Never too late!

N

NewBee

Member
Unchained,
Fabulous!  That's a perfect way of looking at this.  You are right.  Framing it as a battle holds out the hope that, no matter how remote the chance may be, we still MIGHT be able to look at porn occasionally, in a controlled way, like a non-addict.  And I truly believe, just like alcohol for me, that I can never drink or watch porn "normally". 

I am in the acceptance phase.  I completely know that I am addicted to porn.  No question in my mind.  Even if I hadn't known before I seriously tried to quit, I certainly know now, after many failed attempts and tons of withdrawal.  I think it's good advice to now surrender to it, rather than fight it thinking I can win.  I can't.  And I'm not fighting porn.  I'm fighting my brain, dopamine, and neural pathways I've burned into it.  Neural pathways from a fake stimuli - porn.  And no matter how many days/weeks/months/years I put between my brain and porn, I know if I use porn again, those same neural pathways will light up and re-fire, just like old times.

Surrender to win!  I like it!
 
unchained

unchained

Active Member
NewBee said:
Surrender to win!  I like it!
Click to expand...

I'm right there with you!

Let him have what he's taken.  Time is gone and it won't come back.  Walk away now and claim your future.  You don't have to fight the bastard?he can only take what you decide to GIVE him.

Stay strong!
 
N

NewBee

Member
Urges are strong tonight!  Not really physical, although that's definitely there.  It's more mental.  My brain is crying for relief.  It's not gonna get it.  I reject porn!  I reject porn substitutes!  Fuck you, porn!  You're not getting me back.  Not tonight!
 
N

NewBee

Member
Made it through the weekend PMO-free.  I think I might actually be in a flatline status.  There was a definite strong urge to PMO all wekkend long.  That has not changed.  What has changed is, lack of morning wood - nada, nothing.  Also, I seem to be rather indifferent to the women I see in my day-to-day activities.  I was noticing an enhanced reaction to real women for a while, earlier.  Seems to be gone now.  I truly hope that part comes back!

I saw something relatively racy on facebook over the weekend.  It DID make me want to PMO.  But, it didn't get me aroused at all.  Like no reaction whatsoever.  I can understand how this would make someone race back to PMO, just to make sure things still worked.  I don't doubt that I would respond as usual to P & M.  I don't want to try it, because that will just set me back.  then I'd be kicking myself for giving in to the latest trick my brain played on me to get me back "home".  I call it home because that was my refuge for so many wasted years. 

Well, I guess it's true.  You can't go home again.  Not if home is PMO.  Not an option!

Gotta make a new home.  Home in the real world, not in pixels on a screen.  Not an option.
 
J

Jack Strap

Member
Hey Newbee great to see you're still hanging tough and making progress, keep up the good work it may not seem like it at times but you are getting there, the longer you go the further away it gets, easier said then done but worth the effort...
 
N

NewBee

Member
Hi RN,
I haven't been on for a long while now.  I tried several times to post from work (early in the morning or at lunch).  But, the posts failed.  I'm wondering if it's being blocked by work.  The home life has been very busy too. 

I have been doing pretty good, up until this week.  I seem to have given up.  It's like I subconsciously KNOW that the love life with the wife will never get back to any sense of normalcy.  So, my brain is saying, "Ah, what's the use"?

So, I PMO's over the weekend, and each night this week.  Yeah, life's been super hectic, but I had time for PMO, right?????

I gotta get my mind right and start over, again.  I guess I'll re-read YBOP and hopefully that will get me on the right track.  I need to learn how to reset my counter, again.

Anyway, I'm not giving up.  But, I have lost my enthusiasm for my reboot.  Any advice on how to get my head back in the fight would be greatly appreciated.
 
N

notgivinup

Guest
Hey NewBee....I'm really glad to see you back here. Really.

Here is the good news.....you are here. You came back here, and are not running from it.

