Finally, I'm doing this…

Ezel

Ezel

Respected Member
Day 22, no po, no mo (monk mode).

Nothing much to say except that it’s the second day of me getting back to my exercise routine, it’s been a long time since I ever did a workout. Actually, I don't even go to the gym anymore, because life gets in the way.

So instead I wake up early in the morning and do sets of push-ups and squats and 5 min of stretching to get the blood flowing and to start my day fresh…

Also, I'm getting back to the French learning routine that I used to do. I spend 10-15 min/day on the Duolingo app on my phone practicing and learning new vocabulary and other things…

Not to forget I did a little reading these past two days, which used to be a routine for me when I first started the first reboot on this journal. Now I'm back to it finally.

I'm resuming a book that I didn’t finish reading yet, 12 rules for life by Jordan b Peterson, I'm half the way through it. And to give you the TLDR version here are the 12 rules:

  • 1 Stand up straight with your shoulders straight
  • 2 Treat yourself like someone you are responsible for helping
  • 3 Befriend people who want the best for you
  • 4 Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not the useless person you are today
  • 5 Do not let your children do anything that makes you dislike them
  • 6 Set your house in order before you criticize the world
  • 7 Pursue what is meaningful, not what is expedient
  • 8 Tell the truth. Or at least don’t lie
  • 9 Assume the person you are listening to knows something you don’t
  • 10 Be precise in your speech
  • 11 Do not bother children while they are skateboarding
  • 12 Pet a cat when you encounter one in the street

It’s good to set for yourself routines and tasks to keep you busy throughout the day, this brings me to the porn problem we all have. if you don’t get your brain busy doing meaningful things it will get you busy with useless shyt, which is as you all know porn and its subs…

I encourage everybody facing the same problem to put routines in place, shout out to my man @particularly_respecting ( workout, read a book, learn a new skill, learn a new language…) it will help your brain for sure in so many ways, and one of them is to remove those old porn neuropathways branching inside it.

Stay safe kings, and keep pushing as always.

Peace.

Ezel.
 
Blondie

Blondie

Respected Member
Nice Ezel.

I have not read that book but I've heard great things - it sounds interesting.
Ezel said:
It’s good to set for yourself routines and tasks to keep you busy throughout the day, this brings me to the porn problem we all have. if you don’t get your brain busy doing meaningful things it will get you busy with useless shyt, which is as you all know porn and its subs…
Click to expand...

I couldn't agree more. Keep going with that French, that's a great idea!
 
particularly_respecting

particularly_respecting

Active Member
Thanks for the shout out Ezel!
Yes - I think replacing bad habits with good helps us on our journey
Great to see you doing so well. Learning French and working out sound like great positive habits
You got this! 💪
 
Ezel

Ezel

Respected Member
Day 23, no po, no mo (monk mode).

At last, I had a wet dream last night while I was sleeping. I found out about it this morning when I woke up. It’s my first wet dream in this second reboot, so I'm really grateful for it.

i’m still on monk mode, even though yesterday while I was coming back home everywhere i look i see sexy women, but the weird thing is i don’t look at their faces i look straight at their body parts. It’s not like i do it all the time, the majority of the time i resist and put my head down and mind my own biz.

But when it happens, i regret what i did and remind myself that I’m on monk mode, I shouldn’t be doing this.

It’s like my brain is looking and searching for anything that could give him a drip of dopamine.

I think that explains the wet dream I had this morning, after those glimpses of women's body parts I saw yesterday on the street.

I have to be careful though, I’m on the way out of the dead libido phase that I was in last week since I’m so desperate and thirsty to check women out and getting a wet dream, so I guess what will follow this is I’m going to get horny as hell…

Man, it’s like the same scenario that keeps repeating itself over and over again that leads me to the same outcome (relapse)...

I know i shouldn’t be saying this, i have to focus on the bright side, at least I’m still standing up and pushing my limits, while the same me in the past wouldn’t think much about it, he will pull the trigger immediately and binge-watch porn like a 13yo kid.

So I have made improvements along the way, no doubts about that, that’s what matters most. I must not let my past setbacks get into my head as I did above.

I hope all the best for you guys, don’t let your past dictate your future, and start bitching and whining about what happened, get over it and man the phuck up.

Peace.

Ezel.
 
Ezel

Ezel

Respected Member
Day 24, no po, no mo (monk mode).

Feeling good today even though i caught a cold, but it is manageable. Urges are still there. They show up from time to time but I just ignore them like I always do.

Again yesterday on the way back home, I saw gorgeous women everywhere, showing a bit of skin since it’s summertime. I'm not going to lie, I glimpse at them, and as soon as my eye falls on those women's parts I look away. This behavior sometimes can be automatic, but I'm trying my best to not let it get hold of me.

The old me would just scan the woman from top to bottom and fantasize about her, and later on, he would go home and watch porn…

But that was long ago, I’m not that guy anymore, and I don't want him to show up in my life anymore.

