This my first post on the forum. It is extremely looooonnnnggg!!! Sorry. I have a LOT on my mind.
I am definitely an addict, and I want desperately to finally quit, for real. Some folks, after reading this post might thing - Why bother? - But, I want a porn-free life for the same reasons as anyone else here. I am 57 years old (the oldest guy I've seen post here), and have been addicted to porn basically my entire life. High-speed internet has made it much worse over the last 10 years, but I have been hopelessly addicted and adversely affect pretty much from the beginning. Catalogs, Playboy, the myriad of other porn mags out there, then VHS, DVD, now tube sites. I have never been able to control it. it has always controlled me!
Some may hear of my life situation and figure it's too late to salvage. I have been married to the same faithful, loyal woman for 28 years. I, on the other hand, have been anything but faithful. I have been addicted to porn our entire marriage. I managed to still have sex with my wife. We have 2 boys, 18 and 15. That is a long story for another post.
At least 10 years ago, I began preferring porn to my wife. I tried to deny it, but eventually realized it was true. Our love life was a slowly downward spiral. She had some female trouble that made intercourse very painful and not worth it. Our sex life is nonexistent now. I turned to sex workers for human touch, rationalizing that I needed it and wasn't getting it at home. Truth is, I would have gotten it at home if I hadn't been jerking off to porn 2, 3 or 4 times a day. I needed the sex workers to add the shock and variety the talk about in YBOP.
In addition to that, my wife had breast cancer a couple years ago, had brutal surgery where they rebuilt her breast using tissue and muscle from her abdomen, basically ruining her body, in her mind and in mine. They practically cut her in half. And there have been several more surgeries due to complications from the original, botched surgery.
So, why am I now turning to the reboot community for help, when for all intents and purposes my sex life is pretty much over? Well, my wife booked a cruise for just the two of us about 5 months ago. We were all alone for a week together. We had to at least try, right? Well, I was worthless. Could not perform at all. I felt horrible. This woman needs love and I can't give it to her. I shouldn't have been surprised. I had also stopped being able to function with the hired help. I was (am) a lost cause. Totally. Yet, I could get off to porn videos (10 different tabs open, trying to find just the right visual spark to get off to, after edging for 2 or even 3 hours).
This is no kind of life to live. I need to get back to at least some kind of physical relief and comfort with my wife. Yes, our best years are over, mostly wasted by me and my addiction. But, I know my life can improve if I can be free of porn, once and for all. I have tried several times to quit, as I'm sure you all have. I have only managed to stay away for about 2 weeks at the most.
Today I am in my 4th day completely porn free. Deleted all my files, pics, vids, favorites. I am feverishly reading everything I can find online about rebooting. It has helped, so far. I have a long, hard road ahead of me (no pun intended). This won't be easy. But, I have to TRY. And I am going to lean on all of you for help. I need all I can get.
Thanks for reading (if you've managed to make it this far). I promise to keep my future posts much shorter. Wish me luck!
I am definitely an addict, and I want desperately to finally quit, for real. Some folks, after reading this post might thing - Why bother? - But, I want a porn-free life for the same reasons as anyone else here. I am 57 years old (the oldest guy I've seen post here), and have been addicted to porn basically my entire life. High-speed internet has made it much worse over the last 10 years, but I have been hopelessly addicted and adversely affect pretty much from the beginning. Catalogs, Playboy, the myriad of other porn mags out there, then VHS, DVD, now tube sites. I have never been able to control it. it has always controlled me!
Some may hear of my life situation and figure it's too late to salvage. I have been married to the same faithful, loyal woman for 28 years. I, on the other hand, have been anything but faithful. I have been addicted to porn our entire marriage. I managed to still have sex with my wife. We have 2 boys, 18 and 15. That is a long story for another post.
At least 10 years ago, I began preferring porn to my wife. I tried to deny it, but eventually realized it was true. Our love life was a slowly downward spiral. She had some female trouble that made intercourse very painful and not worth it. Our sex life is nonexistent now. I turned to sex workers for human touch, rationalizing that I needed it and wasn't getting it at home. Truth is, I would have gotten it at home if I hadn't been jerking off to porn 2, 3 or 4 times a day. I needed the sex workers to add the shock and variety the talk about in YBOP.
In addition to that, my wife had breast cancer a couple years ago, had brutal surgery where they rebuilt her breast using tissue and muscle from her abdomen, basically ruining her body, in her mind and in mine. They practically cut her in half. And there have been several more surgeries due to complications from the original, botched surgery.
So, why am I now turning to the reboot community for help, when for all intents and purposes my sex life is pretty much over? Well, my wife booked a cruise for just the two of us about 5 months ago. We were all alone for a week together. We had to at least try, right? Well, I was worthless. Could not perform at all. I felt horrible. This woman needs love and I can't give it to her. I shouldn't have been surprised. I had also stopped being able to function with the hired help. I was (am) a lost cause. Totally. Yet, I could get off to porn videos (10 different tabs open, trying to find just the right visual spark to get off to, after edging for 2 or even 3 hours).
This is no kind of life to live. I need to get back to at least some kind of physical relief and comfort with my wife. Yes, our best years are over, mostly wasted by me and my addiction. But, I know my life can improve if I can be free of porn, once and for all. I have tried several times to quit, as I'm sure you all have. I have only managed to stay away for about 2 weeks at the most.
Today I am in my 4th day completely porn free. Deleted all my files, pics, vids, favorites. I am feverishly reading everything I can find online about rebooting. It has helped, so far. I have a long, hard road ahead of me (no pun intended). This won't be easy. But, I have to TRY. And I am going to lean on all of you for help. I need all I can get.
Thanks for reading (if you've managed to make it this far). I promise to keep my future posts much shorter. Wish me luck!