Another story - probably the same as everyone else
- Thread starter GBS
- Start date
GBS
Respected Member
483 days.
Here’s an anecdote: my daughter has been staying with us for the last week or so. My wife sadly missed part of her visit after suddenly having to go to the US. Anyway when my wife was back they had some nice chats. Not sure how they got onto the subject of relationships and pornography but they did. My wife then retold to me what my daughter had said to her - and remember my daughter is 21 and graduating from university - she said that many of her (girl) mates at university have dated guys and roughly 50% can’t get it up. Erectile dysfunction. It’s epidemic. This will start to become spoken about more widely. It has to be.
Maybe this isn’t sensational news to you. I guess it isn’t to me either, but fixing this problem will be very difficult. Will more marriages fail? Yes. It would be very dangerous to grade our addictions, but I don’t think you need to have been one of those people who watched for 8 hours in a row, edging more and more - I think the guy who watched for 15 minutes every other day is also desensitised and in need of a brain reboot. They won’t all get erectile dysfunction but I will bet a vast number of them will have to use fantasy to keep themselves hard and they won’t last long and they won’t be amazing company anyway.
Keep going everyone. This is serious shit, I promise you.
Here’s an anecdote: my daughter has been staying with us for the last week or so. My wife sadly missed part of her visit after suddenly having to go to the US. Anyway when my wife was back they had some nice chats. Not sure how they got onto the subject of relationships and pornography but they did. My wife then retold to me what my daughter had said to her - and remember my daughter is 21 and graduating from university - she said that many of her (girl) mates at university have dated guys and roughly 50% can’t get it up. Erectile dysfunction. It’s epidemic. This will start to become spoken about more widely. It has to be.
Maybe this isn’t sensational news to you. I guess it isn’t to me either, but fixing this problem will be very difficult. Will more marriages fail? Yes. It would be very dangerous to grade our addictions, but I don’t think you need to have been one of those people who watched for 8 hours in a row, edging more and more - I think the guy who watched for 15 minutes every other day is also desensitised and in need of a brain reboot. They won’t all get erectile dysfunction but I will bet a vast number of them will have to use fantasy to keep themselves hard and they won’t last long and they won’t be amazing company anyway.
Keep going everyone. This is serious shit, I promise you.
cookiemonster
Active Member
Yeah that's insane.
I'm 22 years old, by all measures extremely healthy, I go for runs and go to the gym every day, etc, etc, and still I had PIED.
It's getting much better now but I am scared to imagine the number of guys my age who either never make it out, or don't realise that they have a problem.
I'm 22 years old, by all measures extremely healthy, I go for runs and go to the gym every day, etc, etc, and still I had PIED.
It's getting much better now but I am scared to imagine the number of guys my age who either never make it out, or don't realise that they have a problem.
Blondie
Respected Member
GBS
Respected Member
484 days sober.
Sorry…high horse.
So we’re all in our little bubbles trying to be heroes which is just amazing of us. But the problem is WAY bigger and it’s out there.
I have said this at least twice before in the last 16 months but it bears repeating: I am 61, and have a close pal who is 59. We’re not that close anymore actually but we do swap messages from time to time and I trust him with confidential information. So when I was 3 months sober I decided to tell him (and a few others). He said this (almost verbatim…it was in a text) “Wow, well done. Thrilled for you. Personally I don’t think I could ever give up porn nor do I want to” then he drew an analogy with when he had to give up alcohol. He was an alcoholic of course, I wasn’t but I love a drink. He thinks my porn consumption must have been too much but his was manageable. He had told me some years before that he had a separate laptop for porn, and he was unmarried and went on holidays on his own and binged on porn. I think he was and is probably way worse than I was.
I have tortured that point a bit, but the simple truth is , and he’s a highly intelligent man, the draw of porn is too great so convincing anyone that they’re killing their souls is, to them, risible. It’s just true madness, insanity and very very sad.
We remain pioneers gentlemen. We are vital. And you younger ones, @cookiemonster for instance, you have the microphone because they wouldn’t listen to me because it took me ages to wake up. You’re more credible. No pressure….oh, and by the way, you….all of you….are fucking heroic.
Thanks @cookiemonster - and thanks for coming on the oldies chat room. I am honoured that you read my post(s). You are twice (if not more) the man I am. Doing what you’re doing in your early 20s makes you a very attractive catch. Good luck pal. Yes, this is a form of madness but sadly it will have to get a lot worse before it gets better. How do you spread the word?
