I will make it -- Looking forward to taking my life back

[Blondie]

Day 416 no porn
Day 53 no MO

Had another great workout today and ate healthy. I'm reading Awaken the Giant within by Tony Robbins (put it down some months back but getting back into it). Tony mentions that to really force a change in behavior you need to change what you link with pleasure vs. pain.

For so long, we've linked pleasure with porn. But the reason some GOATs like @Blondie and @SmokenMirrors and @Androg have succeeded (and me too one day) is because they have linked porn with pain -- all that awaits a heavy porn user is sadness, depression, anger, and bitterness. The pain of that overcame the temporary pleasure of using porn. Even when we get those cravings, we MUST resist because only pain waits down that road. It's a similar story to overeating & not working out (I saw a chocolate bar today but it was really easy for me to say 'hell no' and avoid it). Likewise, when I've gotten porn cravings I say hell no and stop.

Would highly recommend Awaken the Giant Within. it's a long read and dunno if I'll read all of it but this concept was worth the book alone. If there isn't pain for something, then invent it is Tony's rec -- so if a newer person relapses, then they must do 1000 pushups over the course of the next week. Invent something that really sucks -- if you order a dessert at a restaurant, then stand up and say "I'm a pig" really loudly (this is an actual example in the book, not my own haha)...as you link formerly pleasurable (but toxic) activities with pain you will begin to avoid them. Kind of wish I'd learned about this a year ago but I'm well on my way -- I'm thinking about how else to apply this in my current journey. God bless you all!

Dude, this is crazy. I had literally just seen a YouTube video with the guy saying to read that same Tony Robbins book! The universe is speaking.

I really like those ideas.

Best

 

[First_step_thousand_miles]

Day 418 no porn
Day 55 no MO

 

[First_step_thousand_miles]

Day 419 no porn
Day 56 no MO

Been reading a few more successful reboot accounts. Several to them drove the point home that no porn -- while the main thing -- needs to be accompanied by no MO for younger folks for a faster reboot.

I was feeling a little lost today and wanted to MO to just 'test' but have committed to at least 90 days. Read about some guys who did no PMO for 7-8 months and were rebooted shortly after. I've MO'd quite a bit over the past year and some of them did have porn-like elements (though I tried to be judicious about it). I really think, as hard as it is, it might be good to do no MO for longer than 90 days. Let's keep up the good fight

Edit: Honestly feeling kind of down right now because I had so much momentum that I feel like I stalled myself via all of the stuff I mentioned a few posts back. Feels like I flushed down 6-9 months of progress. The reboot really is one of the hardest things I've ever done given what an emotional rollercoaster it is. But I also need to keep my head up because I saw real, big signs of healing before day 180 or so. No more, I won't let any of this stuff derail my life. If I do not stay fully on this path, the only thing that waits is a lifetime of disillusionment and depression seeing everyone else move on and have normal lives while I'm stuck in a cage of my own making. I -- and all of us -- deserve better than that. Love you all, I feel your pain and I'm sure you feel mine. Let's crush it

Edit 2: In a prolific writing mood today, just a random musing. I remember when I first started to PMO I could get off easily to pretty much any kind of cute girl with a normal body type. At some point, I started making a list of favorite porn stars with my favorite videos. Over time what happened -- didn't see the pattern at the time -- was the girls became more and more unrealistic (IG model bodies). 90% of girls do NOT fit this hyper-specific mold. And so as names were added on the list and names were deleted, I ended up with a list of only the most ridiculous female body types (won't go into more detail to avoid triggering anyone but you know what I mean). I want to go back to the days of just being really attracted to regular girls with regular body types. No more of this poison, I am desperately running through this forest of sin trying to get to the light. This is one of my weaker moments but I have to keep the faith. It's the only way of achieving the life I want!

 

[Androg]

 

[First_step_thousand_miles]

@Androg quick question for you man -- given you've been a mod on this sub for some time, have you noticed this pattern with guys under 30 basically having better / faster reboots doing hard mode (no MO) in addition to giving up porn?

Anecdotally read some of the success stories on this site and I am seeing the worrying trend of longer reboots for folks under 30, but it also seems those that did hard mode tended to recover in under a year while those who didn't often take longer. Was wondering if you had any insight

 

[Blondie]

Day 419 no porn
Day 56 no MO

Been reading a few more successful reboot accounts. Several to them drove the point home that no porn -- while the main thing -- needs to be accompanied by no MO for younger folks for a faster reboot.

