Doing things differently this time

[Qwertyxyz]

Day 15 PMO free

I feel some mild depression today, like I’m feeling a lot of sadness for the hard times and how they have affected me. I really want to have a healing year this year, I fee A bit wounded and feel like things are safe enough to get some healing.

I think I should change jobs, not right now but definitely in the next 5 years or so. The work I do is too taxing for someone autistic, I don’t bounce back like I used too and I need something less strainful.

Another day of recovery

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Day 16 PMO free

I’m having some urges this morning, I’m not sure exactly why but work is pretty involved right now and I’m tired. Started to really plan to get out of this job, I’m looking at 5-7 years and than doing something less exhausting and stressful.

This job can be very hard on me and I wonder if I’ll be able to stay clean while I’m doing it. I think I can but I need to be very disciplined and get the right support. I’m growing all the time and can feel changes.

I’m looking forward to being home in a weeks time.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Still day 16

I realise I can’t really have a little relapse, when the seal is broken I can’t stop, at best I can minimise but sometimes that falls away completely. I have how far down the rabbit hole it takes me.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Day 17 PMO free

I feel very complicated. I’m autistic and I’ve been reading up on alexithymia, that when you find it hard to identify if you are stressed or how your mood is. I’ve met people who have it and I’ve always wondered if I’m like them.

I will think I’m fine as I listen to podcasts and play games on my phone while I lay on the couch, then my Garmin will tell me I should take a break because I’m too stressed and I’ll be surprised. I don’t know, but I really am getting that I am very bad at knowing when I’m stressed, I do things that I think will reduce stress but I don’t know and feel that they reduce stress.

Can’t wait to see my counsellor, I have a lot to talk about. I listened to Dr Trish podcast that talked about stress leading to relapse. I have to work hard to understand what is going on for me and I understand my compulsions more, I crave PMO when I’m stressed.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Day 1 PMO free

I was trying to sign up on another forum but i think it’s best to face up here. I struggle not to relapse, but every cycle I learn more I think. I have a lot of healing and growth to do. I like a PMO free life. Hopefully I can get it.

 

[joepanic]

Hey you managed a couple of weeks just start over again and try to beat that number but at the same time reflect on where you went wrong and try to fix that What is the other forum you had looked into

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Hey you managed a couple of weeks just start over again and try to beat that number but at the same time reflect on where you went wrong and try to fix that What is the other forum you had looked into

Thanks Joe,
I’ve been doing some journaling and feel pretty good about trying recovery again.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Day 01 PMO free

Well here I go again, another attempt at quitting porn. I’m glad I’ve had some time up in the past, it’s like a proof of concept, mentally I feel in some ways more wise and mature, but also I’ve done some healing.

The cost of using porn is high for me, I will bang through life but it won’t be good. I’m trying to stick to a daily routine around recovery. Hopefully I get it this time.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Day 2 PMO free

I had a good session with my psychologist the other week. There is a lot of trauma to work through but it’s great to have it out there.
PMO recovery is for me much harder than alcohol (21 years sober) as porn is so much sneakier mentally. I am working hard to question my thinking and train my brain better.
I know the longer I use the harder it is to give up, and while I had 15 years of hard internet porn use, the addiction was well and truly active before that.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Day 3 PMO free

If I use PMO my brain is so much foggier, I’m more anxious and fail at do many things. My life will not be happy if I’m using.

I have goals that I won’t achieve if I use porn this year. I need to stay strong

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Day 4 PMO free

Busy day, but I’m doing well. Everything is better when I am off PMO. 1st day back at work. Need to stay disciplined.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Day 5 PMO free

Early on. I feel good but definitely cravings. I have looked in to coaching and a few other things and might try something different when I get home from work. I’m doing a thought journal at the end of the day which is helping me a great me to feel less anxious.

I need to work hard if I’m going to break my past best marks of, 60 and 70 days. I just want a week up right now. I’m better clean.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Day 6 PMO free

Feeling pretty good in recovery now, I feel that I’m more aware of what’s at stake than I was last attempt, that one was only about 15 days so I’m determined to beat that.

I’ve been having a lot of feelings about my ex who was a bit of a psycho when we were together, we have a 16 year old together and it’s not ideal. I need to talk about a bit more, I probably don’t face how deeply it affects me.

2 days of work done, 19 to go, so far so good.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Day 7 PMO free

Feels good to get a week down. It’s been tense but I’m doing well. This time around feels more serious and disciplined than my last attempt so I’m determined to beat the 15 day mark, and also my 75 days best.

One day at a time. I’m focusing on my breathing and it’s helping me be more relaxed.

Good luck out there.

 

[Blondie]

Congrats on one week @Qwertyxyz. It feels good to be free.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Congrats on one week @Qwertyxyz. It feels good to be free.

Thanks

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Day 8 PMO free
I need to be vigilant about distracting from my PMO thoughts, they come up regularly and I don’t like them. Short term goals are really good for me, if I can get another week it will be great, every day is a victory.

I’m at work using their wifi. If I relapse and look at stuff I am playing with fire, I need to be strong and really emotionally support myself. I’m doing some breath work and it is helping me to relax.

I hate how I know and understand how damaging porn is to me but I’ll still crave it. I have to really emotionally support myself.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Day 9 PMO free

I have to stay disciplined about distracting from PMO thought's, they will just lead to use. PMO use will mess me up, I like how I feel socially when I’m not using PMO, I pay a high price for my use.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Day 10 PMO free

I have to stay disciplined about distracting from PMO thought's, they will just lead to use. PMO use will mess me up, I like how I feel socially when I’m not using PMO, I pay a high price for my use.

This is the best day so far when it comes to intrusive craving thoughts, they are still there but much less stubborn. I feel like I’m doing a lot of things right.

 

[Qwertyxyz]

Day 11 PMO free

Feeling a bit funky this morning. I have a new phone which is great, I have no porn on my new phone and have not looked at porn on this phone. I know my old phone has porn on it and became the main focus of my PMO recently. I once kept my phone porn free and just got my fix from my computer, things have changed. I must stay strong and focused, things are better when I’m clean.