking at porn

I don't know if you guys have ever seen this chart, but it speaks the truth concerning this concept. It's a little hippy-dippy to be sure, with all of its emotional "frequency" talk etc., but the message is spot on.
David Hawkins Chart.jpg
If you notice, shame and its brother emotion, guilt, are at the very bottom of the chart. The emotion of shame takes all the beauty out of the human spirit and turns a man into a wretched animal, and wretched animals do wretched things, it's as simple as that. What is more, the emotion of desire, that is, lusting, wanting things outside of yourself etc. is considerably higher up the scale. All desires are okay within a certain degree, but even they are preferable to the emotion of shame. Shame will eat you up inside until there's nothing left to eat. Shame will destroy any real sense of a true recovery. Thus, shame must be extricated out of our lives like the enemy it is.

It is not noble

It is not beautiful

It is not honorable

It it not manly

Cry if you must. Scream to the heavens if need be, but do not wallow in your shame or despair for any length of time. Shame is what the enemy wants you to feel. Why give him that feeling of victory?

Do you all realize that?

Do I realize that?

The very thing that fucked you is NOW telling you how bad you are, and ironically is the very thing that got you into this mess in the first place. Please kick that fucker out the front door!

Stop wallowing in your shame!

Do not lend your ears to such vacuous deceitful words and emotional moods!

What has been done is done so put it in the past and move on.

Today is a new day

The enemy got me three days ago by using a method I've never had to face before on this journey, but he will not get me now. I know his post-op tactics. I'm all too familiar with his psychological warfare. These things will not work on me.

He might have won the battle but he will not win the war.
 
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Androg

Administrator
Admin
Moderator
Day 3 (1960 days free)
Day 3 no alcohol
47 cold showers


Thanks @swimmer97!

Well as the dust has settled it feels great to even be three days away from that shit. It's been an emotional rollercoaster ride to be sure but I'm feeling better and better each and every hour away. I've been thinking a lot about shame and how little it does for us on this journey, and since this isn't the first time I've relapsed over the last five years, I've been here before and I know all about what that shame can do to you. The first time that I almost got to a year and half and blew it, shame ruled my life for the next month, and that shame drove me to relapse over and over again... I was a man wallowing in his shame. I was a man wallowing in his "wickedness" and I had a sick sense of pride in my shame and self-pity.

Shame is the devil

Shame is a man's worst false friend

Shame is even worse than looking at porn

I don't know if you guys have ever seen this chart, but it speaks the truth concerning this concept. It's a little hippy-dippy to be sure, with all of its emotional "frequency" talk etc., but the message is spot on.
View attachment 1120
If you notice, shame and its brother emotion, guilt, are at the very bottom of the chart. The emotion of shame takes all the beauty out of the human spirit and turns a man into a wretched animal, and wretched animals do wretched things, it's as simple as that. What is more, the emotion of desire, that is, lusting, wanting things outside of yourself etc. is considerably higher up the scale. All desires are okay within a certain degree, but even they are preferable to the emotion of shame. Shame will eat you up inside until there's nothing left to eat. Shame will destroy any real sense of a true recovery. Thus, shame must be extricated out of our lives like the enemy it is.

It is not noble

It is not beautiful

It is not honorable

It it not manly

Cry if you must. Scream to the heavens if need be, but do not wallow in your shame or despair for any length of time. Shame is what the enemy wants you to feel. Why give him that feeling of victory?

Do you all realize that?

Do I realize that?

The very thing that fucked you is NOW telling you how bad you are, and ironically is the very thing that got you into this mess in the first place. Please kick that fucker out the front door!

Stop wallowing in your shame!

Do not lend your ears to such vacuous deceitful words and emotional moods!

What has been done is done so put it in the past and move on

Today is a new day

The enemy got me three days ago by using a method I've never had to face before on this journey, but he will not get me now. I know his post- op tactics. I'm all too familiar with his psychological warfare. These things will not work on me.

He might have won the battle but he will not win the war.
I hope Ezel is listening 😁
 

Blondie

Respected Member
Day 4 (1961 days free)
Day 4 of no alcohol
48 cold showers


Rough night of sleep last night. Just tossed and turned thinking about all this bullshit. It's still hard to believe that it happened. It feels like I'm living in a nightmare, but unfortunately it's my reality. Plus thinking about my family and all that unresolved nonsense. Life's got me by the balls it seems.