I do know how you feel. Really...because it wasn't that long ago that I felt the same way. I have been experiencing things in my marriage that I NEVER thought I would have....and yet, good things are popping up. I say that to tell you that my marriage was BAD. It was a wreck. Garbage, and emotional slop everywhere....and mostly tied to my decisions to pmo. I know all about the mountains of crap and garbage....I heaped it all on my life and on my wife with my lies and deceit and pmo, pmo, pmo. But, since the reboot, I am experiencing things I never imagined. And I know you can and will, too.

I had a 69 day streak...and had 3 "bumps" in the road....and felt like I didn't care any more. Deflated. The men here helped me, and encouraged me. I got back up...and am still going.

You can too. Go watch the videos, and read all you can. Just get up and take one day at a time.....walking way from pmo. Feeling all the crappy withdrawal and all the brain fog that you are going to feel again. It's gonna come...just love it, cause it's part of the reboot. You can do this.

You are here....and that is great.

Thanks for your honest post. I'm looking forward to hearing about your successes.

Thanks.

NGU
 
N

NewBee

Member
I appreciate the encouragement!  And, I am back, focused on remaining PMO-free.  I have to remind myself that I must have tried quitting smoking like a dozen times before it actually took.  This may be the same way for me.  I might try and fail a bunch of times.  But, I'm going to keep on trying until I get it.

I'm going on vacation tomorrow.  To the beach.  No computer.  I don't have a smartphone.  My wife, mother-in-law, and two kids will be with me.  Needless to say, it'll be rather easy to stay away from the porn and remain PMO-free next week.  That will give me a good head start on this latest attempt.

I think I'll take my printed copy of YBOP with me.  Maybe even let the wife read it (she hasn't been that interested in learning all about this addiction.  She thinks it's just me and my "addictive personality".  She just thinks I have the addiction gene.  Maybe I do.

But, I also have a stubborn gene, and I don't give up easy.

Stay strong!  PMO is NOT an option!
I'll check back in next week when I return.
 
N

notgivinup

Guest
NewBee....it's great to see you here again. Congratulations on not giving up the fight.

It's great that you are here. I hope it's a great time of rest and relaxation for you with your family.

Looking forward to hearing more from you here.

Thanks,
NGU
 
unchained

unchained

Active Member
NewBee said:
Maybe even let the wife read it (she hasn't been that interested in learning all about this addiction.  She thinks it's just me and my "addictive personality".  She just thinks I have the addiction gene.  Maybe I do.

But, I also have a stubborn gene, and I don't give up easy.
Click to expand...

Your wife is wrong.  Just like Gary states in his videos, natural rewards hook a huge part of the population b/c they exploit things that our brains seek out on their own.  Some people may be more prone to certain types of addiction and you may be one of those...but addictions that are related to natural rewards can hook anyone who overuses.  We are all prewired to desire high calorie food, sex, novelty, risk taking.  That is in no way like getting hooked on cigarettes.

Take a look around.  Almost every adult American is to some degree overweight.  Why?...our brains naturally crave high calorie foods and people cannot control their behavior.  It seems like everywhere I go...to the store, out to eat, even when I visit my family almost everywhere you look someone is glued to their dang smartphone.  Why?  Novelty, pure and simple.  I just ate lunch with 7 of my employees.  Five out of seven never stopped looking at their smartphone during the entire 30 minute meal.  They just sat there tapping on links like a monkey hitting the dopamine button.  So, we got lured in to doing the same thing with porn.  There is NOTHING wrong with you.  You were just tricked by a product that exploits two very strong cravings your limbic brain desires...novelty and sex.

Don't let the whole "there must be something wrong with me" take root in your thinking.  It is poison just like the porn.  I am sorry your wife is reinforcing such ideas by saying there is something wrong with you.  That feeds the thinking that getting out is impossible.  THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU...other than you were suckered in just like every other man here.

Hopefully at some point she'll learn more about just how addictive porn is, how widespread its consumption is and that you are part of the vast majority of men who are just now learning how it has affected our lives.

Stay strong.
 
J

Jack Strap

Member
No matter how we slice it, addictive personality, stress, other factors, I just try to stay focused on how much better I will feel when I have more control over this and it's less of a struggle, slowly but surely the tide it turning and we just need to keep moving in the right direction, you can do it. Just think about the really good results at the end......
 
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