Hey @Galatians51, I hear you with this.@Blondie I had been on a slow downward spiral the last couple months and I'm not at all sure what caused it. It started with MO and moved to swimsuit images and then finally a nude image popped up, I didn't directly search for it but I know that's no excuse because the images I was looking at were definitely borderline. I am still trying to figure out why I let myself do this after doing so well for several months. I at least know that going forward it's gotta be all or nothing, no mo, no pmo, I had already learned this lesson once... I'm hoping this will be my last time.
It happens @Galatians51. That's not an excuse of course, but something to be mindful of. Maybe it would be good to have a weekly check in with yourself, asking questions like, am I sliding in this category? Have I let this or that start to creep in? Sometimes I don't think it's even the addiction that makes us slip, at least not completely, it's just being all too human and letting some things gradually slide until the addiction can get us at our worst moment. Of course the hardest part of this, and it falls into the addiction part, is just being completely honest with yourself. In those moments when you're starting to look at swimsuit images etc., can you admit that you're starting questionable activities, or will you make excuses? That's always the hardest part for me. They say this addiction makes us lairs to our partners etc., and this is true, but even worse, it makes us lairs to ourselves and our values. Will we listen to the truth or will we pretend it doesn't exist? Because no matter what we tell ourselves in the moment, the truth will always win out in the end, no matter the lies we tell ourselves or our partners.@Blondie agreed. Sadly I already believed this to be the case when I started this last reboot, I'm not sure why I changed my mind on it during the process, but I won't make that mistake again.
I'm doing alright, better than I was a few days ago. Thanks for asking. Just about to hit a month out and feeling really happy about that. My partner and I have had quite a few "the truth will set you free" moments this last week. It's been real heart breaking but also good for us.How are you doing with your process?
I knew I was slowly sliding back, and I just kept making excuses - like the a-hole post you wrote about not too long ago, that was (is?) me.It happens @Galatians51. That's not an excuse of course, but something to be mindful of. Maybe it would be good to have a weekly check in with yourself, asking questions like, am I sliding in this category? Have I let this or that start to creep in? Sometimes I don't think it's even the addiction that makes us slip, at least not completely, it's just being all too human and letting some things gradually slide until the addiction can get us at our worst moment. Of course the hardest part of this, and it falls into the addiction part, is just being completely honest with yourself. In those moments when you're starting to look at swimsuit images etc., can you admit that you're starting questionable activities, or will you make excuses? That's always the hardest part for me. They say this addiction makes us lairs to our partners etc., and this is true, but even worse, it makes us lairs to ourselves and our values. Will we listen to the truth or will we pretend it doesn't exist? Because no matter what we tell ourselves in the moment, the truth will always win out in the end, no matter the lies we tell ourselves or our partners.
It seems to me like you're making a lot of progress despite having had some setbacks.I'm doing alright, better than I was a few days ago. Thanks for asking. Just about to hit a month out and feeling really happy about that. My partner and I have had quite a few "the truth will set you free" moments this last week. It's been real heart breaking but also good for us.
Well we've all been there, so no reason to get too hard on yourself. However in reality, it's good to get a kick in the ass once in a while, because it wakes us up from our delusions. And so much of this is pure delusion, and I don't mean the fantasy part, I mean just the delusion that we think we can engage in this nonsense and not hurt someone, or that it's totally okay to hide things, hide our expenses, hide our search history, lie without thinking of the other person, etc. That's the delusion that kicked my ass this month and is still reaping its rewards. I guess you can say I'm a masochist, in that I hate the pain but yet love it too, because it forces me to face reality, to face the truth. And as Jesus says, the truth will set you free. I realize that verse is probably taken out of context but you get my point.I knew I was slowly sliding back, and I just kept making excuses - like the a-hole post you wrote about not too long ago, that was (is?) me.
I think I am, thanks. We are doing better, but it's been rough going. She's not going to leave me, but I hurt her real bad this time around, and it kills me to know that. Porn was never a problem for her, but this cam nonsense is on another whole level. So, we have a long road ahead of us, but I think if we cling to the truth, we'll figure it out one way or another.It seems to me like you're making a lot of progress despite having had some setbacks.
It's okay man. We all fall. That's a real human thing to experience. You know what's also a human thing to do. It's to defy the odds and fight back, and not giving up.Day 1 no pmo.
What I wrote a couple days ago was true, I was doing fine despite having some urges every now and then. Two days ago they hit me pretty hard and I gave in, then I gave in again yesterday.
Self loathing has been hitting me pretty hard all day. So mad at myself for failing, again.