Porn is not an option

TryingHarder

Well-Known Member
You can tell yourself all day long to be "positive" and "love yourself", but if you're making the same mistakes over and over again, and keep lying to yourself about how serious it all is, well, that might be the very reason for your self hatred.

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Blondie

Respected Member
Day 60

It feels good to be here today. I have a lot further to go, but this is a nice start. These next few months are crucial for my journey. 90 days will be a big deal, but 120 especially. In the past, the 90 day rut has been a reality for me, and getting to 120 days is the goal. Everything past that and things get easier and I find my mind starts cooling off more from the last relapse. It's not terrible this time around (that is the urges), but I can tell I fucked up, and everyday further away is one step closer to heaven.

Porn is not an option.

Let's keep it real. To our loved us, and more importantly, to ourselves.

Lying is not an option.
 
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First_step_thousand_miles

Well-Known Member
Day 60

It feels good to be here today. I have a lot further to go, but this is a nice start. These next few months are crucial for my journey. 90 days will be a big deal, but 120 especially. In the past, the 90 day rut has been a reality for me, and getting to 120 days is the goal. Everything past that and things get easier and I find my mind starts cooling off more from the last relapse. It's not terrible this time around (that is the urges), but I can tell I fucked up, and everyday further away is one step closer to heaven.

Porn is not an option.

Let's keep it real. To our loved us, and more importantly, to ourselves.

Lying is not an option.
Sounds awesome brother. The urges do really dissipate with time, there are always small spikes here and there even 1+yr out but I bet if you make it long enough (3+yrs) even those disappear...and those are laughably easy to beat vs. in early stages of reboot. So it's hugely welcoming to know if you make it out far enough it gets easier and easier.

There are still some stuff I'll have urges to but honestly 1.5+yrs out -- even though I have not been perfect in terms of looking at pics and other such crap even if I haven't PMO'd -- I am genuinely not getting urges for about 80% of the stuff I used to. It's just the last 20% and if I had stayed perfect / near perfect, I bet that would only be like 5-10%. Very proud of you, keep crushing it. Love you man
 

Blondie

Respected Member
Thanks @First_step_thousand_miles! Yes to me, it always clears up after three months or so. Sure, there's the occasional urge, but the strength of them after three or so months is so diminished, that it becomes easier in general. And you're right to point out, the cleaner the streak, the faster the urges leave.

I was thinking about this the last few days, did I mess up my big streak because of an urge, or was it really just the emotional weight of the nonsense with my parents? I think it was the latter plus some of the stuff I had kept to myself all that last year (not porn related) that was eating me up inside, that finally caused me to stumble last fall. But, it doesn't really matter, it's over and done and time to move on, and I have.

Love you man.

What I mean I guess is that if it's been a long time since it's been happening, it tends to grow strong roots. It could go on for years in which you don't even see yourself anymore, you are so deluded in your idea that you are a failure that years go by and then when you try to do something about it, it's very strong rooted in your personality somehow, you know what I mean? It's like a chamber inside me. A part of me somehow cause it's been going on for more than 10 years. Realizing the truth won't change it over night for me. It probably takes an equal amount of time as an opposite reaction to the amount of time spent in self-hate, exaggerating a little bit. Or not. I mean, I see people, celebrities, they've done a lot as self-improvement and still come and say that once in a while they feel they are not good enough. It's a disease somehow. You can reverse it but it might still leave you with some 10% of repercussions.
Yeah I get this. But I think it's both having the right thoughts about yourself AND doing the action. You can't feel "good" without the other (as you mentioned recently). So much of today's talk is about having a positive attitude or what not, which is good, but that's only half the equation, conveniently the half that sells millions of books! The other part, is the hard work and getting up and doing something, anything for that matter, to get yourself feeling good about yourself on the long term. Do you feel like a winner by getting an A? Or do you feeling like a winner being a person who works their ass off to get an A? I can attest that getting the A does feel good, but it is the work, that is, my actions, that really make me feel like a winner, the other part is determined by a professor which is out of my control.

