Porn is not an option
- Thread starter Blondie
- Start date
Blondie
Respected Member
Day 639
Doing well these days. Staying busy on my summer projects and working hard on my goals. It's been a little tough getting back into the swing of things after vacation, but I feel today will be more productive. I've been drinking a glass of wine every night since we've got back from our trip (we had a little bit extra left) but only one glass so nothing crazy. And although it's been nice to drink moderately without any snacking or getting drunk, last night was the last of it, thus, no more drinking for a while. My goal is not to have any more until I see 19% BF on the scale.
Last night, the Lady and I shopped online for some sexy clothes for her to workout in and wear around the house, I can't wait for that shit to arrive!
Needless to say, It was the first time I've looked at anything suggestive since the first couple of months of this streak. As I've said around here many times, I've been extremely strict on what I watch or look at over these last 21 months, and this was the most sexy shit I've seen since I started. I wanted us to shop together and do it on her phone as a test of sorts to see how'd I do. I did just fine and didn't seem to get stirred up by seeing hot pictures of women in yoga shorts etc. Obviously, I thought the ladies were attractive, but at the same time, they were just pictures, nothing more. Furthermore, while I did "look at them" to pick out something for her, I was not staring or trying to "get something" out of it. The thought of running away to some dark corner of the house to get off to some pictures seemed to utterly disgust me at the moment, as it rightly should!
I definitely wouldn't suggest doing this for anyone starting out, because it could lead right back to a relapse.
But I'm feeling pretty good these days and I wanted to test myself and see how I'd do. I've always said I have no intentions of "hiding" or "running away" from this world. There's always going to be "triggers" and "hot women" walking around (thank god for that!) and to live under a rock is no way to live as far as I'm concerned. This is also why I also hate using the word "addict" or "addiction". It's not that I'm living in denial, no, it's more of, I don't want to give that much power to something in my life. How we think and talk about things, defines our thoughts and behaviors towards it. This bad habit CAN by conquered, and what bleeds CAN be killed. And I'm here to tell you all, that this son of a bitch bleeds and thus, is able to be destroyed, that's all I'm saying. However, trust me, if I start feeling that last night messed me up or I'm starting to feel tempted to do some shopping "on my own", I will back this horse up and not try again for some time. It's simply NOT worth it.
Tomorrow starts the beginning of my 90 day countdown to my two year milestone. My glory is just beyond that last ridge.
If this cowboy can do this, so can you all
With much love
Have a great porn-free day.
Doing well these days. Staying busy on my summer projects and working hard on my goals. It's been a little tough getting back into the swing of things after vacation, but I feel today will be more productive. I've been drinking a glass of wine every night since we've got back from our trip (we had a little bit extra left) but only one glass so nothing crazy. And although it's been nice to drink moderately without any snacking or getting drunk, last night was the last of it, thus, no more drinking for a while. My goal is not to have any more until I see 19% BF on the scale.
Last night, the Lady and I shopped online for some sexy clothes for her to workout in and wear around the house, I can't wait for that shit to arrive!
Needless to say, It was the first time I've looked at anything suggestive since the first couple of months of this streak. As I've said around here many times, I've been extremely strict on what I watch or look at over these last 21 months, and this was the most sexy shit I've seen since I started. I wanted us to shop together and do it on her phone as a test of sorts to see how'd I do. I did just fine and didn't seem to get stirred up by seeing hot pictures of women in yoga shorts etc. Obviously, I thought the ladies were attractive, but at the same time, they were just pictures, nothing more. Furthermore, while I did "look at them" to pick out something for her, I was not staring or trying to "get something" out of it. The thought of running away to some dark corner of the house to get off to some pictures seemed to utterly disgust me at the moment, as it rightly should!I definitely wouldn't suggest doing this for anyone starting out, because it could lead right back to a relapse.
But I'm feeling pretty good these days and I wanted to test myself and see how I'd do. I've always said I have no intentions of "hiding" or "running away" from this world. There's always going to be "triggers" and "hot women" walking around (thank god for that!) and to live under a rock is no way to live as far as I'm concerned. This is also why I also hate using the word "addict" or "addiction". It's not that I'm living in denial, no, it's more of, I don't want to give that much power to something in my life. How we think and talk about things, defines our thoughts and behaviors towards it. This bad habit CAN by conquered, and what bleeds CAN be killed. And I'm here to tell you all, that this son of a bitch bleeds and thus, is able to be destroyed, that's all I'm saying. However, trust me, if I start feeling that last night messed me up or I'm starting to feel tempted to do some shopping "on my own", I will back this horse up and not try again for some time. It's simply NOT worth it.
