Enough is enough

Galatians51

Galatians51

Active Member
Day 3 no pmo

@Blondie I had been on a slow downward spiral the last couple months and I'm not at all sure what caused it. It started with MO and moved to swimsuit images and then finally a nude image popped up, I didn't directly search for it but I know that's no excuse because the images I was looking at were definitely borderline. I am still trying to figure out why I let myself do this after doing so well for several months. I at least know that going forward it's gotta be all or nothing, no mo, no pmo, I had already learned this lesson once... I'm hoping this will be my last time.

After I pmo'd it felt like such a disappointing experience. Which is always the case, but for some reason I haven't had any desire at all to look again the last few days. I know the temptations will come at some point, but as for now I feel totally repelled by the idea of pmo again. The experience left me feeling like "really? That was it? Was this really worth it?"

i feel terrible about it happening, that I let myself sink back into pmo again. But I'm trying to focus on just moving forward for the time being.


thanks @GBS
 
Blondie

Blondie

Respected Member
Galatians51 said:
@Blondie I had been on a slow downward spiral the last couple months and I'm not at all sure what caused it. It started with MO and moved to swimsuit images and then finally a nude image popped up, I didn't directly search for it but I know that's no excuse because the images I was looking at were definitely borderline. I am still trying to figure out why I let myself do this after doing so well for several months. I at least know that going forward it's gotta be all or nothing, no mo, no pmo, I had already learned this lesson once... I'm hoping this will be my last time.
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Hey @Galatians51, I hear you with this.

It can be a real slow process that's hard to even realize, until one day you find yourself doing it once again. I think you're absolutely right though, the mindset has to be, all or nothing. Any middle-ground behavior will inevitably send you over, if not in a week, in a month or so.

Keep charging ahead.
Best
 
Blondie

Blondie

Respected Member
Galatians51 said:
@Blondie agreed. Sadly I already believed this to be the case when I started this last reboot, I'm not sure why I changed my mind on it during the process, but I won't make that mistake again.
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It happens @Galatians51. That's not an excuse of course, but something to be mindful of. Maybe it would be good to have a weekly check in with yourself, asking questions like, am I sliding in this category? Have I let this or that start to creep in? Sometimes I don't think it's even the addiction that makes us slip, at least not completely, it's just being all too human and letting some things gradually slide until the addiction can get us at our worst moment. Of course the hardest part of this, and it falls into the addiction part, is just being completely honest with yourself. In those moments when you're starting to look at swimsuit images etc., can you admit that you're starting questionable activities, or will you make excuses? That's always the hardest part for me. They say this addiction makes us lairs to our partners etc., and this is true, but even worse, it makes us lairs to ourselves and our values. Will we listen to the truth or will we pretend it doesn't exist? Because no matter what we tell ourselves in the moment, the truth will always win out in the end, no matter the lies we tell ourselves or our partners.
Galatians51 said:
How are you doing with your process?
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I'm doing alright, better than I was a few days ago. Thanks for asking. Just about to hit a month out and feeling really happy about that. My partner and I have had quite a few "the truth will set you free" moments this last week. It's been real heart breaking but also good for us.

Best brother
 
Galatians51

Galatians51

Active Member
Day 12 no pmo

Blondie said:
It happens @Galatians51. That's not an excuse of course, but something to be mindful of. Maybe it would be good to have a weekly check in with yourself, asking questions like, am I sliding in this category? Have I let this or that start to creep in? Sometimes I don't think it's even the addiction that makes us slip, at least not completely, it's just being all too human and letting some things gradually slide until the addiction can get us at our worst moment. Of course the hardest part of this, and it falls into the addiction part, is just being completely honest with yourself. In those moments when you're starting to look at swimsuit images etc., can you admit that you're starting questionable activities, or will you make excuses? That's always the hardest part for me. They say this addiction makes us lairs to our partners etc., and this is true, but even worse, it makes us lairs to ourselves and our values. Will we listen to the truth or will we pretend it doesn't exist? Because no matter what we tell ourselves in the moment, the truth will always win out in the end, no matter the lies we tell ourselves or our partners.
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I knew I was slowly sliding back, and I just kept making excuses - like the a-hole post you wrote about not too long ago, that was (is?) me.

