Another story - probably the same as everyone else

GBS

GBS

Respected Member
Sincerest thanks to all of you who read and liked or just read, and to @Blondie and @Simon2 for writing. Your words are very helpful. Whatever happens in my marriage, I will not change my recovery. That, right there, was a very big test. I was about 5/10 on the tempted scale. Which is as high as I have been since about June. What made me avoid porn? Surely porn was being cried out to be watched? it’s a flat no.

in a subsequent conversation with Mrs GBS she used an analogy of my old work boss who I detested. She would make my life hell. My wife said it’s like my old boss coming round every day and knocking on the door asking how retirement is going. As an analogy it is ok at one level, but it’s not as if 10 and a half months is knocking on a door every day. Anyway, the hurt is going away. I have been out in my place. I will carry on. She has taken a gamble and it has won for her.

318 days no porn. Roughly 3 weeks no masturbating. The python……he resteth.
 
Ezel

Ezel

Respected Member
Hey @GBS sorry to hear about this, where the hell can I get a heart and a mind like yours that can stand all of this, indeed God exists, and you are a proof of it, he took his time in shaping you, God bless you.
having a problem with the wife and still giving porn hell at the same time, Your patience is one of a kind. you are one of the legends that i look up to in this forum, hang in there buddy, i hope things will work out between the two of you, if God brought you together in the heavens, then no one can sperate you in the earth.
 
GBS

GBS

Respected Member
Extremely kind words @Ezel . I am, for the avoidance of doubt, not an angel. I am fractionally closer to being one than I was a year ago.

It is difficult coping sometimes. One little example: wife said that every time we had sex I was thinking of porn and not her. I say that’s not true. Thing is it was partially the case but absolutely not all the time. I am not being economical with the truth. So she has a narrative in her head that isn’t the case. She knows, because I have told her many times over these 10 months, that her version of the truth and the real truth are not the same. She acknowledges this, or she has in the last few months. Her recent outbursts didn’t acknowledge the difference. It was an attack and I think she’s a tiny bit embarrassed about it. She’s entitled to lose her temper of course, but a few retractions would be nice. That, sadly, is not in her nature. It’s a weakness I think she thinks. So it’s all been said and I either deal with it or I don’t.

Life is tough. Here’s a cliché that I abhor: when the going gets tough, the tough get going. But it’s probably ok when one picks oneself up and realises that I have great strength actually. Thanks again pal.
 
GBS

GBS

Respected Member
319 days

Not much to add to slightly dramatic few days. Wife was more gentle yesterday and said something about the future that included me so subconsciously or maybe consciously she does see a happy ending in the future. I am ready for the future right now…..down boy….down.
 
GBS

GBS

Respected Member
320 days clean from watching porn or any substitute

I relieved some of my own personal tension with an MO yesterday. It had been roughly three weeks since I had before and what with the major bust up with Mrs GBS, there was a sort of need. It was jolly nice thanks. I am not setting my hard mode goals. I am just generally staying clear of masturbation and only going to do it when the pressure becomes intense. I am fully aware of the slippery slope. That ain’t happening.

I actually feel guilt for MO’ing yesterday. Is that pretty fucked up? I think so. I got there thinking of my wife. That counts as ok I reckon. Anyway things otherwise are ok. It takes great bravery to be vulnerable. That’s the problem. I am uncertain actually how brave my wife is.

I had a moment yesterday where I realised how boxed in I am. If I complain I get torn apart. So that means don’t complain. She knows that’s the situation, so do I. It’s tough and cruel of her to do that to me, but any minor act of cruelty is pretty easy for her to defend after what I did. Thing is - her version of what I did to her and the real version of what I did are different things. That’s another problem. If `I complain about her deliberately taking the most negative view of everything, she’ll just tear me apart again. It’s a very vicious circle.

Life’s a bitch sometimes. But we persevere no matter.
 
Jlied

Jlied

Active Member
Ello Guvnah, apologies for not offering an uplifting word, for some reason I stopped getting notified of activity on this post. I know we’ve talked about this, you know my feelings. Just know your always in my thoughts. Regardless of what comes of things you are a better person at this point than you’ve ever been in a long long time. If that alone isn’t enough I’m not sure what would be. I tend to agree with @joepanic perhaps she needs to start doing some inward reflection and be honest with herself in what she wants or needs. Communicating that to her on the other end is an undertaking that the best negotiator would tremble at. Much love on my end and as always reach out whenever you need an ear
 
GBS

GBS

Respected Member
Once again very astute, young man @Jlied . Telling my wife she needs introspection….hmmmmm…….

I have therapy again on Thursday. Going to be interesting.

Thanks by the way.
 
Jlied

Jlied

Active Member
GBS said:
Once again very astute, young man @Jlied . Telling my wife she needs introspection….hmmmmm…….