Tomorrow starts the beginning of my 90 day countdown to my two year milestone. My glory is just beyond that last ridge.
If this cowboy can do this, so can you all
With much love
Have a great porn-free day.
Last edited:
swimmer97
Active Member
Felt this post.
You are right, living life in absolute complete monk mode not looking at anything eating bread and water, cant be it.
We need to avoid the super duper stimuli like porn completely. But the small natural things like hot women in real life is enjoying life in a natural/healthy way. as long as we are also not overdoing this/abusing this as porn sub.
As long as one is far enough in his journey to be able to differentiate and his or her pathways are not as easily lighted up like in the beginning of a journey we are good.
keep trucking
You are right, living life in absolute complete monk mode not looking at anything eating bread and water, cant be it.
We need to avoid the super duper stimuli like porn completely. But the small natural things like hot women in real life is enjoying life in a natural/healthy way. as long as we are also not overdoing this/abusing this as porn sub.
As long as one is far enough in his journey to be able to differentiate and his or her pathways are not as easily lighted up like in the beginning of a journey we are good.
keep trucking
Blondie
Respected Member
Day 640
90 days to two years!
It's a matter of really knowing yourself deep inside, instead of relying on hard and fast unchangeable rules. Obviously, if seeing hot women in yoga pants, or sexy ads on TV and YouTube is not helping your sobriety, well, you don't need to look at them, period. It's really as simple as that. But that might change as you go further along on your journey, thus, you might be able to carefully and mindfully change some of your rules. For me personally, trying NOT to notice something or think something "naughty" in this case, say a beautiful woman at the gym, only makes the situation that much worse. It's like what they say in psychology about The Pink Elephant Paradox. Telling someone not to think about a pink elephant sitting in the room, only makes them think about it all the more. Suddenly, they're walking around getting pink elephant triggers 24/7. It's the same way with "triggers" with porn.
I think this is where I find myself disagreeing the most with the religious person when it comes to porn or lust, and what to do about it. Of course, that's just my history and interpretation of my own past religious experiences, I'm not saying that's the same for everyone. However, seeing a beautiful woman at the gym and wanting to have sex with her, noticing her legs, butt, breasts, and wanting to do (or at wishing to do), fun things with her in bed, is completely natural and is NOT bad or morally wrong per se. It's as natural as needing to take a shit in the morning, and none of us would propose that we should try to fight that urge! In fact, the more we try NOT to think about the fact that we need to take a shit, the more we think about it, and the more we get triggered about it. Or maybe that's just me. But in all seriousness, you cannot NOT think about hot women! It just doesn't work that way. So I would propose, instead of walking around trying not to "lust" (an impossible deed if they're ever was one!), we should rather walk around thinking about our goals and asperations in life, and how lucky we are to have another day to strive towards them. Then, when we happen to see a beautiful creature before us, and those natural thoughts come pouring in, we can acknowledge the beauty before us, we can even appreciate it for a brief moment, and THEN, turn our thoughts back to higher things and deeds. The thoughts aren't bad in of themselves, it's what we do with them is what matters in the end. But if your entire day revolves around trying not to lust or getting triggered, well, you've just spent the whole day thinking about the very thing you don't want to do. That pink elephant is no longer sitting in a chair, he's literally living right in our brain. No thanks.
Writing all this makes me think of another thought. Don't we have anything better to do in our lives, than just trying NOT to lust or look at porn? Is this not the real fucking problem in the first place? If you have no other goals or asperations in life besides fighting porn and lust, well, you just found your problem. Find your mission in life. Seek out understanding of the world. Become fucking curious about everything, and then, you won't find yourself with hours on end to look at porn or trying NOT to lust.
Porn is a symptom not the disease.
90 days to two years!
Yes this is how I see it @swimmer97. That's a great comment.