I do think we need to fix our thoughts, which is why wrote that a few days ago, especially for myself. I've been really struggling with stress from school, and my thoughts have not been always healthy. However, over the last few days, I've also started to act like a "winner" again. Studying all day long. Writing at all hours of the night. Pushing through my insane fears, many coming from my childhood, and moving on no matter the negative thoughts. And sure enough, both yesterday and today, I'm starting to feel like a winner again and my thoughts have become more positive overall, even in class today, making a mistake in front of the class didn't destroy me, and I bounced back quickly, because I knew I had put in the work.

So is it the chicken or the egg? Or the thought or the action? I think it's the actions, but no one wants to say that, because most don't want to hear that.

Well, back to work.

Love you @Escapeandnevercomeback.

I realize this didn't exactly address what you were talking about, but this is what's on my mind. But yes, we do need to deal with our thoughts too, but I think action is everything.

Best
 

First_step_thousand_miles

Well-Known Member
Thanks @First_step_thousand_miles! Yes to me, it always clears up after three months or so. Sure, there's the occasional urge, but the strength of them after three or so months is so diminished, that it becomes easier in general. And you're right to point out, the cleaner the streak, the faster the urges leave.

I was thinking about this the last few days, did I mess up my big streak because of an urge, or was it really just the emotional weight of the nonsense with my parents? I think it was the latter plus some of the stuff I had kept to myself all that last year (not porn related) that was eating me up inside, that finally caused me to stumble last fall. But, it doesn't really matter, it's over and done and time to move on, and I have.

Love you man.


Yeah I get this. But I think it's both having the right thoughts about yourself AND doing the action. You can't feel "good" without the other (as you mentioned recently). So much of today's talk is about having a positive attitude or what not, which is good, but that's only half the equation, conveniently the half that sells millions of books! The other part, is the hard work and getting up and doing something, anything for that matter, to get yourself feeling good about yourself on the long term. Do you feel like a winner by getting an A? Or do you feeling like a winner being a person who works their ass off to get an A? I can attest that getting the A does feel good, but it is the work, that is, my actions, that really make me feel like a winner, the other part is determined by a professor which is out of my control.

I do think we need to fix our thoughts, which is why wrote that a few days ago, especially for myself. I've been really struggling with stress from school, and my thoughts have not been always healthy. However, over the last few days, I've also started to act like a "winner" again. Studying all day long. Writing at all hours of the night. Pushing through my insane fears, many coming from my childhood, and moving on no matter the negative thoughts. And sure enough, both yesterday and today, I'm starting to feel like a winner again and my thoughts have become more positive overall, even in class today, making a mistake in front of the class didn't destroy me, and I bounced back quickly, because I knew I had put in the work.

So is it the chicken or the egg? Or the thought or the action? I think it's the actions, but no one wants to say that, because most don't want to hear that.

Well, back to work.

Love you @Escapeandnevercomeback.

I realize this didn't exactly address what you were talking about, but this is what's on my mind. But yes, we do need to deal with our thoughts too, but I think action is everything.

Best
Yeah I feel you man, the reasons I looked at all those pics where often in moments of weakness where I was feeling shitty about other stuff in my life. The reasons to look at porn are usually a) boredom, b) spiking urges (that happen as a result of quitting), and c) feeling bad. Most of the time for me it's been the latter 2 when I've made the wrong choice. Don't beat yourself up about it I think, but just good to be aware which alone helps defend you against it when you're feeling shitty and you realize the urge to look at porn is driven by this. Just my two cents haha
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Thanks @First_step_thousand_miles! Yes to me, it always clears up after three months or so. Sure, there's the occasional urge, but the strength of them after three or so months is so diminished, that it becomes easier in general. And you're right to point out, the cleaner the streak, the faster the urges leave.

I was thinking about this the last few days, did I mess up my big streak because of an urge, or was it really just the emotional weight of the nonsense with my parents? I think it was the latter plus some of the stuff I had kept to myself all that last year (not porn related) that was eating me up inside, that finally caused me to stumble last fall. But, it doesn't really matter, it's over and done and time to move on, and I have.

Love you man.


Yeah I get this. But I think it's both having the right thoughts about yourself AND doing the action. You can't feel "good" without the other (as you mentioned recently). So much of today's talk is about having a positive attitude or what not, which is good, but that's only half the equation, conveniently the half that sells millions of books! The other part, is the hard work and getting up and doing something, anything for that matter, to get yourself feeling good about yourself on the long term. Do you feel like a winner by getting an A? Or do you feeling like a winner being a person who works their ass off to get an A? I can attest that getting the A does feel good, but it is the work, that is, my actions, that really make me feel like a winner, the other part is determined by a professor which is out of my control.