I was feeling a little lost today and wanted to MO to just 'test' but have committed to at least 90 days. Read about some guys who did no PMO for 7-8 months and were rebooted shortly after. I've MO'd quite a bit over the past year and some of them did have porn-like elements (though I tried to be judicious about it). I really think, as hard as it is, it might be good to do no MO for longer than 90 days. Let's keep up the good fight

Edit: Honestly feeling kind of down right now because I had so much momentum that I feel like I stalled myself via all of the stuff I mentioned a few posts back. Feels like I flushed down 6-9 months of progress. The reboot really is one of the hardest things I've ever done given what an emotional rollercoaster it is. But I also need to keep my head up because I saw real, big signs of healing before day 180 or so. No more, I won't let any of this stuff derail my life. If I do not stay fully on this path, the only thing that waits is a lifetime of disillusionment and depression seeing everyone else move on and have normal lives while I'm stuck in a cage of my own making. I -- and all of us -- deserve better than that. Love you all, I feel your pain and I'm sure you feel mine. Let's crush it

Edit 2: In a prolific writing mood today, just a random musing. I remember when I first started to PMO I could get off easily to pretty much any kind of cute girl with a normal body type. At some point, I started making a list of favorite porn stars with my favorite videos. Over time what happened -- didn't see the pattern at the time -- was the girls became more and more unrealistic (IG model bodies). 90% of girls do NOT fit this hyper-specific mold. And so as names were added on the list and names were deleted, I ended up with a list of only the most ridiculous female body types (won't go into more detail to avoid triggering anyone but you know what I mean). I want to go back to the days of just being really attracted to regular girls with regular body types. No more of this poison, I am desperately running through this forest of sin trying to get to the light. This is one of my weaker moments but I have to keep the faith. It's the only way of achieving the life I want!

You got this @First_step_thousand_miles, just keep on pressing on brother. I really do think this shit fucks up the younger folks more so than us older chaps, but speaking for myself, it's been a shit storm as well so who's to say. I think the main thing is, you just have to believe, believe that life CAN be better on the other side and thus, keep striving for the light no matter the inevitable bad days here and there. Furthermore, speaking of beliefs, you have to believe in the process of recovery, and all the folks who have gotten through this shit and have come out on the other side. I know I'm a natural doubter in about every possible way, but I've seriously started to believe in this process and have seen some things, the healing of my brain for one, and yes, it's true, our brains have been fried with this nonsense and it will take some serious changes to fix them. As you know, my brain was giving out some crazy shit a month or so ego, scared me a little as I've mentioned a few times. I hadn't felt that way in a long time, just the sexualized nature of everything running through my head was disheartening to say the least, but now, it's as calm as could be, and I've done nothing different than just keeping on with my head down day by day. What else could this be besides some drastic neurological changes still going on in my head?

I think you're right about the MO stuff too. Hell, I might get back into that for a while just to see if I can hasten the last bit of my recovery before crossing the two year mark.

Best brother

Love you.

 

[Androg]

@Androg quick question for you man -- given you've been a mod on this sub for some time, have you noticed this pattern with guys under 30 basically having better / faster reboots doing hard mode (no MO) in addition to giving up porn?

Anecdotally read some of the success stories on this site and I am seeing the worrying trend of longer reboots for folks under 30, but it also seems those that did hard mode tended to recover in under a year while those who didn't often take longer. Was wondering if you had any insight

It’s hard to say. I suspect that issues such as too much gaming, social media use, and other similar stimulation can also be relevant. But I have observed that a substantial period of no masturbation can help some people reset.

Wish I could be more helpful.

 

[First_step_thousand_miles]

It’s hard to say. I suspect that issues such as too much gaming, social media use, and other similar stimulation can also be relevant. But I have observed that a substantial period of no masturbation can help some people reset.

Wish I could be more helpful.

All good man! This is quite helpful, I started noticing this pattern in a bunch of reboot accounts so just wanted to check. I quit social media and don't do any drugs (incl nicotine). Only other 'unhealthy' thing I do is Gaming but that's maybe a 2-6 hours a week so that doesn't feel excessive (and maybe like 2-3 drinks a week which again is pretty low). Thanks again

 

[First_step_thousand_miles]

You got this @First_step_thousand_miles, just keep on pressing on brother. I really do think this shit fucks up the younger folks more so than us older chaps, but speaking for myself, it's been a shit storm as well so who's to say. I think the main thing is, you just have to believe, believe that life CAN be better on the other side and thus, keep striving for the light no matter the inevitable bad days here and there. Furthermore, speaking of beliefs, you have to believe in the process of recovery, and all the folks who have gotten through this shit and have come out on the other side. I know I'm a natural doubter in about every possible way, but I've seriously started to believe in this process and have seen some things, the healing of my brain for one, and yes, it's true, our brains have been fried with this nonsense and it will take some serious changes to fix them. As you know, my brain was giving out some crazy shit a month or so ego, scared me a little as I've mentioned a few times. I hadn't felt that way in a long time, just the sexualized nature of everything running through my head was disheartening to say the least, but now, it's as calm as could be, and I've done nothing different than just keeping on with my head down day by day. What else could this be besides some drastic neurological changes still going on in my head?

