Never too late!

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NewBee

Member
This my first post on the forum.  It is extremely looooonnnnggg!!!  Sorry.  I have a LOT on my mind. 
I am definitely an addict, and I want desperately to finally quit, for real.  Some folks, after reading this post might thing - Why bother? - But, I want a porn-free life for the same reasons as anyone else here.  I am 57 years old (the oldest guy I've seen post here), and have been addicted to porn basically my entire life.  High-speed internet has made it much worse over the last 10 years, but I have been hopelessly addicted and adversely affect pretty much from the beginning.  Catalogs, Playboy, the myriad of other porn mags out there, then VHS, DVD, now tube sites.  I have never been able to control it.  it has always controlled me!

Some may hear of my life situation and figure it's too late to salvage.  I have been married to the same faithful, loyal woman for 28 years.  I, on the other hand, have been anything but faithful.  I have been addicted to porn our entire marriage.  I managed to still have sex with my wife.  We have 2 boys, 18 and 15.  That is a long story for another post. 

At least 10 years ago, I began preferring porn to my wife.  I tried to deny it, but eventually realized it was true.  Our love life was a slowly downward spiral.  She had some female trouble that made intercourse very painful and not worth it.  Our sex life is nonexistent now.  I turned to sex workers for human touch, rationalizing that I needed it and wasn't getting it at home.  Truth is, I would have gotten it at home if I hadn't been jerking off to porn 2, 3 or 4 times a day. I needed the sex workers to add the shock and variety the talk about in YBOP. 

In addition to that, my wife had breast cancer a couple years ago, had brutal surgery where they rebuilt her breast using tissue and muscle from her abdomen, basically ruining her body, in her mind and in mine.  They practically cut her in half.  And there have been several more surgeries due to complications from the original, botched surgery.

So, why am I now turning to the reboot community for help, when for all intents and purposes my sex life is pretty much over?  Well, my wife booked a cruise for just the two of us about 5 months ago.  We were all alone for a week together.  We had to at least try, right?  Well, I was worthless.  Could not perform at all.  I felt horrible.  This woman needs love and I can't give it to her.  I shouldn't have been surprised.  I had also stopped being able to function with the hired help.  I was (am) a lost cause.  Totally.  Yet, I could get off to porn videos (10 different tabs open, trying to find just the right visual spark to get off to, after edging for 2 or even 3 hours).

This is no kind of life to live.  I need to get back to at least some kind of physical relief and comfort with my wife.  Yes, our best years are over, mostly wasted by me and my addiction.  But, I know my life can improve if I can be free of porn, once and for all.  I have tried several times to quit, as I'm sure you all have.  I have only managed to stay away for about 2 weeks at the most.

Today I am in my 4th day completely porn free.  Deleted all my files, pics, vids, favorites.  I am feverishly reading everything I can find online about rebooting.  It has helped, so far.  I have a long, hard road ahead of me (no pun intended).  This won't be easy.  But, I have to TRY.  And I am going to lean on all of you for help.  I need all I can get.

Thanks for reading (if you've managed to make it this far).  I promise to keep my future posts much shorter.  Wish me luck!
 
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notgivinup

Guest
NewBee, I am really glad you are here. Welcome to RN. This is THE place to be if you want to quit pmo.

I have been where you are...not the exact same circumstances....but I know all about the countless hours of jacking to p...and losing the ability to get an erection...and feeling the shame and all the crap that goes with it.

It is never too late to start this journey. You will reboot and you will recover if you stay with it.

It is quite the journey....but worth it.

You will find supportive men here, and you will find that you can be completely honest here.

I am really glad you are here, and I am looking forward to hearing about your successes. Come here daily...and write....just be honest and ask for help if you want, but just show up and write. This is a great place and there are some awesome men here.

So glad you are here. Welcome.

pmo are NOT an option.
 
C

Chile

Guest
Welcome to the club NewBee. Nobody here would tell you it's too late. Personally I think it's glorious that you want to turn your life around at 57. There are a good number of us 50-somethings here, so make yourself at home. Just about every guy here has seen powerful changes in his once-dead love life as reboot takes place. Things will start working again, broken parts will slowly overhaul, shame and neglect will be replaced by renewed love and restored self-images. It's not an easy journey but the results can be counted on if we just don't give up. Peace!
 
neuenman

neuenman

Member
Hi man, I'm going to tell you what I told myself when I made the commitment to quit: wherever you go to on this path it will be better than the place you leave behind. If you decide to quit, your life can only improve and by extension so can the lives of your loved ones, if you get better they will be happy for you and their happiness will become yours as well. Stay strong.
 
O

oyiryu

Member
I'm really glad you joined the group!

All of our stories are different, but our stories are not so different, and I completely understand your path. 

You can do this.  You just have to starve those circuts in your brain that you have fed for so long.

This is a great place to share without being judged.  And we are all here to encourage you!!!
 