No urges at the moment, just righteous anger. On a more positive note, the slip up doesn't seem to have fucked up my mind much, walking around campus there's no more sexualized thoughts than normal. Everything seems to be as it was before, almost calm even. Which means I was pretty much healed and this was just one big ass stupid mistake. I guess that's the icing on my cake of sorrows this morning.

Keep at it brother, you haven't set anything back really. No need to beat yourself up, everything is working fine down there, it's just a speed bump that you are overcoming
Thanks brother, I appreciate it.
 

First_step_thousand_miles

Well-Known Member
Day 4 (1961 days free)
Day 4 of no alcohol
48 cold showers


Rough night of sleep last night. Just tossed and turned thinking about all this bullshit. It's still hard to believe that it happened. It feels like I'm living in a nightmare, but unfortunately it's my reality. Plus thinking about my family and all that unresolved nonsense. Life's got me by the balls it seems.

No urges at the moment, just righteous anger. On a more positive note, the slip up doesn't seem to have fucked up my mind much, walking around campus there's no more sexualized thoughts than normal. Everything seems to be as it was before, almost calm even. Which means I was pretty much healed and this was just one big ass stupid mistake. I guess that's the icing on my cake of sorrows this morning.


Thanks brother, I appreciate it.
Stay strong man. When life piles it on, it really does pile it on....I know the feeling all too well. I'm very glad to hear your brain hasn't really reset much, and it makes sense given how long you've abstained. Use that anger and just stay away from it as I know you will. One day at a time my man :)
 

Blondie

Respected Member
Which way young man?

Which way young man?
I see you crying
I see you tarrying
I see you rationalizing

Which way young man?
You think going down is up
You think excuses is righteousness
You think defeat is noble

Which way young man?
I see your tears but not your anger
I see your fears but not your virtues
I see your shame but not your courage

There is no roundabout way to the summit
There is no valley that leads to paradise
There is nowhere else to go but up
There is only you and the mountain now
A stumble is but a step

Which way young man?
Only your fears hold you back now
Only your shame is your prophesied failure
Only your emotions is your weakest link

Which way young man?
You will laugh at your stumbles at the summit
You will rejoice that they guided you along the way
You will feel proud that you carved your own path

There is no roundabout way to the summit
There is no valley that leads to paradise
There is nowhere else to go but up
There is only you and the mountain now
A stumble is but a step

Which way young man?
A stumble is but a step
Which way?
Which way?


sign-arrow-mountain-wooden.jpg
 
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Androg

Administrator
Admin
Moderator
Which way young man?

Which way young man?
I see you crying
I see you tarrying
I see you rationalizing

Which way young man?
You think going down is up
You think excuses is righteousness
You think defeat is noble

Which way young man?
I see your tears but not your anger
I see your fears but not your virtues
I see your shame but not your courage

There is no roundabout way to the summit
There is no valley that leads to paradise
There is nowhere else to go but up
There is only you and the mountain now
A stumble is but a step

Which way young man?
Only your fears hold you back now
Only your shame is your prophesied failure
Only your emotions is your weakest link

Which way young man?
You will laugh at your stumbles at the summit
You will rejoice that they guided you along the way
You will feel proud that you carved your own path

There is no roundabout way to the summit
There is no valley that leads to paradise
There is nowhere else to go but up
There is only you and the mountain now
A stumble is but a step

Which way young man?
Which way?
Which way?


View attachment 1121
Did you write that?
 

Ezel

Respected Member
I fucked up ladies and gentlemen. I fucked up. I don't know what happened exactly, or how I got there, but it happened last night and it's the truth. I'm devastated to put it lightly. I've cried more tears than I've ever cried before. Literally just crying on the ground like a child. I'm crying right now as I type this. I can't eat. I don't want to eat. I feel I could throw up just thinking about the disgusting content I watched, and I only watched the "normal" stuff. I can't believe that shit is so easy to get to. I can't believe that shit is "normal". It's everything BUT normal or beautiful, but yet I still viewed it like the junkie I apparently am. I had one shot at this chance last night once the dam had been broached, and I went for it with all my heart. I mean just balls to wall hours on end with dick in hand... I can't believe this is my reality.

