Thank you all for the encouragement! I wish I could stay on this site all day, but alas, there is the minor detail of......my job
Seriously, I'm grateful that I HAVE my job. Lots of people don't have jobs. So I'm thankful I'm where I am.
Also thankful for this relatively easy PMO-free stretch. Very strange how it can be so easy at times to put it out of your mind. Then, out of nowhere you're hit with these overwhelming urges to edge, binge, just say Fu(k it and throw in the towel. I'm starting to see a pattern in my PMO-free journey. I seem to be able to go without up to about 10 days. Then, around that 10-day timeframe I start to get irritable, melancholy, depressed, but also panicky and just in a bad place.
I'm hoping to be able to push through that 10-day mark this time. See if I can get through it without making everyone around me miserable. I have started to do pushups when I get the urge and am in a place where people won't stare. If I keep that up, I'll definitely improve my upper body strength. I have also been walking the dog just about every day. 3.6 miles (there's a hiking trail nearby that is marked for various distances). I think the physical activity has helped, as others have recommended here. I will try to keep up with the increased activity in the hopes it'll not only take my mind off PMO, but also help keep me in a positive frame of mind.
I noticed a blog where an Irish guy (forget his name, but the blog has the word "rabllement" in the title) has sort of a permissive attitude about quitting. he recommeneds that if you're struggling with getting a full two weeks PMO-free, say, to try 6 days, and to give yourself a day to just cut loose and PMO to exhaistion (if you wish). Or even if you can't get even 6 days, to just try and make it every other day, if you were like a 3-5 times per day binger. His thoughts are that, even if you can't string together 30 PMO-free days in a row, at least you are cutting way back from your norm. And he recommends not beating yourself up about a relapse. His theory is that by doing PMO every other day or every 7 days, you have made progress, only doing half the amount or less that you did before attempting to quit. I guess that's a good way to look at it if you are very new and really struggling to get even one or two days PMO-free. I guess what he means is, this is a journey. it's not a sprint. Yes, we should do the best we can, and use all the support and tools at our disposal here. But, we should also take some pride in our efforts to better ourselves, even if we're not perfect, yet.
I think it's good advice, especially not beating ourselves up if we relapse. Some of us have years and years of guilt as a result of this PMO trap. Part of the trap is the self-loathing feelings that come from failing once again to finally quit. But, if we look at a relapse as just a blip on the screen, and learn from it and try again immediately, we can avoid the urge to say, "What's the use? I have messed up, again. I'm weak! Why not just dive back in and binge?" I have felt that way. Maybe you have too. But, if we forgive ourselves, try to appreciate the success and progress we had before the slip, realize that all is not lost, and get back to our efforts to better ourselves right away, we can eventually string together more and more PMO-free days.
No matter what happens, no matter what life throws at us, we can improve our lives by our efforts to quit PMO. PMO will not make anything better in our lives. It is a trap. it will only make things worse. Never better. I feel better about myself already for having abstained as much as I have. We all should try to feel that way, appreciate the success we've had, try and help those who are struggling, be encouraged by the sussess stories, share our experience strength and hope, and keep on improving, becoming our better selves.
In a good place right now. I hope to stay there, one day at a time. Stay strong!