It's a matter of really knowing yourself deep inside, instead of relying on hard and fast unchangeable rules. Obviously, if seeing hot women in yoga pants, or sexy ads on TV and YouTube is not helping your sobriety, well, you don't need to look at them, period. It's really as simple as that. But that might change as you go further along on your journey, thus, you might be able to carefully and mindfully change some of your rules. For me personally, trying NOT to notice something or think something "naughty" in this case, say a beautiful woman at the gym, only makes the situation that much worse. It's like what they say in psychology about The Pink Elephant Paradox. Telling someone not to think about a pink elephant sitting in the room, only makes them think about it all the more. Suddenly, they're walking around getting pink elephant triggers 24/7. It's the same way with "triggers" with porn.
I think this is where I find myself disagreeing the most with the religious person when it comes to porn or lust, and what to do about it. Of course, that's just my history and interpretation of my own past religious experiences, I'm not saying that's the same for everyone. However, seeing a beautiful woman at the gym and wanting to have sex with her, noticing her legs, butt, breasts, and wanting to do (or at wishing to do), fun things with her in bed, is completely natural and is NOT bad or morally wrong per se. It's as natural as needing to take a shit in the morning, and none of us would propose that we should try to fight that urge! In fact, the more we try NOT to think about the fact that we need to take a shit, the more we think about it, and the more we get triggered about it. Or maybe that's just me.
But in all seriousness, you cannot NOT think about hot women! It just doesn't work that way. So I would propose, instead of walking around trying not to "lust" (an impossible deed if they're ever was one!), we should rather walk around thinking about our goals and asperations in life, and how lucky we are to have another day to strive towards them. Then, when we happen to see a beautiful creature before us, and those natural thoughts come pouring in, we can acknowledge the beauty before us, we can even appreciate it for a brief moment, and THEN, turn our thoughts back to higher things and deeds. The thoughts aren't bad in of themselves, it's what we do with them is what matters in the end. But if your entire day revolves around trying not to lust or getting triggered, well, you've just spent the whole day thinking about the very thing you don't want to do. That pink elephant is no longer sitting in a chair, he's literally living right in our brain. No thanks.Writing all this makes me think of another thought. Don't we have anything better to do in our lives, than just trying NOT to lust or look at porn? Is this not the real fucking problem in the first place? If you have no other goals or asperations in life besides fighting porn and lust, well, you just found your problem. Find your mission in life. Seek out understanding of the world. Become fucking curious about everything, and then, you won't find yourself with hours on end to look at porn or trying NOT to lust.
Porn is a symptom not the disease.
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TryingHarder
Well-Known Member
Amen, brother!
First_step_thousand_miles
Well-Known Member
Hell yeah!Day 645
85 days to two years
You all have a great porn-free 4th of July. And to @GBS, God save the king!
Blondie
Respected Member
Blondie
Respected Member
I've been doing a lot of thinking over the last few weeks about my mission in life and what that might entail. Of course, being the intuitive that I am, I have twenty billion ideas but no solid grasp of what I should do heading forward. Of course, I have what I've been planning on doing, that is, what I'm going to school for, but even that I'm not hundred percent sure about, and to be honest, I'm feeling a little lost at the moment. Deep down inside I know I'll figure it out. I've always had a strange confidence when it comes to my future, but being in this kind of head-space can be frustrating to say the least. Furthermore, being an intuitive but also being at age 40, I'm starting to realize that every "idea" I've ever had cannot realistically be fulfilled, there's just simply not enough time in this life. And since I'm the kind of guy who really likes to be good at what he does, well that makes the things I can accomplish in this life even fewer. It's a humbling thought to realize that, but also brings some peace to my mind as well.
My mind is still healing too. Last week we had sex three times in 24 hours, and I got off all three times. After the 3rd orgasm I practically got depressed. Not only did I feel utterly drained, but I felt down as well, my brain did not like what had just happened. I'm definitely getting closer to being healed but I'm not quite across the finish line.
You all have a great porn-free Friday.
My mind is still healing too. Last week we had sex three times in 24 hours, and I got off all three times. After the 3rd orgasm I practically got depressed. Not only did I feel utterly drained, but I felt down as well, my brain did not like what had just happened. I'm definitely getting closer to being healed but I'm not quite across the finish line.
You all have a great porn-free Friday.