I think you're right about the MO stuff too. Hell, I might get back into that for a while just to see if I can hasten the last bit of my recovery before crossing the two year mark.

Best brother

Love you.

Thanks so much for your thoughts my man. You're right, there is every reason to believe life is better on the other side -- we have so many successful rebooters who say they wouldn't trade this post-porn life for anything. Like you, I'm also a natural doubter but multiple times in my life when I've kept the faith and soldiered on it's paid off. Your story and many others proves that recovery is inevitable if you keep sticking with it (though the timing can vary based on a lot of factors of course).

I'm glad to hear that just keeping with it has helped you get through rough patches brother. Those things should reduce in frequency over time, I wonder if one of the ways to do it is to just continue rewiring but also other dopamine filled activities (i.e. exercise). Yeah might be good to try the no MO yourself as well (though of course O's with partners I think should be pursued!) to see what that's like, but totally up to you -- you're like 90% of the way through this nonsense (if not 95%). Guess we all get a bit disheartened from time to time but all the evidence really points to keeping with it so we have to hang on to that.

Reading this was really helpful. I also just spoke with a good friend last night and took a walk to clear my head after typing this -- felt great afterwards. Love you man!

 

[First_step_thousand_miles]

Made some resolutions. Going to borrow from @SmokenMirrors here a bit more (you have too many great ideas bro!). In addition to daily journaling (I've been doing it intermittently when I feel like there's something to journal but going to try doing it daily just to see what that's like), I'm going to also do cold showers. Lot of benefits from cold showers but the big one I'm after is increasing my mental resiliency and decrease cortisol. We live a in a soft world and I'm realizing I'm soft myself. Lifting will be one part of the equation to returning to my roots as a man, but I want to add a few more hardships deliberately to foster more resilience and overcome adversity. Going to start these 2 habits tomorrow on a regular basis (day 1 for both)

Going to continue the no MO for as long as I can (beyond the initial 90 days I planned) and continue with hard workouts and limiting bad foods. I'm going to get to 155lb by end of month, no 'buts' about it. Frankly I want to be more in the 153-154 range but we'll see -- I'm going to make this happen. As Yoda says, there is no try, only do

 

[First_step_thousand_miles]

Day 419 no porn
Day 56 no MO
Day 1 cold shower
Day 1 journaling

Well took my first cold shower! Was just 30 seconds as I'm easing into it (building up to 2-3min) and while the water was cool, it wasn't sheer cold (as it will be in a month!). Feel much more awake and energized already. To get the full benefits, I've read you need to do it for at least 30 days. Ton of purported benefits including increased motivation, reduced stress, increased fat burning, greater confidence, and interestingly increased libido (though the shrunken cold shower penis might beg to differ in the moment haha). Will report back on this in a month or so

Haven't journaled today yet but that's my evening routine for a few hours before bed. Going to follow SmokenMirror's advice and do gratitude journaling of 2-3 things I was grateful for that day, along with my original plan of diving deep into my feelings / emotions / thoughts. Very excited for what's to come

 

[SmokenMirrors]

Day 419 no porn
Day 56 no MO
Day 1 cold shower
Day 1 journaling

Well took my first cold shower! Was just 30 seconds as I'm easing into it (building up to 2-3min) and while the water was cool, it wasn't sheer cold (as it will be in a month!). Feel much more awake and energized already. To get the full benefits, I've read you need to do it for at least 30 days. Ton of purported benefits including increased motivation, reduced stress, increased fat burning, greater confidence, and interestingly increased libido (though the shrunken cold shower penis might beg to differ in the moment haha). Will report back on this in a month or so

Haven't journaled today yet but that's my evening routine for a few hours before bed. Going to follow SmokenMirror's advice and do gratitude journaling of 2-3 things I was grateful for that day, along with my original plan of diving deep into my feelings / emotions / thoughts. Very excited for what's to come

30 seconds is a long time for your first cold shower! You should be proud brother!

 

[First_step_thousand_miles]

30 seconds is a long time for your first cold shower! You should be proud brother!

Thank you my friend. God bless you for your inspiration. I'm doing cold showers for a different reason than you (believe for you it's focus?), for me my #1 goal is to increase mental resiliency (#2 is managing cortisol) -- though I'm sure you're getting these benefits too man!