I do think we need to fix our thoughts, which is why wrote that a few days ago, especially for myself. I've been really struggling with stress from school, and my thoughts have not been always healthy. However, over the last few days, I've also started to act like a "winner" again. Studying all day long. Writing at all hours of the night. Pushing through my insane fears, many coming from my childhood, and moving on no matter the negative thoughts. And sure enough, both yesterday and today, I'm starting to feel like a winner again and my thoughts have become more positive overall, even in class today, making a mistake in front of the class didn't destroy me, and I bounced back quickly, because I knew I had put in the work.

So is it the chicken or the egg? Or the thought or the action? I think it's the actions, but no one wants to say that, because most don't want to hear that.

Well, back to work.

Love you @Escapeandnevercomeback.

I realize this didn't exactly address what you were talking about, but this is what's on my mind. But yes, we do need to deal with our thoughts too, but I think action is everything.

Best
No, man, it's well said. Through action we build self-esteem and we can feel proud of ourselves. But, like I've said, it could come back once in a while to tap us on our shoulder and tell us we are impostors in this world of awesome people but it's that shadow that I've seen Phil Stutz talked about in that documentary made by Jonah Hill. We have to find a way to handle this otherwise it will take the lead.

I agree with you that you can tell yourself positive things all day long. You can look in the mirror all day and say I'm awesome. It's not going to do much if all you do is sit on the couch and cry. Accomplishments, skill acquisition, problem solving, health optimization etc. all those things build self-esteem. Because now you can say: "I am not a loser, look at what I've been doing in the last year." But of course, you need to watch out the thoughts too because you need to make them be realistic. If you keep telling yourself I am not good enough despise all the things you've been doing, it's not going to help you.

I was watching that long podcast (4 hours long!) with Jocko Willink and Huberman, I haven't finished it, I've watched a part of it, but at one point Jocko said something like: I believe action is the solution to how people feel, to people's depression or something like that I don't remember exactly what he said, but something along the lines of this, if you are depressed, he believes the solution is action. And I agree. Now I don't know all the depressed people but most of the time people know why they are depressed: I don't have money, I've lost my job, I don't have a girlfriend, I am fat etc. In those situations, action is what they need to try. What can I do to change that?

But anyway, man, you're doing great with those 2 months. Staying away from "the thing that consumes your energy for nothing" actually gives your energy back to accomplish things. You could try to keep this in mind any time you feel tempted. "If I use my energy for PMO, who's gonna study?"

Keep up the good work, man!
 

Blondie

Respected Member
Day 62
But of course, you need to watch out the thoughts too because you need to make them be realistic. If you keep telling yourself I am not good enough despise all the things you've been doing, it's not going to help you.
I definitely fall into this sometimes. Where to find the balance between having high standards and always reaching for your best self, while also being realistic with yourself, can be challenging sometimes.
 

GBS

Respected Member
I know you just posted one more day, and I know you get regular banter from others, but believe this, mate: you’re fighting hard and you know how hard that is. That’s it. Giving in is easy. Resisting is hard. You are resisting. It’s a long road ahead, but you can see the light, right? Got your back always my friend.
 

Blondie

Respected Member
Day 65
I know you just posted one more day, and I know you get regular banter from others, but believe this, mate: you’re fighting hard and you know how hard that is. That’s it. Giving in is easy. Resisting is hard.

Thank you @GBS, I appreciate it.
It’s a long road ahead, but you can see the light, right?
Yes I do see the light. I've seen the light before and will see it again even brighter than it once was.
Got your back always my friend.
Same to you my friend.

Thank you

You all have a good porn-free Saturday.
 

SmokenMirrors

Well-Known Member
I know you just posted one more day, and I know you get regular banter from others, but believe this, mate: you’re fighting hard and you know how hard that is. That’s it. Giving in is easy. Resisting is hard. You are resisting. It’s a long road ahead, but you can see the light, right? Got your back always my friend.
So true!
 
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