The denial that pornography doesn’t cause ED and DE is plainly sad, and as you say @Androg obviously motivated by greed. I guess it’s hard to ‘prove” but there are so many of us on here who literally know the damage we did. We can exalt when we see the light but that’s just us. Our own little worlds. It’s fucking amazing to see the light, because not only is it revelatory but it proves to us personally that porn was the problem. I don’t have some scan of my brain 15 months ago to compare it with mine today….but if I did it would show the difference. And all those kids with anxiety disorders and ADHD and probably many other social diseases being given Xanax and Diazepam and endless others…..ask them….how much pornography do you watch?
Sorry…high horse.
There you go (dear pal @Blondie ) - bang on the head. It’s too difficult to discuss and the porn industry knows it and we all know it. I have spoken to my kids but can I tell anyone else? Not really.
So we’re all in our little bubbles trying to be heroes which is just amazing of us. But the problem is WAY bigger and it’s out there.
I have said this at least twice before in the last 16 months but it bears repeating: I am 61, and have a close pal who is 59. We’re not that close anymore actually but we do swap messages from time to time and I trust him with confidential information. So when I was 3 months sober I decided to tell him (and a few others). He said this (almost verbatim…it was in a text) “Wow, well done. Thrilled for you. Personally I don’t think I could ever give up porn nor do I want to” then he drew an analogy with when he had to give up alcohol. He was an alcoholic of course, I wasn’t but I love a drink. He thinks my porn consumption must have been too much but his was manageable. He had told me some years before that he had a separate laptop for porn, and he was unmarried and went on holidays on his own and binged on porn. I think he was and is probably way worse than I was.
I have tortured that point a bit, but the simple truth is , and he’s a highly intelligent man, the draw of porn is too great so convincing anyone that they’re killing their souls is, to them, risible. It’s just true madness, insanity and very very sad.
We remain pioneers gentlemen. We are vital. And you younger ones, @cookiemonster for instance, you have the microphone because they wouldn’t listen to me because it took me ages to wake up. You’re more credible. No pressure….oh, and by the way, you….all of you….are fucking heroic.
Percival
Active Member
50% of the guys can't get it up? Holy cow (although, with all due respect to your daughter, this is hearsay evidence). And yet I wouldn't be surprised if there really are a significant number of guys who struggle. "Sex" via porn is just so much easier, so much more varied, and so much more available. And re: your friend: a separate laptop for porn and going on vacations to binge on porn? That's insane, and yet....I completely understand. I never got quite that far in, but I could certainly see myself getting there.
People respect alcoholics and smokers who quit: those are much more visible and public problems, but on the other hand both used to be very common and accepted. I can't see porn addiction ever getting to a similar point of public disapproval, but I suppose I'd have said that about smoking and drinking in 1950, too. In the meantime, I'm very grateful for communities like this that are helping each other.
People respect alcoholics and smokers who quit: those are much more visible and public problems, but on the other hand both used to be very common and accepted. I can't see porn addiction ever getting to a similar point of public disapproval, but I suppose I'd have said that about smoking and drinking in 1950, too. In the meantime, I'm very grateful for communities like this that are helping each other.
GBS
Respected Member
485 days
Meanwhile things at home are going incredibly well. We have knowing glances. We are having more arms round waist. She puts her head on my shoulder sometimes. The communication is great. The connection is gathering momentum. Sex should be round the corner, right? Warning. Been here before. Stay cool GBS, just do your thang. Let it be. Hmm….those are great words. Someone ought to set them to music!
Have a great weekend gentlemen and please don’t watch porn. The land of milk and honey awaits.
Thank Perce aka @Percival - obviously what my daughter said was possibly laced with exaggeration but the point is pure and simple. It’s a very big problem if she made comment at all. Even if it’s 20% it’s a problem and we’re talking early twenty somethings here. That’s the age where you’re meant to be able to have sex 3 times a day if not more. All my little anecdotes are just that. Mine alone. There will be way worse stories out there.
Meanwhile things at home are going incredibly well. We have knowing glances. We are having more arms round waist. She puts her head on my shoulder sometimes. The communication is great. The connection is gathering momentum. Sex should be round the corner, right? Warning. Been here before. Stay cool GBS, just do your thang. Let it be. Hmm….those are great words. Someone ought to set them to music!
Have a great weekend gentlemen and please don’t watch porn. The land of milk and honey awaits.
GBS
Respected Member
486 days. And roughly 38 no MO.
Day out together yesterday at a friend’s 60th birthday party. Posh do. Concert beforehand which I was performing in. All good. Wife went and had time with our daughter when we practiced in the afternoon. Then she showed up for the gig all dressed up. Jeez. I promised a good pal on here I wouldn’t trigger myself but ….sheesh…..those lungs……
All good. We talked like good mates on the 3 hour (!) drive home. Things are very stable right now. Of course I am optimistic. Being so very careful not to ruin this good run.