N

NewBee

Member
Well, I have been porn-free since 3/29/15.  Not too difficult, so far.  It is weird each time I sit down at the computer, because what I used to instinctively do was immediately either click to a favorite site or browse my stash. 
I have been keeping busy, which helps.  I have also been listening to a audio hypnosis script I found on one of the links either here or on YBOP.  Here is the link: 

http://www.reuniting.info/download/misc/PornFree.mp3

I recorded my own voice saying the exact script listed on the site.  I listen to it each night as I am falling asleep.  Maybe it's my imagination, but it seems to be working.  I think it has helped convince me subconsciously that I don't need to look at porn.  I won't question it.  But, it has been easier to skip the porn this time around than in any previous attempt, and there have been many.  Of course, I didn't have the Reboot Nation or YBOP resources available to me previously either.  I know this site and this forum and the support of the people on here are helping me.

But, I must confess that while I didn't look at porn all week, last night I DID MO.  No P, but...  I think I did it sort of out of curiosity, to see if I could actually get off with no porn of any kind.  See, I had not been able to do that before.  I couldn't get off, PERIOD, with out porn, for years.  But, last night I just wanted to see what would happen.  And damn if I didn't get there with no porn, and fairly quickly, too.  I am not sure how erect I was - truthfully, I didn't even look.  And the orgasm felt a bit different, probably because I didn't edge for an hour or two before getting there.  I didn't hold back at all, just let it go at its own pace.  I also DID fantasize, but not about porn, but about actual sexual encounters I have had, mostly from way back in the day.  At least what I was thinking about was real and actually happened to me.

See, I believe my main problem is porn, not necessarily masturbation and orgasm.  I believe that if I remove porn from the equation, the M & O will greatly diminish, if not stop altogether.  Maybe I'm fooling myself.  Maybe most would call what I did a slip.  Perhaps it was.  But, I know it was a much more natural thing than edging for hours and burning thousands of unrealistic images and scenes into my grey matter.  So, I won't beat myself up about this (no pun intended).  I will look at it as an experiment to check my progress.  And I see it as that I actually made progress, being able to do that without the porn, sort of untying my pleasure center from the porn, sort of re-wiring or untangling.  I have not done that in many years. 

I'll make an effort to keep the MO to a minimum,  And I intend to continue to totally abstain from porn completely, with the help of you guys and the resources. 

Thanks for your support and thanks for reading.......you still reading?  ;D
 
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Chile

Guest
Newbee, lots of guys are here with the same emphasis you talked about. I think you are right...eliminating porn will probably reduce the MO too. Every guy must decide what kind of reboot works best for him. If you feel it isn't working, you can always make changes while you continue to learn. For me, M is a porn trigger so I try to avoid the whole thing. Peace!
 
N

NewBee

Member
It's strange, Chile, because this is the easiest attempt I've ever made.  I can't say for sure if the hypnosis thing is helping or not.  But, it probably isn't hurting, right?  But, I also did notice that the hypnosis doesn't even mention masturbation or orgasm.  Just concentrates on porn.  If I find that I'm tempted more now to turn to porn than before the test of the equipment, I'll know that I have to steer clear of M & O, too.  And My intention IS to basically no M or O.  But, I know that P definitely leads to M & O, and hours and hours of life wasted, guilt and remorse.  My emphasis is PORN IS NOT AN OPTION!!!

Thanks for sharing the journey with me!
 
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Chile

Guest
There is no doubt in my mind that hypnosis helps. There have been many studies that validate it. Maybe one of the biggest reasons it doesn't work is because we don't stick with it. I don't think hypnosis is an easy cure-all but someone who is consistent in using it should be able to say it helped. Many people have quit smoking, alcoholism and drug use, and lost weight with the help of hypnosis, so more power to you my friend.
 
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NewBee

Member
So, it's 3:30 am, and I just got home from a band gig (I play drums in a classic rock band).  This would have been my time to surf and edge for 2 hours, finally finish and climb up the stairs to bed before the sun comes up.  But, tonight I'm just going to look in on RN and the forum, maybe switch over to YBOP for a bit, then go get some sleep.  Those days are gone.  Gone for good!  Porn is not an option!!!
 
sodonewithit

sodonewithit

Active Member
Glad to see you here NewBee.  I'm 36 days in and am having great times with it.  Your postings sound strong and with purpose but I felt that I wanted to add caution to the MO.  I can't speak directly as to if it's a danger or not but in your first post it sounded like your wife was a priority vs most else and I wonder if jerking to other thoughts will just lead down the rabbit hole. 

Alot of threads I read here have relapse inside which I've decided was none optional for myself thus unless she is getting me off there will be no other association at all.  I'm not getting as much as I would like but such is the hand I delt myself.  Just a side thought bud. 

Feel proud for your actions thus far, it sounds like the correct actions have been started and I look forward to reading further accomplishments.
 
