To always start again

[viking1234]

Day 9.
Sh>t, sh>t, sh>t...
Just relapsed. NOT worth it at all.
At least it was a longer streak, I guess... but lately I've had very little time to myself for meditation etc, plus really exhausted and stressed...
Starting again. I hope my streaks keep getting longer and longer and when decision time comes I take the right one. Once and for all!
Viking

PS. Smartphone has been kind of on-off. I take it to the gym to hear some music etc, but I think I'll buy a portable MP3 player and drop the smartphone for the one thing I really need it...

 

[Blondie]

You're good @viking1234, that sounds like a good idea. Sometimes when life gets busy and stressful, you just have to tell yourself that meditation or whatever is necessary and just make time for it, like you would with eating or taking a shit. No matter what, we all find time for that!

Best brother

 

[viking1234]

Thanks Blondie for the unconditional support.
It feels like a blow, but I hope there's a teaching behind it. I feel like the accountability software is not making a difference anymore, specially because the guy I told everything to said himself 'he was not a good choice because he watched a lot'... but I guess it's more about me than him...

 

[viking1234]

I've been pretty much monk style for the last days.
Had a small relapse in the beginning, and now I just had 8 days without absolutely anything.
Unfortunately, I was feeling so great I f++ked it up with a small 40' P. Didn't finish.
I hope that was it but I know for a fact the next few days will be extremely difficult.
I'm resetting, but not losing all the greatness I achieved the past 8 days.
I have to be strong!

 

[Androg]

I've been pretty much monk style for the last days.
Had a small relapse in the beginning, and now I just had 8 days without absolutely anything.
Unfortunately, I was feeling so great I f++ked it up with a small 40' P. Didn't finish.
I hope that was it but I know for a fact the next few days will be extremely difficult.
I'm resetting, but not losing all the greatness I achieved the past 8 days.
I have to be strong!

Congratulations on your progress.

 

[viking1234]

Bad news today. I relapsed.
Often I feel so ashamed and stupid I don't even want to post here, but I know that's not good, so I said f+ it.
Starting over...

 

[Androg]

Bad news today. I relapsed.
Often I feel so ashamed and stupid I don't even want to post here, but I know that's not good, so I said f+ it.
Starting over...

It’s like opening Pandora’s box. One misstep leads to another. Keep that in mind next time.

 

[viking1234]

Day 3 today. It has been hard so far. As usual, very moody, tired and 'meh'.
Still going though, and trying to be strong.

 

[Androg]

Day 3 today. It has been hard so far. As usual, very moody, tired and 'meh'.
Still going though, and trying to be strong.

Keep chugging.

 

[viking1234]

Well, after a few 6 and 5 days streak, I relapsed again just now.
It was going OK, but as usual, I don't know what the heck to do when a strong urge hits.
I'm trying to commit 120% but it's really hard... meditation is helping, also watching videos about success stories - one guy had an interesting idea: we are addicted to the shame and guilt because that way we escape ourselves.
Anyhow, starting over and trying to commit more!

 

[viking1234]

Day 1. Nothing much to tell today to be honest... Waiting, waiting, waiting.

 

[Androg]

A friend just called this free resource to my attention. I've heard guys say favorable things about Carr's method (developed for smokers). If you try it, let me know what you think. Ima tell a couple guys here the same thing. I like to see results before I recommend things.

easypeasy

Painlessly quit pornography without any sense of deprivation or sacrifice.

easypeasymethod.org

 

[viking1234]

So...
I did watch a bit of P today, very shortly. No excuses. Thankfully I got out quickly and didn't do much. Then I looked at a ton of videos about dopamine and P addiction, so now I'm quite motivated not to relapse.
Thanks for the method, I'll check that out. I am resetting to day 0, and maybe feel for the first time it's not about counting the days but making it really a decision for life. Hope it sticks!

 

[viking1234]

I haven't been here lately, but there's a reason for that.
I read the easypeasy method you posted, Androg, and I felt it worked wonders for me. Finally it made sense, and I was never so motivated to quit in my life. I realised I have a lot of misconceptions and incorrect ideas such as 'P gives me pleasure', 'without it I'm never going to feel OK', 'I'm entitled to this because X', etc etc
Howeeever, ever since reading the book I slipped twice, and I feel the doubts are still creeping in and I somehow cannot seem to 100% trust my decision not to watch anymore.

I agree that the whole powering through and willpower method might be not as effective, but again, a little voice in my is so afraid and doubtful it just goes 'you know what to do' and like I don't even think about it...

Let's see... I'm trying to be 100% confident, but it's not as easy...

Viking

 

[strongfuture89]

Hey, I also started the book 9 days ago. Maybe it helps finding the chapters that have the most impact for you and read those of the difficult moments. There´s also a complete audiobook version on youtube.
And it´s important to read it completely, to the last page.
Become a non-user, it feels much better than those annoying withdrawals.

 

[Blondie]

Nice job on that success @viking1234.

I too have read that book and thought it was helpful. I think its message, that is, that there is no true pleasure in porn, might take some time to get completely into our heads, but it is well worth it in the end. I've never been a complete believer in One Method to Rule Them All, but I do know the book's message is spot on and it's one aspect that really needs to be tackled in our recoveries to finally get over this nonsense once and for all.

Best to you brother

 

[Androg]

I haven't been here lately, but there's a reason for that.
I read the easypeasy method you posted, Androg, and I felt it worked wonders for me. Finally it made sense, and I was never so motivated to quit in my life. I realised I have a lot of misconceptions and incorrect ideas such as 'P gives me pleasure', 'without it I'm never going to feel OK', 'I'm entitled to this because X', etc etc
Howeeever, ever since reading the book I slipped twice, and I feel the doubts are still creeping in and I somehow cannot seem to 100% trust my decision not to watch anymore.

I agree that the whole powering through and willpower method might be not as effective, but again, a little voice in my is so afraid and doubtful it just goes 'you know what to do' and like I don't even think about it...

Let's see... I'm trying to be 100% confident, but it's not as easy...

Viking

Thanks for trying it. Your feedback is useful for everyone here. In my view, people often need a mix of approaches to recovery. Keep going!

 

[viking1234]

Damn....
Just had such a stupid relapse. I was kind of going OK, even if I should re read the book (which I was planning on doing tomorrow) because I feel at times the entitlement and the 'enjoyment' of porn is still there, anyhow:
My girlfriend just teased me before going out with the dog and then as soon as they were gone I'm already at it.
It was soooo not worth it.
I hope I can get back on my feet, with meditation etc and really feeling the zero enjoyment that I get out of this. Maybe today is the first time I feel that in a while, like not even enjoying touching myself, not to mention how sh´t you feel afterwards...

Viking

 

[Androg]

That's a lesson that seems to need a lot of repeating for all humans. Those appetite signals can be so...noisy.

 

[viking1234]

After almost 8 days, just slipped again...
My biggest trigger has to do with boredom. Not because I don't have anything to do, but weekends home alone are not good.
Hope I can get back on my feet again and learn from this. It's mostly about entitlement, anger and boredom as far as I can see...

Viking