I’m just sick of this shyt. I want to break this closed cycle of porn for good and break free, and never look back as I ride into the sunset. But talk is cheap, you don’t get what you wish for, you get what you work for.

I hope all the best for all the members of this awesome community. We got this guys, just hang in there, and whenever that porn demon shows up on your left shoulder, just say no, what’s so hard about that…

Peace.

Ezel.
 
Blondie

Blondie

Respected Member
Nice Ezel.

You seem to be doing well sticking to your course of action. That's very inspirational! Thanks.

What is your main goal eventually with all of this? Obviously no porn, but will you masturbate once in a while or no? I know you've said you're waiting to have sex until marriage which is great, but I wasn't sure what your plan was beyond Monk mode.

I've been meaning to ask you this but keep on forgetting.

Best brother.
 
Ezel

Ezel

Respected Member
Blondie said:
What is your main goal eventually with all of this? Obviously no porn, but will you masturbate once in a while or no? I know you've said you're waiting to have sex until marriage which is great, but I wasn't sure what your plan was beyond Monk mode.
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Day 25, no po, no mo (monk mode).

Thanks blondie for your kind words and your encouragement. Yes, indeed the situation I’m in is a hell of a situation to get into. Monk mode (no porn no masturbation), obviously no sex until marriage, so what’s the way out?? how to escape?? What’s the plan??. I have been asking these questions myself…

Even masturbation once in a while is off my radar, I can't do it. In my case, if I do it then probably I will visit the porn land since my brain relates masturbation to porn.

There are these verses from the Quran that whenever I get urges I will recite it in my head, it’s from chapter 30, verses 40 and 41, “But as for him who feared standing before his Lord, and restrained himself from impure evil desires, and lusts Verily, Paradise will be his abode”.

This brings me to my religion. in Islam there is a hadith in which the prophet Muhammed (peace and blessings be upon him) said “who leave something for Allah's sake, Allah will replace him with something better”.

But who am i to speak about a religion like Islam, one of the big three (Judaism, Christianity, Islam). Obviously, I'm not a good Muslim, but i try my best to be one. I still remember back in the day when I was a heavy porn user, as I was consuming it my moral voice would start talking to me “ okay, so no one is home(check), you locked the door(check), you closed the window(check), alright great. And how about Allah who is watching you right now, as you disobey his guidance, but still he gets the air delivered to you under that door you locked so you can breathe, that’s just one of the blessings he blessed you with, i can continue if you want, and you still insist on doing what you are doing” But did i listen to that voice, well no, my brain was already soaking in dopamine to respond to anything else.

And after i masturbate and orgasm, i couldn’t even look myself in the mirror from all the guilt and shame i was feeling, and the torture of my morals.

But that was long ago, right now my plan might sound like woo woo to you, pray for the best and prepare for the worst. There is a verse from chapter 2 verse 186 “And when My servants ask you concerning Me (tell them), I am nearby indeed, I answer the prayer of the supplicant when he prays to Me, so they should respond to My call, and believe in Me (that I possess all these attributes) so that they may proceed in the right way.”.

I hope Allah will forgive me for all I have done and save me from my evil self from now on. I think all that happened wouldn’t be possible if I followed his commands and his prophet’s teachings (Muhammed peace and blessings be upon him). This is the pray for best part.

Prepare for the worst part is going to be continuing with monk mode (no porn no mo), fasting from time to time, and whenever I feel the urges are getting stronger to get hold of them, there is a hadith in which the prophet Muhammed (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “0 young men, those among you who can support a wife should marry, for it restrains eyes (from casting evil glances) and preserves one from immorality; but he who cannot afford It should observe fast for it is a means of controlling the sexual desire.”
And after I get my things together I will marry for sure, to protect myself from sexual immorality.

From Islamic point of view, marriage is a religious duty, a moral safeguard and a social commitment. Islam views it as a strong bond terming by Mithaqun Ghaleez that means a challenging commitment. It is a commitment to the dignified meaning of full survival of the human race.

I know my plan from now till I get married is full of gaps, but I believe if I’m honest in what I want with Allah, then he will not abandon me and will not leave me alone with my evil self.

I hope this answers your question blondie, and thanks for your support my friend.

Peace.

Ezel.
 
Blondie

Blondie

Respected Member
Thanks for your very informative response Ezel, I really appreciate it. I honestly don't think what you're trying to do is impossible and if there's anyone here who can do it, it's you. It's great to see such convictions and religious faith in a world so utterly devoid of either. I know it might seem impossible but just think about it, not very long ago (before the age of porn) people did that all the time because of their faith and convictions and it was not really a big deal. Now in the world we live in, it has become something that truly sticks out. So that's very honorable and noble of you.

You're killing it Ezel, nice job on day 25!
 
particularly_respecting

particularly_respecting

Active Member
Amazing progress getting to day 25 Ezel!
Great response to Blondie's question too - it's inspiring to see you draw such strength from your faith
I am sure you have it within you to beat this - stay strong brother 💪
 
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