Forgot to mention - last Friday I celebrated 18 months of sobriety from porn. Go me!
It’s my mantra that going back to who I was deep inside my brain would be illogical, stupid and just obviously wrong. You too have been and remain a massive inspiration. Never forget that.You are a different man today and I feel in your posts that you are not really in danger of ever relapsing to who you were
I wonder if you should tell her exactly what you told us. Just say, “in the past I would’ve viewed those cues as signals that you would like to make love but now I’m not sure, can you clarify?”554 days sober
17 monk mode
Well I have reported stuff here before, little signs of progress and I get all hyped up about the thought that sex must be literally a few days away…..yesterday there were at least a dozen little signs that spelled progress. I don’t really understand but I’ll take it. I felt like she was suggesting sex. In the old days the cue would have been obvious and we would have had sex. But I don’t understand the cues anymore and what with the boundaries still being in place the new world of cues is going to have to be blatant.
Exec summary- I am on a very good -lace and trying not to be too hopeful for fear of the dashing.
Well that’s extremely kind of you @Simon2 . Sorry to disappoint but no ticker tape yet. Yesterday was another one with acts of affection in it. Rare to count two on the trot. So we have positive signs. I think her mindset is obviously right. We’re supposedly having couples therapy in a few weeks so I don’t want to upset the karma, and I am just playing along with it rather than asking blatantly whether she’s dropping a hint (sorry @Androg but I just fear the worst).There's like 40 guys here waiting with baited breath for that post telling us you've scored. The roar will be deafening!
100%555 days sober
18 monk mode
Well that’s extremely kind of you @Simon2 . Sorry to disappoint but no ticker tape yet. Yesterday was another one with acts of affection in it. Rare to count two on the trot. So we have positive signs. I think her mindset is obviously right. We’re supposedly having couples therapy in a few weeks so I don’t want to upset the karma, and I am just playing along with it rather than asking blatantly whether she’s dropping a hint (sorry @Androg but I just fear the worst).
I just want to say something about libido again. I think it’s the critical component to recovery - discovering and accepting that a constant sexual state of mind is not healthy. I think we men have obviously got a lot of natural sexual energy from adolescence if not earlier. Our libido is raging at 18. We can now keep it raging so easily. And a raging libido is what we’re used to and want to preserve, right? Dopamine heaven and constant sexual thoughts. Why avoid that combo? How many millions of men are doing this because a) they can, and b) they’re unaware they’re walking into the trap….?
So having a sensible libido, not one constant on the edge libido, is the panacea. Be organic with your desire. Don’t try and force it. All these thoughts and ramblings are my own way of affirming my own wishes. I am nearly there psychologically.
Thanks @joepanic - would you not agree with me though, that if one’s wife was not interested in sex you would go down every route possible to find out why, rather than just accepting it?A wife deciding that sex is no longer for her is fine. That is a big change in a marriage I could accept. In the meantime i would imagine perhaps my interests might also change to fill that void
Yes of course I would never stop insisting on at least getting an answer. and trying to find a solution In the meantime I am still going to fill the void though. Life is too short to just go about accepting that which hurts you in some way.