Never too late!

[Doc]

I've beem away from the site for a while due to work and family but wanted to welcome you here.  I know where you are coming from.  You will find that, though particulars may vary a bit, most all of us here are fighting right  along side with you.  It is a really rough and rude awakening when one realizes that we have let ourselves be "reprogramed" buy high speed, scripted images.  Now we have to start the long road back to reality which is not nearly as easy to get to nor as immediately gratifying.  Nontheless, it is a trip well worth taking.  I'm only a few months into my reboot.  I am rediscovering a much deeper connection with my Wife and really enjoying it.  I just wanted to tell you this to let you know that it does get better.  Take a look at my journal when you have some time and you will see where I started as well.
Welcome,
R

 

[NewBee]

I just got back from lunch.  During lunch, I listened to the hypno mp3 I had downloaded, the free one.  It turns out that the recording stops too soon.  It's not the full recording, not the full script.  It cuts off just as it mentions porn for the first time.  It's only 19 minutes long instead of the full 28 minutes or so.  Perhpas it's not the most highly recommended way to abstain, but it WAS very effective for me during my first week or so.  That was the time that I was using the full script, recored by me, using my voice.  I downloaded the one from the site because I thought it would be better in someone else's voice.  But, it wasn't the full script.  No wonder it seems like it wasn't effective anymore.  It went far enough to put me into a deep, deep relaxed state, but it cut off before the actual anti-porn reinforcement!! I will go back and record it myself again.  I know that version did work.  No excuse......but I know I can make it help me as it did before.  More to come...

 

[NewBee]

I appreciate everyone's input and advice.  Don't worry about sounding preachy (as a couple forum members had mentioned).  A new person to this effort needs all the davice they can get, at least I do.  And someone else mentioned or asked if I had clued my wife in on the reboot effort yet.  I have not, yet.  And she actually said something this weekend about how I didn't seem like myself, or didn't seem as happy as I normally am.  That would have been an excellent opening to talk about it.  However, I had just slipped the night before, and I was down on myself rather than upbeat about the process.  I need to present it in a positive light, and I wasn't feeling positive enough to do it just then, if that makes sense.

I do intend to bring her in on the effort, so she knows what might be causing my mood swings.  I can see now that I'm not just going to be able to act like everything is business as usual.  And she is a warrior.  She has been through a lot of hurt, physically and emotionally.  I thought maybe I could just improve myself, and that would be ammends enough, and I wouldn't have to come clean with all the gory details.  I was hoping I could just slowly change into a better man and that would be good for both of us.

Again, I thank you all.  You have told me things I needed to hear.

 

[Chile]

Newbee, you don't necessarily need to tell her every detail. I commend you on taking this step with her. You might go through some rough days as a couple but I think you'll be glad you included her in this. Best of luck my friend.

 

[jstock]

I think your right  chile. I wouldn't  probably  tell her everything. I know I've watched  some stuff, that I would never tell anyone, but telling her about the addiction would really be good for newbee. And newbee... thank you for checking  in at rn. Today that will help you a ton. Stay strong guys. Everday we all get stronger

 

[ready2go]

I'm all for the gradual change into a better man plan.  I like it!  Sometimes when you're about to cause someone pain, it's better and easier for the time being to let that slip until you yourself have some foundation under you.  Since you're still back and forth a bit as far as the no PMO process I guess I'm just suggesting you go as easy on yourselves as possible.  After a short while you'll be cruising along with no pmo and possibly an amazing flatline, and then will have time to get into other aspects.  Some people experience different emotional exacerbations, so don't be surprised at whatever comes.  Having some back up plans can be really useful too.  Then once you have this nice sturdy framework, no matter how the moment feels, there will be a strong structure to your plan.  Of course the most strength you'll find anywhere, is drawing off and contributing to the men you find here.  We all benefit from each other's experiences, positive and sidewise.  Good luck NewBee, you're doing great!!  Since you're on your way, just keep going.  R2G

 

[NewBee]

Well, I did it.  I told my wife about by years of porn addiction and my recent reboot attempts (this latest one just 3 days in).  She was hurt, as she should be.  But, she is also supportive of the effort.  I attempted to show her some of Gary's videos and some of the printed support for spouses.  That might have been too much too soon.  But, she is glad that I told her and she does support the effort.  And I feel better that I told her about it.  All good.

 

[jstock]

Good job newbee. I'm so very proud of you, we all are. Now you have a warrior  on your side. It's nothing  to do with your wife, it's an addiction.  You love the rush of dopamine  your body gets from looking  at that stuff. All of us in here love that rush. You did a good thing by telling  her. No get ready  newbee, it's gonna be a rough ride, but remember  the reboot  nation  is here for that ride. You have made my day, thank you

 

[Chile]

You just took a HUGE step forward Newbee. You have a wonderful wife who loves you. Yes, it's hurtful for her, but women appreciate it when their men are transparent and communicative. It makes them feel secure, needed, and loved, even when we're porn addicts!

 

[NewBee]

Hey guys, how do I get a counter? 

 

[Chile]

Newbee there is a knowledge base somewhere on this forum that will instruct you on setting up a counter. I don't remember how I did it and I'm pretty lame with this kind of stuff. 

