Porn is not an option

[pornfreesme]

. I tried to be positive by reading the success stories but I definitely get more depressed reading about the long flatlines. Specially reading of guys being in 7 to 9 months flatlines.

Be careful. This kind of thing is what is maintaining your depression. I just hope you can see my tips. I'm going through your progress posts one by one to show you why you feel that way.

 

[homerun]

Hmm, what is being described as flatline here?

 

[GBS]

Hey pal @Blondie - you ok, man?

 

[Blondie]

Hey @GBS, doing just fine here. Thank you sir!

Staying busy with school for the next few weeks before break, but life is good.

Here's a dick UPdate for everyone, I know you all have been eagerly anticipating the next one...

I was at school today and was talking to a cute girl in class, and yes, I started to get a hard on. Not a full hard on, but probably half mast. I was literally not thinking anything sexual about her or fantasizing, I'm just attracted to her in a general sense, and that's all it took. I was just enjoying talking to her and BAM, there he was, arising like the quotidian dawn. It's insane, but I feel as if I'm back in high school again! I don't feel guilty about this at all either, because I had no control over this, and it just happened.

Looks like I will have to start walking around with a baggy coat like the old days lol



Bless you sir (that is, @GBS!)

And thank you @FreedomFromTheStruggle_11, @pornfreesme and @homerun.

Trust me everyone, porn has never been your friend, and will never be your friend. If you want real relationships with real people, and yes, even random boners talking to beautiful ladies, then porn has got to go!

 

[First_step_thousand_miles]

Hey @GBS, doing just fine here. Thank you sir!

Staying busy with school for the next few weeks before break, but life is good.

Here's a dick UPdate for everyone, I know you all have been eagerly anticipating the next one...

I was at school today and was talking to a cute girl in class, and yes, I started to get a hard on. Not a full hard on, but probably half mast. I was literally not thinking anything sexual about her or fantasizing, I'm just attracted to her in a general sense, and that's all it took. I was just enjoying talking to her and BAM, there he was, arising like the quotidian dawn. It's insane, but I feel as if I'm back in high school again! I don't feel guilty about this at all either, because I had no control over this, and it just happened.

Looks like I will have to start walking around with a baggy coat like the old days lol

View attachment 896

Bless you sir (that is, @GBS!)

And thank you @FreedomFromTheStruggle_11, @pornfreesme and @homerun.

Trust me everyone, porn has never been your friend, and will never be your friend. If you want real relationships with real people, and yes, even random boners talking to beautiful ladies, then porn has got to go!

Wow awesome stuff man. Sounds like things are going quite well, love to hear it. Any big plans for break?

 

[Blondie]

Thanks @First_step_thousand_miles.

I'm just going to take it easy for the holidays. I kind of got into a funk this semester and I need to step back and look at my life from a more relaxed mental state. Everything is good, but I definitely need a break and just take a big breath.

Best to you brother!

 

[FreedomFromTheStruggle_11]

Hey @GBS, doing just fine here. Thank you sir!

Staying busy with school for the next few weeks before break, but life is good.

Here's a dick UPdate for everyone, I know you all have been eagerly anticipating the next one...

I was at school today and was talking to a cute girl in class, and yes, I started to get a hard on. Not a full hard on, but probably half mast. I was literally not thinking anything sexual about her or fantasizing, I'm just attracted to her in a general sense, and that's all it took. I was just enjoying talking to her and BAM, there he was, arising like the quotidian dawn. It's insane, but I feel as if I'm back in high school again! I don't feel guilty about this at all either, because I had no control over this, and it just happened.

Looks like I will have to start walking around with a baggy coat like the old days lol

View attachment 896

Bless you sir (that is, @GBS!)

And thank you @FreedomFromTheStruggle_11, @pornfreesme and @homerun.

Trust me everyone, porn has never been your friend, and will never be your friend. If you want real relationships with real people, and yes, even random boners talking to beautiful ladies, then porn has got to go!

Thanks pal. Just gotta go day by day.

 

[GBS]

@Blondie - good news on the half mast. It’s a confusing world out there of what is ok and what isn’t. My theory is this and it’s pretty fucking simple: we all know what’s ok and what isn’t. We all know what we were like, and we know when we’ve eradicated our old trained thoughts. What’s left is the pure rebooted brain. Your new brain gives you an erection when you talk to a cute girl. That is a result.

You deserve it.

“rising like the quotidian dawn” - you are the bard of RN. I laughed out loud.

 

[First_step_thousand_miles]

Thanks @First_step_thousand_miles.

I'm just going to take it easy for the holidays. I kind of got into a funk this semester and I need to step back and look at my life from a more relaxed mental state. Everything is good, but I definitely need a break and just take a big breath.

Best to you brother!

