Escape and never come back

Phineas 808

Phineas 808

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Escapeandnevercomeback said:
I don't even want to count the god damn days anymore. I should probably just note the date when it started (March 16) and then forget about it and hopefully I don't have to modify it.
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This is actually a method I learned and practiced. I'd write down my lapse date, and just go on and try to be better next time. 'Set it and forget it', is a motto I like to use. Whether you count days or not, track lapses or not, just mark it, and go on.

Accept, despite the 'compounded failures', that at baseline you're normal- if I can say it that way. The real you doesn't do that shite. The real you feels life, the good-the bad-and the ugly. There is you, how you perceive yourself to be in existential reality, and then there's you, who you were meant to be, the ideal you, if you will.

Everything that we don't like about ourselves, well, that's not the real us anyway- and is (thankfully) subject to change.

Just be you!
 
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Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Phineas 808 said:
This is actually a method I learned and practiced. I'd write down my lapse date, and just go on and try to be better next time. 'Set it and forget it', is a motto I like to use. Whether you count days or not, track lapses or not, just mark it, and go on.

Accept, despite the 'compounded failures', that at baseline you're normal- if I can say it that way. The real you doesn't do that shite. The real you feels life, the good-the bad-and the ugly. There is you, how you perceive yourself to be in existential reality, and then there's you, who you were meant to be, the ideal you, if you will.

Everything that we don't like about ourselves, well, that's not the real us anyway- and is (thankfully) subject to change.

Just be you!
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I guess it's all about what helps you. Some people count days and it goes well for them but I feel that it doesn't help me right now, not when I look at the god damn streak and see only "day 1", it's very discouraging. It would probably be different if I saw "Day 50", that's why I think your thing with "Start counting from day 90 instead" was such a good idea. It cracked me up a little bit, I was thinking "How the fuck should I write day 90, I've never even come close to it" but then I realized how true it was, it's a way to trick the mind. My mind got tricked into "Day 1, this is terrible, I haven't progressed shit" and every time I see that small streak, writing here "day 3" or whatever, it feels so little, too slow. I think I'm quite desperate to have a longer sobriety, that's what, but I guess it doesn't work without patience.
 
Phineas 808

Phineas 808

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And (on second thought), instead of counting down from 90, count up from 90. That way you don't end at '0', lol..., but instead, you could end at '180'.

Again, if '90' seems so unattainable (as it could for folk who struggle with getting a lengthy streak), lower the goal to 50 or 40 days, or even more to 10 or 20 days.

In fact, in this case, you could start with a goal of 10 days, then go for 20, go for 30, etc...

Bottom line: There's no set way to do it, we have to be fluid enough to do what works for us in the moment. For others, 90 works for them, for still others, a lower goal may be more appropriate. It's about building confidence in ourselves (and being patient) that matters.
 
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Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Phineas 808 said:
And (on second thought), instead of counting down from 90, count up from 90. That way you don't end at '0', lol..., but instead, you could end at '180'.

Again, if '90' seems so unattainable (as it could for folk who struggle with getting a lengthy streak), lower the goal to 50 or 40 days, or even more to 10 or 20 days.

In fact, in this case, you could start with a goal of 10 days, then go for 20, go for 30, etc...

Bottom line: There's no set way to do it, we have to be fluid enough to do what works for us in the moment. For others, 90 works for them, for still others, a lower goal may be more appropriate. It's about building confidence in ourselves (and being patient) that matters.
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Yes, definitely. I've come to conclusion that a part of this is tricking the brain in the right way, making it have other habits than the porn habits. Because, if quitting porn is not your no 1 priority, and you don't live following the" I will do everything it takes to quit porn and do the other things around it that facilitate the recovery" then you will not make it. If quitting porn is no 5 on the list, if it's "Ok, I'll do it one day", you will not make it. Is porn your "biggest problem"? Then are you going to "live" for quitting porn? And what I mean is not locking yourself up in a room and counting porn free days. That's why I said "do the other things around it that facilitate the recovery". Because I believe that you are quitting porn and doing all those things that make "not returning to porn" as possible as ever. Whoever thinks he could just sit on a coach and count days he is lying to himself. Because I believe that nothing is addictive by nature, you make it addictive. People have turned things into addictions. How? "There's a hole in our soul that we fill with dope and we're feeling fine". This is lyrics from a song, I will put the song after this post. But this is how it goes. The question is: Ok, after the initial curiosity, WHAT makes you do it every day, what makes you abuse it, why do you need it? And the answer to those questions will tell you what addiction is.

Good luck to all of you motherfuckers, I want all of us to escape this shit.
 
Phineas 808

Phineas 808

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Escapeandnevercomeback said:
6 days but I'm tempted a lot
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Good, that just means your brain is healthy- it's just simply (but innocently) trained to give you the wrong suggestions to the unwanted emotional or physical stimuli.