We shall overcome……sheesh….triggered myself!
Day out together yesterday at a friend’s 60th birthday party. Posh do. Concert beforehand which I was performing in. All good. Wife went and had time with our daughter when we practiced in the afternoon. Then she showed up for the gig all dressed up. Jeez. I promised a good pal on here I wouldn’t trigger myself but ….sheesh…..those lungs……
All good. We talked like good mates on the 3 hour (!) drive home. Things are very stable right now. Of course I am optimistic. Being so very careful not to ruin this good run.
We shall overcome……sheesh….triggered myself!
Just something to think about:
Erectile Dysfunction Is Now So Common Men Can Get Remedies Over The Counter
The rates for young men listed in this article are well beneath the current reality. But distortion of the facts has been at work for years....
TryingHarder
Well-Known Member
Oh no, this is a lot more than "hearsay". Even a quick Google reveals that sadly it's a common problem for men of all ages.
GBS
Respected Member
487 days sober from porn.
@Androg - thanks, man. The article you sent us was most interesting for what it doesn’t say. Not once in there does it mention that erectile dysfunction can be brought on by excessive pornography watching. Talks about poor diet and stress, alcohol and drug abuse, but not porn. I had to stop and think…”am I crazy. Is porn that big a problem?” It’s ok, I am not losing it. Of course it’s primarily driven by porn use. But why avoid the subject? Rhetorical.
And thanks @Takeoff - You’re in your late teens. Well done for embracing and facing the issue, man. You are a man. Grab your opportunity, because you’ll be literally 1 in a hundred if you steer clear. Thanks for chiming in. Do come again.
Also old mate @TryingHarder - another interesting article. Cheers for that. Am I going mad, or didn’t that article also say zero about ED being brought on by porn abuse? Why is it not mentioned? It’s the fucking elephant in the room. As the eminent Dr Gary Wilson RIP (he, of Your Brain on Porn) says, you can’t catch the attention of porn abusers with statistics that show their ability to concentrate and socially interact and learn and function as a good member of society dip dramatically with porn abuse. But what gets their attention is two words only….erectile dysfunction. But I am not even sure if men care anymore. And now you can get so much stuff over the counter, you can’t really blame them for not caring. If I carry on with this line of thought, and make this an essay, it will get real nasty. So I shall hop off my horse here.
Yesterday I had this shot of libido that was SO strong that I had to use capital letters to make you believe me! I was sitting watching the England v Australia cricket on TV. My wife was in and out of the room. Wearing that top. I can’t really say anymore just it’s a fact. The feeling was so strong that I almost felt this orgasm feeling. I think this is good news. It feels good.
Wife has to go back to the US soon possibly for a week-10 days. Absence makes the penis grow longer….yeah yeah yeah I know the old adage. It seems like poor timing and good timing. Keep y’all posted.
Happy Independence Day for tomorrow you Americans.
@Androg - thanks, man. The article you sent us was most interesting for what it doesn’t say. Not once in there does it mention that erectile dysfunction can be brought on by excessive pornography watching. Talks about poor diet and stress, alcohol and drug abuse, but not porn. I had to stop and think…”am I crazy. Is porn that big a problem?” It’s ok, I am not losing it. Of course it’s primarily driven by porn use. But why avoid the subject? Rhetorical.
And thanks @Takeoff - You’re in your late teens. Well done for embracing and facing the issue, man. You are a man. Grab your opportunity, because you’ll be literally 1 in a hundred if you steer clear. Thanks for chiming in. Do come again.
Also old mate @TryingHarder - another interesting article. Cheers for that. Am I going mad, or didn’t that article also say zero about ED being brought on by porn abuse? Why is it not mentioned? It’s the fucking elephant in the room. As the eminent Dr Gary Wilson RIP (he, of Your Brain on Porn) says, you can’t catch the attention of porn abusers with statistics that show their ability to concentrate and socially interact and learn and function as a good member of society dip dramatically with porn abuse. But what gets their attention is two words only….erectile dysfunction. But I am not even sure if men care anymore. And now you can get so much stuff over the counter, you can’t really blame them for not caring. If I carry on with this line of thought, and make this an essay, it will get real nasty. So I shall hop off my horse here.
Yesterday I had this shot of libido that was SO strong that I had to use capital letters to make you believe me! I was sitting watching the England v Australia cricket on TV. My wife was in and out of the room. Wearing that top. I can’t really say anymore just it’s a fact. The feeling was so strong that I almost felt this orgasm feeling. I think this is good news. It feels good.