N

NewBee

Member
Well, I can now validate what many have warned of here in the forum.  Facebook can be a trigger.  Last night I went to see the play Wicked with my wife, mother-in-law, sister-in-law and a bunch of her family members.  Great show by the way!  We got home late.  Before bed, I went on FB to check it, since I hadn't been on all day.  A friend posted something about nicer weather finally being here.  Another person further down on that thread replied with picture of a scantily clad woman.  I clicked on it.  It wasn't a nude pic.  When I clicked on it, a side panel contained more pics of girls in bikinis.  I clicked on one of them and there was a video next to that picture.  I clicked the video.......a porn scene.  I'd like to say that I clicked right out of it, but I didn't I watched it.  Damn if I didn't watch it again (only about a minute long).  Next thing I knew, my hand went south, started to work.  I responded as expected.  But, I DID stop myself, click away from the site, logged off, and went to bed to listen to my hypnosis mp3.  So, P, M but no O.  Still, a slip is a slip.  I guess I'm starting over.  A month ago that scenario would have turned into 2 hours of edging before I finally finished and went to be.  So, it's progress and a bit of a setback, all in one. :(

I have definitely learned that you can get sucked back into the abyss with Facebook.  I know I have to be more careful and stronger in the future.  I'm going to bed now, and listen to the hypno again.  Just thought I'd fess up to the forum.  Reinforced - Porn is not and option!
 
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NewBee

Member
PMO'd last night.  Pretty disgusted with myself.  Facebook again.  What seemed pretty easy in the beginning has become hard to maintain.  Still doing my hypnosis mp3.  Doesn't seem to be as effective anymore.  So, here I am, starting over!
 
J

jstock

Active Member
It's ok newbee. You need to keep trying. You will learn  by your mistakes. I might  have  missed  it, but have  you said anything  to you wife, about your problem?  She sounds like a warrior,  and would be a big help to get you off the pmo .  It also might be nice to let her know it's not her. I would  imagine  with all her operations that would have quite  a bit of scares.  Porn is not  an option
 
J

Jack Strap

Member
Yes, our best years are over, mostly wasted by me and my addiction.

I totally disagree with your thought process here. I'm 53 and previously quit for a year but after getting a laptop relapsed and I'm quitting again. After you learn to successfully manage your addiction you may find future years are the best years of your life. I felt so much better just being turned on by my wife and having normal sex, it was such a relief. I never should have went back and it was a very long slow process before I realized I was out of control. Just quit once and for all, that's what I'm doing, our best years are yet to come. Hang in there you can do it.
 
N

NewBee

Member
Hi all,
Definitely a tough weekend!  I am not sure what exactly triggered me, but I PMO's, several times over the weekend.  Starting from scratch again.  My hypno mp3's didn't seem to help.  I was able to copy the audio one I had linked earlier, in the woman's voice rather than my own.  I figured theirs was more professional and hopefully more effective than me reading the script and recording it in my own voice.  I even bought a different, downloadable one.  Maybe I should go back to the one of my own voice. 

Anyway, I guess I was feeling sorry for myself, and I just gave in.  Didn't use the tools I had designed for myself (working out, taking a walk, going to the YBOP or RN websites.  I did notice that the P I turned to was very mild in comparison to the stuff I used to have to turn to to shock my system.  I can't really call that a positive result.  But, it DOES show me that in the time I had abstained, I had retreated to a more normal and even quite tame genre.  I guess that is an indication that my brain was changing somewhat, reverting back, before I blew it.

So, I'm starting over today.  I gotta get back to complete abstinence.  A good first step is to read your posts here for support and to help get my mind right again.  Wish me luck. 
 
C

Chile

Guest
Newbee it's very common to go back to milder porn after deciding to reboot. I'm no expert, but i think that is called the Addictive Voice trying to do anything it can to "reason" with you and negotiate for "safe" doses of porn. There are some great comments here from Jay and Jack about learning from your mistakes, just quitting once-and-for-all, and having your brightest future yet by eliminating porn from your life. I was encouraged by reading them.

I think research will support me on this, that even milder forms of porn are just as dangerous as the hard-core stuff that you are staying away from. Any kind of porn fires off the addictive dopamine and continues to re-wire your brain for more poison. I hope I'm not sounding preachy because I still fall for the bikini traps. You're definitely moving in the right direction, just know that even the innocent looking stuff will drag you down completely, one sure step at a time. Peace!
 
J

jstock

Active Member
Good morning  newbee.  Keep your head up. You need to be careful  with milder porn, it's still porn. Please don't think I'm preaching  to you. I don't want it to come off like that. I want you to succeed.  Your brain will try to trick you, it's very powerful. For right now, you may want to get rid of YouTube. It's definitely  a gateway to porn. That's what got me, and I was 98 clean, boom next thing you know I'm in it waist deep. When you stop porn your brain thinks it's getting  robbed of the dopamine  rush.  That's all it wants, is dopamine,  right now.  Please stick with it. We are all here. We've all been where you are now. Porn is not an option
 
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