I have therapy again on Thursday. Going to be interesting.

Thanks by the way.
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Tell you what, I’ll try to word it in a way that it could go on a hallmark card and you could give it to her with some roses and a photo of that baby’s arm holding an apple youre sporting. Save it for Valentine’s Day! 🤣🤣

in all seriousness though, if she could just see past the fog id think she has all she’s wanted in you. Easier said than done as I know she has her world turned upside down.
 
GBS

GBS

Respected Member
Errr… thanks @Jlied - the last of the romantics! My choice of Valentine’s card will not include the baby’s arm. Now I digress a little bit, but have you (or anyone else) seen that new statue unveiled in Boston that depicts MLK hugging his wife (allegedly). You know what I’m going to say…..no I was not asked to “sit” for that as the sculptor worked his magic, but I might have helped.

321 days sober. Have probably satisfied myself that triggers are far away now given the minor hell of late last week. So very proud of the number.

There is an edginess in the house currently, like my wife wants to say something but can’t somehow. I am letting her work it out at her pace. Wearing a tight top again today. She has no idea I like that, or does she?
 
Jlied

Jlied

Active Member
GBS said:
new statue unveiled in Boston that depicts MLK hugging his wife (allegedly).
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There are a good number of memes floating around the US at the moment with regard to the statue, I had a feeling it was molded after the Geebs. As for romanticism, well what can I say, it’s a lost art and I’m trying to bring it back one poor idea at a time.

tight top? Maybe it’s a test, but a test you can’t win. She wears the top to get you to look and make a comment, you fall prey to this as you think your flattering her but she in fact thinks if this comment as you not changing and still being focused on the physical. Or you notice the top…..you say nothing hoping she realizes old Geebs would have given them a honk and commented on the beauty of the top, but not this Geebs, he says nothing he resists the urge to say anything that would resemble old Geebs. But there’s the problem, she wants the compliment. She wants to feel desired, she’s disappointed you didn’t say anything. You crumble under the stress of not knowing what to say, you break down and crumple to the floor, you start convulsing. Mrs Geebs walk over, she’s grinning, she’s broken you, she’s taken the last shred of rational thinking from you. You’re admitted to a mental hospital, you try to explain the process that led you here. They chuckle and tell you that’s a funny story. They close your cell door, we never hear from Geebs again……the nightmare ends, you wake up your relieved it’s only a dream, you look around and realize your still in the cell!

of course this is all nonsense in my part, but perhaps it was a strategic choice to wear the top, perhaps it’s entirely innocent, either way it’s up to you to stay the course as i have no doubt you will.

I can’t wait to read your post in 45 days. It will be a momentous occasion!
 
GBS

GBS

Respected Member
You’re a funny man big Jay. Funny. And twisted. Have you ever thought of writing a book? Don’t.

I am going to sleep now. See you tomorrow, boys (and Beauts).
 
GBS

GBS

Respected Member
322 days. Yesterday was a bit of a nothing day except for the tight top. It’s like sometimes we’re this amazing couple, we get along so well, we do house stuff together, we cook together, we chat about the kids, we organise our time efficiently, we have separate interests that we do…….and then there’s no intimacy at all, no sex, not even an ass tap. Nothing. It’s just sort of weird.

But we persevere in the hope of something more because otherwise I start to feel like a prize pollock (don’t know if that one translates). You know what. I mean.
 
Blondie

Blondie

Respected Member
GBS said:
By the way, I meant pillock not pollock. A pollock is a fish. I am not a fish.
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lol well you are definitely an angel, that's for sure. Your patience and understanding is to be commended. I think your wife has quite the husband, and even though she might not show that intimately at the moment, you need to know that.

I tell you what, if I was your wife I'd let you touch my bosom. They're at least a good b cup after working out these days. ;)

Best to you and your family sir.
 
GBS

GBS

Respected Member
My dear @Blondie - thanks for triggering me with the kind offer of a tit squeeze. I shall have to decline. Anyway as we have surmised, we are not in wedlock (yet). And be careful, because I think @Jlied is queuing up to ask for my hand in marriage shoul the current Mrs GBS fail to pass muster. Maybe the two of you should fight a dual. But I need to find out if he’s got bigger tits than you first. Get back to you on that….
 
Blondie

Blondie

Respected Member
Well, I'm rather tall and lean (and natural!), thus @Jlied is all yours @GBS. To each their own. I want to be liked for who I am. I have no intentions of going to Silicone Valley. ;)
 
Jlied

Jlied

Active Member
Well now that we aren’t competing I too am tall and slimmer. I lift weights so I’m a bit more solid than flabby…..seems like Geebs is the real loser in the situation. Went from having two people vying for his services to both bowing out 🤣🤣
 
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