Wife has to go back to the US soon possibly for a week-10 days. Absence makes the penis grow longer….yeah yeah yeah I know the old adage. It seems like poor timing and good timing. Keep y’all posted.
Happy Independence Day for tomorrow you Americans.
TryingHarder
Well-Known Member
Certainly there are a lot of guys in this forum who report on taking ED medication like it was a multivitamin; no big deal. But if your brain is warped by porn and you refuse to come to grips with that and you think taking ED medication will solve your girlfriend problems - wow. You have even more tangled cords to unwrap there.
GBS
Respected Member
488 days no PMO, and about 40 no MO. Going for the magic 90 again. Not easy when you lie in a bed next to the person you want to have sex with.
Thanks @Percival - appreciated. It’s a test, pure and simple. I know all the questions and most of the answers. It’s just discipline now.
Went swimming with wife yesterday. It’s just lovely doing something like that but also a form of self torture. I can deal with it, but I am going through a phase where the abstinence is highly frustrating. May have said this before but it’s a bit like a couple waiting for their wedding night before they have sex. It’s all good at one level. I don’t think I have put a foot wrong in a month. We have done so much together. But I have been here so many times before and hope is always dashed. I have therapy on Thursday so I can explain myself to her. Thing is I have done that before and the response I often get is: it takes time. Yes it does.
Thanks @Percival - appreciated. It’s a test, pure and simple. I know all the questions and most of the answers. It’s just discipline now.
Thanks @TryingHarder - it’s tangled, that’s for sure. It’s fucked up truly. Drug companies will be bank rolling pornography producers. It’s like those endless ads you get saying take this pill and you will lose 20 lbs. Sure. That’s it. Don’t make any real effort, just buy the cure.
Went swimming with wife yesterday. It’s just lovely doing something like that but also a form of self torture. I can deal with it, but I am going through a phase where the abstinence is highly frustrating. May have said this before but it’s a bit like a couple waiting for their wedding night before they have sex. It’s all good at one level. I don’t think I have put a foot wrong in a month. We have done so much together. But I have been here so many times before and hope is always dashed. I have therapy on Thursday so I can explain myself to her. Thing is I have done that before and the response I often get is: it takes time. Yes it does.
joepanic
Respected Member
This is a favourite line of women "It takes time" they use it for almost everything I know from experience. Usually an excuse for when they don't have an honest answer. I fought that off by just spending my time doing other things until she came to me and I used the same line. Than she started to play fair again.
GBS
Respected Member
489 days no PMO.
41 days no MO
@joepanic - I do appreciate your support. Thanks. Women can’t be rushed and that’s a fact. I have no desire to make her pay for being deliberate in her recovery. This is not about a contest. This is real life and the new me is a vastly improved version. A man who can endure the agony with grace and no sense of revenge. That is a great achievement.
Meanwhile home life is quiet. Went out for a meal with the SAA guys last night. Nice enough. We’re an odd bunch (no surprise) so any discussion about non addiction things suddenly emphasises the cavernous differences in our lives, then you can discuss your own failings and you suddenly seem the same. It’s a little odd but comforting.
Gentlemen, we persevere.
41 days no MO
@joepanic - I do appreciate your support. Thanks. Women can’t be rushed and that’s a fact. I have no desire to make her pay for being deliberate in her recovery. This is not about a contest. This is real life and the new me is a vastly improved version. A man who can endure the agony with grace and no sense of revenge. That is a great achievement.
Meanwhile home life is quiet. Went out for a meal with the SAA guys last night. Nice enough. We’re an odd bunch (no surprise) so any discussion about non addiction things suddenly emphasises the cavernous differences in our lives, then you can discuss your own failings and you suddenly seem the same. It’s a little odd but comforting.
Gentlemen, we persevere.
GBS
Respected Member
490 days no PMO
42 days no MO
Very little of note to discuss. Libido is weird though. I get days where it’s so high, like last Sunday when I was just watching her walk round the house, and then yesterday I remember being ambivalent about sex. Will discuss this and my issues with my therapist later.
42 days no MO
Very little of note to discuss. Libido is weird though. I get days where it’s so high, like last Sunday when I was just watching her walk round the house, and then yesterday I remember being ambivalent about sex. Will discuss this and my issues with my therapist later.
Percival
Active Member
I'll be interested to know if he has any insight about this, but my experience is that it's pretty normal for it to fluctuate like that. The average level is higher if it's been awhile, but even so the level goes up and down because of energy, relationship, stress, etc., and sometimes for no evident reason at all.