I don't know whether to classify this as a relapse or not, but I stumbled upon a triggering image (on fucking LinkedIn!) and proceeded to "peek" at porn substitutes on Instagram and Reddit for around 30 minutes. I didn't visit any P sites, nor did I engage in M at all (and, accordingly, didn't O), but while I was down this rabbit hole, I pretty much lost all sense of time and space. My brain was totally flooded with dopamine and it was very difficult to pull myself away from the screen. However, I eventually did so and immediately took a 10-minute cold shower to bring myself back to reality.
I woke up today with some strong urges and felt pretty overwhelmed all day, on account of not having a full day off from either bar exam prep or military duties for about two weeks. I don't want to blame this incident on being busy and stressed out lately, but I think this is germane to what happened. Since I discovered PMO 15 years ago or so, it has been a method of mood regulation for me -- and even though I like to think I'm on the path toward overcoming this addiction, some deep part of my brain still craves porn and the "dopamine deluge" it brings with it, which distracts me from stress and difficult emotions. I'm grateful that this slip-up didn't result in a full-blown relapse, however, I'm not sure what to make of where this puts my streak to be honest.
I woke up today with some strong urges and felt pretty overwhelmed all day, on account of not having a full day off from either bar exam prep or military duties for about two weeks. I don't want to blame this incident on being busy and stressed out lately, but I think this is germane to what happened. Since I discovered PMO 15 years ago or so, it has been a method of mood regulation for me -- and even though I like to think I'm on the path toward overcoming this addiction, some deep part of my brain still craves porn and the "dopamine deluge" it brings with it, which distracts me from stress and difficult emotions. I'm grateful that this slip-up didn't result in a full-blown relapse, however, I'm not sure what to make of where this puts my streak to be honest.