Right now I'm just doing regular showers and then 30 seconds at the end but will build up to 2-3min at the end. Read a bunch of stuff on what the best way to do it was (beginning of shower, whole shower, alternate hot and cold a bunch, etc) -- I really want this to become a HABIT (and by that I mean endure!) so just trying this as it seems like the pattern most likely to work for me. I'm sure you've got your own methods man! Much love

 

[SmokenMirrors]

I actually like alternating my methods, on the days when I feel I had a good work day I treat myself to starting with a warm shower and then going full cold. On days where I feel like I was weak in my work I jump straight into the cold in order to boost my happiness, it seems to work for me!

 

[First_step_thousand_miles]

I actually like alternating my methods, on the days when I feel I had a good work day I treat myself to starting with a warm shower and then going full cold. On days where I feel like I was weak in my work I jump straight into the cold in order to boost my happiness, it seems to work for me!

Wow I love it man! Love the variations, thanks as always for the inspiration. This is habit I'm determined to stick to just as much as no porn -- so many amazing benefits. We all talk about being real men but we've gotta walk and walk by overcoming adversity like this. Let's get it

 

[First_step_thousand_miles]

Day 420 no porn
Day 57 no MO
Day 2 cold shower
Day 2 journaling

Took my 2nd cold shower today -- 1 full minute this time! My goal is to build to 2min by Day 10-14 or so and stay there steady state (maybe gradually go colder and colder after that). I'm really enjoyed these so far! No dread because I start my shower off normally and do it at the end, and it's a challenge I looked forward to taking while I was taking my regular shower. I genuinely cannot wait until I get to 2min!

On the things to work on, my journaling last night was weak. Going to spend much more time today journaling dissecting stuff that really matters -- all good, I know what to work on. I'm learning more about this practices and while dissecting the negative is great, what's also important is to follow it up with thoughts / plans (i.e. translate into ACTION!). And of course, finish with gratitude journaling to tie the bow on it. Right now I'm going to journal straight for 30-odd days and then decide if I want to make it a bit more intermittent (every 2-3 days depending on how I feel). I'm convinced this is a habit I want in my life, sometimes I do want to complain / sort of challenging feelings to people but a) don't want to burden people I love too much and b) don't want to pay $100/hr for a therapist at the moment.

More convinced than ever I need to do more than 90 days no MO but rather continue it for many more months to speed up my recovery. It's not an easy decision but one I'm coming to terms with more over time -- much love to Blondie for pushing me towards this. Thanks to Androg and SmokenMirrors for their constant support as well, you guys are kings!

 

[First_step_thousand_miles]

Day 422 no porn
Day 59 no MO
Day 4 cold shower
Day 4 journaling

Took a 90 second cold shower yesterday, well on track to my ultimate goal of 2 minutes in about a week or so. Slept like absolute crap yesterday, I know why too -- I felt like I tweaked my shoulder benching yesterday. Got freaked out about it and it really threw me for a loop, going to skip chest workouts for a few weeks. Feels better today and took some Advils but I think my body isn't really built for doing regular bench / incline presses --need to do shoulder friendly variations as I've had problems with that before.

Going to journal more thoughtfully tonight as well, I tweaked my workout regiment for stuff that feels more comfortable. It's never worth getting injured, I'm happy to get there slower if I can do it more safely.

Randomly saw some images of fit girls while looking for new workouts (I didn't go looking for it and I also made sure to not stare!). However, just seeing some of it got me partially hard even though I looked away quickly. I think the lack of sleep does no favors but I can resist. However, looking forward to the cold showers here -- research show that doing it for a month of 2min or so lowers anxiety / cortisol (just like exercise!). Along with the journaling I think this should help me become more mentally resilient (which is a critical goal to feel like a man instead of a man-child in this crazy world). Onwards

 

[Androg]

Take good care of yourself.

 

[SmokenMirrors]

I felt like I tweaked my shoulder benching yesterday.

Do you have access to resistance bands? I know exactly what you've damaged and you can strengthen it so you can bench again!

 

[Blondie]

Do you have access to resistance bands? I know exactly what you've damaged and you can strengthen it so you can bench again!

good point @SmokenMirrors. Also, I was having some problems with my right shoulder a while back, and I realized I was lifting with bad form. I recorded myself and I saw that I was flaring out my elbows too much, thus putting extra strain on my shoulders (tall guy problems). Now, I try to be very cautious of where my elbows are and keep my shoulder blades down and close together. Obviously, if you've injured it a little, you should give it some rest, and yes, use some resistance bands to strengthen it, however, with some slight changes, you might be able to get back to it again soon.

Randomly saw some images of fit girls while looking for new workouts (I didn't go looking for it and I also made sure to not stare!). However, just seeing some of it got me partially hard even though I looked away quickly.

Nice job staying strong.

Best