Fuck! I don't know how I got here? In my head I haven't been complacent, but obviously that's not true. It's been a brutal month for me emotionally, possibly the hardest month of my life as far as emotions go, and I know I had been tempted here and there, but I didn't think it was going in this direction. I thought I had held out past the rough patch. I thought I was going to be okay. Yesterday, I simply had no fucking clue that I was going to be doing this all night long. Yes. ALL NIGHT LONG. I simply had no plan of doing it. There wasn't a temptation to do it. There was no triggers. Fuck I even wrote something here last night. Fuck! I wrote two things here last night! Jesus Christ! I can't believe this actually happened to me.

I was drinking... I've been drinking way too much recently as a way to "deal" with this emotional stress I've been feeling from my childhood trauma, I know, big fucking mistake, but that's the facts. And unfortunately, it feels like I've just exchanged one bad habit for another, and last night, that new shit habit sent me right back to the old one! The Lady was gone for the night, so I got some wine to kick back and relax, something I always do when she's gone, but even then I had no intention of looking at porn. She even asked me point blank before she left if I was going to be okay with eight days of semen in me, and I said yes, and I meant it. I was not bull shitting her or me. So what the fuck happened? Alcohol and an existential crisis.

I've mentioned when I've had those in my past, they've often been a catalyst of relapse, last night was no exception it seems. When I get into these mindsets, I momentarily lose my sense of values and I don't know where I stand on issues, and I start to over intellectualize everything and start to questioned my own assumptions, and unfortunately what I was reflecting on was sexology and porn. I went down a rabbit hole and started reading up on sexology and where it comes from, and what intellectual movement(s) and people it stems from etc., and the more I read, the more I started to get confused about all this shit and where I stood with it. No one thinks masturbation is wrong. No one thinks porn is bad or unhealthy for you. And even though I know all the other research that says otherwise, and I know that it's wrong for me which is all that matters, it's just mind blowing that it's so accepted in the mainstream and no one gives a fuck. And as I read more and more, plus the over drinking, I got confused and intellectually "angry" at myself for even questioning what I already knew. So yes, I was an intellectual mess, overly drunk, and really horny and alone in the house, thus, I somehow rationalized that it would be okay, and the first step in my [prn ritual began, looking at subs.

It's insane, it's been almost two years since I did this shit, and when you go back to it it's like it was just yesterday. The same rituals, the same habits, the utter focus, the trance-like state, the "uncontrollable" compulsive behavior, all the shame and cursing yourself while you're "enjoying" it all the same. Fuck I hate that shit! It is so goddamned disgusting and returning to it just makes you hate it all the more. This is a very strange relapse for me, on the one hand, I could see the signs brewing over the last month, but I thought I was mostly managing them okay, but on the other hand, it just came out of nowhere, or at least it feels that way at the moment. Usually when I've relapsed in the past, I start lying to my Lady, I would have lied to her last night. I also start looking at pictures before it happens, subs that is, and shit like that, and it grows week by week until I eventually give in. At the moment, I don't sense that really happened, certainly not the lying to my Lady part, which I feel really good about.

I've been terribly hard on myself all day long, and I still feel like utter shit, but I do know that I've done well and that this was the best streak I've ever had, but I just have more to learn on this journey that's all. Many things that use to trip me up don't anymore, however, there's still a few more lessons and skills I need to master to sail through the rough shit and storms life will throw at me from time to time. I must get it into my head that I cannot rely on any substance to relive my pain or stress in this life, I have to learn how to cope with life's difficulties by not running away from them. Alcohol has never really been a problem for me and I've never had a relapse because of it. What is more, when I do drink, in general I don't over drink and it's usually just for fun with the Lady. However, this year, especially this last month, the quantity of my drinking has really increased, and I knew this was not a good thing I but did nothing to correct course, and thus I paid the price for it last night. Being super drunk + being in a weird mental state + being alone = the end of my streak. If I've learned anything from this, it's that no matter how many days you're out, you're really only a click of a mouse away from fucking up. Yeah, if I wasn't taking it seriously before, I will take it seriously now.

All of this makes me so sad, but I know I'm not starting at the beginning again, I know it doesn't work like that. I've been doing this now for over five years, and since that time I've relapsed roughly twenty-five times or so, so that's 1800 days of freedom from porn. I do see this getting better and better and me making progress as the years go by. I also know this journey is more than just my day count, although let's be honest, days show us how we're doing and if we're getting anywhere. Our days give us feedback to help us improve where we still need improving. It looks like I have a little more to learn, but goddam, it kills me inside to know I was so close to that two year mark.

