Another story - probably the same as everyone else
- Thread starter GBS
- Start date
GBS
Respected Member
571 days sober
14 days no MO
Consultation was fine I think. Wife seems ok but wants to have a think about whether she wants to sign up to this. I think she feels immense pressure. Obviously I am applying none except by setting this up.
Not told you lot that we had a heavy and far from lovely chat on Tuesday. If I recounted it all you’d give me loads of sympathy I am sure plus you probably would be incredulous. Another new one has been ripped. I am over it now but it’s taken me 48 hours.
14 days no MO
Consultation was fine I think. Wife seems ok but wants to have a think about whether she wants to sign up to this. I think she feels immense pressure. Obviously I am applying none except by setting this up.
Not told you lot that we had a heavy and far from lovely chat on Tuesday. If I recounted it all you’d give me loads of sympathy I am sure plus you probably would be incredulous. Another new one has been ripped. I am over it now but it’s taken me 48 hours.
GBS
Respected Member
Thanks @Percival - I am a wise old donkey and I know that a good tongue lashing is not always the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. The speed with which I pick myself up is getting better too. So it is progress of a sort.
After we had our 15 minute opening discussion with the couples counsellor I could tell my wife was uneasy. We said we’d give it some thought and get back to him. What I am NOT going to do is bug my wife on this. She will probably be thinking she ought to do this and so if she says no it will be quite a statement. I can bail her out of course and say you’re obviously not actually ready for this, you’re just doing it for my sake. That may be what I have to say if there is no comment in the next couple of days.
Nice day today - father (elderly) and stepmother coming for dinner. Cleaned house, watched Ryder Cup (what are you yanks up to ?!!), then cooked. Then I realised I hadn’t checked in on RN, so here I am. And the numbers are…..
572 days sober
15 no MO
After we had our 15 minute opening discussion with the couples counsellor I could tell my wife was uneasy. We said we’d give it some thought and get back to him. What I am NOT going to do is bug my wife on this. She will probably be thinking she ought to do this and so if she says no it will be quite a statement. I can bail her out of course and say you’re obviously not actually ready for this, you’re just doing it for my sake. That may be what I have to say if there is no comment in the next couple of days.
Nice day today - father (elderly) and stepmother coming for dinner. Cleaned house, watched Ryder Cup (what are you yanks up to ?!!), then cooked. Then I realised I hadn’t checked in on RN, so here I am. And the numbers are…..
572 days sober
15 no MO
GBS
Respected Member
577 days sober
1 day no MO
I could write a lot about the last week but it will be actually almost too hard to write as I will be picking off scabs from wounds that have partly healed. So forgive me if I just give you the executive summary.
I don’t know if we’re going to go into couples therapy, but if I were a betting man (which I used to be , but am no more) I would put a fair wedge on not. One of our conversations in the last week honestly had me thinking this is the beginning of the “we need to separate” speech. As I said, recounting the details will send me spiralling back down, so that’s sort of it.
I am fine actually. I can put up with a fair deal of sh!t, and my recovery stays on course. If the worst does happen, I am certain my wife thinks I will immediately revert to the old me. I know I won’t but in this life, sometimes, there is no convincing some people however good the evidence is.
Stay clean gentlemen and ladies.
1 day no MO
I could write a lot about the last week but it will be actually almost too hard to write as I will be picking off scabs from wounds that have partly healed. So forgive me if I just give you the executive summary.
I don’t know if we’re going to go into couples therapy, but if I were a betting man (which I used to be , but am no more) I would put a fair wedge on not. One of our conversations in the last week honestly had me thinking this is the beginning of the “we need to separate” speech. As I said, recounting the details will send me spiralling back down, so that’s sort of it.
I am fine actually. I can put up with a fair deal of sh!t, and my recovery stays on course. If the worst does happen, I am certain my wife thinks I will immediately revert to the old me. I know I won’t but in this life, sometimes, there is no convincing some people however good the evidence is.
Stay clean gentlemen and ladies.
Jlied
Active Member
Geebs, I’m sorry to hear this, no doubt you are not happy about it either. I admire your spirit and determination, not sure how many people would be as stubborn as you not to revert back to old habits out of spite and self pity. I know this has been weighing you down, either way something has got to give and when it does a weight will be lifted from your shoulders and you will have direction in your life. Hoping for the best!
GBS
Respected Member
Thanks @Blondie
and Thanks @Androg
and thanks to you @Jlied , my friend. I knew you’d pop up at this slightly critical stage.
Numbers:
578 days sober
2 no MO
Dreamt about wife last night. Really nice that my brain does that for me. So reassuring.
and Thanks @Androg
This is calming. I still have phenomenal faith that she will come round. As for “egos”, I beware mine albeit it isn’t as big as it used to be.
and thanks to you @Jlied , my friend. I knew you’d pop up at this slightly critical stage.
I knew my stubborn streak would come in handy at some point. I have desperately tried not to wallow in self pity, but that’s really a tricky one. Thanks for your extremely kind words. Something will give at some point. I have no idea when. At one level that’s exciting, at another it is like staring into the abyss. Scary or what?
Numbers:
578 days sober
2 no MO
Dreamt about wife last night. Really nice that my brain does that for me. So reassuring.
Wow, this is tough. The one thing I learned as my husband and I healed is that I had to work to bring about change In our relationship. It took both of us learning or should I say relearning how to just talk. And some days for me was I made through 1 day. And it was hard. But we made it. It always saddens me when I see relationships start to falter here. I always hope for the ”making it through.” You have done the work to become a better you in all of your recovery. I hope that she can see that.
GBS
Respected Member
Thanks @Gracie
Some light however has appeared in the last few hours, and although she hasn’t backed off from what she said, the thought that she might be about to pull the plug seems extremely unlikely. Needless to say I am happier as a direct result.
This is, up to a point, the nub of the issue. My wife is and has been working to move forwards but the work she needs to do from hereon is probably the hardest bit. I think it’s proving very difficult for her obviously, and I think the knock on effect is that she subconsciously searches for things I am doing that are imperfect so she can stay on the safe territory of where she currently is. She possibly knows this but can’t admit it.
Some light however has appeared in the last few hours, and although she hasn’t backed off from what she said, the thought that she might be about to pull the plug seems extremely unlikely. Needless to say I am happier as a direct result.