Finally sick and tired of being sick and tired

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FreedomFromTheStruggle_11

Well-Known Member
Day 8. I have been dealing with mind tricks the last 2 days. Random thoughts and fantasies keep coming into my mind. More of an annoyance than anything. I felt an uptick in libido last night but I know it's up and down over the first few months of recovery. I'll enjoy it for the time being and see what happens next. Not really noticing any big changes, because it has only been a week away from pmo. I've had a bit of anxiety also, but it's been maybe 4-10. Nothing huge. All in all, everything seems to be going decent. Enjoying the flatline and the lack of cravings. I did get through a small urge the night before last and I was proud of myself. Hope all of you have a good Sunday.
 
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FreedomFromTheStruggle_11

Well-Known Member
I had a bad relapse last night. I didn't want to come here today and post about it. But if I hide from here and run from my failures then I will continue to be in a bad place. I was brushing my teeth and getting ready to wind down for the night, when the urge hit me. I'm not proud of it or myself right now. What's so annoying is I'll have great success with this for a while and then I'll have times when I just can't get out of my own way. Back to square 1 and day 1. I'll get back on tonight and check in. Love you all and I hope you have a great day.
 
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FreedomFromTheStruggle_11

Well-Known Member
Blondie said:
It's alright @FreedomFromTheStruggle_11, get back up and keep on going.

Is there something different you could try this time around? Something you could add to your routine? Or maybe a porn blocker?

Best
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Thanks bro. I thought about it last night and figured out that I've had my most success with this fight when I don't think about it. I don't count days, I don't let my life revolve around avoiding pmo. I just do it. I don't give it a thought or a place in my existence. I think a few of us, me included spend all of our day thinking about not doing it, that it opens the door to it anyway because it's on our mind. Every task we do involves us thinking about not watching or getting involved with pmo and a small thought takes hold and we are right back where we began. I feel like that is my mistake a lot of the time. Gonna spend time working on it. I appreciate your feedback yesterday and your advice and encouragement.
 
Blondie

Blondie

Respected Member
FreedomFromTheStruggle_11 said:
Thanks bro. I thought about it last night and figured out that I've had my most success with this fight when I don't think about it. I don't count days, I don't let my life revolve around avoiding pmo. I just do it. I don't give it a thought or a place in my existence. I think a few of us, me included spend all of our day thinking about not doing it, that it opens the door to it anyway because it's on our mind. Every task we do involves us thinking about not watching or getting involved with pmo and a small thought takes hold and we are right back where we began. I feel like that is my mistake a lot of the time. Gonna spend time working on it. I appreciate your feedback yesterday and your advice and encouragement.
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That's some good self-reflection @FreedomFromTheStruggle_11. Even though I count days, I don't spend all day long thinking about "not doing it", on the contrary, I'm thinking about what I want in this life, and I'm working on my goals. Of course, it is true, one of my goals is never again, but I try very hard to not be obsessed with it on an hourly basis. What we think about and reflect on daily, is what we find ourselves doing. Do you have anything that you're working on that you can get excited about, besides just quitting porn?

Best
 
Ezel

Ezel

Respected Member
FreedomFromTheStruggle_11 said:
I had a bad relapse last night. I didn't want to come here today and post about it. But if I hide from here and run from my failures then I will continue to be in a bad place. I was brushing my teeth and getting ready to wind down for the night, when the urge hit me. I'm not proud of it or myself right now. What's so annoying is I'll have great success with this for a while and then I'll have times when I just can't get out of my own way. Back to square 1 and day 1. I'll get back on tonight and check in. Love you all and I hope you have a great day.
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Sorry to hear about this champ. Don't let it get into your head, dust yourself off, get back up, and start moving ahead.
You can do this, you always had, and you always will.
 
Ezel

Ezel

Respected Member
FreedomFromTheStruggle_11 said:
Thanks bro. I thought about it last night and figured out that I've had my most success with this fight when I don't think about it. I don't count days, I don't let my life revolve around avoiding pmo. I just do it. I don't give it a thought or a place in my existence. I think a few of us, me included spend all of our day thinking about not doing it, that it opens the door to it anyway because it's on our mind. Every task we do involves us thinking about not watching or getting involved with pmo and a small thought takes hold and we are right back where we began. I feel like that is my mistake a lot of the time. Gonna spend time working on it. I appreciate your feedback yesterday and your advice and encouragement.
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I hope this helps.
 
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FreedomFromTheStruggle_11

Well-Known Member
2 days in. Dead penis. Not concerned because it's a break from the urges and my brain has a chance to rest. Worked out earlier and it felt great. Cleaned my room up, did some chores around the house and talked to some friends. These last few days have been good. A small sample of what life could be like if I stay on course. As you said @Blondie I think I know what excites me and what makes me happy now. It's what used to make me happy in life before pmo entered into it and numbed me to pleasure. I see more clearly now for some reason, and it feels good.
 
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FreedomFromTheStruggle_11

Well-Known Member
Day 3. Last night was a struggle. I had bad anxiety not about pmo, but I had some really bad intrusive thoughts. Woke up at 4am still going over everything obsessively. I know anxiety about things both random and pmo related are apart of this journey. I eventually fell back asleep and slept well. So far today my mind is clear. Not really thinking about pmo but staying vigilant. Also had some annoying fantasy pop up in my head a lot last night. I know it's just my addicted brain and I need to just shake them off and move forward. Feeling positive today. Hope all of you are as well.
 
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FreedomFromTheStruggle_11

Well-Known Member
Day 4 check in: Woke up at 6am today much like yesterday, I was able to fall back asleep. This attempt seems to be following the same timeline as many of my other attempts. Flatline in the first 4 days or so, feel better mentally and slowly improve from there all while being urgeless. I had some more annoying fantasy type stuff come into my head last night, but it was easier to shake it off. Had a bit more anxiety yesterday as well. I've only been up for about 20 minutes, but my mind is clear so far. Penis is still dead but showed a bit of a spark this morning before it fell back to sleep. Hoping for a good day. Hope all of you have one as well. Congrats @swimmer97 on the big 300!! One day I hope to get there myself. Thank you for giving me something to shoot for.
 
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