I'm speechless about this matter, I really am. It's like it's almost just a bad dream that I just woke up from, and since I was so drunk last night I hardly even remember it (maybe that's not a bad thing to be honest). I will focus on the good days (and I've have many of them!) and not get too stuck up on this one loss, but fuck, I wish this had not happened!
Hey blondie sorry for the late reply, i saw your posts two days ago but couldn’t reply then. So sorry for what happened man, it happens to the best of us, don’t stress over it too much. We win some and we lose some, but we live to fight another day.
It’s just a bad day, not a bad life my brother. I can see that you are up and running already, I couldn't expect any less from the main man, the champion of this forum.

Nice one about going 30 days without a drink. I highly suggest it. I myself haven't had a drink in my entire life, and I'm still breathing. You may get some withdrawal symptoms but I'm sure you will push through them. I think if it wasn’t for that drink you wouldn’t flinch about not relapsing at all. But it’s okay, a lesson for all of us to learn from and to reflect upon.

This is just the beginning. And it’s only going to get better from here my friend.

Much love.
 

SmokenMirrors

Well-Known Member
I'm sorry I haven't been active king. Very sorry to see you had a blip, it goes to show we are all susceptible to the clutches of porn at any time! I am grateful for the reminder

Check out this video when you have some spare time

Keep fighting the good fight king.

All hail king Blondie!
 

Blondie

Respected Member
Day 5 (1962 days of freedom)
Day 5 of no alcohol
Day 5 of no O
49 cold showers
192.5 lbs. and 19.7% body fat!


We had sex last night and it was the first time since the relapse. Thankfully he was hard as a rock and worked perfectly, which was very reassuring to me, it was something I was afraid might not happen. Obviously it might come back a little (that's happened before), but it's never been a 100% like last night right after a relapse so I'm thinking I'm all good. It felt great to reconnect with my lady after the last five days, it made my feel instantly emotionally better. I know I've been one to say here repeatedly that porn isn't cheating etc. but after being free from it practically two years, I'm not going to lie, even without doing cams (thank god), it kind of felt like it was. Sure it's not "real" cheating, and logically most men couldn't "get" those girls in real life, however, it's fucking disgusting and has no place in a honorable man's life that's for sure. To spread your sexual energy anywhere else than your woman as a man is a real moral conundrum, thus, last night was a night of healing for us.

The Lady and I were talking, and we're going to celebrate my 2000 days of porn freedom coming up here in a month or so. Back in the day, I would have thought this was lame or stupid, because it was "selling yourself short or even making excuses for your "failures" etc.", but I don't feel that way now. The fact is, my whole life has been utterly different since that time five and half years ago, and although I would have wished it was exactly 1962 days completely porn free, for all intents and purposes it practically has been, and it's still a hell of an achievement and worthy of praise. Do you guys know how long you've been in this fight? If not, I would strongly encourage you to figure that out. Yes, we should never use that number as an excuse to "keep on looking", but if you have been giving porn hell to the best of your abilities, but yet, have still fallen here and there, your life has to be considerably better than it once was, and that should be reflected on and praised. Yes, starting every streak should be considered your "last streak" and you should go all in with that mindset, and yes, no excuses should ever be given, however, you should also acknowledged how much better your life has become since you decided to leave this hell on earth for a better place within you. In the past, I've been afraid to do this out of some "fear" that if I did, I would loose my drive to keep pushing myself in my current streak and live in perpetual excuses. I never want to be the guy who uses "grace", "loving yourself" and "Were all special and unique snowflakes" rhetoric, to make excuses for my own bullshit and complacency, because lets be honest, were dealing with life or death here, however, I do think there must be some middle ground between these two extremes and I aim to find it this time.

Hey blondie sorry for the late reply, i saw your posts two days ago but couldn’t reply then. So sorry for what happened man, it happens to the best of us, don’t stress over it too much. We win some and we lose some, but we live to fight another day.
It’s just a bad day, not a bad life my brother. I can see that you are up and running already, I couldn't expect any less from the main man, the champion of this forum.
Thank you brother @Ezel, I appreciate it. You're right, you win some you lose some (unfortunately!:cool:) and it is what it is.
Nice one about going 30 days without a drink. I highly suggest it. I myself haven't had a drink in my entire life, and I'm still breathing. You may get some withdrawal symptoms but I'm sure you will push through them. I think if it wasn’t for that drink you wouldn’t flinch about not relapsing at all. But it’s okay, a lesson for all of us to learn from and to reflect upon.
Yes the is the biggest lesson from all of this mess. I don't think I'm alcoholic because I can quit and take a break (and I have in the past quite a few times) with no problems or withdraws at all, however, it's been slowly becoming a real problem over the last while, and internally I've know this, but didn't take care of it or listen to myself like I should of, and ultimately paid the price. Lesson learned. We must listen to ourselves and do what me must do, even if it's different than the majority of what the world believes and does.