'Embrace the suck'- but with a focus on the no-suck (lol...), that is, on the version of you who overcomes this habit and finds more fulfilling purpose and meaning behind it all.

You got this, brother. Dismiss the urges by not responding to them (toward or against), that is all.
 
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Escapeandnevercomeback

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Well, thank you Phineas for the support but I relapsed after a week. The decision was made in a second and I wanted to relapse, there was no intention to stop myself anymore. But I didn't even get high. I noticed after a few minutes that I was not going to get high anymore doing this but I stubbornly continued, just to prove to myself that, as I wanted to get something out of it, I was going to try everything to accomplish that. In the end it was a shit experience. It's ridiculous. To think that you can fuck up your streak for something underwhelming like this. Because I binge. Any time I relapse, I tell myself to keep it to 1 PMO and I always binge, I can't fuckin stop myself. That's why, to me, a relapse implies a binge and that's a reset to zero for me. Now I have 1 fuckin day. Just 1 fuckin day clean... It's fuckin discouraging. I'm discouraged with this.
 
Phineas 808

Phineas 808

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Sorry to hear that, bro. I know it's a challenge to gather yourself up, pick yourself up, and go again after a lapse or a binge.

Okay, so a lapse = a binge for you. It was about a week, right? So, it's not as mentally challenging (according to perception) as lapsing after, say, 200 days. But, I get it.

The thing is, and I tell myself this, 'You know what it is and what you have to do.' And just freaking go for it! I believe in you, brother. If you'll indulge me, I think the main issue here is perception. Yes, there's habit; yes, there's addiction; yes, there's sensitized neural pathways. But there's also executive power in your prefrontal cortex, and there's a willingness in your soul to dust yourself off, give this crap the middle finger, and rise up to be that better version of yourself you long for and imagine.

I believe in you, brother!
 
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Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Phineas 808 said:
Sorry to hear that, bro. I know it's a challenge to gather yourself up, pick yourself up, and go again after a lapse or a binge.

Okay, so a lapse = a binge for you. It was about a week, right? So, it's not as mentally challenging (according to perception) as lapsing after, say, 200 days. But, I get it.

The thing is, and I tell myself this, 'You know what it is and what you have to do.' And just freaking go for it! I believe in you, brother. If you'll indulge me, I think the main issue here is perception. Yes, there's habit; yes, there's addiction; yes, there's sensitized neural pathways. But there's also executive power in your prefrontal cortex, and there's a willingness in your soul to dust yourself off, give this crap the middle finger, and rise up to be that better version of yourself you long for and imagine.

I believe in you, brother!
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Thanks, man. I like how you said all this. Yes, unfortunately, I want to stop after 1 PMO if I happen to relapse but I always see myself ending the day with 4-5 PMOs. It is super rare for me to end it with one. I know that deep inside, since I've discovered porn addiction a few years ago, I've wanted to really quit this but I seem, in my head, to alternate between "I actually know what I have to do" and "I wonder if I even know how to do this, maybe I ain't know shit." Yes, maybe it's a perception problem, as you say. I believe a human being has the ability to quit his addiction, of course we do, otherwise no addict would be clean today. But I don't know, man, I just feel like I'm missing something, I don't know what to say. I go to 1 week then I crash right back down.

Thank you for support and advice.
 
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Escapeandnevercomeback

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I'm not doing better. Still heavily invested in porn and PMO. Relapsed 3 days in a row. I have this low dopamine feeling; lethargy, high anxiety, overthinking and all that. I'm fuckin trapped, I can't escape this shit. Maybe what I know is that I don't know shit. Maybe I actually don't know how to do this right now. Maybe I'm just fooling myself that I know so can make all this one percent more bearable cause otherwise it's a fuckin hell.

Days without porn: Zero.
 
Phineas 808

Phineas 808

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It's worth celebrating that you went what, 6 or 7 days without it? That's pretty significant as part of your recent experiences, right? I hope you stopped to give yourself props, and even celebrate it somehow- and then try again.
 
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Escapeandnevercomeback

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Phineas 808 said:
It's worth celebrating that you went what, 6 or 7 days without it? That's pretty significant as part of your recent experiences, right? I hope you stopped to give yourself props, and even celebrate it somehow- and then try again.
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Well, yes, given my past maybe 6 months, 7 days is a big thing, as pathetic as this sounds cause 7 days is terrible streak. It's too small.
 
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Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Day 1

I relapsed yesterday. I actually relapsed 3 days in a row and now I have all the low dopamine symptoms that you could read about. I don't know, I don't get it. I know the state I transport myself in after relapsing but I still do it anyway, keeping in mind the misery doesn't seem to motivate me in any way, I wonder what do I really want.
 
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