All I know to do right now is keep moving forward.
Blondie said:
I'm doing alright, better than I was a few days ago. Thanks for asking. Just about to hit a month out and feeling really happy about that. My partner and I have had quite a few "the truth will set you free" moments this last week. It's been real heart breaking but also good for us.
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It seems to me like you're making a lot of progress despite having had some setbacks.
 
Blondie

Blondie

Respected Member
Galatians51 said:
I knew I was slowly sliding back, and I just kept making excuses - like the a-hole post you wrote about not too long ago, that was (is?) me.
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Well we've all been there, so no reason to get too hard on yourself. However in reality, it's good to get a kick in the ass once in a while, because it wakes us up from our delusions. And so much of this is pure delusion, and I don't mean the fantasy part, I mean just the delusion that we think we can engage in this nonsense and not hurt someone, or that it's totally okay to hide things, hide our expenses, hide our search history, lie without thinking of the other person, etc. That's the delusion that kicked my ass this month and is still reaping its rewards. I guess you can say I'm a masochist, in that I hate the pain but yet love it too, because it forces me to face reality, to face the truth. And as Jesus says, the truth will set you free. I realize that verse is probably taken out of context but you get my point.
Galatians51 said:
It seems to me like you're making a lot of progress despite having had some setbacks.
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I think I am, thanks. We are doing better, but it's been rough going. She's not going to leave me, but I hurt her real bad this time around, and it kills me to know that. Porn was never a problem for her, but this cam nonsense is on another whole level. So, we have a long road ahead of us, but I think if we cling to the truth, we'll figure it out one way or another.

Thanks for asking.
 
Galatians51

Galatians51

Active Member
Day 17 no pmo

Wow, I didn't realize I haven't updated on here all week. I've been busy and also just forgot to write.

Thanks for checking in @Blondie everything is good here, I should be more diligent about updating on here. Also, I can imagine that's a tough conversation, I admire both of you - you for opening up to her about it and her for sticking with you through it.

I did have some urges last night, but nothing I couldn't get past, I honestly expected it when it happened because it tends to be around the 2 week mark that they come.

I'll try to do better about updating this week
 
Galatians51

Galatians51

Active Member
Day 1 no pmo.

What I wrote a couple days ago was true, I was doing fine despite having some urges every now and then. Two days ago they hit me pretty hard and I gave in, then I gave in again yesterday.

Self loathing has been hitting me pretty hard all day. So mad at myself for failing, again.
 
Ezel

Ezel

Respected Member
Galatians51 said:
Day 1 no pmo.

What I wrote a couple days ago was true, I was doing fine despite having some urges every now and then. Two days ago they hit me pretty hard and I gave in, then I gave in again yesterday.

Self loathing has been hitting me pretty hard all day. So mad at myself for failing, again.
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It's okay man. We all fall. That's a real human thing to experience. You know what's also a human thing to do. It's to defy the odds and fight back, and not giving up.

You can do it champ. Onwards.
 
Blondie

Blondie

Respected Member
Sorry to hear about this @Galatians51. All we can do is get back up and keep on moving. That's the problem with a relapse is that it hits you on three sides.

The shame: that you can't believe you've done it again, thus why not return?
The rationalizations: I'm not even 30 days out, why does it even matter if I go back?
The addiction: those old neurological pathways have been fired up again, thus, beckoning you to return.

You just have to fight you way out of hell until those three things can calm down a bit. Don't listen to the lies that your brain will throw at you, just tell it to shut up and keep on moving. Of course, you have to ask yourself, do you feel lucky to have another chance to get over this nonsense once and for all? If you do, then that's your answer, just keep your head down and don't give up.

Best
 
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