Absolutely man. What I've found helps me is to do this reflection while in a good headspace, for instance after a relaxing evening with some good friends. Better than doing it when in a crappy one as the lens you'll view it all with will be tinted negatively

Quitting PMO made me realize it's just one of several things standing in our way to getting to where we want to be (granted a big one!). On one hand it's daunting knowing there's more stuff to tackle but on the other hand you really begin to realize it's all within your power. Rest, relax, and then push forward!

 

[forceisstrong2]

Hey

Day 424

Thank you @forceisstrong2! I hope you're doing well.

Hey thanks Blondie,

Yeah I've had a rough few weeks, but I think I'm discovering some new things about myself and I know now what I need to do to stay on the right path. Yeah, I've made mistakes but hopefully I've learnt from those mistakes and know thyself better.

Also, I'm back meditating. It really helps. Really recommend it.

Keep being a hero, brotha!

 

[Blondie]

Thank you @First_step_thousand_miles.

Better than doing it when in a crappy one as the lens you'll view it all with will be tinted negatively

This is definitely true.

On one hand it's daunting knowing there's more stuff to tackle but on the other hand you really begin to realize it's all within your power.

Beautiful. Yes, if we can get over this, and we will, then we can really do anything. It seems to me, speaking for myself, that porn use for many of us is really a byproduct of other problems, thus getting over it, really starts to get the ball moving in other aspects of one's life. I know for myself that definitely rings true.

Thanks @forceisstrong2. Great to hear from you brother.

I know now what I need to do to stay on the right path. Yeah, I've made mistakes but hopefully I've learnt from those mistakes and know thyself better.

Well, we've all made mistakes but all that matters is what we've learned from them, and it seems like you have.

Stay strong, it's never worth it!

I'm happy to hear about your meditation. I'll still suck at that lol

Thanks @GBS.

t’s a confusing world out there of what is ok and what isn’t. My theory is this and it’s pretty fucking simple: we all know what’s ok and what isn’t. We all know what we were like, and we know when we’ve eradicated our old trained thoughts.

This is totally true for me. Which was why it felt great, because I felt like myself again back when I was young and how I just loved women (everything about them!) without necessarily always thinking sexual thoughts. What pisses me off, is all the young men out there who don't even know what their real sex drive is, because ever since they've been "sexual" they've been hooked on porn. I find myself thankful that I at least have somewhat of a ground zero to refer back to, even though it wasn't perfect either.

I think I probably started looking at porn around 14 or so, although it was pretty sparse in the frequency of it, and sparse in the amount of different girls I looked at too. I didn't even masturbate (or even know what it was) until I was probably 21 or so. It was quite barbaric back then as I'm sure you know, at least for me with my shity dial up internet connection and all. Sometimes it took ten minutes for one picture to even download to see the good stuff (the boobs!). Thank god for that, considerably less dopamine I might add. Or maybe not, that anticipation was exhilarating. Often it was just a few pictures and back then, you could actually have a "crush" on these girls because there was only a few of them, or the time factor as I mentioned. That all changed (at least for me) after high speed internet. Why have a crush on one, when there's millions of women to look at!

Insanity, utter insanity!

God save us from ourselves.

 

[Beautiful1973]

What pisses me off, is all the young men out there who don't even know what their real sex drive is, because ever since they've been "sexual" they've been hooked on porn.

I find this incredible sad too @Blondie, I'm reading all over the forum, these guys struggling with libido as they have no baseline for sexual arousal to anything other than porn.......it's really fuk'd up aye. This morning I was sitting here thinking, how do we change this, what could I do to make a real change????

 

[Blondie]

That's a good point @Beautiful1973. You're absolutely right, it's a terribly sad story. All of us are here because no one told us the dangers of porn, maybe our religions did, but not science or our culture. Now that doesn't mean if society had done its job we would have listened, but many of us would have. Unfortunately society pushes this shit on us as if it's completely normal, when in fact, it's everything BUT normal, especially these days with high speed internet and all the thrills it provides. As I mentioned, at least back in my day, it was only just a few pictures, one could say it was almost "innocent". But we've come so far in the last twenty years, my god, my old school porn use sounds like it was from the Victorian era!

Mr. Darcy might have glanced at those voluptuous sculptures in the garden a little to frequently, but in the end, he was always faithful to dear Lizzy.

Furthermore, with alcohol you at least get warned since you were a child. Hard drugs it's the same. But concerning this modern tragedy, not a goddamn word of dissension. Obviously there's a few dissenters here and there, this place among a few others, but in general it is utterly normalized. I do like the Fight the New Drug website, it has some good things to say.