FYI I found an old help desk response for how to do the dreaded counter re-set (not that you'll need it!):


How do I reset my counter?
? Knowledge Base
It's possible to "reset" your counter and have it go back to zero. To do that, you'll first need to login to your PMO-Tracker Control Panel. Not sure how? Here's the procedure:

    First, find one of your posts on the forum.
    Next, click on your counter at the bottom of your post (it's important that you click on your own counter; do not click on someone else's!)
    If the top of the page says "PMO Tracker Control Panel," congratulations! You are already signed in.
    Otherwise, you should look for a box for you to enter your password or a "G+ Sign In" button.
    If you normally sign in with Google, press the "G+ Sign In" button. Otherwise, enter the password that you chose when you created the counter and press enter.
    If your password was correct, you should see "PMO Tracker Control Panel" at the top of the screen. Congratulations! You are now signed in.

Once your counter page has loaded, you should see a reset button near the top of the page. Look for a button under the text, "Need to reset your counter?"

Click this button whenever you need to reset your counter.

 

[Jack Strap]

Just keep hanging in there I think give what I've read and what I know about addiction set backs are part of the process. Just get back on track and try to stay there as long as possible, longer the better. You're really making progress even if it doesn't feel like it.

 

[NewBee]

Got the counter (at least, I THINK it's working).  Thanks to all for the help.
Wow, I just looked at Facebook at lunch.  It is amazing how subtly the dopamine-causing images can sneak into that site.  And my mind seems to take control of the mouse and guide it to the friend of a friend's photos, looking for the bikini shot from last summer.  To most people, that wouldn't be a trigger to anything other than hitting the "Like" button.  For me (and probably a lot of you out there) it's an open door to PMO!  My dopamine-starved brain is screaming for it.  But, I know exactly where it will lead, and I'd be resetting that new counter.  Very slippery slope, and a cunning disease we have here!

I need to find and read/watch the advice on here or YBOP on "Getting Through The Weekend without PMO".  That's my weak spot, always.  But, I vow to be strong this weekend.  If I just keep putting it off for another 24 hours, it'll eventually get easier to REJECT.  My hypno audio repeats the word REJECT many times to reinforce saying no to porn.  it also says to say to yourself "porn-free" whenever you see the color red.  I've seen a LOT of red today!

When I get home later tonight (midnight-ish) I will check back in for some strength and inspiration.
Stay strong, you all!

 

[sodonewithit]

When I told/admitted/confessed to my wife I had to do it on the cell phone and I shook while doing it.  I certainly didn't tell her about the shit I watched nor is it important in my opinion.  We all have watched stuff that we would prefer not to have nor would we have if the progressive nature hadn't diverted us to it so it's hardly worth the worry.  I just found a huge weight release mostly because I felt that there would be no more hiding this crap. 

A few days ago I was looking at some cigars online and watched a video for a new humidor which featured a woman.  I managed to get about a minute into it before all hell broke loose and I had to leave my computer room, so everything is dangerous is all I can say. 

Stay strong bud and we all commend you for the progress.

 

[NewBee]

Well, 12:30 Sunday morning.  No PMO!  Weekends are my Achilles heel.  But, I spent the day with my wife and another couple enjoying a local state park, then a great meal out.  Wife and I rented and watched a movie.  Going to bed and read together.  And that may sound very boring to some, but for me it's really great!

 

[jstock]

Good job newbee, you will find, the longer you keep that crap (porn) away , you will start enjoying every day activities.  You have to be ready , that monster  will try to rear it's ugly head, at anytime. I think your doing good. Keep up the battle

 

[Brooklyn Jerry]

  I have been doing pretty good with the no fap program. I have  relapsed a few times, and felt like crap for days after.  A few times it happened after having sex, the re bound effect. The other times it was boredom. I will say not jerking off has made sex more enjoyable and great me off the need for ED drugs.

 

[NewBee]

I think I could be going through a flatline (no morning woods, no spontaneous wood throughout the day).  I believe that contributed to me going on Facebook last night and seeking out pics of bikinis and stuff like that.  And of course I had to check and see if I was dead or alive, right?  I reacted to the pics as expected, meaning I got wood from images and some manual stimulation.  I didn't pursue it.  I wouldn't really call it porn and I wouldn't call what I did masturbation.  More a brief fact-finding mission to see if things worked.  But, it WAS definitely a dopamine shot.  I got in and got out quick, although I definitely wanted to stay on and go much, much further with the clicks and pics.  If I had done that, I'd have ended up 2 hours later finishing to some gross shit, tired and disgusted.

So, I'll just ride out the flatline if that's what this is.  One day at a time.

 

[ready2go]

It does sound like flatline NewBee.  And from the other descriptions of your woods here and there, it seems like your flatline is intermittent.  I don't know for sure but I think some is better than none that some guys seem to get.

Good job man, thinking all this through.  Your reasoning and conclusions all feel really sound.  Keep going.
R2G

 

[NewBee]

Had to reset.  Last night.  P & M.  No O, but it still requires a reset.  Damn!

I WAS doing good, or so I thought.  But, last night Facebook led to P & M, not O.  It's my own fault (of course.  Who else could it be?).  Gotta reset my counter......again.  This sucks!

Pretty down on myself today.  I let myself and everyone else on the forum down.  Again with the flatline checking.  I know better.  I think I have to stay off the computer altogether.  I am apparently too weak to resist.  My brain is my worst enemy.  However, this forum is on the computer.  I have to figure out a way to get to the forum and the other resources, but resist the temptation to go elsewhere. 

Starting over!