That's great about you never drinking! Over the last few days I've been thinking about my twenties were I practically didn't drink at all and never once got drunk or did anything stupid. I felt great and happy then and didn't have to rely on something to have a "good time". At this moment, I don't feel the compulsion to completely get it out of my life after the 90 days of abstinence, but I do feel I have abused it like food or sweets etc. and definitely need a break from it. However, if there comes time when I really think I should, I'll do that.

Love you my man.

Keep fighting the fight
 
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Blondie

Respected Member
Day 6 (1963 days of freedom)
Day 6 no alcohol
Day 6 no O
50 cold showers


Looking back on my journal today, I saw this post and it made me smile. I had just signed up to RN and this was my fourth post and I was 104 days clean. It's reminder to myself how to win in life, and in this porn battle in particular. It was true for me then and it's true for me now.

You all have a good porn-free weekend.

Fuck porn.

Are We Afraid of Giving it Our Best?

I've been thinking a great deal about some comments I've read here at the forum about the shame of relapsing, and how it's almost better to not try so hard in your reboot than to feel that bitter taste of defeat. This question is pertinent to me as I once had a 530 something day streak 2 years ago and know exactly how that feels. Of course all of us here are at a different level on our journey. To some at this moment, going a week porn free might be the equivalent and accomplishment of others going a full year, and that's okay. But the question still remains, is it better to decide to do a reboot with all of your heart, body and soul, than to half ass it?

I know from my own personal experience when I relapsed two years ago after that long streak, it was absolutely devastating to me mentally for a few weeks. I can't recall ever feeling worse about myself than those terrible weeks following that infamous event. I couldn't believe I had let myself get complacent enough to go back to the very thing I hated so much. But the truth is, from that relapse I learned a great deal about myself, and what I would need to do next time to not find myself in that situation again. But the fact remains that ever since then, I've been too scared to try that hard again, because of the fear of failure, and that is the absolute truth. Since that major relapse I had two years ago, I've had a period of 2 months clean, then 6 months clean, and ever since then, a really bad habit of every 3 to 4 months. Why do I do this? Why do we do this?

Why do we fear that bitter taste of momentary failure more than focus on the benefits of giving something, anything, are absolute best? My thoughts on this issue these last few days have been multiplying, because I'm starting to hear that nagging voice once again in my head, "Why try so hard? Don't you remember how bad you felt the last time you failed?". I hate these fucking thoughts with a passion, but I think I've had a revelation about them these last two days in thinking about it.

As a porn user, and let's face it, a porn abuser, for much of my life I've tried to run away from negative feelings and emotions. I'm a 39 year old man who still feels like a child sometimes and I often don't know what to do when I feel down, although I've improved much over the last few years. But my revelation over the last few days is this: because of my childish propensity for dodging bad emotions, these last two years I've been focusing on how bad I felt after that terrible relapse (only two weeks) instead of focusing on how good I felt that entire year and half clean! I know this must sound stupid and so simple, but for me it's not. Would an athlete do this? Would he or she be so scared of feeling the emotions of defeat if they got a silver or bronze medal that they for forfeit trying at all for the gold? Of course not, because that would be the thoughts of a loser. Why do we do this when it comes to defeating our porn use? It seems clear to me now that doing this serves no purpose but to secure our inevitable defeat.

Yes, we will make mistakes sometimes, and yes we will fail. But that's life, and not even the best of us can win a gold medal ever day, it's just simply not possible. But we must try (no not try), we must make and live each day, to the best of our abilities. That is the only way to success, success in anything for that matter. If you're not aiming for the gold medal daily, you sure as hell should never expect to even win the bronze. We all lose sometimes in life, but that doesn't mean we should accept the mindset of a loser. Thus, for now on I will give this my best shot, and even if I fail, I will then focus on those blissful porn-free days (however long they were) and aim my sights for the heavens again!
 
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