Another thing I hate, and something that doesn't get mentioned here much, is how porn affects young men's relationships with women, and how hard they find it to connect to a real live woman. When your only "woman" has been the palm of your hand and a cum-drenched laptop screen, you're in for a real surprise when you finally land that first date with the girl of your dreams. We all talk about how it destroys relationships and marriages (which is absolutely necessary) but my heart really goes out for the young lads who don't even know how to interact with a real live woman. The younger generation thinks it's crazy that I actually "found" my lady on the street (no not that way lol) by just walking up and starting a conversation with her. I realize that this is not only because of porn, there's dating sites these days too, but I don't like it. It all just seems so impersonal to me. There's no romance. No urgency in the air. No humorous awkwardness that you can talk and laugh about later. No random boners. Just boring dating accounts thought through with analytical precision (i.e. lying) to show off your best side as a content creator, I mean dater! In other words, a sexualized Instagram account, ah shit, that's alreadly sexualized.

Awe fuck this world, maybe Jane Austen was on to something.

This morning I was sitting here thinking, how do we change this, what could I do to make a real change????

You're a sweet woman. You're definitely making a change here that's for sure!

Best to you lady.

 

[Beautiful1973]

I do like the Fight the New Drug website, it has some good things to say.

Yeah FTND are doing a stella job, I enjoy their podcast too, and would love to meet Garrett Jonsson......did I just say that out loud....LMAO!
I keep thinking about how I could get them to come to New Zealand to do a presentation......could I make that happen......think I'd need some help!
Something has to be done about teaching boys about healthy sexuality, masculinity and how to interact with girls, or people in general.

I thought I'd post this little clip about talking to boys about porn and how to treat girls, let me know what you think, its a bit of a giggle:

 

[Beautiful1973]

This one is good too, I think you'll love the bit about making a mixed tape for a girl!

 

[Blondie]

That was great, thank you @Beautiful1973!

Indeed, the mixed tape segment was spot on. Letters work really well too, no one does that these days.

More things to think about...

Thanks again

 

[Blondie]

Day 430

From my book today.

"When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves." –Viktor Frankl

There is only so much we can control. More often than we care to admit, we find ourselves in situations we cannot change. If we focus on the situation, how unfair it may be, how we deserve better, or what other people are doing that is wrong, we leave ourselves stuck. When we accept the unchangeable situation and, instead, focus on changing ourselves, we grow. Am I focused on a situation that I cannot change? Am I growing? What gifts await me as I focus on changing myself?

Stein, Timothy. Gifts of Recovery: Daily Meditations for Men and Women in Recovery from Sex & Porn Addiction (p. 325). Kindle Edition.

 

[Beautiful1973]

There is only so much we can control. More often than we care to admit, we find ourselves in situations we cannot change. If we focus on the situation, how unfair it may be, how we deserve better, or what other people are doing that is wrong, we leave ourselves stuck. When we accept the unchangeable situation and, instead, focus on changing ourselves, we grow. Am I focused on a situation that I cannot change? Am I growing? What gifts await me as I focus on changing myself?

I needed to read this today, thank you @Blondie

 

[GBS]

That’s really profound. Thanks. It’s like the serenity prayer, which I honestly find a bit cringe, but said more directly and way better. I will read that, it sounds like there’s a bit of me in there. Cheers pal(s).

 

[Supreme0147]

So here I go again. I thought I'd post something here instead of doing this journey all by myself. I've been trying to quite porn off and on for years now, but have never been completely successful. Like most people here I had no idea the effects and harm porn was doing to my brain, although I knew it wasn't the greatest habit. To make a long story short, my longest streak was almost a year and half (that streak was started almost 4 years ago this coming April) and after that, my longest streak was almost half a year. This last year I got concerned because I can't seem to get to even 4 months before relapsing. Which is why I'm here to get this nonsense taken care of. At this point I'm alreadly 3 months clean, which is great, but this next month is where I fall into trouble. To get to 3 months is not hard these days, but the problem is I've made relapsing ever 4 months almost a new habit.

I know I'm on the right track because my body seems to be acting like I'm quitting again, aka, my dick has not been working very well. This is mind blowing to me because as I've said, I've been doing this 4 month pattern now for well over a year, and my man was generally okay at that time. But now that I've decided to really up my game, he goes limp. I keep reminding myself this is my brain fixing itself and since I've really made the commitment to quit again, my brain seems to be following through with its normal signs of quitting (flatlining etc.).

That's enough for now. But today is day 101, and porn is not an option!

No going back brother. You are one of the most people here who inspires me to quit. 33 days clean now, if you fall we fall too. So I always come to check your post. Just quit this for good and forever. For I made up my mind even if my dick doesn't work forever and not going back to that he'll but I am reading my Bible every day it helps. The sickness PMO bring to our manhood is spiritual sickness of which going to doctor won't see any problem wrong there. Please watch Joseph Okechukwu on YouTube talking about Masturbation bring spiritual wife and soul ties. Thid guy was addicted but free now. He can explain the spiritual implications of masturbation. It's not what you should think about or even do